~ j o h n . 慧杰 & s A n . 炜琳 ~

陷入人生低潮

2010-01-23T10:32:00.002+08:00

这两天得了手足口症，得乖乖的呆在家里。朋友们都开玩笑的说，我以为这种病小孩子才会中的，您怎么会被感染到？我只能说不知道，可能是我倒霉吧。后来到网上看了一下资料，才发现原来这种病是没有药物可以医治的，怪不得医生怎么样都不肯开药给我敷。这种病跟水痘的不同之处是它不是很痒，但会痛，因为小红点都是长在手掌和脚底，碰到地面时就会有点不舒服。还有一个地方也会痛，因为那是最容易被细菌感染的地方。

回到主题，这几个月的事物让我陷入了我这25年来的人生低潮。
1. 大哥失业一年了
2. 钱
3. 事业

还是写英文比较好，会写得比较快。

I guess my bro is on the brink of giving up in finding employment, and wil slip into mild depression if this continues.. his temper is getting bad to worse, and i am tryin to avoid him as much as i can, thus i started to stay over at apple's house more..

As for money, i guess it's becuz 我太懦弱了, facing the fren who owed me money yet cant get back wat i wan.. seeing her at the office everyday jus reminds me of the bad tings i experienced during all these yrs.. how i hv to scrimp and save every cent, and tink thrice on the tings i want.. and her, stil continued with her normal lifestyle.. 我真的放不下，放不下这口气，为什么她就不能想到我的感受...

Career wise - i decide to give up. this is not i reli want. i realised i hv changed, changed to another person - someone so negative and unhappy.. this is not me.. where is the bubbly and cheerful side of me tat ppl known me in my prev employments? my ex-colleagues were commenting tat they can feel tat i hv changed.. why dun i joke nowadays.. frankly speaking, 在公司里，i have tat kind of 皮笑肉不笑 feeling.. i finally noe how is it like, no matter how funny it is..

tat day went out with PL and LL they all, i reli enjoyed it, cuz i am reli laughin from the bottom of my heart, which i reli missed.. and talking normally - bickering with LL reli makes my day and hearing PL complaining in her unique-princessy manner.

i stil prefer to work in a noisy environment, talkin craps.. the reason i remained quiet now cuz i noe the culture dun let craps in.. different culture.. everytime i say a crap out, ppl cant get the ball, and questioned wat i am referrin which i felt "hurt".. and the freedom to do tings my way, not totally free, at least not to the extent tat ppl wil tell u - no, tat is not the way.. do u understand wat we wan? YES, i dun understand.. but i understand i reli dun like it.. this environment is too serious for me to be.. (someone said i'm too serious at work) actually it's not me wan to be serious, but is bcuz i cant fit myself in, thus u tink i am serious.. sorry, i cant meet ur expectations.. i wil leave.. but pls let me stay after cny, cuz i hope to give my parents hongbao this yr.. at least let me hv abit more money b4 i leave..

actually there are not many ppl i trust now, after "betrayed" by my very gd fren.. left with apple who is always there for me - thou sometimes we are stil "grinding" out our differences (but small issue la).. he is the only one who listens to my nagging, holding my hands in times of trouble.. 他是我人生的方向，引导着我应该向哪里走.. yest he said sth tat i was touched which i seldom wil get this from him - "u r the best tat happen to me".. we will continue with our yap-ish style of relationship.. stop givin ur comments, cuz u r not us.. we noe how to find our happiness de.. thk you all for ur concern.. and thk u CC, it's bcuz of u, i understand other ppl is other ppl.. bcuz u r very xin fu now too with your style of relationship.. if u can do it, i can too..

unhappy

2009-11-22T11:56:00.004+08:00

yest apple asked me y am i unhappy lately? i tink probably i am gettin sick and tired over sth..

i reli hope we could have more "we-time" instead of "everyone-else time", but it is not working..

everything we planned jus dun come out as the end results.. this is not expectations, jus sudden disruptions.

makin me losing faith in the words he said - becoming "听听就好".

we communicated, he said noted, but i felt he stil dun get it. i could feel he felt tat i am getting more complicated wen i told him what i observed. tensions in the relationships.

i always asked him if there's anything to feedback - he said no, bcuz it's enough as long as i am by his side. yes, i am happy to be by him too, but there are always too many external factors affecting us, or rather me. there are so many tings i need to factor in wen we are doing tings, bcuz i noe tings wil not turn out the way we wan.

and sometimes wen tings are related to his close ones, it makes me even harder to “做人”. who am i to comment on this? i dun wan to hurt him, neither i wan to put him in a spot and lead him to frustrations.

my morale is fallin - i am a lousy gf/poor communicator/gal with lots of requests and etc.

life-work imbalance

2009-11-05T19:59:00.003+08:00

suffering from a serious problem of life-work imbalance.

Yes, i like new challenges and this new job is a good training ground for me, but i tink it is affecting my life quite badly. fell sick the 2nd week in the job, burning weekends and forsaking sleep to rush proposals which i never tried b4 (and amended it over and over again). putting my studies at stake where i got no time to touch on my notes at all (exams coming).. instead of goin to apple house for dinner, he has to dabao dinner from his home for me whenever i told him "sorry, dun tink i can finish my work by 8pm".

and recently, another medical problem came to me - 淋巴腺肿胀, doc say viral infection but some say its serious and mayb due to insufficient rest. nv had this prob in my life, at most 扁桃腺发炎 and lead to fever. i try to manage work cuz i cant afford to lose this job or my superior tellin me "mayb u r not suitable for this job". need the money for so many tings in my current life, if not probably i would not hv come out to work again amidst my "complicated" lifestyle.

reason y i stil got time to write this blog and play some facebook is i am reli too exhausted from writing the same proposal - for the 7th or more times. and i stil got so many other proposals and projects to concentrate on.

sometimes can see apple wan to help, oso duno how to help, and could only say "work is like that", or offered me to stay at his house on weekends wen he knew i hv to go back office to rush stuffs and it would be a hassle to travel here and there.

am i reli tat lousy? mayb i am. cuz i cant even handle my life well. sad arh.

Apple's Accident

2009-09-29T13:21:00.002+08:00

started worryin wen i received a call from apple last nite. he told me his car scratched a police car accidentally.

i went to look for him last evening to clear some admin stuffs and it was quite late wen he sent me home. both of us were dead tired for me spending the whole day facing the pc and him clearing piles of work on/off site. normally i would receive his msg abt 40 mins after i got hm, but it was past the duration and i decided to drop him a msg. he called me and told me it's a small matter, jus some scratches but my instinct/my 多疑 character told me sth is wrong. he doesnt sound right in the call. i knew i couldnt go to slp jus like tat and esp wen he haven reach hm.

i was tryin to relax myself, but if u noe my pattern, how to relax? no details was given by him, i duno where is he or wat is he doin. at tat pt of time, a lot of thoughts passed thru my mind:

- if only i took a cab hm, den this wouldnt happen
- if i din insist on being perfect on writing tat article, i wun drag tat late
- how is he doin? how serious was the matter?
- wil the thing affect his application?
- police car leh? wil he be fined and given demerit pts?
- his beloved 'wife' is damaged and how is he feeling? shocked from the hit?
and many more.. i dislike myself for being like this, but tat's my 紧张大师 character. always like to tink of the worst.

at tat pt of time, i reli wished i was there with him. but i cant. i could only pray hard at hm that everything's ok, and sent him msgs to "cheer" him up, give him some moral support. the msgs i got later in the nite was "no injury involved", "ok u rest earli k", and "ok gal". and it was pourin heavily suddenly at 2am.. and he isnt hm yet.. finally at 2.38am, he got hm but i stil couldnt slp due to over-anxiety.

this mornin, i dropped him a msg to find out how is he.. seems like 小红受伤了, meaning no small deal.. he was on his way to make a police report, get the tow truck to garage and service the car and make another report on the accident.

the feeling of helplessness was too overwhelming.. together with the worry-ness abt him.. thk god he was unhurt, safe and sound. but 小红就惨了.

a lesson learnt - dun be too 固执 and insist on perfection for my works. and to drive safely.

老天爷，请保佑苹果和小红都无大碍 - apple to be freed from serious penalty and the car not to disfigure too much. 保佑，保佑。

Poor memory

2009-09-23T09:10:00.004+08:00

oh no, i tink i am startin to suffer from poor memory.. sighz..

had a short chat with mr. bear yest mornin, and he was askin me whether i got any surprise for my bday.. i tink tink and tink, stil cant remember wat did i do with apple the sat after my bday.. and also the prior/subsequent meetings.. guess partly bcuz i too lazy to jote down here too.. haha..

and this morning, i suddenly remember wat i did tat day and decide to jote it down in case i forget.. haha..

we supposed to meet at city hall mrt station, but i was late, so i asked him to wait for me at the bus stop at suntec convention centre. i could see how pek chey his face was while sittin at the steps (not bcuz of me, it's the sun and dust).. felt so bad to make him sit there and wasted additional 45 mins of date..

decided to go and watch UP cuz i heard it's very inspiring, so walked to GV at MS, but sad to say, the movie was not shown there.. was prayin hard that the movie has not terminated cuz it was first shown in late july.. we walked back to suntec EW and lucky, we got the tix! hehe..

i bought a bowl of "supreme" soup for him, cuz 难得 my bday, mus treat myself abit.. i dug out the goodies that I have kept since CNY, and cooked a "near-to-real" shark's fins soup for myself.. good tings are meant to share, so knowin my pattern, i sure wil reserve one portion for him.. haha.. can see how hungry he was wen he ate the ting, he didnt eat his lunch wen he came to meet me..

i reli loved crying.. i was crying nonstop throughout the movie.. thou inspiring, but very sad.. it's true that death is an inevitable ting, but stil very sad lor, esp the main characters are so loving despite having no children. and even thou i cried nonstop, i can stil laugh at apple wen i saw him cryin too.. 性情中人.. 会哭的男人，才是应该珍惜的.. my philosophy again..

after the movie, we slowly walked back to MS and had our dinner at hongkong cafe.. oh ya, he gave me a bday card with a "love" bookmark from precious thots.. with his "once-a-yr" 真情告白 written on it.. can sense his love for me is much more than last yr.. during the dinner, he got asked if the "celebration" was too plain, and did i blame him for not being with me on my actual day.. i told him no, and i was booked on the actual day too.. if i am happy with him, everyday is my bday.. no need fancy tings or arrangement for me..

at first i suggested goin back to take his car and roam ard the city, but i can see he's tired (actually i m tired too).. so we decided to head home.. and b4 we settle for the bill, his phone rang.. he needs to rush back to work, sth spoilt.. he asked whether i wan to go home, i asked if i can follow him.. he allowed me to.. yippee.. thou i noe i will be locked out at the carpark for hours.. haha.. we took the train back to his hm to take his car, and went all the way to changi again.. i spent my time readin magazines and enjoyin the breeze at the carpark, cuz there's security guard there, so i cant do anytin funny.. haha..

waited and waited and he was finally out.. and we were on the road again.. home sweet home..

农历生日

2009-09-22T16:11:00.002+08:00

cant remember wen was the last time i celebrated my bday, probably many yrs ago cuz i dun hv the habit of celebrating it. and in recent yrs, i dun even celebrate it cuz i heard it's not gd to celebrate it in the seventh month (everytime i'm so unlucky, it falls on a seventh month on the day of my bday). in the end, i could only "celebrate" it on my lunar bday (which happen to be after the 7th month) by havin a bowl of mee sua..

this lunar bday i spent it with apple with a new experience. prawn fishing. went to farmart at cck area with his fren and wife. nice place, and felt like going back to the olden days. but din catch much of the prawns (miserably uh-hum), so decided not to go for such activity in future. rather use the money on other tings than the few prawns, thou it's the experience tat is included in the price package.

tink my previous post created a little misunderstanding.. but can say tat fren of mine always "kicked a SMALL fuss" over apple's presence. nvm..

life's stil great with apple, happy and blissful.. and may it continues.. =)

1/4 of a century

2009-08-28T17:01:00.002+08:00

感觉好老啊！四分之一个世纪了...

Had a quiet and peaceful day yest.. Was at hm in the morning, went to bugis to walk and proceeded to vivo for a quiet moment.. Vivo is reli a nice place to sit by the sea and enjoying the scenery in the surroundings.. and the cool breeze is so comfy that complement the whole experience.. And i tink i like the place cuz it's lomantic too, but not much chance to go there lomantic la.. =|

Some thoughts came to my mind, but i got them off quite quickly.. guess tat's the gd side of me.. remaining positive despite the situation faced.. Felt abit "noisy" in my heart though i am facing the calm sea..

Was abit bored, so i called my fren for a short chat, instead i got chiding from him when he got to noe that apple is not with me yest.. 心中起了一点浪，过后却平复了许多... yes, i admit that i do wish apple was with me yest, but does it reli matters tat much jus bcuz it's yest? we are arranging to go out tml and i have asked him to plan a gd one cuz i dun wan any present this yr.. hope it wil be a gd one.. jiayou wor, apple!! prove to me that 你是有心的！=)

爱情与面包，天长地久与曾经拥有

2009-08-26T11:07:00.005+08:00

爱情或面包？

显然的，我选择了爱情。我就是那种会为了爱情而做出许多奇奇怪怪的东西的人。
在我的词典里，面包失去了，可以重新再找，但失去了一段爱情，如果是坏了，还可以再爬起来。但如果失去的是一场刻苦铭心的爱情，可不是那么容易就可以在爬起来的。我十分珍惜我现在所拥有的这一段爱情，虽然不是完美的，但很多事情就是不完美，才显出它的完美。beautifully imperfections

天长地久或曾经拥有？
你一定会以为我会选择前者，但你错了，我选择了后者，但我有我自己的辩解。
如果一直想着天长地久的人，或许会有着“我们就这样继续恋爱、结婚、生子到终老”，而（也许）忽略了谈恋爱的重要性和意义。而选择曾经拥有，会把每一次的经验当做是第一次或最后一次，好好的回味与珍惜拥有的那一刻，即使有一天真的到了无法惋惜的地步，我所拥有的是无限的美好回忆，或许会很痛苦，但我无悔，因为我记得我们所做过的一切。保持这种心态，如果能够走到终老，这何尝不是天长地久了吗？
cherish every moment you have with your loved ones, and continue to walk the path till you have to leave.

Look, it's growing!!

2009-08-20T16:14:00.002+08:00

Stil jobless, and facing another jobless guy at home too.. haiz.. money supply running very low, but no one calls me up for interview.. nvm, jobless doesnt mean it's the end of the world..

Though jobless, i treat this period as a gift to me.. at least i no need to fight for the toilet with my parents, hv abit more time to do some research for studies, and oso listen to my mum's "stories".. the other one at hm does not hv as much patience as me to listen to her.. only noe how to "attack" me wen my mom commented on his jobless-ness..

And another thing, i could feel that my r'ship with apple is growing.. cant reli describe y, but it's a feeling.. be it jobless/working, i think i am reli living for apple.. ya i noe, hopeless case, but he gave me much of my happiness nowadays.. my soulmate? 心灵寄托? maybe.. the love continues to grow day by day, and may it continue to grow..

went to west coast park for the first time last friday, and i would say it's one of the romantic and magnificent places that we hv been during our pak tor days.. shopping centres is not tat of my fav now.. parks and beaches, not a bad choice, if timing permits.. nice view.. and i get alot of pok poks.. wahaha.. *censored*

one of my fren went for fortune telling recently, said the fortune teller was super accurate abt everything abt her and told her she wil hv a gd life.. but she told me another thing that i got a shock.. tink her current bf would be her last, and i guess they are startin to plan for the wedding soon.. some time ago, she was tellin me she must get a ring abt 10k in value den she wil marry him.. and recently, she and her bf went ring hunting, and she saw another ring which she love it so much, and it cost 20k (her bf bought tat for her).. i was reli stunned, and i remembered her sayin that different rings for different purposes, as in engagement is one ring, wedding one ring, den duno wat one ring.. sighz.. mayb i 有眼不识泰山ba.. personally, i reli dun find the need to spend so much money on a ring.. yes, diamond is the hardest rock in the world which will last forever, thus the great significance in gettin a diamond ring.. to me, i jus felt tat it is jus a piece of rock on a piece of metal.. what reli matters is the love, which is priceless.. it shouldnt be measured by gettin such an expensive gift.. i dun mean gettin a cheapo ring in the future, but if needed and allowed, the best in the reasonable range - i dun wish apple to spend so much on tat pc of metal+rock..

nvm, dun get too agitated over this, i stil got a proj to rush.. jiayou ba!! and continue to 回味 my love with apple..

something. someone. somehow.

2009-08-12T00:50:00.002+08:00

was tinkin abt something else, when someone else pop up in my mind.. someone whom once left a deep impact in my mind/heart.. but the gd ting is tat someone else have filled tat place and left a deeper impact at the same places..

lucky tat the thought of this someone did not manage to dig out any bad memories abt the past, or rather the bad memories was replaced and "diluted"..

kudos to me for conquerin my once worst nightmare.. haha..

romantic walk by the sea

2009-08-12T00:35:00.002+08:00

supposed to blog earlier, but too lazy again..

had a great day of adventure with apple on aug 1, the day sprinkled with surprise..

met him at jur pt for a short walk and also to clear his bills.. then proceed hm to take a rest b4 goin to simei to pick up his colleague and wife to tampines to attend his malay colleague's weddin..

the weddin is super lavish lor.. thou at void deck, but machiam very high class, but sad to say tat 4 of us have to leave early as his colleague received a call from workplace, so apple offered help to send him there and to see wat's wrong.. as tat place is no entry for outsiders, me and his colleague's wife ended up chattin at a bus stop.. will not cover the detatils here..

after almost an hr, they are finally done and i tot it would be end of the day's prog cuz quite late liao.. but apple said, let's go to loyang pray or changi village to see pasar malam.. so happy.. thou the weather is super humid and hot, was quite elated to walk cuz happy ma.. den we went to the toilet after the walk, and i tot it would be the end cuz almost 12am.. den he said "u tink goin hm liao ar, no la, nan de come here, continue walk lor.." u can guess how super happy i was lor.. i had always wanted to come to changi beach, cuz lomantic ma.. under the dim lights and along the pavement by the beach.. how wonderful it is.. lo...man....tic... woh...

and it was 1+ wen i got hm.. memorable cuz this is the first time we went out so late together thou there was another time almost 4 yrs wen we were jus frens.. and without other people.. jus us..

Happy Birthday to Apple!!

2009-07-15T10:33:00.002+08:00

It's apple bday yest and we had alot of fun (with a small regret).. next yr he wil reach another start of a new age, so must make it more fun this yr.. initially my plan was only goin to eat swensen's. foot massage and sit ard esplanade for a romantic moment, but i decided to change at the last min..

Since i hv nth much to do nowadays, i first went to check out the prices and recce the location to see if plan A fails, what are plan B or C.. hehe.. Goin to zoo did cross my mind, but i was afraid tat it would be too tiring for him to travel ard.. but i stil decide to slot it into my schedule..

Tink i was kinda excited the nite b4, slept late and woke up early to prepare the stuffs.. bought a loaf of milk bread, spread kaya, butter and nutella on it (he loves chocolates), prepare honey water, doublecheck the bus schedules and routes online, take a sachet of coffee, pack porridge into the bag and set off to the mrt.. i remembered tat he din blow the candle on last sat, so went to four leaves to buy a slice of strawberry shortcake for him.. yummy..

I was practically fighting against time cuz i dun wan to reach the zoo too late, if not insufficient time to sightsee and walk walk.. i faster unpack everything at his home, somehow rushin him to dress up and pack our lunch (water and bread) and went to the mrt.. either our minds tink alike or he oredi knew wat i was up to, he was able to guess tat i was plannin to go to which station to change bus.. but we missed the bus jus 2 minutes.. need to wait another 25 mins under the hot sun.. but the gd ting was the sun wasnt scorchin hot, it was jus hot and abit stuffy.. haha..

And finally, we were at the zoo.. it had been more than 15 yrs since i last visited the zoo, i tink the same for apple too.. so excited.. was taking photos and walking ard the whole place.. saw so many animals tat i had nv seen in my life.. so cute and sweet.. haha.. but was hungry and thirsty cuz i only brought some bread and water along.. stil wil get abit dehydrated.. haha..

and it was time to leave the zoo, but it would be long b4 we could eat our dinner cuz i am bringing him to go for a foot and shoulder massage at esplanade first.. so we went to eat kfc to fill our stomach abit.. at least not so hungry ma.. haha.. we took the traveller's bus and i could see he was tired and he was dozing off.. haha.. like to see him slp, so cute.. haha.. we missed the bus to esplanade again, so hv to wait.. bt our tummy starts to grumble again.. haha.. could see he enjoyed the massage.. haha.. but it was oredi late, and hv to start lookin for dinner.. we remembered swensens cuz it gave a free firehouse ice-cream on the actual day of bday.. hehe.. but tat means we hv to walk back to marina sq and wait for food too.. sighz.. no more romantic at the rooftop or by the riverside.. abit disappointed.. cuz yest was a special day, thou it can be like any other day.. the meaning is slightly different.. and mayb bcuz we seldom come to town, usually in a crowd, so it felt even more different..

it was gettin late, yet the selfish side of me stil wished the time could be longer, but he have to work the next day and we hv to go to the mrt.. tink my expressions was too obvious of wat i wana do, yet couldnt do, apple said can always do it next time.. sighz.. end of apple's bday adventure..

Pre-birthday family dinner

2009-07-11T21:44:00.006+08:00

Today is the pre-birthday celebration for apple with his family.. B4 we went for the dinner, we made a trip down to my school to see laptops and collect study materials.. and it was raining when we left the building, so we were slightly drenched..

Went home to rest for awhile, as his sis would be coming over to pick all of us up to the location.. however, there was a slight hiccup in the middle.. his mom was slightly angry abt the location as it was far from jur, and was unhappy that she have to rush her tings.. and somehow it made apple unhappy too.. and me?? only can see the whole situation quietly.. sighz~

Finally his sis was here with the 2 nephews, and saw her mom was unhappy, so she tried to coax her by telling her that need to try new tings once in a while.. and I was stroking apple's back again (can see the flame is stil burning abit).. hehe.. and we got on the car together, but abit cramped cuz so many squeezin in thou it's a MPV..

During the ride, as we got nth to do, we were "fooling ard (again)".. haha.. so we played this "game" again.. by asking each other these qn - normally i would jus ask the first 2, the last one was jus "follow the sequence" and casually asked.. but was abit surprised with the reply for last qn.. hehe..

First Qn: 喜不喜欢我?
Ans: 一点点...

Second Qn: 有没有想我?
Ans: 一点点...

And i bucked up my "courage and shyness" to ask.... 有没有爱我吗?
Ans: 有... 一大点...!

I was slightly taken aback at this, cuz i was expecting the answer to be "little bit, so i started talking nonsense, like u missed and liked me little bit, how come the latter became one big bit? he said that cuz it accumulated, so the miss and like not so much liao ma.. but it jus felt "shiok" to hear tat deep in my heart.. mayb both parties shy ba.. we seldom say love out tat much.. normally is thru sms, but tink he is more reserved, he dun expressed himself much too..

And also, apple had a company dinner the previous day, and as usual, ppl were saying we got couple's look and askin when are we settling down.. he said not so soon, cuz there's alot of tings not settled yet and need time to raise money.. deep inside my heart, the angel and devil fighting again.. one hand i do wish to hv it earlier, but on the other hand, there are reli alot of tings tat need to be settled.. so no choice lor.. let nature takes its path and may the god of fortune comes.. haha.. but on the journey, he said he told them not so soon bcuz of some reasons (slightly forgotten), but it's better for me not to tink too much.. haha.. studies first.. stop daydreaming again..haha..

Sometimes he wil joke abt my size.. Initially when I knew him, I was not offended cuz I treated it as a joke, later abit offended when he said it more frequently, and now just treat it as our joke again.. haha.. sometimes i do felt abit low-esteem bcuz of my size, yet i am stil at square one.. haiz.. want to lose weight, yet lazy to go and do exercise.. no wonder my bro will keep using tat to "attack" me.. sighz.. back to the topic.. he was joking abt the topic, den i duno say wat, he said i got a 一颗漂亮的心, outer appearances doesnt matter.. actually he oso got a pretty heart, or rather in some areas, his heart is prettier than mine.. and ppl hv been sayin tat he is good looking too..

Time to go home.. thou abit relunctant, but stil hv to go home, esp he's not driving tat day, cannot delay his time abit.. and tat's the end of our adventure..

Pre birthday gathering

2009-07-05T23:15:00.002+08:00

Went to a pre-birthday gatherin with his frens last nite, cuz his bday is stil abit away from now.. was kinda uneasy initially as i was the extra one, i supposed they meant to be an "all-men" gatherin, yet i was there.. but the atmosphere became better when we proceed for ktv.. saw another 2 more army frens of his, and both liked singing.. sama sama as me.. haha.. they opened a bottle of chivas and i guessed it was their regular routine to play dice and drink wine.. thou i was "concentrating" at singing, my eyes tend to turn to look at them cuz i was worried abt apple.. some of the rounds were totally jus the alcohol without any mixer.. how "damaging" it was.. now i noe why guys dun reli liked gals to be ard, cuz the gal will feel heartache lookin at her bf lost and hv to drink.. haha.. lucky i got bring plain water.. apple's luck was better initially, at the later part, he seemed to have drank quite a few glasses.. and thanks to his buddy who helped to drink abit, if not i reli scare he wil vomit..

but very interesting to see him partially drunk, cuz his whole body was warm and red.. esp wen "time's up" (time for him to slp - body clock), he rest his head on my thigh, soooo cute.. haha.. everytime with him, the kind of feeling tt i duno how to describe jus came naturally and made me feel soooo in love with this apple.. mayb tat's the feelin of blissfulness ba.. hehe..

angels and devils

2009-07-04T09:36:00.003+08:00

been too lazy to blog thou i hv started to sit at hm for more than 2 wks.. cant say i enjoyed it, but jus treat it as a short break..

my daily routine is more like taking turns to use the pc, while the "old ones" went out to work.. poor them rite? the young ones sit at hm and rot, while the parents slogged hard at work.. haha *bitter smile* ok, dun tink i wil sit at hm too long, unlike someone else.. *being abit sarcastic* shld start earning some money to give my mom some allowances..

been fighting alot of "angels and devils" within me lately, one side tellin me do this, the other side askin me to do that.. sianz.. like my frens said, i am jus too kind.. wan to chase my frens back for some debts, oso duno how to tell them, only can ask them indirectly.. and when they said they got difficulties, it dragged on again.. it's not tat i see money very big (thou it is), but it's jus a matter of principle tingy..

gained a super valuable experience b4 i left co (pardon me if my paragraphs doesnt link, jus tryin to recall wat i would hv blogged if i haven been lazy), the TH show.. meetin ppl from MCS, learnin the ropes of tings and most of all, the fun-ness of such an event..

jus had an "unreasonable tiff" with apple a few days ago, duno wat's wrong with me, probably jus sayin my thoughts out to him, but the way i said it, sound reli ridiculous.. nvm, we hv solved the prob again.. sometimes i thought i would mind over certain tings, wen i said it out, i realised i didnt mind it at all, but i stil feel like sayin it.. and wenever my heart starts to "wiggle" abit, seein or thinkin of apple will heal all ailments.. duno is it bcuz of the tiff tat night, wen i saw apple yest, and after doin sth, a strong surge of emotions or feeling came to me, we truly loved one another.. jus tat both parties are too shy, thus seldom say the word out tat much..

the other "author"(zuo jia: sit at home) is up, next time den update liao..

wrong timing

2009-05-27T23:24:00.002+08:00

cant reli say i am counting down to the days i am leavin.. cuz it jus felt so sad to do so.. i will miss my lovable managers and colleagues.. for once, i felt tat i have made a 'disasterous' mistake..

today the new gal (replacin me) reported to work, and i ended up sitting at kum's desk cuz she's on course this wk, and oso bcuz it was toooo cramped.. imagined my cubi is so small.. whole morning was briefin her abt 30% of the work, and didnt manage to do any ting regarding TH. and spent the whole afternoon meeting without a sip of water.. nearly died of thirst..

and wen it is only left with 2 wks to go, sth pop up and the need of money is there.. and the first thought is can i stay until end july to get my bonus? i knew the answer is NO, bcuz wen cm tried to persuade me to stay, i gave him a firm NO. i have oredi gave up the oppt, not once but many times wen ppl asked me whether do i reli wan to leave? at tat pt of time, i jus felt like leavin so badly cuz i reli cant see any light.. it's so stressed to noe tat bro is sittin at hm for mths without a job, yet i am workin and studyin at the same time.. it's only after the exams den i felt a sigh of relief tat one big burden is down.. but news abt apple's possible laidoff is spreading.. and sth else.. i tot i could take a slower pace in findin a PT job and live by my savings.. but at this sudden moment i cant..

what am i going to do? spoke to kum jus now, i knew her answer and my answer are the same.. i had lost the golden oppt.. today is reli a bad day.. nth is goin my way.. wat's goin on? wat did i do wrong..? shld i put down my pride to approach cm again and tell him my request? but the new gal is here.. no budget for me to stay... and no projects tat can help me to extend my stay.. oh gosh..

communication

2009-05-08T23:39:00.003+08:00

have jus communicated my main pts to him, and somehow he agreed that i shld do it tat way too.

1. my world shouldnt jus abt him, it's time i shld put him jus part of my world and not my entire world.. he said he used to treat his ex as his world, but he realised tat it's super painful wen tat person is not ard.. tink it would be a long process for me, but the first step is: start to love myself abit more..

2. lifestyle - he said we can compromise on this in future, not necessary tat i hv to accomodate him.. hmm.. we shall see ba..

try ba.. hopefully it wun be tat confusin again..

confused

2009-05-07T13:37:00.004+08:00

submitted my letter and would be leavin in mid june after the major event..
it's a big risk bcuz my bro is retrenched & jobless since Feb, yet i chose to leave at this time..
family income would be super low, and i stil got my liabilities (studies, insurance) to be cleared..
mayb i reli not suitable for the job, i tried likin it, yet until now i stil cant find the interest and passion to continue..
mayb i need to find another piece of land where i might be able to find some interest and passion..

ppl age everyday and in the process, we start to get some enlightenment over some tings..
and again, i start to ponder abt my r'ship with apple..
somehow i felt tat i am losin faith and confidence in myself, i duno if i can sustain..
it's not tat we dun love each other, or havin any prob with one another, it's jus tat i doesnt seem to be able to convince myself tat i can live with tat kind of lifestyle in future..
mayb i shld start to like/love myself more, and not jus devote the love to him only..

there are many areas of concern that i wished i could tell him, but wenever i see him, i jus felt 'melted' and forgot/duno how to tell him.. we did communicate on several areas, but sometimes i dun tink he catch wat i reli meant..

i am confused..

love-hate r'ship with apple

2009-04-25T07:56:00.002+08:00

for the sensitivity of an action, certain word would be changed to "pok pok".. haha..

nowadays, my greatest happiness come from seeing apple and getting pok pok.. and yest is one day i get to see him and pok pok.. oh no, i'm so addicted to him.. cant imagine the withdrawal symptoms if we cant meet for a longer time than usual.. hehe..

hmm.. i reli loved the way apple pok pok me, and each time i wished it could be longer.. it's an enjoyment to be pok pok by someone i truly loved.. and pok pok was one ting i disliked, felt so disgusted back then, and suffering from a short period of nightmare.. mayb i shouldnt be sayin this again, cuz it shouldnt be.. but my greatest relief was that i din drag and carry on with 77, or i tink i wouldnt be with apple or another guy now..

back to the pok pok part.. i always looked forward to it, duno y.. it jus got me so high and excited.. the electrocuted feeling.. so immersed in the environment until he stops.. but man are greedy.. hoping to be a little bit more.. i was telling apple yest tat if i stil got the electrocuted feeling, means i stil liked u alot, if not, means i dun like u.. this was wat happened back then.. i only got a few short excited moments back then, and the subsequent few were fearful - i even thought it was bcuz i dun hv experience in it, now i know why..

though i had been repeating this, it's a great experience to be apple, deeply fond of him.. even though sometimes the tings he does can be very "the", this is where the 'hate' part.. he is so cute and yet so 'the' at the same time.. but i stil like him many many.. hehe.. beautifully imperfect.. our imperfectness complement one another to form perfectness..

*ohh~ stil cant forget the pok pok moment til now.. beautiful and sweet..

first week back at work

2009-04-20T01:33:00.002+08:00

basically a terrible week..
saw the darkest side of human..
fell sick again, but dare not take mc again..
was super pissed wen i heard some comments..
felt tat i shld leave, i mus leave this sickening place..
mayb i haven seen enough, but this is the worst form of 'politics' tat i had seen..
it's not abt 'jus do ur work, n dun care abt some other tings'..
sometimes it's none of ur biz, yet u were being dragged into the situation..
mayb i shldnt come to this place in the first place, cuz it's a big mismatch..
yet i shld be glad tat i came here, to see how scary tings can be..
stil waiting for my patience and tolerance to reach its limit..
i wun hesitate even i noe i'm on big losing end and given wat's goin on ard me..

Takin a break

2009-04-06T02:54:00.002+08:00

Takin a 10mins break from doin projs now, so thot of bloggin..
Went to visit my sick apple yest illegally again..
It reli ached alot to see him suffer for the past week..
I was so worried wen he didnt reply/send me a msg as usual (suspect sth was wrong)..
I couldnt slp at all despite doin my proj until dawn on fri..
My instinct told me tat he had went to hospital..
I waited until noon time den i gave him a call..
He sounded so blur tat I almost couldnt figure out wat was he sayin..
And unknowingly, there was a fear of losing him (stupid rite?)
I had never liked a guy as much as i do now, and mayb tat's y i have tat feeling..
He is like a family to me, or even closer than my own family, my world spins around me..
Think i am too madly in love with this apple liao..

sick apple

2009-04-02T23:51:00.002+08:00

apple is sick again..
coughin non-stop the last time i went to visit him..
it hurts me to see him like tat..
and being sick made him even more quick-tempered..
hope he will get completely well soon..
missed him pinchin my nose and makin fun of me..
and i reli shouldnt have played tat prank on him..
i am tryin hard not to tink too much abt him, but the more i dun tink, the more i'm tinkin..
he asked me not to worry, yet i am stil worryin..
though i am not a devoted buddhist, pls pls pls bao you apple to recover fully..
i wan my cheerful and healthy apple back..

happy and sad

2009-03-28T19:59:00.002+08:00

apple gave me a surprise yest by coming to visit me after he booked out from his camp.. was reli happy to see him bcuz i cant go out at all due to my chicken pox.. he didnt stay long bcuz i was doin my online test at tat time, but i was on the verge of crying wen he gave me pecks on my hands outside my gate - too touched/emotional/or simply missed him too much again..?? another happy ting was i scored full marks for my quiz.. though it doesnt constitute much to my final score, but this is one big achievement as it had been a long time since i scored such a score.. mayb apple brought me luck..?? or i was too happy to see him, thus i was in the mood to tink and answer carefully..??

but the sad ting was.. i cant get out of my house.. i noe it's for my own gd that i stayed at hm, but the doc says i can go out and walk walk, jus tat i cant go work only ma (as long as my scabs stil haven fallen off).. how i wished apple can bring me out to walk, but he declined.. so sad.. haiz..

another ting is i reli got super sick and tired of my work liao.. this is a wrong career switch for me.. i am reli not suitable for such a job.. and i dun wan to waste my youth continuing this.. i stil missed the old environment, but not the retail hours.. where all of us sweat, cry, curse and swear together.. everyone is like a big family, but here, i jus cant feel it.. i missed my buddies or rather tat kind of work environment.. how i wished i could turn back time.. *wake up!!

Flashback of memory..

2009-03-26T08:43:00.002+08:00

was sittin at the dining table this morning, munchin into a pc of butter roll and drinkin tasteless milo when i started to stone.. stone.. stone.. and many images just came alive on the blank wall in front of me.. all the flashback of the past.. got good and bad ones..

wun talk abt the bad one, cuz since it's bad, no pt talkin abt it..

as for the good ones, as usual, it's abt apple.. ever since we were together, there were times that i would tink abt how we met and the times we were together. but this flashback is slightly different.. it brought me back to the inner me at those pts of times.. wat was i feeling and tinkin.. which gave me a feeling that tings are reli miraculous.. it's reli hard to explain how fate/"coincidence" allows two ppl to meet, make frens and falls in love.. nv would i thought that my best online fren is my apple now, except for times tat i was secretly admiring him and fantacising.. getting to hold his hands, getting his little 'shocks' everytime.. all these jus felt fantastic.. all the 'impossibles' that i once thought became reality.. tinkin abt the days we were hangin outside, the days we were of 'unknown' status, the days we were jus plain frens.. i could only say: 无限的感动尽在不言中.. trying to preserve all these memories as much as possible, bcuz time might distort them..

duno y, recently kept having this thought of something, but out of a sudden jus cant put them into words.. nvm.. wish everyone have a healthy and long life ba..

思念是一种很玄的东西

2009-03-24T00:24:00.002+08:00

Was tinkin abt apple jus now while drying my hair, and he called me.. coincidence again (or pre-destined)?

While listening to him, i duno y, jus felt overwhelmed again and started tearin after i put down the phone.. i reli missed him alot.. esp now i'm down with chicken pox.. and mayb after wat he did on sat..?

this reminds me of the first sentence of this song.. and the whole song..

我愿意 - 王菲

思念是一种很玄的东西
如影~随形
无声又无息出没在心底
转眼~吞没我在寂默里
我无力抗拒特别是夜里喔~
想你到无法呼吸
恨不能立即朝你狂奔去
大声的告诉你~
愿意为你我愿意为你
我愿意为你忘记我姓名
就算多一秒停留在你怀里
失去世界也不可惜
我愿意为你我愿意为你
我愿意为你被放逐天际
只要你真心拿爱与我回应
什么都愿意
什么都愿意为你

我无力抗拒特别是夜里喔~
想你到无法呼吸
恨不能立即朝你狂奔去
大声的告诉你~
愿意为你我愿意为你
我愿意为你忘记我姓名
就算多一秒停留在你怀里
失去世界也不可惜
我愿意为你我愿意为你
我愿意为你被放逐天际
只要你真心拿爱与我回应
什么都愿意
什么都愿意为你
我什么都愿意
什么都愿意为你

Chicken Pox vs Lovesick

2009-03-21T22:27:00.002+08:00

Was down with chicken pox and lovesick the same day..

It was a total miserable experience for an adult like me to go thru the pain and torture of having chicken pox, bcuz i looked like a freak and the spots are super itchy.. at the same time, i'm worryin abt my classes cuz i cant attend sch and mayb would not be able to catch up on time.. and oso hopefully i need not have to clear all the loads wen i am back, by then tink i will fall sick again..

On the other hand, apple is away for his reservist. Though this may not sound like a big thing cuz in the first place i will stil get to see him today and tml if i am workin at GAH! roadshow at jur pt. but i guess it's stil enough for me to be lovesick liao..

But the surprise is he came to visit me at my hse today!! was super surprised and happy thou he did say tat he wan to make a trip down, i was tellin him not to as i am stil super contagious and ugly.. and when he was scoopin the coconut flesh and water, i was reli touched.. how i wished i can give him a hug or kiss, but i cant.. i was afraid that he wil catch the virus for the second time..

oh.. i reli missed him alot..

These 14 days...

2009-03-08T11:15:00.002+08:00

For the past 14 days, it can be considered as one of the hardest part of my study life and the most emotional part of my r'ship.

In doing things, I am either a 'first-min' or 'last-min' person - I can do it very fast or I will drag it until the thing is so urgent for me to do.. And this time round, I am a 'last-min' person again in doin my work proj.. It was so miserable to slp only a few hrs a day, juggling between work and studies everyday.. Unlike those days where I would only have to concentrate on one thing - studies..

This proj was a tough one bcuz I could hardly find sufficient references to support my argument, and I was panicking when I realised some of my points were wrong after attending the last tutorial, which was 2 days b4 the deadline.. oh gosh.. but with that level of 'alertness', I could only try my best to concentrate on the main points.. Hopefully stil can get a good grade.. *cross my fingers*

And finally it was sat, and I was going for a double date and ktv session (I love ktv~).. That was my first double date (i suppose so) and I was lookin forward to it.. But before the actual meeting, I would need to meet my apple first.. The last time I saw apple for more than a week ago, can imagine how much I reli missed him.. He was having a bad cough after working under the rain and hot sun during the week.. was kinda heartache to see him like that.. We went to pray pray first before heading to our next destination - orchard. Tink it had been too long since I went for a gd walk, cuz I felt as if I was like a bird who jus got released out of the cage.. haha.. Everyday jus shuffling between work and home, nearly driving me crazy.. Orchard is not a common place for apple and me, cuz it was always crowded and mayb too 'hyped' for us - not much tings that we are interested to see.. hehe..

Sidetrack again.. prior to this meeting, I had posted a blog entry abt us, and apple saw it.. There were some action plans mentioned, but I felt sooo bad that I told him 'jus be the normal apple'.. Mayb I shouldnt hv written tat blog, cuz I didnt wan him to do anything, but on the other hand, if i didnt write tat blog, I wouldnt noe I didnt wan change.. Got both sides to look at this matter.. But it made me realised one thing, and I will elaborate later..

Back to the 'story'.. During the singing session, apple couldnt sing much due to his bad cough, so most of the singing was done by me.. And when it was not my turn to sing, I was back to my usual silly routine, looking at apple again.. everytime i see his face, it jus made me realised how much i love him and dun wan him to leave me.. Love reli grows over time.. it had grew so big that i dun wan to let go/feared to lose him.. Apple is not a fantastic singer (esp wen he is sick), but hearing him sing (when others were singing) was the sweetest thing at tat moment (+ leaning beside him)..

The four of us went for dinner after the session and we parted ways after that.. It was raining again.. And strange to say, almost all my dates with apple were 'rain-free', we seldom get caught in the rain.. After a brief walk, we decided to head for home and another memorable moment came.. *slips it into my memory pocket*

It was raining very heavily when we got to the bus stop near my house, but it was almost impossible to walk home in the rain as it was quite a distance away.. So we loitered around the blocks near the bus stop, hoping the rain will be lighter wen we walked back.. actually hor, i didnt wan to go back so early too (selfish side of me), jus wished this moment can be longer and forever, bcuz too long din see him liao.. walking by the rain (at the corridor) felt so romantic at tat moment.. hehe.. we took the lift up to the highest level and took a view of the raining city, it's so beautiful.. wah~ And we walked back to the bus stop to 'look' at the street and rain.. he was standing one step above me, so i got the chance to hug him (*evil grin) and it was reli very comfy.. I was totally immersed so much tat for tat short while, it jus felt the world belonged to us only.. or i am simply "被爱冲昏了头", too overly in love..?

It was getting late, and his cough seemed to get worse, so we decided to brave the rain and walked back to my block.. As usual (if he din drive), we would take the lift to my level, 'admire the scenary a little bit more' and kiss goodbye.. hehe.. hmm.. duno y, till now, everytime he kissed me, i would stil hv the 'electrocuted' feeling and my heart would beat super fast.. 这次也不例外.. We had a good and nice one, but i started crying after tat.. oh no, wat's wrong with me..? and the funniest part was, everytime i saw him cried while watching movies, I would laugh, so this time round, when he saw me crying, he was also laughin and he took out his camera to take shots of me (lucky i covered my face).. but reli strange, i duno y i cried.. was it too long tat i didnt see him and missed him too much..? or i felt so bad abt seeing him sick..? or I was sorry and wrong abt myself in writing tat blog..? or we had a great day..? I reli dun hv an answer to this at all.. mayb the first one, cuz i remembered i kept sayin i reli missed him alot..

As it was still raining, I passed him an umbrella and I walked him to the traffic lights.. usually he wun let me do so, but i tink he noes i wanted to see him longer.. tat's the end of our saturday adventure..

He did not report for work on monday bcuz he was sick, and I was actually tinkin of droppin some food and takin a short glance of him during lunchtime, but he refused to let me do so.. but in the end, I went after work cuz jus cant put my heart down knowin that he's sick.. before i went to see him, i sent him a msg to ask how was he and lied tat i was goin to see a fren.. and before he replied, i oredi popped up at his gate.. upon seeing him, i could only described the feeling as "melted" cuz he looked so haggard and my heart ached for him again.. *jus wondering, how come my heart ached so easily after i got into a bgr..?* I sat at his hse for abt 2 hrs and it's time to go hm.. He walked me to the shelter near the traffic lights, and i was again draggin my time abit more.. but i got emotional again.. the urge of crying was there again.. faster ciaoz beta b4 i *hua-la-la*..

fast forward abit.. i met him up fri for dinner at his hse and walk walk at jur pt, tryin to look for bday presents for ppl.. and home sweet home after tat..

sat is here again.. I met him at simei, ate our lunch there, and bought a present for his fren.. he asked me along to ktv later in the evening with his army frens.. at first i wanted to bring my fren along, but she got something on, so i was tinkin not very convenient as all guys ma.. but he said it's ok.. we went to pray pray at the loyang tua pek gong temple after that.. that was the first time I went there and we passed by the place he worked.. hehe.. the sun was scorching hot wen we got to tat place.. the place was huge and magnificient.. for me, i had always been a half-past six, never a religious person though i hv a religion.. but i will stil go pray pray, but duno the proper procedures involved la.. hehe.. i followed what apple does, and prayed for everything that i can think of.. when we came out, the sky was dark and along the way to loyang point, it started to drizzle and it was pouring heavily wen we were inside.. phew~ lucky.. I got another turtle/tortoise in my collection again.. haha.. after that we proceed to my house, where he parked his car there.. we rested awhile at my hse while i freshen myself up abit..

Den we went to kbox marina for singing and that was where i saw the real apple.. tink bcuz he was recovering from his cough and flu, he became more active liao.. saw the 'crazy' side of him and got to hear alot more songs.. wahaha.. near the end of the session, i dedicated a song to him cuz found the lyrics quite similar to us.. hehe.. and of cuz it's time to go hm again.. as usual, i wil try to drag a little bit more la, but to a certain extent only.. he had spent almost half a day with me, i should be contented liao.. haha.. we walked back to his car, and under unprepared circumstances, i was kissed.. the 'electrocution' started again and my heart was beating so fast.. frankly speakin, i like tat feeling.. ur heart was pumping fast, and sth like a electricity was circulating in between the heart and stomach.. cant reli describe it.. hmm.. but i seemed to get addicted to it, and hope it would be longer everytime.. haha.. he started his car engine, and i thought no more liao.. but b4 he reli sat in his seat, i got another good and nice experience again.. haha.. but i duno y again.. i felt like crying.. kena electrocuted too much..?

oh, backtrack abit.. i liked a new term used by him, though he gave me a new nickname yest.. guinea pig.. hurh! anyway, i was sayin tat i lied to him on monday wen i went to visit him.. den he asked me which fren, i said boyfren oso fren ma.. he said that he is "more than bf", and i kept on probing, den wat does "more than bf" means? he came up with the term "honey" after a few probes.. though we were jokingly and fooling ard, i liked wat he said abt "more than bf", and i can name him honey apple instead of jus apple.. it sounds logical and reasonable too.. but i shall kept the term within us.. cuz too mushy for u all.. haha.. now looking forward to our 'rendevous' next week.. hehe..

doubts and accepting

2009-02-22T00:57:00.009+08:00

hmm.. wanted to write this some time ago, but jus too lazy to do it until an online chat with mr bear today.. my r'ship with apple had always been a "controversial" topic.. haha..

mr bear is definitely not the first one who commented on my r'ship, and he is like someone else, who doesnt seemed to be able to accept my way of doin tings in my r'ship.. i have been too accepting over some tings.. and tings tat i am doin now are supposedly to be done by a guy..

to cut tings short.. i dun deny that i do hv my desires and "cravings" for the tings tat most couples are doing.. and sometimes till the extent of envying them.. i could only say, this is the decision tat i had chosen and i wun regret it..

i had mentioned earlier in one of my blogs that fantasy and reality seldom coincide, and if i were to base my fantasy to look for a bf, me and apple will definitely not come to this stage today.. i belonged to those active type - who enjoys sitting on long bus journeys and explore fresh areas, dun like to stay at hm and rest, sitting by a quiet/nice site to admire the scenery.. whereas apple is my total opposite.. he doesnt like long journeys, crowded places, goin out late at nite, and prefers to stay at hm and rest.. to put it in a bad way, "i had been accomodating myself to suit his lifestyle.." and for the tings tat i had done, "i dun hv to do for him, instead he should be doin them.." or "both of us should be contributing equal efforts to the r'ship.." and "is he takin advantage of me bcuz i loved him too much tat i wun leave him..?" "dun be too gullible, naive, silly, foolish to continue to do such tings for him, as it will hurt me more wen he dun do enough back for me.."

hmm.. long before i got together with apple, i knew wat are the tings/lifestyle tat i would be facing.. it was kind of a difficult decision at one pt of time, bcuz i had been askin myself, will i be able to accept it? even so, can i bear with it for long-term..? all the tings tat i had wanted to accomplish with my loved one would probably not fulfilled at all.. i could hv done those tings alone or with friends, but the significance would definitely be different.. am i willing to do so..? my family feared that i would be cheated as i hv zero (minimal) experience in this aspects.. my friends scared i would be hurt again.. frankly speaking, i oso scared i would be hurt again.. esp wen i started to realise that both of them shared similarities in some aspects..

but i need to make a decision to step in or out, so as not sink myself too deep or waste our time.. though i encounter many self-questioning over the past 1+ year , i am stil glad to say tat i took a right move.. lookin apart from his lifestyle and minor personality clashes, he was the guy tat i knew i need to have.. someone who loves his family, empathetic, and with a kind heart.. and he had been with me most of the time wen i needed him most..

back to the lifestyle part.. tings wasnt so smooth-sailing for me, bcuz i need to adapt to some tings tat i used to dislike and nv thought i would face.. in the initial stage, everything is stil fresh, so stil can accept them, but as time goes by.. abit hard to continue.. i am started to get abit sick to hang ard in the west.. or spending time at his hse.. and i started to develop doubts in my decision, whether can i continue like tat? or is he reli the guy tat i wan to spend my remaining years with? and it can get scary, cuz all the negative tings jus popped out from nowhere.. in addition, comments from ppl ard started comin in, and i did waver abit over my decision.. esp the part where they always like to ask, "where am i in his heart?", "what has he done specially for me?" and so on.. wen i told them the list of tings he had done, i kena arrowed more cuz all those tings were either those wat he should have done (nth special at all) or i had requested from him.. the requested ones reli got my frens who are in r'ships hot and utterly disappointed in me.. haha.. and their advice would be, love urself more or talk to him abt this and see whether would he do anything to it, if not letting go might be a better option..

when tings like this happens, this is where i would try to tink of our happier times, the reasons i fell for him and so on.. and when all these tings doesnt help, i would call him to hear his voice.. his voice always gave me a form of assurance of my decision.. but i din tell him the full story of wat i hear, cuz i dun wan to hurt his feelings.. i jus hate to hurt someone's feelings; i rather absorb wat i can absorb and digest them away.. i confessed tat sometimes wat i said doesnt mean wat i am tinkin.. bcuz at the end of the day, i am stil a gal..... *din wan to elaborate more..

recently, i have been more open in sharin my thoughts with apple, and be it positive or negative, i jus let him noe.. actually, tellin him those tings doesnt mean i wan him to do something, cuz i nv like ppl to do tings for the sake of doin tings.. if no action taken, i wun get offended, but if something is done, i would take it as a bonus.. to me, all those tings tat other ppl doin are "wants", it is not a necessity but good to have.. instead i would like to focus more on my needs.. one ting for sure, i need apple to be my side, other tings are secondary or bonus..

in all my life, i had been puttin other ppl's feelin as my main concerns, and mayb like wat mr bear said, i am not loving myself at all and neglectin my desires and real needs.. but love is selfless... u lose some in order to gain some.. for me, i knew he had been a "plain jane" all along, but i oso knew i dun wan my r'ship to be always so plain everytime (simple and plain are different), cuz lost time is never recoverable.. thus i will need to tink of ways to create beautiful memories.. wenever i see him happy with my little gifts, it makes me happy too.. at least i noe my efforts doesnt gone to drain entirely.. the small little disappointment would be probably be he likes to keep tings and cant bear to use them, so i started not giving him tings to use, jus for seeing.. by now, u may be wondering, so where is his efforts in this r'ship..? i wun list them out cuz i noe i sure kena suan again.. but one of the efforts would definitely be the time he spent with me.. every sec with him is very precious, esp wen we dun get to meet everyday.. but i am stil contented with such arrangment, at least for the time being as the future lies an unknown..

sidetrack abit.. apple once asked me why i liked him so much..? at first, i oso duno the answer, and thought probably bcuz he is always there for me and so on.. then one day, while daydreamin again, i found the answer.. i liked him so much bcuz i realised he is always holdin my hands wherever we are.. cant reli explain wat's so great abt holdin hands, but it gave me a sense of security and i felt i was safe.. and mayb bcuz of his blockhead-ness.. i could see tat though he dun express himself well, it doesnt mean he dun care.. he jus duno how to express it la.. haha.. sometimes wen i heard him sayin tat "i am a lousy bf", it does hurts me a little to hear tat.. ya, he may not be like the other bfs out there, but i had never thought he is lousy, he jus too used to his own ways of doin tings and he dun like change..

there is no doubt tat there are better apples out there, but i hv a strong feeling tat i wun be happier without my 'woody' apple..

*i tink most of u would be shakin ur head and say, "haiz, hopeless case.. i washed my hands off u.. u like to do wat is ur biz.. as long as u r happy can liao.." haha.. see, i can agar predict the response.. i'm not blind, i am jus using my way to love someone.. 不在乎天长地久，只在乎曾经拥有.. and i still 拥有-ing..

Feb 13, 2009 - "black friday"

2009-02-14T13:16:00.003+08:00

This year vday falls on a saturday, which means friday is on the 13th, which commonly referred as "black friday"..

On this friday, I attended a company dinner of apple at fullerton hotel.. This is not the first time I went to a place related to fullerton with apple.. The first time was back in almost 3.5 yrs ago, wen I was being "invited" to drink red wine with him and his fren at ONE fullerton, but this time is special.. bcuz it is a dream that I had always wanted to fulfill..

As a fantasy-filled gal, I had always yearned to come to that area with my loved one, for a romantic walk, tat would be a great thing.. And I had my wish fulfilled.. After being with apple for years, I agar agar noe wat his likings are, and I usually wun try my luck in askin for tings tat have a low possibility of happening.. apple have a short memory, so he might agreed to my requests wen i asked him, but after tat he might forget liao, and i dun like to remind him on those request, but on the other hand, I knew I was disappointed.. so as time goes by, I try not to raise any requests to avoid disappointments, and it reduces expectations too.. (except for reli special ones)

Frankly speaking, there are soooo many tings tat I wished I could have, but I cant be selfish and greedy, and made him to do wat i wished for the sake of doin.. yes, it would have made me happy, but at the same time, i will feel bad bcuz the real meaning of doing it is not there.. sometimes things have to be done voluntarily, and not by frequent requests.. And especially, I have a "feel bad" heart, i wil feel bad at the slightest ting tat I felt had direct/indirect affect the ppl ard me, and wil try to make up for them..

Back to the topic, fullerton/boat quay/clarke quay is one of the areas tt i thought "how nice/great it would be" if i could come here and have a stroll with my loved one.. After dinner, we had a short stroll along the river and came to another "romantic" place but was kinda disappointed.. the clarke quay tat i saw last time was so romantic, but now it was too crowded to be considered romantic.. but at least the walk was a fulfilling one.. *slip it in one of the slots of precious memories*

Actually wanted to slowly walk home from there, but apple was dead tired, it's beta to get going early.. i managed to pass my small token - cornflakes cookies to him.. it was a total crash course and sudden decision to do the cookies as time is not on my side.. i had told him tat i wun be givin him anythin, but i stil feel tat sth has to be given and with a gd meaning.. i had no time to shop for meaningful gift, and i dun wan to spend alot of $$ cuz i had been tellin him to have cheap dates - save the money to clear our future debts.. it's the thought and significance tat counts.. even the simplest cookie doesnt prove to be easy, my hands were slightly steamed by the heating process..

While chasin for the bus, apple accidentally bumped onto a metal bar, and i could see tat it hurts.. a short journey on the bus let me see alot of tings.. his tired look, painful reaction, the lines on his face and the white hairs on his head.. duno whether is it bcuz of the red wine or the effects of being in love, it jus made me felt bad to see these.. must always keep him in happy mode, so tat he wun tink so much and age faster.. hehe..

ok.. here comes the end of the day.. it's at my lift lobby and the time to part again (i have always hated this), and i tink it's time to tell him a "shy" secret.. hmm.... normally we wil bade goodbye with a kiss, but it's always a short one.. and though it is a short one, my heart will always beat very fast and have tat kind of "electrocuted" feeling which i wished the kiss could be longer abit more.. but i dare not say, cuz i'm quite reserved in this aspect to talk abt such tings.. so i managed plucked up my courage and told him this secret.. and i got another of my wish fulfilled - i had a gd and nice experience.. hehe.. felt so contented and wonderful.. great memories for this yr vday though it's a real simple one..

*afternote: i hv the tendency to dream of apple, and i had another long and continuous dream abt us again.. hmm.. tink i had reli sunk too deep inside of apple..

Sensitive topic..

2009-01-24T21:36:00.005+08:00

Still in the process of the digesting the words that were said yest.. but felt like releasing abit out by blogging..

As usual, I went to apple's house to meet him and have dinner yest.. just b4 he took his bath and eating our dinner, he said something to me: "my mum asked us to apply a flat together.." I was definitely taken aback by his words and thought it was a joke, cuz according to wat i heard from my frens, tat's one of the lousiest way of saying: "let's get married.." after getting together with apple for almost a yr, i realised he is someone who wun do tings without planning and concurrently - which means one time only can do one ting, so i guessed it cant be real.. BUT on the other hand, these words sparks off abit of my hope and expectation unknowingly..

*will skip the middle part where we were shoppin at jur pt*

During the ride home, i asked or rather, i verified with him on whether he meant the words he said earlier.. He said ya, *stop for a sec*, but need to plan and start saving money first.. den he continued by starting to mention abt marriage.. as usual, i was shocked for a sec, but back to normal wen he continued.. he said now govt got increase the 'rebate' for buyin a new hse, and moreover he wan to stay near parents, so can get more rebate too.. den he said wait for me to finish my studies, and we will proceed with the next step in rabbit or dragon yr.. i kept quiet for awhile and said that i will grad next yr, and he said that mayb i wan to change job, den need time to settle down, so rabbit or dragon is better.. i duno wat to say to most of his words, so i only replied "ok".. wen it was abt to reach my place, he was mumbling abt sth, seemed like he is counting his age.. den i got hm and it's time to say goodbye to him again..

*afterwords*
the words had been hovering my mind for a day again.. and it was such a coincidence tat my colleagues were talkin me and marriage the day b4.. weird.. hmm.. kinda difficult to describe how i felt now, but i guessed i can be okay again.. maybe it's my problem.. or i had been tinkin too gd abt tings and started to become a little bit selfish.. or tinkin too much esp wen the r'ship between us have been quite stable now.. so i started to tink abt the next stage of life at times.. but fantasy and reality are 2 different matters, yet i always like to mix them together bcuz reality is very hurting.. i always tink of the fantasy side wen tings goes wrong.. i dun deny tat i was abit disappointed initially to hear tat it would be another 2 or 3 yrs.. it made me felt it's very far though time flies fast.. apple is growing older by the day, and so do i.. i would be 27 or 28 by then.. and it oso take some time to expand the family - it's not as if u wan den u wil get de.. the thought of it sianz me abit.. i am not desperate to get married off, and i wun do anythin to tell apple anytin.. it's his choice and i told him i will let him decide..

but after tinkin for awhile, some tings jus cant be rushed.. mayb we would be at a better position to do tings.. marriage is a lifetime ting, if we wan it to be memorable, alot of effort would have to be put it to make it happen.. though no one can determine anythin might happen this few years, as long as we believe in one another, tings will definitely turn out right.. apple is mine now, and i will make him mine always (abit too greedy hor..?)

羅志祥搞笑MV

2008-12-26T11:13:00.002+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rwy8elgKUo

那一條牙膏在對我傻笑
嘲笑我永遠用不掉
想睡就睡想鬧就鬧
好快樂少了人嘮叨

藍色的碗盤多買了一套
我忘了沒有人陪我通宵
要多少替代的丑角無辜的陪笑
才會讓我能真的忘了你的好

我在搞笑藉著熱鬧掩蓋著心跳
邊哭邊笑偏要說著一個人真好
當人群散了突然覺得我可以死掉
我受不了

還在搞笑害怕回家不知怎麼熬
這麼多年早就習慣有妳的撒嬌
我想我能熬但是至少要讓我知道
妳好不好

我們的小狗食量變好小
眼神裡常常顯的無聊
他習慣睡覺的床位少了一雙腳
所以他常常看著門口睡不著

我在搞笑藉著熱鬧掩蓋著心跳
邊哭邊笑偏要說著一個人真好
當人群散了突然覺得我可以死掉
我受不了

我在搞笑卻在最後眼淚拼命掉
妳的離開失去多少我計算不了
忙完了一天　突然覺得又何必辛勞
對誰炫耀

還在搞笑是否擁有麻痺的療效
唱一夜歌卻避不開催淚的曲調
我徹夜胡鬧希望聽到有人會提到你好不好

Early hours of Christmas...

2008-12-26T10:47:00.003+08:00

谢谢你为我做的一切，一直守护着我，陪伴在我身边。。。
我喜欢你。我爱你。圣诞节快乐。

*as said by apple

Stealing Hearts..

2008-12-05T23:25:00.003+08:00

Jus came back from a "rendevous" with apple again.. hehe.. was down with flu, and i guess lovesick too, cuz supposed to meet him on wed, yet i fell sick on tat day..

was chattin with him over the msn yest, and as usual, we were kind of fooling ard again.. haha.. den he "accused" me of a pirate, and i was like huh??!! but upon seein his reply, i jus felt very consoled.. he "accused" me of stealin his heart.. hmm.. till now it stil feels great to hear this.. bcuz i had stole his heart.. talkin rubbish again.. hehe.. jus duno how to describe it la..

actually he did the same to me.. unknowingly, he jus made me got attracted to him gradually and now fallin in love with him.. hehe.. still savourin every bit of our r'ship, bcuz all these doesnt come easy.. there are so many "what if" tat wouldnt make us got together.. wun elaborate all here.. everytime i see him on his face, it jus keeps me reminded that all these are true, and i must cherish this guy who i am admiring..

sidetrack abit.. i had a small lump jus under my left eyelid and the doc said tat i would need a minor surgery to remove it.. though it might be a minor surgery, but eye leh.. of cuz will stil be scared and worried.. initially i was tinkin to tell apple after the trip, cuz dun wan to spoil the mood ma, but din cant tahan to hide the truth from him.. can sense tat he was slightly taken aback, but he told me not to worry, he will be right beside me.. though it is jus words, but it is very encouraging to hear it, esp from someone you love.. jus pray hard tat it wun grow anymore..

Sunday Adventure

2008-12-01T22:45:00.002+08:00

feeling abit sick now - flu + itchy all over again (cant remember i got eat anythin tat irritate me leh..)

anyway, jus wana blog abit abt the past 2 weeks.. den i can go to dreamland..

recently gotten a new name from apple - mo mo princess.. quite like the term, cuz i tend to mo here and there nowadays (same as apple).. hehe.. so if i am the momo princess, den apple naturally became momo prince.. hmm.. ya hor.. apple cant be considered my white horse prince.. he is quite fair and sometimes drives a white car, den he's my bf.. tat makes him a prince too.. hehe..

ok, enough of my nonsense.. let me start another round of nonsense again.. hehe..

was with apple and his family yest to celebrate his nephews' bday at their paternal grandparents' house.. but b4 tat, the series of events were quite tensed.. apple was annoyed by a white car b4 he came to meet me at the mrt station - he looked pissed (so i kept quiet lor..) den i accidentally stepped/kicked his toenails twice - can see he was pissed again (i felt so bad..) next, a lady jus boarded a taxi in the middle of the road, blocking part of the road and cars were jus behind it.. apple made a "quite" dangerous move and managed to drive his way thru, but he was "nagged" by his parents for his move.. and me..? of cuz quiet again la, cuz too shocked to speak anythin (i'm sittin right beside him leh..) scary man.. i ltr jokingly told him tat it's a gd way to keep my mouth shut..

it was quite a nice house thou it was of many yrs.. spacious and view not bad - i guess bcuz it was located in a high floor (tat's the gd ting for living high) there were many ppl so as usual, i was stickin to apple again.. jus duno y, me tend to stick with ppl wen seein ppl tat i dun reli noe.. and i saw sth tat i liked besides apple - a piano set.. i was tellin apple tat i got 2 small regrets since i was young - not able to learn ballet and piano as it was costly.. i was born with soft bone structure and has an ability of figurin out a tune without prior practising.. but all these were in the past, i cant be blaming anyone on tat ma.. though i din get to learn all these tings, i told myself i shld be grateful or contented with my life.. bcuz if i had learnt all those tings, i might be a different person, and maybe i wouldnt have met the ppl tat i had met all these yrs.. those ppl might be of a better brood, but wil i be contented and optimistic as now..? i duno..

anyway, too lengthy again.. need to fast forward liao.. reminds me of a game tat apple likes to play on me.. play...stop...rewind... haha.. ok, back to the pt.. kids nowadays are far too fortunate liao.. they hv so many toys/games/presents tat they stil tink it is insufficient.. unlike us in the olden days, where got so many presents to unwrap and good bday cake to blow..? wen i see them blowing the candles, suddenly felt so envious.. it had been yrs since i blew a bday candle bcuz my bday always fall in lunar 7th mth, though my real bday was in lunar 8th mth (a kind of pantang by chinese la tat it is not gd to celebrate bday in 7th mth, neither can we blow candles..)

fast forward again.. we watched some video clips where it consisted of the two boys, the trips tat apple and his family went and others.. oh~ hong kong is so nice.. how i wished i got to sit in the hotair balloon too.. haiz.. back to reality.. we sent apple's parents home first cuz they were tired, den he drew me back.. and i finally found out sth tat i felt so proud of it.. i never knew apple was in the commando wen he was in army.. he always told me tat he was a clerk, and i believed it though i felt it weird tat a clerk can go travellin to so many various countries.. (wat a fortunate clerk).. and i duno y, jus feel very proud suddenly.. i'm a commando's gf leh.. *dreaming again* hmm, mayb bcuz commando gives ppl the thinkin tat they are the best or elite of the rest of the army, and the training were super duper siong.. those who are chosen means they had underwent alot of hardship and training, which trained them to be a "real man".. haha.. ok, i noe i am daydreamin again.. and mayb being too naive or simple-minded again..

end of my story, cant remember all tat i wana blog, jus the highlights wil do.. ciaoz~

disappointed + sad

2008-11-27T14:05:00.004+08:00

my 1st thailand trip is gone.. bcuz of the situation in bangkok currently.. so sad.. nv been to thailand b4, moreover it's with apple's family.. though apple got say go cruise, but duno wen wil it be liao.. and oso the whole experience would be different.. kinda speechless now.. mayb bcuz i'm filled with alot of emotions ba.. haiz..

Thank You Dinner

2008-11-22T23:45:00.002+08:00

jus came back from a thank you cum gatherin dinner of apple's fren, cuz he helped out in the weddin 2 weeks ago..

stil abit sinkin in the fantasy cum dreamin mode, mayb bcuz i'm tired too.. i was abt to fall aslp in apple's car when he was drivin me home.. the position of the seat and the aircon jus made me super relunctant to step out of the car.. for tat moment, how i wished the ride could be longer..

back to the topic, this grp of ppl are very sociable and cheerful so i reli felt comfortable mixing with them, even though i duno them well.. interesting and fun grp.. reli need to know more of this kind of ppl.. hehe..

time to go for my sleep and see whether can dream of apple anot.. gd nitez!

sour.sweet.bitter.spicy

2008-11-17T21:37:00.007+08:00

these are the tastes that most couples will go thru at different stages of their r'ships or lives..

sour represents the sourness such as jealousy or wen you are faced with a dilemma
sweet represents the sweetness and usually the honeymoon period of a r'ship
bitter represents the bitterness where you dun say/do wat u wan
spicy represents the quarrels and misunderstandings

was on the phone with apple tat day wen he mentioned these 4 tastes, where we are now at the sweet part bcuz we are still honeymoon period of the r'ship.. but he oso mentioned tat we will somehow go thru the rest of the tastes when the times comes, which i dun wish those times to come..

mayb i'm jus being too naive/simple-minded again..? bcuz no r'ship will always be sweet without any quarrels, even if got, it's jus one of the few of the super loving couples.. but i am stubborn and only believed in my own guts feelings at times.. as long as the sweetness is there, i will preserve and cherish the feeling for as long as i can, bcuz i wun know when will the other tastes start to kick in.. for every 1 day of sweetness, it may overrides months of sour/bitter/spicy.. happy oso one day, not happy oso one day, y not happy happy get over one day..? (am i too optimistic again..?)

suddenly reminded of the question tat apple always liked to ask me, "am i bored to be with..?" usually i wil say no or jus smile smile.. frankly speakin, sometimes yes la, esp wen there was a period where we always hang out at either jur pt or his hse.. tat was where i started to hint and suggest some other places ard his places cuz i noe he doesnt like to travel far, bcuz he doesnt like to like to go to places that are very crowded.. but recently i realised tat this qn doesnt apply to me much liao.. mayb i had oredi gotten use and adapted to this momentum gradually liao.. sometimes it doesnt matter tat much to where u go, wat reli matters is who are u being with.. jus like i am gettin so used to follow where apple is, jus like a superglue..

but.. i stil got some of the tings that i wana do or places tat i wana bring my bf to, and that was wat i decided long before i got into a r'ship.. but mostly romantic tings la, such as:
- bringing him for a full body and foot massage (done)
- go sit on singapore flyer (going soon)
- go to the rooftop of vivocity (beautiful xmas tree is there now!!)
- clarke quay at nite (wonderful and romantic scenery)
- goin to orchard to see the xmas lightup
- a nite's out to see the stars and moon
- enjoyin the breeze at esplanade/merlion
and more.. will add on wen i remember..

15 nov 08, saturday

2008-11-15T23:34:00.002+08:00

duno wat to put as title, so jus put the date lor.. hehe..

jus came back from a date with apple again, but felt tat i shld blog this while my memory is stil fresh..

but b4 i start, let me jus briefly describe my timeline of adventure:

morning: went to collect the free laptop skin at toa payoh

noon: meet him at simei to pick me up and have lunch with his dad. went to download and copy pictures from his pc. take a short rest at his room.

evening: went to jur pt to walk walk. went back for dinner and abit of stoning. den he sent me home.

now comes the elaboration.. will pick out the part where we were resting.. he has the habit of takin a short nap durin afternoon, so i accompanied to rest too.. i usually dun hv the habit of takin afternoon nap, thus it will be quite difficult for me to fall aslp.. but i was abt to doze off too when the sound in the living room somehow woke me up, so in the end i decided to see him slp.. this was the first time tat i get to see him slp at such a close distance, so the feeling jus feel great again.. jus like seeing him slp like a little boy, esp wen he is sound aslp.. was adjusting my position over and over again, so tat i can see him at the closest distance.. abit boliao rite..? hehe..

here comes the main point.. though he did say "i love you" before, but everytime i jus din get it or he always said it in a mixture of words that made me so confused abt it.. but today i reli heard it straight and directly from his mouth, without any confusion.. it jus happened wen we were in his room, seein his nephews playin the tv game, and he jus whispered into my ears the words.. first reaction of cuz stunned, followed by delightness.. no more "i like you many many liao..", it had crossed to the next level.. hehe.. am i being too simple-minded again..? aiya, who cares.. i happy can liao.. haha..

and finally i have photos of us together in soft copy, will upload the favorites soon.. hehe..

diamonds - women's best friends?

2008-11-13T00:32:00.004+08:00

tink drank too much coffee in the mornin, so now still cant get to slp..

went outside to study today, and 顺便 take a look at apple (actually more than an hour la).. hehe.. happy..

was passin by a jewellery shop wen he was sendin me to the mrt station, and he took a glance at some of the items.. at first look, i thought it was diamond, but he said it's not cuz diamonds cant be tat cheap.. this brings me back to sth tat most ppl are sayin.. "diamonds are women's best friend"..

this sentence doesnt work for me.. wat's so great abt diamonds..? it's jus a sparkling stone that cost a bomb.. okok.. it may be one of the hardest and precious stones in the whole wide world, but i am stil not convinced of owning one of it.. jus find it a hindrance to wear such tings on finger.. imagine sth protruding out and ur heart wil ache alot wen u accidentally knock ur finger against some things? if not, some ppl will jus keep the diamond at hm, and admire it when they are free (den wat the use of buyin it wen u cant wear it out..?) and moreover, i wonder does the value of diamond will increase over time? if yes, mayb jus buy to keep it as an investment lor, so tat can sell away wen i am broke.. if not, it is just a normal stone lor.. haiz..

suddenly recalled one of my frens was boasting abt the diamond ring tat her bf bought her yrs ago - how big the diamond was and how much was it.. and measured it against the love from her bf.. (alamak, how can measure love like tat one..?) love shld never be measured with the monetary value, instead of the importance/significance of the other party (like that den is the real value of love ma..) haiz.. nowadays, ppl are getting more and more shallow or materialistic, they only see money.. "i dun wan u if u got no money.." true la, money is one of the impt tings tat give u some form of security, but some ppl dun hv money, oso lived happily ever after ma.. jus try to save more money and be thrifty lor.. at most dun buy expensive tings or replaced them with cheaper items.. life can stil go on ma.. haiz.. reli dun understand the mindset of ppl now.. i talk so much, scarli i'm one of the shallow and materialistic person too.. hehe..

anyway, back to the diamond ting.. if reli wan to say "diamonds are women's best friend", den i oso got a diamond ar.. a very big one, it is non-transferable and not for sale.. an APPLE-diamond.. super duper valuable wor.. and i oso can haolian abt it almost everyday, 24/7.. haha.. best part is, he can talk/make me laugh/let me lean on and hold my hands.. hehe..

mus continue to admire my apple-diamond more often, occasionally polish him until shiny and sparkling (make him handsome and stil handsome), bring him out to have some sun, then he will grow in value more..wahaha..

Nice Video by KOH+ - Kiss Shite~

2008-11-12T13:21:00.005+08:00

This music video is from the Japan drama, Galileo.. quite like the song and the lyrics.. so thought of sharing it out.. hehe..

i have a very handsome apple..

2008-11-10T01:01:00.007+08:00

i told myself tat i die die muz write this entry, but was too tired to do so yest nite.. so i ended up zZzZzz..

okok.. this entry is to "haolian" how handsome my apple was, at his fren's wedding yest.. hehe..

let me recount the whole incident, bit by bit..

i was kinda excited abt yest's weddin, bcuz firstly it was his fren's wedding where he's the head brother, and also bcuz i was there as his gf too.. that was my 2nd time going for such function with him (the prev time was his company dinner).. i bought a simple top to go with jeans, put on abit of makeup, and got to wear the accessories tat my fren gave me (hope i din look too bad yest, cuz he got say i looked pretty.. hehe.. happy..)

backtrack abit.. i went with him to buy a jacket for the weddin a few days back, and wen he came out of the changin room, i was abit stunned.. he looked very smart in tat outfit, and i was so heng to get him the right sizes to try on.. tat was the first time i saw him so formal lookin.. handsome sia~ (saliva drooling..) totally different from his usual look, which can be very casual or lok cok as he described..

back to yest.. i went to meet him at abt 5pm, bringin a bottle of homemade lemon tea (& was very glad to hear from his frens tat it was nice).. hehe.. he was under the table, tryin to fix the plug into the socket, and wen he stood up, i see him, he see me, we see each other, and i was tellin myself repeatedly - he looked reli handsome in his attire (white shirt, black pants and his leather shoes).. and he got put gel on his hair wor..

to cut short everything, i shall not touch on the details and jus described the highlights of the event.. hehe.. throughout the dinner, i was lookin at him over & over again, my eyes were followin him wherever he goes.. jus cant resist tat temptation to look at him, (i guess the nature of the event and ambience was jus right to bring out his handsome-ness too).. i've been repeatin the same sentence (u r v.handsome today) to him tat i felt abit paiseh, but jus cant stop leh.. esp when he put on the whole set (with tie and jacket), he looked like a successful businessman.. and the jacket oso helped to complement/bring out his build - he got broad shoulders that he reli looked very nice in it (V-shaped)..

during the dinner, whenever our hands are not busy with something such as eatin or clappin hands, we will tend to play with our fingers.. gettin used to such actions ever since we are together.. hehe.. it jus feel comfortable or at ease holdin his hands..

after the dinner, he actually wanted to "tour" ard the area nearby, but we only managed to go to the lobby to take a seat bcuz the carpark was full of cars exiting.. as usual, me was starin at him again, bcuz jus find him too handsome.. oh my gosh, how many times i'm goin to repeat this.. he reli drove me gaga/crazy over him yest, tat i jus cant stop havin the images of him in tat suit even after i got home.. haha..

this is the end of yest endeavor, now i shall touch on some serious stuffs.. thru some of my entries, esp this one, u might think tat apple is a very handsome chap, but actually he is jus a normal average-lookin boy (note to apple: dun get too disappointed with my description k?).. he doesnt belonged to those photogenic type, and some might described him as "too matured-lookin for his age", but "情人眼里出西施" or "Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder", he is reli tat handsome and charming in my eyes and i am very proud of it to repeat tat over and over again..

there are oso some tings tat i was quite surprised tat he actually did it, or rather i'm too suah-gu (mountain turtle).. he actually helped me take my shoes yest.. and on other occasions, he helped me wear a pair of shoes too.. all those tings nv crossed my mind, as to wat a bf shld do.. which makes him quite sweet in this aspect, bcuz it is jus like him - express himself thru actions rather than words..

tat day he mentioned tat his ex was an independent gal, which i did a little tinkin abt it.. does he liked independent gals? bcuz i seemed to be stickin to him like a superglue, followin his footsteps wenever he goes.. din reli asked whether he mind i stick to him so much anot, but reli hoped tat he dun mind.. i was tinkin, if i were to be as independent as my work persona, the likin for him might not be as much as now, cuz i definitely wun be puttin him as one of my priorities, which can be a good or bad ting..

haiz.. beta dun tink too deep abt it, if not i wil end up makin myself to be similar to his ex.. he liked me for wat i am, so i shldnt make myself to look like someone whom once hurt him so deeply.. anyway, i stil prefer to be the "little woman - 小女人", being the silly and dumb self of me in front of him.. to tink of it, maria's life isnt tat bad la, at least she noes tat she is serving the one she loves and in return, her sir oso treats her quite well in caring and protecting her..

"oh my, apple is reli very handsome in tat suit.. how can i not be addicted or attracted to him..?" (repeating XXX times liao)

Apple-ness = dear-ness

2008-11-08T00:31:00.008+08:00

was sticking with apple for almost half a day at his house, doing nth much, but today was another memorable day that i felt i should blog it down.. let me think, how shall i start my topic..?

was helpin apple to tidy up his stuffs and tried my luck in sewing his pants for the first time.. hope i din do it too badly.. hehe.. den i continued to stay in his room as we were quite full from wat we had during tea-time.. i was tinkin of seein his photographs when he said tat he will let me see some of the photographs of his ex-girlfriend..

Hmm.. his ex looked abit like malay, almost the same build as him and they looked very compatible in the photos.. From the photos, i could sense the love and the amt of efforts that he had put in.. am i exaggerating? of cuz not.. wat abt being jealous? nah..i'm not tat childish to be jealous of his past.. But i was once envious abt her, bcuz of the love that she had from apple during the few yrs tat they were together (when i was stil gd frens with apple, and heard him sayin little bit of her occasionally)..

actually it's very consoling to me tat he had opened up his heart to talk abt his ex wen i was asking questions abt her jus now.. and also i finally noe the name of his ex (i dare not ask in the past ma..) but there was one ting tat i mentioned was tat he shld not hv any kind of thinkin tat he wan to let his ex noe tat he is living very well w/o her or wan to show off sth to her, for tat kind of action will only tells one ting - either u r childish or u jus cant get over the whole ting and it will only affect those who are jus beside u..

continue on, i was sharing my (or rather our) love story with him, telling him i felt tat we are fated to meet/be together as there were so many coincidences and similarities tat we had.. he gave me alot of surprises from the day we met, sending me hm, askin me to send him msg wen i got hm, havin common likin for food and sharin similar thinkin.. all these bits and pieces jus made me realised tat i had found my perfect match..

I was tellin him abt my short stint with 77 again, someone who have the height and build that I am lookin for (dream guy), but later on realised tat dream guy is not equal to the man of my choice.. Ya, at tat pt of time, being able to be hugged by someone who was taller and stouter than me is a comfort, despite feeling sth was not right.. the feeling was never right from the beginning till the end, yet i told myself tat might be bcuz it was my first r'ship, thus it was natural for me to feel tat way.. thou tat r'ship left me with a phobia for guys, i told myself tat i was lucky tat i din commit further, if not i will reli regret doin sth esp wen i was havin the wrong feeling..

apple's existence reli made my life turned upside down.. i din noe tat he was interested in me, cuz he was full of anguish wen i asked abt his ex at tat pt of time.. and the best part was, i belonged to those silly/blur blur type, dun even noe how to figure out the hidden messages tat he had been sending out (and he was patient enough to make me understand).. ask ppl, ppl tell me this kind of guy is playin with my feelings or takin me for granted (heng ar~ i din listen to their words, or else i wun hv my apple now..)

went thru a few rollercoaster rides within myself for the 9 mths me and apple had been together (bcuz scared of history repeating), but now it had always been a clear blue sky for us.. Found the man of my choice and Mr. Right.. he cleared all the negative tings tat i had from the past exp, and inputted with all the positive tings.. the greatest ting was i lost my phobia for guys totally and he coloured my world with love.. he made me feel so proud/honoured wen he brought me to his gatherings and me bringing him to know my cliques of frens.. the love is not one-sided and his presence had never failed in making me so happy (stil sinkin in loads of happiness + blissfulness).. happy seein/hearin him slp.. happy holdin his hands.. happy being kissed.. happy leaning on his arms.. happy hearin his voice.. happy being felt treasured/protected.. happy being maria or "little woman" for him..

as i had told my peers recently, we are a happy couple now.. and i had given my promise in a form of IOU, to stick to him like a superglue until he get sick of me.. hehe.. it felt reli great to stick to him, and he doesnt mind (i tink so).. but in terms of gettin married, i wil only say let nature takes its course, bcuz it's beta not to start havin expectations as it might strain the r'ship.. wait till he is comfortable with it, den we proceed on to the next stage of life.. dun marry bcuz ppl wans u to marry; marry only wen u r ready to do so..

heard this song in his car today, and found it to be quite relevant..

信乐团 - 因为有你

作词: 信乐团作曲: Keith Stuart

woh! 我的世界从此停止了寻觅

woh! 我的世界从此多了点担心

我听到海的呼吸我听到你甜蜜的怀疑

我掉入一个陷阱我愿意不想逃离

没有太多的剧情只相信一瞬间的感应

真心结束了游戏想问你愿不愿意

我知道你全部的犹豫

我曾经也认不出自己从未忘记

今生和你的约定

woh! 我的世界从此停止了寻觅
woh! 我的世界从此多了点担心

因为有你因为有你

(不再犹豫因为有你)

我用尽所有的力气再苦也能继续

你的笑给了我勇气我会永远珍惜

airy-fairy words

2008-10-26T20:59:00.002+08:00

had been seeing apple for 4 consecutive days, yet i still find it insufficient.. is it bcuz i'm startin to ask for more now? or bcuz i had heaved a big relief after submitting my final proj yest? or any other reasons..? watever it is, i wil try to figure out in times to come..

anyway, back to my topic.. as usual we were fooling ard at bugis when he mentioned some "thank you words".. haiz.. shld hv recorded it, cuz i cant remember much of wat he said.. it sounded very airy-fairy (well said words with no substance), but tat was the first time he actually said sth like tat.. cuz he always like to beat ard the bush, or he present his words thru action.. was surprised to hear those words, and was touched too.. i believed thou those words were airy-fairy, he meant wat he said.. oohh.. i must try to remember those words next time if he ever said it.. can slot it in my sweet memories bank ma.. hehe..

Sleeping Apple..

2008-10-24T12:36:00.004+08:00

went to apple's house to try to do my proj, but i tink i din manage to do much in the end. hehe.. felt extremely happy to see him, and i could sense the same in him too.. as usual, we were behavin like kids again, fooling around.. haha.. and it felt reli gd to lean on him, especially when i am under some stress again.. so comfy.. when i dun lean on guys much..

while i am doin my proj, apple took a short nap, and tat was the first time i see him sleep.. zzZzZ.. sleeping so soundly as a little boy.. so cute.. haha.. duno y, or mayb bcuz i am in a r'ship, anythin abt the other party will look so great/nice to me.. must preserve this kind of feeling, as feelings will change over time.. no one can guarantee that i will still feel the same upon seeing apple sleep like that in another 10 or 20 yrs..? hehe..

Still sinking in the "in love" mood, where the thought of apple jus appears anytime anywhere i wan.. and i guess that's the main reason tat i kept having dreams abt us.. 日有所思、夜有所梦... beautiful dreams.. that i hope that will come true in times to come..

Phrase of the day: An apple a day, keeps the doctor and flies away..

happiness

2008-10-20T20:03:00.002+08:00

dun feel like bloggin too long..

after months of getting together, i strongly believed that i had found my happiness, the happiness that comes from loving someone and being loved..

despite having so many differences between us, we are still copin well with them because no one is perfect/same, as long as both parties loved one another, nothing else should matter..

love is all abt givin and takin, it would be difficult if both parties are so bent/strong in their personalities, thus one party with the softer personality will have to give in to the stronger party..

at this stage, love between us is reli getting more beautiful though the routines do repeat at times, the emotions and feelings for each other had grew deeper.. even though both of us stil shy on sayin out "i love you" verbally..

but thru writin, i shall say it out aloud ~ I LOVE MY APPLE!!! someone who made me realise what is the happiness that i had been searchin for..

Apple's company dinner

2008-09-25T10:39:00.002+08:00

Shangri-la Hotel. 8pm. International buffet.

First time I went to such dinner (non-formal, yet but so high-class).
First time I went to attend another company's dinner.
First time I went as apple's gf.
First time I wore tat top after so many years.
First time feeding a guy food in the large public (& oso being fed).

Another great and fantastic experience.

I guessed probably bcuz I belonged to the hyper sensitive type, every tiny and minor matter that happens will make me real happy or real sad.. But that's me..

shall continue my "affair" with apple..

These 2 months..

2008-09-14T08:24:00.004+08:00

2 mths ago, it was apple's bday and though it din turn out totally as what i had planned, it was a memorable day bcuz i finally get to hug apple and we took a picture.. =)

soon after that, my school started and i thought things will be fine, but it turned out another way.. I have to put most of my concentration on studies, yet on the other hand, i misses and needed apple's presence badly as it was reli hard to cope with studies and work at the same time.. moreover, wen ppl are gettin more concerned abt us, the more i will get negative comments, esp wen apple is not the so-called typical/normal bf.. apple had been assuring me that things are fine, but i knew that wasnt wat i meant bcuz wat i reli needed was his presence, yet i cant bcuz i need to focus on my studies.. it reli felt terrible to face the books and notes all day long, without takin a breather outside and the next day start work again.. even wen i reli managed to see apple, the amt of quality time is super low, and i knew there were so many tings i wana say, yet i was unable to do so..

and my bday came.. but i landed up crying, jus like the past 3 years.. but this yr was slightly different as i cried twice, one is very upset, and the other was overwhelmed with the series of tings.. can say tat i was placing too high expectations that he wil understood my words and take the actions accordingly, but i was wrong.. i have to say it out, and not make the assumptions.. thus led to a big misunderstanding and wasted one valuable day of mine.. haiz.. but i finally got to "hear" the words that i din expect him to say it so soon.. for tat 3 words will mean alot to many gals (and i am one of them).. a guy should only say those words wen he reli meant it and full of sincerity.. was reli touched..

reli falling (deeply) in love with him.. gets me so attracted to him each time and i felt so comfortable being with him.. probably he had settle me in this r'ship pretty well.. though the method he used was abit "abnormal", but jus find him reli attractive in his ways.. i was leaning on his shoulders and the feeling was indescribable.. a wonderful and great feeling.. blissful-ness.. mayb abit exaggerating, but it jus made me felt like the world only got the 2 of us.. mayb tat's the feeling of love..

though i am still shy at times now, but wen it comes to sayin the ILY words, i wil jus say it loud and proud.. like i always say.. silly ppl got silly blissfulness, and probably i am one of them too.. silly, idiot, suku but happy in her ways..

这就是我...

2008-08-20T13:30:00.002+08:00

8月27日的生日密码--处女座
8月27日支持理想社会
宫位：处女座3º-5º
处女座一
变动的土象

不管生命中的任何时期，8月27日出生的人始终都很同情社会中的小人物、失败者以及落魄者，他们很痛苦地明白这个世界并不那么完美，因此就日常生活而言，他们会不停地问自己，该怎么做才能使事情有所改善。虽然他们对于理想的支持看起来似乎是无私的，然而，大多数出生于这一天的人或多或少还是相当喜欢培育或保护他们的人，对他们表现出崇拜或阿谀的态度。

8月27日出生的人格特质包含相当多类型，从知识分子与追求理想的到较务实的人都涵盖在内，前者珍惜原则本身的价值，后者则着重在周遭生活中显现出一种实际的影响力。对于这两种类型的人而言，物质与精神都是他们所看重的东西，因为他们十分了解，这两者都是构成人性本质与需求的要素。同样地，这两种人都会面临相同的危险：当他们面对这世界的不完美时，很可能会感到挫败或为之消极不振。

许多在今天出生的人都需要一种感觉来支撑他们，即他们是家庭或团体中要建立和睦关系时不可或缺的一分子，的确，他们无法忍受就算没有他们事情仍能顺利进行的想法，然而，有许多高度进化的8月27日出生的人，到最后都发展出一种越来越强的能力，即无条件给予，或在帮助他人之时仅要求极少的回报--如果有此要求的话。

对8月27日出生的人来说，他们的生活中简直无法缺少社会人际间的互动，所以当他们想进一步投入比较远离人群的工作、累积自身的力量或财富时，几乎很少有成功的例子。通常，太过强大的驱迫力反而会使这些8月27日出生的人整个人崩溃，或是在成堆的计划与策略当中感到挫折不堪。很明显地，出生于今天的人都明白，自己的命运是如何与其他人密不可分，所以也都非常善于使用自己相当高明的人际手腕。

在今天出生的人当中，有一类人自幼就亲身经历了这世界比较艰苦黑暗的一面，也因此，从此压抑或甚至完全根除了自己本质中的理想性。虽然这样的人并不会对这世界有太多美好的幻想，甚至还会对人性本质加以嘲讽，但是他们通常还是会保有自身是“杰出人物”的个人观点，而且仍会不时以务实的方式奉献自己、造福他人。

这一天的星象应许了精神方面极大的发展与成长，然而同样地，也伴随着经不起诱惑的危机，很显然地，要成功或失败就端看8月27日出生的人所做的选择为何。此外，今天出生的人有点倾向于消沉及负面的思考模式，人们说他们是现实主义者，但事实上他们是消极主义者。但是虽然如此，他们仍会为了家人和朋友的利益而卷起衣袖卖力帮忙。建议他们，可以加入俱乐部、社会团体或其他协助社区发展的公益机构，因为如此一来，可以更加了解自我所拥有的人性潜能。

幸运数字和守护星
8月27日出生的人会受到数字9和火星的影响。数字9对其他数字都具有很大的影响力（任何数字加上9之后，十位数与个位数的数字相加即会等于原来的那个数字，例如5+9=14，4+1=5；而任何数字乘以9之后，两个位数的数字相加也会等于9，例如9*5=45，4+5=9），同样地，8月27日出生的人也会对周围的人们施以相当的影响力。另外，火星代表力量与侵略性，充满了男性的精力，因此，对那些对女性的角色与行为仍抱持传统思想的人来说，8月27日出生的女性似乎显得有点过于强悍。火星和水星（处女座的主宰行星）联合起来的影响力会使人拥有直觉的洞察力，然而，也会使人有好辩倾向，或是在待人处事上显得有些唐突。

健康
8月27日出生的人通常并不会太注意自己的健康及外表，更糟的是，他们还常因忙着别人的事而累垮了自己。而且，如果他们发现到自己的辛劳并未得到别人的认同时，就必须警觉自己是否会一下子觉得十分沮丧，举例来说，当他们的孩子长大时，他们就会觉得自己已不再被人需要了。对8月27日出生的人来说，良好的健康和内在精神的稳定性与宗教价值观有直接的相关性，当然，也与他们不断维持良好的饮食、睡眠及运动的习惯有关。重要的是，在消沉的时候，他们也必须避免过量的酒精摄取。

建议
不要过于专注在个人的困扰中。如果你不曾帮助过别人的话，现在就可以马上着手进行，你为此而付出的辛劳将会帮你认清自己的道路，以及你处身于这世界中的位置。不要任由恒久不变的理念来限制你的思考及创造力。

塔罗牌
大秘仪塔罗牌的第9张是[隐士]，他提着一盏灯、拄着拐杖，代表冥想、孤立与寂静，象征智慧的结晶及绝对的纪律。隐士是严厉的导师，他运用良好使人走上正途。牌面正立时，代表有所坚持、有目标、深沉且专注；牌面倒立表示专断、不易原谅他人、多疑以及气馁。

静思语
所有事物皆息息相关。

优点社会现实性、关怀、理想主义者。
缺点过于投入、消沉、容易紧张。

我要加油！

2008-08-07T13:04:00.002+08:00

i am tired...but i must carry on..

thks all for the concern on my r'ship...dun wish to tink too much..

i may not be able to list out the tings he had done for me, bcuz love is felt thru our inner hearts, not by actions/words..

sometimes it doesnt matter who love who more, as long as you know that you want to let the other party happy.

我要加油！

who do I love?

2008-07-12T22:37:00.002+08:00

someone ever told me this - "you must love yourself before you can love someone.." bcuz if you dont love urself more, u might end up getting hurt.. thus for a period of time, i tried finding ways to love myself more, and i failed badly.. i stil ended up loving someone more than myself.. but i oso realised that while i am loving someone, i am loving myself at the same time, cuz i am receiving love too..

same old words.. there are so many tings i wana update, yet too little time to do so, and i reli get the chance to update, i forgot wat i wana write.. hehe.. but recently, got a sudden feel of insecurity.. and it doesnt come from him.. jus duno how to describe it properly.. mayb too attached to him liao..

A + B = AB..? (Part 2)

2008-06-22T21:05:00.007+08:00

8月23日～9月23日

Ｂ型处女座的性格——性格及气质

循规蹈矩的乐天派 　　

Ｂ型与处女座的两者之间可以说是截然不同的特征，而Ｂ型处女座的你，拥有的也就是这种矛盾冲突的性格。　　

Ｂ型的性格，具有乐观及直率的特征，行动非常积极，不过略嫌缺乏预先周密计划的谨慎态度。　　

Ｂ型的特征，则一板一眼而略带神经质。你做事非常有条理、有计划而且谨慎，最厌恶半途而废，无法贯彻始终的人。最值得一提的是，室女的人多半都有相当严重的洁癖，爱干净的程度到了灰尘不染的地步。　　

所谓的矛盾冲突性格，就是指这些对立的性格，时时在你的心中激荡，使你做事时经常会对自己的行动怀疑，不断地瞻前顾后，往往造成心烦意乱，犹豫不决的情况。　　

与你初相识人人，可能会觉得你这个人很乐观，快人快语，容易相处，而事实上，你的内心深处却隐藏了过份谨慎这不为人所了解的一面。　　

试想，你是否常分享同学朋友们的一些内心话，自己却极少把自己的事告诉别人，尤其是关于感情方面。　　

对于工作你绝不会偷工减料，一定会很规矩地完成它，而且如果没有亲自看它做好，便觉得不放心。　　

但日常生活中的事，就大不相同了，你经常会丢三落四，要不就迷迷糊糊，而显得有点儿懒散。

求知欲旺盛的学究　　

你对事情的态度也是相当矛盾，有时在一秒钟前觉得取舍，而一秒以后却又豁然开朗，有时的确有“天下本无事，庸人自忧之”嫌疑。　　

虽然，你常告诉自己要过自由自在的日子，不受任何牵绊。可是，事实上你内心里在意的东西实在太多了，你好面子抛不开形式和传统束缚。平心而论你并没有得到自己预期的心灵解放。　　

你的另一个特征是求知欲旺盛，是个用功的学生，对问题总是用心研究，你在求学态度上也不偏执，对很多事情都有兴趣学习，可能会特别偏好分析性的研究。　　

你对小事情能够掌握得很好，耍需要抓住提纲挈领的大问题时，就显得心有余而力不足。有时，你对事情的看法会因分析过度而拘泥于微枝未节，十分放不开。　　

“好辩”可能是你的缺点之一，由于你对事情的分析能力甚强，因此遇事动辄分析、批评，对于不屑的事，往往批评得体无完肤。所以，你应注意常怀隐恶扬善的心情，对别人别过于苛刻，否则因此失去朋友，就得不赏失了。　　

忠告：好辩可能使你树立许多敌人，人生中的许多事情并不需过于一板一眼，凡事不要太计较，以免遭人学究之讥。　

Ｂ型处女座的爱情——爱与性的倾向

恐男症的女性 　　

其实，在你的心中充满了情意，Ｂ型室女座的女性，在少女时更是经常在梦中编织纯纯的恋情，但是，一旦自己谈起恋爱，却怎么也没法跟对方自然地相处，而且态度消极，你的恋情最后都是以单恋而结束，可能一辈子都没向对方倾诉爱慕之意，很令人遗憾。　　

虽然，处女座的人对异性充满了好奇，但是却过分拘谨害羞，不敢轻易接受异性　　

一般来说，Ｂ型处女座的女性，对男人有畏惧的倾向，很难忍受男性肌肉发达的身体及气味，在你的观念中，认为一个人应纯净如天使，干干净净、清清爽爽，若是无意间跟男性肌肤相触，通常都会觉得令你恶心，久久无法适应。　　

Ｂ型的人之所以会如此排斥异性，究其原因，或许是对性的一种抗拒。由于洁癖的个性，Ｂ型的人对于肉体的接触及性欲觉得难以接受，再加上小心谨慎的天性，更加害怕跟异性发生肉体关系之后，自己受到伤害。你之所以无法积极地享受恋爱的快乐，便是受到上述观念的影响。

崇尚精神恋爱
　　
Ｂ型处女座的你，所希望的恋爱方式是属于柏拉图式的精神交流，在选择伴侣时，你的首要条件是能跟对方深入谈心，沟通心灵，至于对方的外表，便不是十分重要了。　　

你一旦觉得跟对方彼此能够分享知识及人生观，就会感到相当满足，通常你们两人约会时，极少亲密地挽手漫步，或亲切地交谈，你希望多了解对方的内涵及学识，因此，你会把话题引向这方面，然后大发议论，似乎缺少了那么一点罗曼蒂克的恋爱气氛。　　

这种情形，或许处女座的人偏向理性方面的表现，然而，也有可能是为了掩饰自己的热情。　　

虽然，你响往精神恋爱，不过你并不因此觉得有了爱情就可以丢弃面包。你还是相当注重现实跟利害关系。　　

你要求对方给你安定、幸福的保证，而你也十分怜惜你和对方的这段姻缘。　　

此型的你，应改变自己的观念，不要完全排斥性，其实当跟你所爱的结合为一体，也是一种完美的爱。　　

忠告：此型的女性们，别对男性过分拘谨害羞，美好的爱情正等待着你。　

Ｂ型处女座的婚姻——婚姻及家庭

晚婚但安定的婚姻 　　

Ｂ型处女座的你，属于晚婚型，不地你的婚姻生活极少有波动，算得上是相当稳定。　　

你之所以晚婚的原因，跟你慎重小心的性格及洁癖有关，若不是十分合意，你不会贸然决定，那与你要求完美的性格不相符。　　

在决定结婚之前，你会十分多虑，顾虑到很多方面，而且显得闷闷不乐，可是一旦突破了这层心理障碍整个人变得积极而且快乐。　　

你在结婚之后，会尽力维持婚姻的安定及幸福，即使对方有些行为令你不满，你也会压抑自己，造成这种情形的主要原因在于你害怕婚姻的失败。　　

不过，虽然室女的人害怕离婚，但是如果你的不满升高到极点，无法忍受对方片刻，那么，你就不会再谋求其他解决之道，试图沟通、沟通，协调，甚或委曲求全，因为你觉得他破坏了你完美主义的梦，此时，你会不加思索便决定离婚。　　

如果你的Ｂ型气质较为浓厚，在断然离婚之后，有可能再找到生命的第二个春天。

两种矛盾的复合体 　　

Ｂ型处女座的你，在婚后能使家庭充满的朝气，原因便在于年轻的性格。　　

由于你的性格，你会把家里整理得井然有序，任何事情你都要按照室女座的模型，循规蹈矩地处理好，你觉得未来需要细心的规划，你的婚姻可说是朝着整齐划一这个目标而努力。　　

但是，有时Ｂ型任性的因子会作怪，便影响了上述的规则。　　

有时Ｂ型处女座的你，又擦又洗地把家里弄得非常整齐洁净，可是有时候你又什么都不管，只顾沉迷于一件自己感兴趣的事。有时你为家庭精打细算地记帐，可是一会儿又嫌麻烦，把帐本丢在一边。　　

Ｂ型处女座的男性也是如此，有时很勤劳地帮太太整理许多家务，有时却又以工作为借口，故意躲避家务。　　

因此，从这样的矛盾个性来看，你的家庭生活还不失为变化万千、多姿多彩。　　

不过，有一点要提醒你的是，碰到不如意的事时，千万别把孩子当作出气筒。　　

忠告：婚姻中任何微小的间隙，都可能造成无法弥补的伤痕，适时倾吐不满，才能化解危机。　

Ｂ型处女座的事业——职业与成功的可能性

适合富于理性的职业 　　

Ｂ型处女座的你，比较适合从事实务方面的工作，你数字观念很佳，税务、会计、银行等工作，会很适合你。　　

不过，如果Ｂ型气质胜过室女座的气质，那情形又有不同了。　　

你的身体状况并不适合从事过于劳累的工作，需要耗费过多体力，以衣细微繁琐的工作最好能避免。　　

Ｂ型处女座的你，最能发挥才能的职业，是有关语文方面的工作，也就理性文化的范畴。有不少Ｂ型处女座的人有相当不错的文笔，像这类的人，便能胜任新闻杂志、出版业、评论或是写作。　　

上述的理性文化类中，犹以评论家最适合Ｂ型处女座的人，因为你面对不很符合你理想中的世界，就忍不住希望它变成完美，你希望大家知道他的缺点何在，希望能一一改进，面对他人的文学作品时，你的态度亦然。　　

因此，如果你能从事学术研究，或是教育机关、医疗、社会福利等工作，也可能有很大的发展。　　此型的你，年纪渐长之后，职位会愈趋稳定，不过，到了一定的程度时，便不再往上升迁，相当可惜。　　

忠告：不可勉强从事需要劳力的工作，从事实务方面的工作或富于理性的工作会较适合你。　

Ｂ型处女座的财运——金钱及财运

稳定的财运 　　

Ｂ型处女座的你，比较重视精神，所以对于钱财并不是十分看重，不过你的金钱运势算是相当稳定而可靠的。　　

对于每个月的固定花费及固定储蓄，你都有一定的计划，很少出现透支的情形，可以说是个勤俭致富型的。　　

由于这种良好习惯的保持，你的财运随着年龄的增加而显得更加旺盛，愈近晚年，生活愈富足。　　你生性谨慎小心，所以你大概不会想去从事投机的事业，至于赌博，就更不可能了。因此，你的财运不会出现危机，目的仅是为了确保生活的安定，由于你对金钱的欲望很淡薄，所以，你的储蓄不会太多，也很少拿金钱去娱乐一番。　　

到了晚年，你会有一此不动产，但是，由于个性所致，你很难成为巨富，拥有自己的财富王国。　　

忠告：忠实的理财方式，以及固定的金钱收支，会使你拥有稳定的财富，可从事投资以增加财富。

A + B = AB..? (Part 1)

2008-06-22T20:51:00.006+08:00

6月22日～7月22日

Ａ型巨蟹座的性格——性格及气质

家庭至上型
　　
Ａ型巨蟹座的你，在性格上两者十分吻合，都是重视原则，喜欢脚踏实地的生活的人，可说是最能巧妙搭配的类型。
　　
你是一个遵守社会法规及重视生活常识的人，安份守己的地过着踏实的日子。你也是一个相当保守、念旧的人，要你改变原有的生活方式，或创造新的事物，对你来说是不太可能的，你宁可改革旧有的事物，或做体制上的改变，但不喜欢动摇生活根基的改革。　　

这样的个性表现在表现在社会上，你会对自己的国家及生活非常热爱，永远跽心耿耿，矢志不变，也非常富于团体的精神。在日常生活中，也会表现出对家庭的热爱，为家庭劳心劳力的牺牲精神死而无憾。　　

巨蟹座的重视国家、家庭和朋友的程度，远比其他程度来得强烈，也正因如此，你容易流露出偏袒亲友及利己主义的本性，无论你置身在任何集团之中，你只和自己情投意合、谈得来的人交往，于是你的人际关系便显得稍微封闭了一些，对你产生不利的影响，应多加留意，以免形成了闭锁的小圈子，使人际关系受到阻碍。

以个人的好恶判断是非 　　

巨蟹座的支配星是月球，主掌人类的感情，象征着母性的爱，这在Ａ型巨蟹座的人身上，可以明显看得出来。　　

从感情方面来说，你丰富而敏感，就如一片湖水一般，只要一颗小小的石粒，就可以把你的心湖激起层层涟漪，荡澜不已。因此，人的情绪很不稳定，变化也相当剧烈，旁人常会觉得你喜怒无常，尤其是你立刻把起伏的感情表现出来的时候。　　

在平常，你的态度温和又乐于助人，是公认的好好先生。但是，一旦你因为某件事而不高兴时，便立刻板起脸孔，对人不理不睬，而且一直钻牛角尖，结果心情便愈加恶劣。其实，你只要稍微控制一下自己的情绪，便会是一个很受欢迎的人物。　　

你是一个感情重于理智的人，做一项决定时很容易感情用事，无法冷静地正确判断，如果我身为一个领导者便需注意此点，否则就会有失职的可能。　　

此外，你具有母性般的爱，无论是男是女，感情都极细腻，尤其对家人，更表现得无微不至。不过，你的爱很深，恨也同样很深，对你的人际关系有莫大的影响。　　

总之，你有女性化的倾向，同情弱者，抵抗强者，有悲天悯人的胸襟，感情十分丰富。　　

忠告：切莫只关心周围的事情，应扩大视野　

Ａ型巨蟹座的爱情——爱与性的倾向

平凡的恋情 　　

Ａ巨蟹座的你，谈恋爱都是以结婚为前提，不象双子座的人，视爱情如游戏一般，也不会像天蝎座的人，爱得惊天动地，不惜牺牲一切，只为对方燃烧奉献。　　

而巨蟹座的你，母性强烈，注重家庭，所以你只要一谈恋爱，就会把对方当成自己未来结婚的对象，也会幻想未来的婚姻生活，幻想着两人携手共同组织未来的家，这是一幅多么温馨美妙的景象，你的孩子将是如何地天真活泼、聪明可爱，家庭生活幸福美满，知识化你们已经结了婚似的。　　但反过来说，如果你认为对方不适合做你的先生或妻子，你就不会给他机会，而发展到进一步的爱情，即使你很喜欢对方，也会如此总代表地控制自己的感情。　　

因此，你开始谈恋爱之后，便会把对方带到家中，让家人与之认识交往，并意味着这就是你未来的另一半，看看家人对他的看法如何，充分显示出为结婚而恋爱的前奏讯息。而这种风平浪静的交往恋爱过程，除了安定之外，却是十分平常无奇，你绝不会因一见钟情而陷入爱的漩涡之中，也不会有什么曲折离奇、引人入胜的故事发生在你身上。

不讲究约会地点 　　

Ａ型巨蟹座的男性，恋母情绪非常强烈，虽然给人一种温文儒雅的感觉，但有时却又显得婆婆妈妈、唠叨得教人受不了，尤其在谈恋爱时，老是回忆起小时候的种种趣事，或以家人为话题时，表现得特别明显。　　

女性方面，是典型的贤妻良母。在陷入热恋的时候，会为对方编织毛衣、购买衣物，充分表现出温柔体贴、细心照顾的一面，能娶到这种女性为妻，可说是莫大的福气。　　

至于约会的地点，你并不会太在意，不一定要选在消费昂贵的大饭店，一般的小馆子一样也能有一个快快乐乐的约会时光，事实上，你更愿意在自己住的地方，跟所爱的人一起下厨。这种共同参与的亲密感，会使你的约会更融洽，更甜蜜。　　

Ａ型巨蟹座的你，谈恋爱时并不需要特别的甜言蜜语或过分的奉承，也不需要时髦的话题及摩登的气氛，只要彼此相依相偎，觉得很温暖，便已足够了。　　

你的性欲不算强，甚至还略稍淡薄，尤其是女性注重精神上的感觉远远超过肉体上的接触，所以你们很少会做出冲动的举动。。　　

忠告：谈恋爱时整天腻在一起并没有必要也无益，如果过分缠人，恐怕会把对方吓跑。　

Ａ型巨蟹座的婚姻——婚姻及家庭

经济上不虞匮乏 　　

由于你的恋爱是以结婚为前提，所以通常你不会花很长的时间在谈恋爱上，只要对方符合自己的条件，而且对方也愿意和自己组织家庭，家人也不强烈反对的情形下，你和你的爱人将很快步入结婚礼堂。因此，Ａ型巨蟹座的你通常早婚，而且很快有了孩子，全家大小过着和乐融融的安定生活。　　
尽管你对结婚的观点很现实，但你对家庭负责尽职的认真态度却赢得了另一半的信赖和孩子的爱戴。而且你会为未来立下正确的计划，未雨绸缪，在善于储蓄又节俭的特性下，你的经济生活安定，物质不虞匮乏。　　

巨蟹座的你，是十二星座中最家庭化的一个类型。做丈夫的人，凡事以家庭为第一优先，不仅会帮助太太做家务，也会照顾啼哭不休的幼儿，减轻了不少太太的负担，而碰到休假日时，你也会整理一下庭院，修剪花草，做一些太太平日疏忽或是粗重而做不来的工作，也经常陪孩子玩耍，可说是典型的“标准先生”。　　

而为人妻者，则是贤妻良母型，一心一意照顾自己的家庭。孩子是父母心中的宝贝　　

巨蟹座的你，如果为人妻子，则会尽心扮演好女儿、好媳妇、好妈妈、好妻子的角色，对家庭做最大的奉献。尤其你终其一生都会场了儿女操心，也极宠爱他们，然而一旦孩子到了学龄期时，就充分发挥父母重视教育的功能，你以身作则，一心一意盼望孩子能够成龙成凤。这种“母性爱的光辉”不仅表现在母亲的身上，在父亲的身上也可见到。　　

因此，你家庭中必定以孩子为中心，即使夫妻的感情有了裂痕，为了孩子的幸福着想，你仍然会继续忍受下去，维持其一段婚姻。此时，孩子反而成为你们之间的桥梁，婚姻持续的原动力。　　

不过，你对孩子的宠爱，有时会变成溺爱，反而使他们依赖成为习惯，没有培养出自立与成长的独立人格，一旦脱离了父母庇护的羽翼，就不会独自飞翔，更不可能了解身为父母的你，是多么殷切盼望他们出人头地的心理！　　

在经济方面，巨解座的你很善于运用金钱，这方面并不会带给你婚姻上的问题。反而是做丈夫的喜欢插手管家务事，而经常引起夫妻间的磨擦，值得注意。　　

忠告：切勿过于袒护孩子，而引起人际关系的恶化。　

Ａ型巨蟹座的事业——职业与成功的可能性

适合发挥母性特质的职业 　　

Ａ型巨蟹座的你，最大的特征是女性化，凡事总以家庭为重，男性热爱家庭、牺牲自我，女性则是贤妻良母，为家庭而奉献。因此，你适合从事的职业，以能发挥本身天生细腻的感情及关心的工作为主，例如：护士、保姆、小儿科医生等等。　　

又因为你对家庭特别关怀，所以你也适从事有关建筑或室内设计的工作。你就像居住在沙滩的螃蟹一样，喜欢一个舒适、安全的居住环境，而寻找稳固的岩石洞为依靠。　　

讲究饮食也是巨蟹座的特征之一，因此有关食品的工作，例如：厨师、烹饪师等，你也可以表现得很称职。　　

你的忍耐力很强，无论从事什么工作，都能坚持到底，贯彻始终，很少会有半途而废的情形发生。尤其如果你和同志同道合的朋友合夥，一起搭火，更是如虎添翼，格外卖力。你的才能也更能发挥。所以，你不适合独当一面经营事业，你需要一位帮手来协助你，才能出人头地，获得成功。不过，感情用事、拖泥带水、主观意识强都将是你的致使伤，务必要改进。　　

忠告：如果能克服情绪上的弱点，你将更讨人喜欢，对事业也将有极大的帮助。　

Ａ型巨蟹座的财运——金钱与财运

积少成多的人 　　

你的财运相当不错，但你并不属于突然发了一笔横财就致富的类型。　　

你很会精打细算，就像一位量入为出、锱铢必较的家庭主妇，买一件东西都需货比三家，考虑很久，认为合算便宜才会购买，而且还详细地记录每一毛钱的收支情形，这种节俭的作风，正是你致富的原因。　　

因此，你绝不会浪费自己一分一厘的钱，只要决定了生活开支的大概数目，便会从每个月的薪水中拨出来，其余便全部存入银行，而你便在这个预定的额度内控制开支，妥善运用，绝不会透支。而那些不到月底就四处向人借钱的人，你更觉得是不可思议的事，认为他们一定是太浪费了。　　

由于你不随便浪费，具有节俭的精神，加上你喜欢储蓄的性格，你的储财能力将会不错，而且你对于子女的疼爱，对家庭的未雨绸缪，将使你更加努力地积蓄钱财，以使他们生活无后顾之忧。　　

而你的储财方式，也是最不具风险的，在踏踏实实、安安稳稳的存钱方式下，愈到晚年，财富愈丰富，经济愈富裕，生活得更舒适。　　

不过，由于你太注重金钱了，有时人家会认为你是一毛不拔的铁公鸡，太小气了，无形中疏远的朋友，缩小交际范围。　　

忠告：为了使你的人际关系更为良好，有时不能过于吝啬。

Friday 13th

2008-06-13T11:17:00.002+08:00

Today is Friday the 13th.. but I dun reli believe in that thing..

Finally can take a short break to write a little update of my life recently..

6 mths into my job, I realised that I am reli not suitable for desk-bound job (that was what I told my ex-manager when I first gotten a job at FP), and the govt way of doin work.. I like to let my ideas run freely and wildly, thus I need to see new things.. I dun have the passion for this job.. neither can treat it as fun to enjoy it.. everyday is like draggin myself to work, doin monotonous and brainless work.. where have capibilities gone to..? It's true that I like publicity, branding and marcom things, but the learning curve is moving too slowly as my road is blocked by clearing all those administrative work..

Yippee.. My r'ship with apple had crossed the 4-mth mark, and I am still continue to count my happiness and blessings everyday.. Not that much of the insecurity-ness now, and more open to share things with him.. Can say that the way of him settling me into the r'ship was very good, and I reli felt very comfortable being with him.. My fren asked me, "is he the one for u?" I din give an immediate answer, but I went back and thought abt it.. The answer was YES, bcuz I was able to visualise having and building a future with him, this is something that I was unable to visualise previously.. Though I seldom like to tink abt the future, the image of him was part of my future.. I am liking (loving?) him more and more, and there comes the "problem".. Everytime after we meet, I wil start to miss him.. It's been happening recently.. nvm, mayb the frequency wil be back to normal some time later.. =)

Very Busy Ar..

2008-05-30T16:34:00.000+08:00

Got lots of entries to blog, but too busy to blog.. haiz.. wait til i got time den i blog ba..

Yesterday..

2008-05-15T17:21:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was a simple day..
Simple trip..
Simple lunch..
Simple walk at West Mall..
Simple ice-cream..
Simple laugh/blush..
Simple present-giving to him..
Simple kiss..
Simple goodbye..
All within a simple 3-hour meeting..

May 14th

2008-05-14T12:36:00.002+08:00

Today is a special day.. at least for me..
Today is my 3rd year knowing him.. and also our 101th day together..
I had planned to have a nice dinner with him today, but due to unforseen events, there are some changes to the programme..
If I were to say that I am not disappointed, I would be lying bcuz today is one of the rare days that I have set expectations..
Be Happy!! =)

我的爱情观

2008-05-01T23:48:00.006+08:00

Jus came back from a long day of work at Istana Open House, but felt like bloggin this b4 i went to slp, and this blog may sound abit weird cuz i'm very sleepy oredi..

Me and my colleagues went for a gd meal after the event, and we were sharing some topics on love (I guessed tat was the most common topic to chat abt within young adults like us).. I wun touch on all the areas, mayb just a few, if not it would be a long story again.. There was one part where we were talkin abt R - there were a couple of negative comments abt him, but I felt tat on the overall, he's stil an "OK" guy.. Heard a different side of him apart from work, thou I duno how true was the information that he said.. He was sayin tat his gf complained tat he had not been spendin time with her lately, even since he got himself this job, my first reaction was, "wah..so demanding ar..?", bcuz I realised tat some gals are like tat.. haha.. Thou R can be very aggressive and direct at work, I could see tat he had decided tat his gf is the one for him, if not they wun go and apply for flat, isnt it..?

Whenever a grp of ppl gathered together, the tendency of them talkin abt bgr is rather high, as in sharin own stories/viewpoints of a bgr.. I tink gals are a little more chatty, so we will tend to like to share our stories, and I'm one of them too.. Hehe.. So wen A asked me abt my apple, I was jus sharin part of it, cuz it wil take a long time to say in details.. But I realised one ting, and pls see below..

I find it a pleasure to share my story of me and apple to others bcuz it was like a fairytale story happening in real life, but on the other hand, it became a feedback session for me wen they start to comment after hearin the whole story.. In one of my previous entries, I mentioned tat I do wish to have a guy who wil do tings tat other guys were doin, but IF the guy I chosen doesnt belong to tat type, does tat mean tat I should look for other guys..?

Some of my frens might have mistaken tat apple is a very wonderful guy upon seein my blog entries - someone who had done alot of tings for me, and probably the kind of bf tat everyone would like to have.. but the fact was he is jus a normal average guy, and there were times tat my fellow frens "seriously" doubted my choice, cuz I can be such a 大女人 at work, but wen it comes to such tings, how come I am like tat..?

To those who duno wat kind of person apple is, here is jus a brief description of him.. He is:
- abt my height (but taller than me)
- small to medium build (but he said he is gettin fatter)
- talks/walks/looks like an ah-beng (this is wat he told me back then, thus gd to use as description)
- doesnt like to shave much (thus may look more matured at times)
- homely (he likes to stay at hm most of the time)
- favorite pastime: sleepin
- "scary" temper & will use international sign language (especially when he's drivin)
- hv a versatile voice (huh..???)
- loves his 2 twin nephews (I love them too)
- hv beautiful long eyelashes (so pretty!!)
- behaves like a big kid (same as me)
- hv a gorgeous red Getz (tat's my favorite color)
- strong family bond
- traditional & devoted buddhist (I'm half past six)
- chin chin chai chai (easy going)
- (let me try to tink before addin on..)

And abt his "behavior" towards me..
- ability to crap his way thru n made me wan to vomit blood (extraordinary)
- never throw his temper on me (phew~ lucky)
- a good listening ear
- recognises and values me as part of his family
- available most of the time (to complain)
- appreciates and accepts my wilfulness/sillyness
- seems to know wat was I tinkin (telepathy..?)

The followin comments were mentioned by my frens, thus I felt tat I should not put them together with the above characteristics..
- "boring" (we seemed to hang ard the same places/area)
- "not very thoughtful" (why cant he come find me/fetch me)
- "not socialable" (my frens saw him by chance only)
- "unknown" (I dun hv a clear pic of him)
- "not normal" (we dun meet/talk over phone very often)
- "unromantic" (ME: is tat a must?? I dun find tat it's necessary, mayb a little wil do)
- "take me for granted" (ME: not tat serious ba??)

I admitted tat at times, I do like to have the same "privileges" as other gals, whereby they wil ask their bfs do this do tat, and their bfs did.. and mayb I do sound abit "grumbling" tat apple dun do those tings, but pls dun take it tat I'm serious, I'm jus sayin them in a jokingly manner.. I have my ways to divert my attention to such "temptations".. YES, it's true tat he dun do those tings, but we hv jus started, and who noes, he may do it in future..? Even if he doesnt do it, it's ok too.. Dun see tings too objectively, there are always more than one side to a story.. view it positively.. Jus like how I treated the meetings with him.. I treated them like my very first date with him every time, tat wil makes me have the thrillin n excited feelin.. I believe my frens would have been shakin ur head and say, "this gal hopeless case liao, so stubborn.." haha..

But that's my viewpoint on love.. =)

Had a wonderful and great weekend!!

2008-04-29T13:43:00.008+08:00

I had a wonderful weekend these 2 days!! bcuz me got to see apple for 2 days.. =)
I got my first chance watching a concert with him, and it's one of my favorite group - Mayday.. It was a great and fantastic concert, and I guessed it felt so good bcuz he was seated beside me.. How I wished the concert will continue on, and I can get to hold his hands longer.. It was also a good experience to walk out of the concert hall and walked to the bus stop.. walking under the sky of stars ~ oh, tat's romantic..

Reaching the 3 mths' mark in another week, can say that I'm stil very happy with him.. He made me felt important, especially during the period that I felt very down and demoralised.. He was there for me when i needed most.. He worries, cares, shares, and likes me, jus like the way I did towards him.. Jiayou!!

Life is so unpredictable..

2008-04-14T13:05:00.002+08:00

Aloy's grandma has just passed away, and I got to know abt this news was when I logged into Facebook, and saw the msg that he had displayed on his page: "Aloysius Yeo is asking everyone to give a little prayer for his grandmother who passed away on 13 Apr 08 at around 3 plus in the morning!!"

He asked me out for dinner on the day b4 his bday, and I somehow guessed that something was wrong wen I heard his voice and also bcuz he would call me like this if he is not feeling down.. On our way to our dinner, I got to know abt the hospitalisation of his grandma and the stories abt his family.. He was kinda indecisive on whether to pay a visit to his grandma as he was rather pissed off by the words of wat his relatives had said, but I told him to go visit her b4 he reli regrets it - bcuz I had my regrets for not being able to have a last look of my grandma b4 she breathed her last 8 yrs ago.. Thou upset, I din reli feel the pain and regretful back then (probably I'm stil young..?), but the feeling of regret jus came out suddenly wen I heard the grandma of one of my ex-staff had passed away.. It jus bring back alot of memories and mayb I had grew up, so I noe how it reli feels.. from tat day onwards, I told myself I have to cherish the ppl ard me, esp those I reli cared and loved, so tat I wun have any regrets.. Though I duno hv I been doin wat I had said, but I'm tryin my best to conserve any bits and pieces of beautiful memories that I am having..

Was passin by Times Bookshop at PS tat day, and happened to see a book talkin abt wat wil you do if you are left with 1 hour to live.. The book was compiled by an author's wife whose husband had passed away suddenly, and b4 that he had written a short note abt wat are the tings that he wil do if he is left with 1 hour to live.. I din manage to read finish the book, but it somehow inspires me to tink wat would I do if the same situation was to happen to me..?

Jus like my blog title says - Life is so unpredictable.. You wouldn't noe wat would happen the next second, minute or day.. thus I always like to say, 开心是一天，不开心也是一天，何不开开心心地过每一天？ Live life to your fullest.. I like to fantacise alot or rather I watched too much of drama serials whereby the ppl in the drama lost their memories or gone missing suddenly.. If ever one day I din lose my memory, I hope someone would tell me that I have this blog or notes in my hp, which I noted down alot of tings that happened during these few years of my life.. and if I am only left with 1 hour to live, I would choose to spend it with apple - someone whom I reli cherished now.. tellin him the tings tat I nv been able to tell him, and many other tings tat I cant tink of now.. at the same time, msg my friends and tell them how much I thanked them and loved them in my growing up process.. and also my gratitude to my parents and bro..

I seemed to be too serious liao.. but who noes wat would happen, isnt it..? good to hv a "guideline" to see if tings reli happen, if not jus count my blessings everyday and share my happiness to the ppl beside me..

To all ppl out there.. must be happy always ar..!!

My Kiss Personality..

2008-04-13T12:11:00.004+08:00

Was kinda boliao tat day, so went to some sites to do some personality tests..

You're a Shy Kisser
You *do* love to kiss, once your comfortable with it
And that means knowing the person you're kissing pretty well
You usually don't make the first move when it comes to making out
But you've got plenty of intensity in return

Sandy, you're a Bashful Kisser
Sure you might be on the shy side as far as kissing goes, but that's a quality more people than you might think really go for. When you were younger, was it hard for you to talk to new people — especially when it came to someone you were interested in? Yeah, we thought so.

Lucky for you, many people, back then, and now, think that shyness is adorable and a huge turn on. After all, there's a comfort they get from the feeling that you don't lock lips with just anyone. When it comes to kissing, you're probably a little hesitant to try new techniques. Heck, you might even prefer to stick with gentle pecks until your date finally decides to take it further.

While shyness is nice, just remember not to get so anxious you forget to have fun! Know your comfort level, but experiment a little — even if that just means a public display of affection, or we dare you, a nice long kiss — eyes open, lights on!

Sandy, your perfect kiss is a First Kiss
Pretty much every kiss is better than no kiss at all, right? But nothing (nothing!) beats that butterflies-in-the-stomach, heart-racing, what's-it-going-to-be-like first kiss with someone new. You're the kind of person who loves wearing the latest clothes and hearing that hot new album before it comes out. Novelty is the spice of life no matter what you're doing or who you're doing it with, and it doesn't get any spicier than the first time.

Even if you've been with someone for years, you'd still rather kiss like it's the first time, every time. Switch it up and try something different like a breathless kiss in a strange city or a naughty stolen kiss in the backseat of a taxi, and it'll feel brand new. Trust us!

Afterthoughts from previous blog..

2008-04-09T20:12:00.001+08:00

Now is after office hours, yet I am stil here alone, tryin hard to sort out the tings I have to do.. need to have a breather, thus thot of bloggin again.. tat's the only way i can tell my mind to have a rest and tink of sth else.. hehe..

I mentioned in the previous blog tat i got sth to say, but not appropriate in tat entry, so i decided to elaborate a little bit more here.. actually it was sth tat Tricia said while relating her date tat day, which reminded me of sth interesting tat happened to me..and also apple..

After some considerations, tink i wil post a formal blog another day with all the events that happened after I wrote "Confessions Part 2 - Present", bcuz it gets abit distorted to see a little bit here, a little bit there.. so watch out for the entry that wil come out many months later.. (cuz i took mths to finish that confession ting..)

What is Love..?

2008-04-06T18:38:00.004+08:00

Jus met up with Tricia over a cup of coffee yest to talk abt us..

Can't imagine how tings can change so fast within 24 hrs.. haiz..

It had been a couple of years b4 we arranged to meet up as we were tied up with our work and so on, so yest was a gd chance for us to talk abt something common - bgr..

She had jus gotten "attached", with a guy whom she knew for years, and arranged to meet up for the first time last nite.. but tings seemed to have changed this morn, wen i got a slight shock upon seein her msg.. "we silently broke off".. does tat mean the vulnerability of a r'ship?

yest we were stil happily sharin our stories of love (or rather it's jus mine..?), but i could see and sense the sweetness in her heart wen the guy called/smsed her, tat was exactly the same feeling that i had wen i saw/talked to apple.. I was very glad to see her like tat as i had seldom seen her like tat, probably bcuz this is her 1st r'ship..

but the series of sms-es from her today jus made me felt the whole atmosphere changed.. it was full of uncertainties and confusion.. i told her to calm down wen she started crying and asked her to tell me wat happened last nite, wen they met up.. wen i heard the events, i thought it was normal as the guy was doing wat a gentleman should do, and wat a couple is doing.. Getting a drink with 2 straws.. Keeping the tickets stubs.. (actually wanted to relate sth of mine here, but tink beta start a new entry to elaborate as the tone here is rather sad..)

I simply told her not to worry, and all those tings were normal, but there is a part whereby i dun understand either, as in the guy seemed to turn abit cold towards her after the meetin.. and it's not as if he had never seen her in person, as he went to her competition last sat, thou my fren din manage to see him.. or is it bcuz of the msg my fren sent..? she smsed him sth like this, "if you wan to reconsider the r'ship, i'm fine with it.." bcuz she have no confidence in herself as she is slightly plump, but she was much more prettier as she noes how to doll up, unlike me, so chor lor..

back to the pt.. i was tryin to cheer her up by sayin tat it's bcuz of the msg she sent him, might have given him a wrong impression that she wasnt interested in him, so i asked her to send a msg to tell him tat she dun mean it tat way.. and asked her to wait for the reply.. but i din expect tat he din reply soon.. n i gotten more msgs fr her as time goes by..

Thou she kept on sayin tat she's alrite and she can accept watever reply that she would get from the guy, but i knew deep in her heart tat she is lying to herself as I went thru the same path as her before, and it wil take a long time + constant support from frens to get thru it..

Afterthoughts, this makes me tink "what is love?" - it is something tat can make someone at the top of the mountain at one moment, and the moment, deep down in the cliffs.. mayb tat's part and parcel of life..

words for Tricia: “大姐，你一定要加油喔！”

情侣速配

2008-04-06T00:19:00.002+08:00

happened to see this online, and find it quite true for the both of us.. i noe it's beta not to believe such tings so much, but no harm takin a look at it.. haha..

巨蟹座：处女座　　

配对指数　　

友情：★★★★　　

爱情：★★★　　

婚姻：★★★★　　

亲情：★★★

　　谈情必读：

　　你们通常是由朋友关系开始，经过一段时间相处或者因为一些导火线使你们发觉对方可以是你的终生伴侣，不过这个阶断可能拖拖拉拉好久才肯定，你们两个都缺乏主动性而且太内向，心里面对感情有不同方向的恐惧，巨蟹座永远都怕受伤，处女座总觉得每一个恋人与他心目中的完美有大截距离，因为这样拉锯浪费了不少可贵青春，好在你们一旦走在一起，就可以有长久的关系。　　共同组织一个家庭的时间，也是你们感情的另一次考验，虽然巨蟹座很有持家之道，但比起处女座那种分毫必计的小家态度还有一点距离，要小心你们往往容易小题大做，把一些小事化大，“湿湿碎碎”的小争吵，其实很易破坏你们的感情，要小心。　　对你们来讲，Sex不是重要的一件事，只是维持大家关系的小环节，有点例行公事一样。

Honesty..

2008-04-05T22:54:00.003+08:00

Out of a sudden, received an unusual msg from apple, which made me felt kinda touched..? cuz it's not his style to say out tings like tat out of a sudden, rather he wil show them thru his actions.. and i am oso very honest to tell him tat i wrote alot of tings tat he din noe on my blog.. (too honest liao rite?) at first, i din reli hv the intention to let him noe abt this, cuz this blog contains my deepest secrets or memories, thou there were times tat i do hope he wil come n take a look.. but now i noe he sure wil come.. aiyo.. die liao la.. haha..

i guessed it had became a habit to be honest to him startin fr the day i first knew him, bcuz it's hard to find someone tat i duno well, yet was able to let me grumble abt anythin n pour all my sorrows on.. i reli enjoyed those days where i was tellin lots of nonsense to him, and thou i do feel very bad at times, but i stil continued cuz a true listening ear is hard to find nowadays.. but as time goes by, i wil become very uneasy if i hide anything from him bcuz there was once a period of time where i hid some tings fr him, i was feeling very uncomfortable which i decided to tell him in the end and i felt sooo relieved..

And ever since the day i had an "official status" with him, i felt even better cuz there were alot of tings tat i din dare to say b4 tat (bcuz i duno is it appropriate to say them out..?), and now i can say them out to him.. initially wil stil get abit scare scare, cuz had nv done tat b4.. hmm, can say alot of my "first times" came from him, which i tink i can compile into a book liao.. haha.. can't imagine the presence of this unknown alien caused my life to change, or rather to put it seriously, he was the one who changed my perception for many tings..

there are stil many things i would like to blog, but due to work constraints, i wil always forget by the time i can blog.. mayb i wil blog them in future..? anyway, i dun tink he wil be able to read all my blog entries so fast.. haha.. and i seemed to be repeating the same old grandmother story everytime too.. hehe..

now tat he noes abt the secret of my blog, should i pray hard tat he wun come n read my blog so fast? haha.. watch out for my next entry to check on the status..

6 months after..

2008-04-05T13:15:00.004+08:00

Yest was actually 6 months after I asked him: “你是不是喜欢我？”.. Can say I'm quite gd in remembering dates, and of cuz I remembered the series of events tat happened tat day..

I met up with apple yest, and we went to jur pt to walk around and had dinner at his house.. (I bet my frens would say: "huh.. so boring ar.. don't u two hv any other places to go beside these 2?") haha.. my replies would always be: "nvm la, at least we got go out and walk ar.."

I treat every meeting/date as first date, cuz u will feel very happy and lookin forward to it.. Jus like yest.. despite hanging out with him so many times, i'm stil quite shy til now, he has to take the initiative to hold my hand everytime.. hehe..

Can say i stil not used to seein guys bare-bodied (upper body) ba, even thou my bro n dad always did tat at home.. haha.. i wil feel very paiseh n divert my attention wen he was walkin bare-bodied after his bath (lucky he got put on his t-shirt after tat..)

Nth much in between.. walking ard jur pt, having dinner and watchin tv at his house b4 he sent me home.. but the crux was the part wen he sent me home..

Earlier in one of my entries, I mentioned abt the fear tat i had.. and after givin it a gd thot, i felt tat i need to overcome it, and with the help of him.. and coincidentally, i had a dream abt a week ago regardin tat matter.. weird rite? but anyway, let me continue with the story.. I was tinkin of "givin it another try" durin one of the times tat he sent me home, and yest was a gd chance.. haha..

Sidetrack abit.. I got a little unhappy wen he was driving very dangerously last nite along the expressway.. I kept quiet for a moment until he started the conversation again.. wen I got off the car, I told him not to drive tat dangerously, and it was very consoling to hear tat he wil change..

Back to the topic.. Wen his car reached the carpark below my block, he asked whether I wa him to send me up, I said no need, so it's time to say goodbye, as usual practice - I/he wil give each other a peck on the cheek/lips, cuz i was tinkin tat it's impossible to carry out my "mission" for the day.. haha.. in the end, (too shy to disclose, bt not sth dirty ar..), and it's probably the first time i felt comfortable kissin a guy like tat.. haha.. my heart was beating so fast than usual, faster than wen he first held my hands, but at tat split second, I knew i had overcame my fear or at least i had taken a big step out of it..

I noe it's super "goosebumpy/mushy" to write such tings here, but this is the best way i can keep my beautiful memories sealed.. Tricia asked me whether has he said the 3 magic words to me, my answer is NO, but i dun mind cuz i noe it takes time for a person to change the liking to a loving.. for him, i believed he had loved someone deeply, and hurt deeply before, thus it wil take even a longer time for him to love another person.. Thou I had mentioned this many times, but I stil want to repeat this again n again.. I'm blessed to wat I am and wat i have today, if not bcuz of him, i would have went thru even more terrible tings back then.. and the feeling of being loved n valued is reli indescribable..

sick apple..

2008-04-03T23:49:00.001+08:00

my apple fell sick le.. got so worried wen i saw his msg and heard his voice yest.. cuz i seldom see/hear him fallin ill.. duno is it bcuz we r together now, felt abit "heartache" to hear him like tat.. thus i was up to my tricks again today.. i went down to put "special delivery" on his car..

I din bother to work OT today, bcuz my heart was not there, rather it was worryin abt his "heatiness".. weather's been very bad lately - super burning hot/heavily raining.. n we arranged to meet this fri for a date cuz we din meet up for 2 wks.. hehe.. i dun wish him to go out with me wen he is not feelin well, i wun feel gd either..

went down to jur pt to get him some "duno wat" water, and bought him egg tarts for his family too.. but din wan to go up to his house, thus i decided to place on his car again.. after puttin on his car, i started to worry abt the food, cuz there are ppl walkin abt at the carpark.. after a few mins, i decided to call him down, but i played "hide and seek" with him.. after hearin tat he went home liao, i started regrettin for not able to see him, n i called him down again, jus to take a glance..

the glance became a walk to the mrt.. haha.. can say tat my heart n mind doesnt agree on same ting again.. or rather is bcuz i missed him..? thou i always like to say tat i "suffered" fr the side effects of r'ship, but those were the tings tat i'm enjoyin now..

"happiness comes from the person who created it, and also the person who's helpin to support it" ~ sAn's philosophy..

Love is in the Air~

2008-03-29T09:32:00.001+08:00

Had a super busy week as the financial year is closing.. imagine workin alone in the office on a sat.. haiz.. but wat to do? this is my job, i shouldnt be grumbling too much.. hehe..

Had a short conversation with Apple jus now.. stil recoverin from the "heatiness" tat he caused me - i blushes very easily wen he said sth interesting.. haha..

Jus a short recap of wat r the tings tat happened over the past few weeks..

1. had a meeting with him, but spent most of the time at his house watchin tv.. haha.. thou it can get a little bored at his house, cuz got nth much to do, but i told myself i cant "hiam", cuz at the very least, he was with me.. hehe.. my frens felt tat my dates sounded so boring, cuz i always hang ard his area, but i find them quite interesting, bcuz i enjoyed listenin to his unusual "craps" or explanations.. haha.. sometimes i felt contented/happy enough that he brought me ard the neighbourhood areas to walk walk, cuz those were the areas tat i had always miss.. "as long as you are with the rite person, anywhere you go wil be the best place, even if tat place is the most terrible place" ~ sAn's philosophy..

2. he sent me hm after tat, n we were chattin at my lift lobby.. n wen he was givin me a gdbye kiss, sth bad struck my mind, rather some bad memories came back.. mayb bcuz it's the way he kissed me tat my fear came back.. i couldnt slp well tat nite, cuz i started to tink wat might happen.. but after much tinkin, i felt tat i shld walk out of tat fear, bcuz the guy is not 77, but apple - the one who helped me walked out of my fear, n he is not someone like 77.. i felt so bad towards apple, bcuz i let the past bothers me.. but upon seeing wat apple wrote "dun tink too much of the past, wat matters is the future.." i was touched.. this made me realised tat i had found a great guy..

3. the day b4 he went for his cruise, i went down to his workin place again.. first intention was jus to put the tings down n left/take a peek of him fr far, cuz i dun wan him to send me to bus stop as i felt kinda bad to disturb his work always.. but the moment i saw him fr afar while talkin to him, i couldnt control wat my mind was tinkin.. i wanted to take a longer peek, but i gave myself away again.. he walked me to the bus stop bcuz i was reli tired, and it was a slow walk cuz i dun wan to reach the junction so fast.. *contented* hehe..

4. while he's on the ship, he gave me a call.. surprise..! hehe.. we talked for awhile, den he suddenly asked me whether i got missed him.. *stunned* where got guy so direct de..? haha.. as usual, heatiness came.. haha.. i din reli reply his qn, n continued talkin.. den b4 he said he wan to hang up, i told him tat i got one more ting to tell him.. n tat is ~ "i got missed u la".. in the end, he din hang up the phone n continued to talk til i got home.. n b4 he hung up finally, he said he oso wil miss me.. hehe.. *so sweet*

5. had a few dreams for 2 days - abt us again.. haha.. it was a dream tat was abt a ting tat i was tinkin how to do in real life, cuz i reli got no idea how.. but in the dream, the whole ting appeared to be so easy n realistic.. is it a premonition that this wil happen? cuz the last time i dreamt abt holdin his hands, n i could feel the texture very clearly.. n back in real life, the feel is the same..

conclusion: till now, i am stil happily attached and i hope this wil continue for a very very very long time.. n wat my fren said the last time came true: 下一个会更好.. he may not be the best, but he is the rite one for me..

爱*转角

2008-03-17T18:40:00.013+08:00

The chorus of this song is the ringtone for apple whenever he calls.. Find the lyrics quite interesting..

我伪装着不露痕迹的想在你身边

静静的陪着看着天边骑着单车往前行进着

某个路口爱在等着你往前走不回头看了

记忆的笑脸缓缓的敲着我的琴键我不舍得

让你孤单单的我爱你的心牵挂着

心不再拼命躲不去害怕结果假设有个以后

你会怎么说一直想跟你说幸福不再溜走

下个路口你会看见爱有美丽笑容

爱转角遇见了谁是否有爱情的美

爱转角以后的街能不能有我来陪

爱转角遇见了谁是否不让你流泪

也许陌生到了解让我来当你的谁

我不让爱掉眼泪不让你掉眼泪

现在永远你就是我就是我的美

心不再拼命躲不去害怕结果假设有个以后

你会怎么说一直想跟你说幸福不再溜走

下个路口你会看见爱有美丽笑容

爱转角遇见了谁是否有爱情的美

爱转角以后的街能不能有我来陪

爱转角遇见了谁是否不让你流泪

也许陌生到了解让我来当你的谁

我不让爱掉眼泪不让你掉眼泪

现在永远你就是我就是我的美

爱转角遇见了谁是否有爱情的美

爱转角以后的街能不能有我来陪

爱转角遇见了谁是否不让你流泪

也许陌生到了解让我来当你的谁

我不让爱掉眼泪不让你掉眼泪

现在永远你就是我就是我的美

Reli a nice and sweet song~ Hehe..

《幸福病》 - web version

2008-03-10T13:44:00.007+08:00

一种很严重，但不会导致死亡的病。。。
一种无药可救，但却能治愈的病。。。
一种发病时，让患者不知所措的病。。。

~ 那就是《幸福病》

不幸中的大幸，我就是得这种病的人。
至于我是不是唯一一个得这种病的人，那就得见仁见智了。
不过得了这种病的人会不希望能够完全痊愈，因为他会希望就这样的幸福下去。

也许是我想得太多，才会想出这种词汇。
也许是我从来没有真正地得到过幸福，所以才会有这样的反应。
也许是我接触的人与事还不够多，所以才会乱了阵脚。

自从那天写了一大堆东西给他后，我才发现我会这样做的原因有几个：
- 我产生了不安全感，因为一切来得太突然，而我一时无法招架得住。
- 现在的情况太“晴朗”了，才会害怕有一天会失去一切，或者这只是我所作的一场梦。。？

（所以现在我尽量想尽办法安抚自己的心，告诉自己这是正常的。）

对有些人而言，他所做的一切只不过是很平常的事，但对我而言，他所做的任何小细节，都像是天底下最好的事，因为我遇见了他。

认识他，差不多也有三年了吧~
从一个当初我只把他当作是大哥哥来倾诉的男生，到现在成为我的男朋友，这间中的过程说来还真得有点让人难以相信（曲折离奇？），因为他让我一直徘徊着予喜欢与不喜欢的挣扎中。

第一次对他有好感时，可以说是我还有点不懂事，可是当时的我是拼命地告诉自己我只能把他当大哥哥而已，不可以有任何非分之想，毕竟他大我4岁，所以他应该是只当我是他的小妹罢了。（想了一大堆理由来努力说服自己。）

第二次对他有好感而喜欢他时，刚好是在我最脆弱和彷徨无助的时候，我几乎对我身边的男生都产生了恐惧感，他也不例外，但就是不知为何，我却把他当成是最好的依靠。。但随着时间一天天的流逝，我对他的好感越变越深，我又在告诉自己，我不能把他当成替代品，因为这对他很不公平。。虽然又想过他也许也对我有好感，可是在一次的试探后，他的答案让我觉得好像是我错了，所以我想应该只是我的一厢情愿罢了。。幸好当时的工作量增加了，可以让我暂时把自己麻木于工作，同时我也跟他保持了一定的距离，因为不希望越陷越深。。后来听到朋友的建议，说去英国可以给我有发展的机会，想了一想，既然我并没有想要去谈一场恋爱和有点厌倦了自己的生活，也许出去看一看世界也是不错的。。

第三次喜欢他时，是因为我发现了他一路以来好像对我也是有好感的，我才决定开始敞开胸怀，放下之前的顾虑，慢慢地观察这个男生的行动。虽然间中的那种不明关系持续的一段时间，但也让我的思想成熟了好多，因为我发现我对我身边朋友所说的话都不受影响。我是很固执的，因为我只相信我自己的判断和感觉。还有，我要看看是否这个男生是真的值得我为他而留下来。。

结论是：到现在为止是值得的。

他也许不是最好的，但没有人是完美的，我们也一样。
就是他的那种无法以言语或字句可以形容的吸引力，感动了我，也让我深深地喜欢上他。
可是就是越在乎他，越是害怕失去他。

为了要安抚我的心，我也必须安抚他的心，就因为我害怕失去。
虽然我不是很了解以前的他和他的前任女朋友的恋情，但根据我所知道的，以前的那个女生喜欢上了另一个男生，而向他提出了分手。
他们好像在一起很久，最后还是分手了，所以多多少少我会有一点心理压力，因为我不知道我们可以这样的继续走下去吗，虽然那是我最大的愿望。
有很多事情，我也许是带着“三分钟热度”的态度，但对于感情这件事，这可不是儿戏，哪可以说不喜欢就不喜欢？好在我有点笨笨傻傻的，不喜欢太复杂的东西，所以在这方面，我可以大声地说我是很专一的。（傻人有傻福？）开玩笑的啦，我只不过是想要寻找我那简单的幸福，而庆幸的是，我找到了一个跟我有着相同思想的男生。

话说回来，对感情的事来说，我还真的是一个新手，因为我还没真正地谈过一场恋爱，而之前的遭遇又不是很好，所以我变得非常地谨慎与小心，尽量不要谈到敏感的话题。
感情这种事，也许说变就可能会变，但只要双方都尽了力，和回头想一想，是否这些日子为对方所付出的一切值得吗 - 答案如果是“值得的”，就不应该有任何一丝的埋怨和后悔。
也许现在的我们还在“甜蜜期”，所以我所写的一切也许有点肉麻，但这都是我的肺腑之言。

24岁了，才让我真正的尝试到在乎与被在乎的感觉，是否会有点太迟了吗？
不会呀，因为我变成熟了，渐渐学会和懂得处理这种事，还有在他的身上体会到不同阶段的喜欢，看来现在的我，还真的是爱上了他了。

我一定要幸福，因为我得了属于我的《幸福病》。。。

《幸福病》 - diary version

2008-03-07T13:28:00.001+08:00

this is the diary version of the above title, wil be posting the web version (which is a longer one) later.. on the general, both contents are the same, jus tat this one is i wrote it in my personal diary, and the other one is i wrote it while i'm in office (thus more detailed)..

我得了一种很严重的病，叫做《幸福病》。

一个我从未得过的病，或许曾经有过，但是很轻微的。。

它的症状包括了坐立不安，胡思乱想，和许多。。

他的启发源自于一位男生~慧杰，那就是在下的男朋友。。

因为这个病，我变得好像多了更多种的病，例如：“相思病”，“恋爱快乐病”和“心满意足病”。。

也许我从未有过这种感觉，因为我没有真正体会到被爱的滋味，被在乎的感觉和不相信自己。。

就是因为找到了他，就变得没有没有安全感，因为害怕有一天，这一切都会变成一场梦罢了。。

也许他所作的一切，只不过是一些很平常的事，可是对我而言，它们却是上天所赐给我的快乐与幸福。。

从这一刻起，我一定要学会克服这个病，不然那只会对大家造成一种无形的压力。。

就是因为他喜欢我，我才会这么的喜欢他而不想去计较些什么。。

就让我们这么地幸福下去吧！

Insecurity..?

2008-03-06T13:56:00.002+08:00

duno wat came over me, i sms apple lots of serious stuffs.. mayb been hearin too much of "rubbish" recently.. but to tink of it clearly now, i guessed this is due to the insecurity that I have in myself.. mayb i tink too deep in some tings and being too pessimistic in such tings.. i only can say tat i'm afraid to lose the good tings, and tend to tink of the bad side.. like wat if all these are jus dreams and fantasies to me..?

can say tat i am stil in the mood of happy-ness til now, but being a pessimist, wen a person climbs higher, the harder the person wil fall wen he loses his grip (the higher the hopes are, the greater the disappointment wil be).. and this sentence did somehow came true in my life before, thus i've learnt to change my perspective now.. wen me and apple were stil an unknown pair, there were times tat he mentioned to meet, but in the end he had forgotten, and i was kinda unhappy abt it bcuz i waited the whole day long for his msg.. this made me felt very confused abt his feelings towards me (tat was b4 i asked him "you like me ar..?), so i was scared too.. okok, i admitted tat i did get angry the third time, but tat was where i finally understand tat i pinned too high hopes on tings..

the next day after i got up, i realised tat i shouldnt get angry over so minor tings.. bcuz i was oso at fault for not re-confirming the meetings the day before and assumed that he would remember all the meetings.. all ppl have different priorities, i cant be askin him to put me as his first priority when i was not even his gf back then..? tat was where i started to take this kind of things lighter, whereby i told myself tat mayb i shouldnt hv expectations for tings, den i wun hv disappointments.. hehe.. thus i am treatin every meetin as first date, cuz like tat wun expect too high ma..

but in last nite's msg, i did told him tat he got put me aeroplane b4, but i jus let it off liao, cuz i noe no pt grudgin over it.. but stil hope there wun be anymore aeroplane again.. haha..

after a thorough tinkin last nite, i guess my insecurity wil be gone soon, cuz i had sorted my thoughts out liao.. tat is - where is there to scare of? what will happen, will happen; what wun happen, no pt tinkin so much.. wat i should worry now is not insecurity, but is on how to be a good gf, cuz i duno am i being one now.. hehe.. but it reli feels great to hv someone to "bully", as in u can share ur everything with him.. tat's the gd part of being in a r'ship..

I believe the road down for us will be a long one, as long as we r truthful and open to one another, and to complement on each other strengths and weaknesses.. hope he wun mind me being too sticky too him.. haha..

March 1st..

2008-03-03T11:40:00.004+08:00

a remarkable day.. bcuz i told myself tat i must pluck up my courage to hold his hands n give him a kiss (not a peck ar).. *lame~* haha..

we arranged to meet at suntec to go to the careerfair together.. durin our walk there, we happened to meet aloy.. (this is the first time he met any of my frens..) but the careerfair was a total disappointment, as there wasn't much for us to walk abt.. sianz~

den we proceed to hv our lunch at marina sq.. and his 3 female frens came to join us.. and they were askin this n that, n our story la.. haha.. this time let him say, i jus kept quiet.. haha.. his frens are very friendly, so at least not so awkward.. i shy ma.. hehe..

his frens said tat they wana go to funan centre, so we took the same underpath (citilink) together.. after we reached the mrt station, his frens mentioned sth interesting, 'is it bcuz of our presence, tat's y u two din hold hands?' den i was tinkin, 'not we dun wan to hold hands, it's bcuz we haven hold yet..' haha.. den one of his frens dragged me to one side, and asked me abt my hair, while the other 2 frens were talkin to him.. i wondered what did they say..? haha..

if only his frens din say tat, den i might feel beta.. bcuz like i mentioned earlier, i always have the temptations to hold his hands, but duno y, i jus cant bring myself to do it.. after hearin wat his frens said, the whole feelin got worse, cuz i was practically aiming his hands while we were at jur pt and on the way back to his house..

sidetrack abit.. i was in the room to look after his nephews who were playin games wen the younger one started to lean his head on me (he was not feelin well too), den i felt very 'sweet' cuz mayb i love kids ba.. haha.. and one more ting, i tink i'm reli scared of his temper, cuz he got angry at his nephews as they were abit naughty and mischievous.. hmm.. tink i must try to tame him down.. not gd in long term..

back to the dining table, he said sth tat got me tinkin (i am a typical tink too much gal).. he asked me to buy a few more of the monkeys tat i gave him for vday, den i told him to use the one i gave him, he said he cant bear to use thou the cover was dented, n was sayin nth is perfect, includin him.. i agreed with his pt n said tat neither am i perfect, but in my heart i started to ponder over his words..

he was showin me some photos of his trip to hk the other time, before we made a move.. in his car, he started to mention abt wat his frens said in the afternoon tat how come we din hold hands, n he asked for my hand.. i was so tensed up and nervous wen he held my hand.. haha.. and cant reli concentrate well while he's driving and talkin.. but we talked abt some tings tat i guessed we din reli raised up before we got together, and i guess it was beta to raise it up now.. jus like the part tat i told him i once thought tat we wun land up together, tat was sth tat i knew tat i wun say if we haven got together..

can say it's due to insecurity at tat pt of time, cuz i had doubts abt us, n due to the uncertainties then, i can only rely on my instincts and beliefs to do tings.. and oso bcuz of the bad experience tat i once had.. but i'm relieved to say tat i had survived tat stage, if not i wun be his gf.. like i say always.. i'm grateful to wat i am now, and i am cherishing every moment, if not i wun be bloggin every bit of my beautiful memories..

back to the pt.. i told him to wait for me awhile as i need to pass him sth, so he accompanied me to walk me up to my lift lobby, den he held my hand again while we walked towards the lift.. as usual, i shy n blushed again.. after gettin his tings, i walked back with him to the car, cuz there's sth i haven give him, thus it's beta to do it there.. *hiak hiak* i was plannin to play a small prank on him first, but in the end, nth was done, cuz he took the initiative again n kissed me.. *stunned again.. cuz while i was walkin back to the lift, i kept on askin myself repeatedly, "did i do tat..?" haha.. hmm.. i felt as if that was my first time.. but indeed can say tat ma, cuz like wat he said, the previous time was probably my one-sided love only..

afterwords.. some tings are jus unexplainable, jus like the ones tat i'm goin to describe.. wen i was touchin his palm in the afternoon and holdin his hand, the feelin was almost exactly the same as how i felt in my dreams - the same texture, the same touch (a strange ting indeed) and the second ting was wen he held my hand and kissed me, i had a very strong feeling within me tat was tellin me tat "He is the One".. bcuz like wat i told aloy before, wen i was with the previous one, the feelin jus felt very weird wen he kissed me or held my hands, yet i cant explain y and tot it was normal cuz first time ma.. but aloy said tat probably it was bcuz he was not the one for me, thus i felt it was not rite.. but now i finally understood wat aloy meant.. bcuz only wen the "chosen one" came, den the feeling wil become rite.. haha.. and the last ting was, i always got so nervous durin some of the times tat i'm with him, esp i got temptations to do sth, the feelin jus got worse.. mayb bcuz i reli liked him ba.. den he always caught me by surprise with his "stunts? hehe..

anyway, it seems like i'm startin to see the rainbow after the rain finally.. let's jiayou together..!

(by the way, i had changed the title of my blog, so u shld noe the name of apple now..)

Dreaming..

2008-03-03T11:34:00.002+08:00

Been havin lots of dreams lately, n made me quite tired, cuz a dreamy slp means a tired slp.. but the gd ting abt the dreams were that most of them are related to apple, which i felt tat i must have missed him too much to have so many dreams, i got even 3 consecutive dreams of him one nite.. haha..

in the dreams, we were oredi together and we were havin alot of fun.. here comes the weird part.. all the dreams were so realistic tat i can even feel the texture of his hands, bcuz i managed to hold his hands in one of the dreams.. hehe.. i must reli test the texture one day (tested)..

Hope to have more dreams in future.. hehe..

2nd visit to my house..

2008-02-21T14:05:00.001+08:00

Apple told me on sun tat he wil be comin to my house to bai nian on tues, cuz he din come n my mom gave him an angpao.. so I asked him to stay over for dinner..

As usual, I met up with him at his house, rest for awhile b4 we set off to my house.. thou it was not the first time, the nervous feelin was there, but much more beta than the first time..

I remembered tat I was teasin him in the afternoon abt he owing me sth.. actually it's jus words tat he said on the eve (abt holdin my hands), but I din let him noe the answer in the end, n he was like kept on askin me for the answer, until i was like "arghz~".. funny leh..

Along the way, i was tinkin wat might happen later, esp my bro.. kinda worried if my bro were to bombard him with questions, den it wun be gd, so i pre-empt him first abt my bro..

Wen he came to my house, he sat on the floor to read newspaper first, den my mom was askin to have dinner first as it was abt 9pm liao.. my heart was pumpin so fast thou it isnt the first time i'm sittin beside him.. den after dinner, we started chattin abt our houses' design and then this comes the most interesting part.. the scenery part..

He started to walk over to my kitchen's window and i followed suit to tell him this n that.. n tat was where i got a big urge to take the chance to hold his hand n drag him to my room, but i didnt.. *sighz~

I brought him to my room, and I started to point here n there, tellin him where my frens lived n what are the buildings ard my house.. den i heard my bro came back liao.. n of cuz i need to intro apple to him la.. they jus shaked hand and my bro went straight into his room.. *phew~

den he went back to the living room n read newspaper n watched tv.. n I..? of cuz went to find sth to occupy myself - started diggin my photos and snacks for him to eat.. stil abit uneasy ma thou i'm at my own house.. practice makes perfect, guess he wil have to come down a few more times b4 i can get used to it.. hehe..

time to go home as it was abt 10+pm.. i offered to send him out and wen we reached the lift lobby at my floor, we started to talk abt scenery again as we could see a clearer view there.. den wen the lift came, my dad walked out of the lift, and i need to intro ma.. so i was sayin, 'pa, this is my bf..." - first time i said tat.. haha.. den they chatted a little n i was like, "I send u down.." bcuz he asked me to send him to the lift lobby only.. den wen we reached the ground floor, he wanted me to go up, but i jus pushed him n followed suit.. hehe..

den the best part came.. wen we walked to his car, n started to warm up his car, n we continued to talk abt scenery again.. haha.. (I was lookin for chance to give him a peck on his cheek at the same time..but...) he was puttin his hand on my shoulder n den asked me to close my eyes, this was where i was like, 'oh shit, is he goin to do wat i was tinkin to do..?', my reaction was like, 'wat u wana do..? how come u r doin wat i wan to do' - silly me rite? got n say out so loud.. haha.. den i managed to change the topic again.. haha.. but finally it's time to go, n he gave me a peck on the cheek.. *so sweet* hehe.. cant let him off like tat ma.. so i took my revenge by "pullin" him out of his seat, n gave him a peck back.. hehe..

that was the first shock.. here comes the second shock.. he started to address me as 'dear' after he got home tat day.. at first cant accept, but after tat i'm fine with tat addressin.. hmm.. wil say the rationale in my upcomin blog entry.. hehe..

tat's all, folks!

Valentine's Day Date..

2008-02-19T12:55:00.002+08:00

was kinda lookin towards it esp wen the date is approachin near, but how come apple din mention abt meetin me..? there was a day which i worked late in the office, n i felt like talkin to apple, thus we were chattin over the phone n he asked me whether wil i be free on fri..? haha.. of cuz happy la.. n it's beta to meet on fri as it wun be tat crowded and i need not hv to get back tat early to rush for work the next morn..

on actual day of vday, he sent me a sms while i was stil workin hard in the office.. "hope you will have a happy and blissful r'ship, which is with me.." for tat moment, felt kinda touched thou felt tat he was kinda thick-skinned.. i was hestitating for a few days wen he started to address me as his gf, bcuz i felt tat i need to find out am i ready to commit into this stage thou we acted like a couple for mths.. tat was y i 'joked' with apple abt wen did i became his gf.. i took a few days to tink it over n over again, cuz i reli dun wan to commit one if there is stil any traces of 77.. but i was very relieved to say tat 77 had oredi became a past to me.. can say mostly it's bcuz of apple..

back to the topic.. i was lookin forward to e date on fri tat i tried not to get stressed or pissed off over work.. cuz i was very happy ma.. din hv much time to tink n get a present for him, so i only managed to write him a card with some of the tings tat i wouldnt say it verbally to him..mayb those were some tings tat he din noe too? but wen i went out for lunch tat day, i saw a noddin monkey which during one of our meetin, i was tellin him tat i got a shakin doll, so he said shakin no gd, mus nod head.. haha.. so i only managed to get tat for him..

here comes the moment.. he started to tell me tat he din get anythin for me, but i told him, 'no need la' bcuz i dun mind these tings de la.. so we started to window shop, n he was like pointin this n tat, 'i buy for u this..?' but i rejected all offers.. haha.. we had our dinner at billy bombers n after tat, it was abt time to go home.. he offered to send me home, but i rejected again cuz he happened to say tat he was near to dozin off wen he was drivin home tat day.. so he accompanied me to the mrt station, den i jokingly said tat he owed me sth, i was referrin to the words he said on cny eve, abt holdin my hands.. but he tot tat it was a kiss.. i faster siam.. haha.. den he was takin sth out of his waist pouch and said tat it was fragile, my first tot: glass ornament? wen i asked how come he said tat he din buy anythin for me, he said tat he was jokin n y would he bring his pouch along? (was kinda suspicious wen his wallet was at his pant's pocket..)

was kinda surprised to see tat the gift was a bottle of perfume, cuz it's sth tat i din expect, neither was it sth i wun use.. it seemed like he noe wat's on my mind, as he is able to 'predict' wat are the tings i had been tinkin, but it might be pure coincidence..

thou this is my 2nd vday date with him, but it meant a different meaning to me, last yr was admiration/liking for him, this yr is as an open couple.. i will cherished wat i have for bgr.. bcuz it RELI doesnt come easy..

CNY Season~

2008-02-11T16:15:00.003+08:00

CNY Eve
Went to work as usual, but was snaking most of time there blogging..

Went down to BM to help out, but too bad not a big crowd there, so can't help much..

"Rushed" down to apple's house for reunion dinner - my very first reunion dinner outside my house.. Felt a little bit uneasy despite going to his house for duno how many times.. His mom kept askin him to give me food, haha.. The kind of warmth is something that I have been lookin for.. an indescribable feelin..

Went to wash cars with him, thou I was just there to watch and talk.. Din noe wat to talk, so was askin some tings abt us n sharin stories.. Askin him y he chose me instead of other gals, sharin my stories abt us.. n den tink I happened to discover a small secret.. but duno am I correct anot.. He got interested in me for a long time.. long before I was attracted to him (during the time tat I was leanin to him as a pillar when tings between me n 77 dun work out)..

Den he jokingly said tat he "haven hold my hand hor", tml mus hold, tat's where I got abit panicked.. Haha.. cuz thou it might not be the first time I held a guy's hand, but stil scared ma.. hehe..

CNY 1st day
Got up very early cuz was abit tensed.. Went to his house at abt 10plus before we went to his grandma's house to bai nian with his family.. Tink it's my first attempt, was kinda uneasy.. Was watchin the tv, den joined him at the "gamble" table.. been prayin hard tat he wil win, at least wun lose tat much, cuz can see tat he lost quite abit in the first few games..

He received a call from his workplace, askin him back to check on some stuffs as he's on standby tat week.. my uneasiness increased as he will not be ard, and I will be left with his family.. I went to play with e kids awhile before joinin in to gamble a little bit more.. hehe.. den we left to go and visit his mum's siblings..

Can say tat I duno how to react wen I got there initially, lucky that his cousin was talkin to me and we chatted on being a teacher as tat was one of the career paths I did consider back then.. While chattin halfway, apple called tat he had finished his stuffs there and comin to join us.. *phew~ heaved a sigh of relief..

There was a small joke goin abt wen I was at his relatives' houses, cuz I tink the addressing for the younger ones are almost the same, so I was mistaken to be the gf of his cousin.. haha.. We finished the visiting at abt 8+, thou kinda tired, but it was an eventful and fulfilling day for me..

A different feeling..as alot of my first times were experienced here.. liked the family warmth there.. n many many more which i duno how to elaborate here..

CNY 2nd day
Felt so lost.. n started missin him? mayb it's bcuz i've been seein him for the past 3 days ba.. and the event for the day is not very exciting as i will be havin lunch at my aunt's house, so most of my relatives wun be around (I have a small external family).. was dazin there after lunch there, as the elders started their gambling session.. thus i decided to "sneak off" b4 i fell aslp there.. called a few frens to send my regards to them, and i called apple too cuz i felt like doin so.. chatted with him abit, but can hear tat he's abit stoned.. haha..

CNY 3rd day
Bored.. duno wat to do, thou apple did mentioned abt goin out, but i guessed he's tired and also held up with other stuffs, so din reli look forward to it tat much.. went out to walk awhile b4 went home to do some stuffs..

CNY 4th day
Last day of my long holiday.. forgotten wat i did, but i guess i went out to walk walk again.. haha..

End of reporting..

我相信

2008-02-06T12:50:00.000+08:00

This song was Apple's hp ringing tone before he changed to the cny tone..

想飞上天，和太阳肩并肩

世界等著我去改变

想做的梦从不怕别人看见

在这裡我都能实现

大声欢笑让你我肩併肩

何处不能欢乐无限

拋开烦恼勇敢的大步向前

我就站在舞台中间

我相信我就是我

我相信明天

我相信青春没有地平线

在日落的海边

在热闹的大街

都是我心中最美的乐园

我相信自由自在

我相信希望

我相信伸手就能碰到天

有你在我身边

让生活更新鲜

每一刻都精采万分

I DO BELIEVE

想飞上天，和太阳肩并肩

世界等著我去改变

拋开烦恼勇敢的大步向前

我就站在舞台中间

我相信我就是我

我相信明天

我相信青春没有地平线

在日落的海边

在热闹的大街

都是我心中最美的乐园

我相信自由自在

我相信希望

我相信伸手就能碰到天

有你在我身边

让生活更新鲜

每一刻都精采万分

I DO BELIEVE

我相信

I BELIEVE

我相信我就是我

我相信明天

我相信青春没有地平线

在日落的海边

在热闹的大街

都是我心中最美的乐园

我相信自由自在

我相信希望

我相信伸手就能碰到天

有你在我身边

让生活更新鲜

每一刻都精采万分

I DO BELIEVE

I duno is this song is his favorite song, but I was reminded of him everytime I heard this song, n I started to like this song.. Guess it's a portray of my feelings/beliefs now..?

dreams..

2008-02-06T12:23:00.000+08:00

today is cny's eve, so can snake abit by doin personal tings.. hehe..

talkin abt dreams..it's the dreams tat we get at nite while we are slpin..

over the past few mths, i have been dreamin of me and apple (of cuz i do have other dreams la..), but those were tings tat we haven do (dun tink elsewhere ar..) and they looked so realistic..

i reli dun feel like wakin up bcuz i noe (sub-consciously) the possibility of them happenin in real life is slim.. (or rather most probably ba..)

the feeling of being wooed.. the feeling of being loved by the other party more.. the feeling of the other party cant live without u.. the feeling of the other party's willingness to do anything for u..

but to tink of it again..i shouldn't be greedy for wantin to "enjoy" the above-mentioned feeling..i oredi gotten a very good-enough gift from heaven, n i should cherish it well..all these tings/feelings jus run in the mind..u give up some tings to take in some tings..isn't it?

so mayb i should continue to dream, cuz dreams are beautiful thou fictitious..

status promotion..?

2008-02-06T10:14:00.001+08:00

a series of events happened lately...with regards to me n apple again..

went thru alot of "first time" tings.. *sweat ar~

firstly.. a dinner invite which i felt unusual (tink too much??) cuz normally he wil send me such msg only when there's a special occasion in the family, if not we wil jus go out n den mayb go his house for dinner.. he replied tat there's no special occasion, just a makan session.. the surprise came later wen i overheard tat they wil be goin to visit his grandma at her house.. reli not mentally prepared but stil hv to act calm.. haha.. felt abit out of place at his grandma's house, cuz tat was the first time i went to a guy's grandma's house.. lucky his cousin talked to me (she is a very sweet and nice gal..), askin me some questions abt me n him.. the most interestin part is wen she asked how come she din see me last cny despite we knew each other for almost 3 yrs..? he replied tat my status is different now, got promoted..??

secondly.. askin me to go bai nian together with his family this cny.. at first i tot he wun be askin me along bcuz of our unknown status.. was taken by surprise again cuz it will be my first time going to his relatives' house.. so i asked him to go to my side too.. (at first he agreed, but yest he declined cuz i tink he's not prepared yet..)

thirdly.. his abrupt decision to come to my house suddenly.. was filled with mixed emotions (anguish/surprise/anxiety/nervousness/confused) cuz it happened too sudden.. hmm.. but tat was the first time i brought a guy home, even though it's for a short while.. jus tat he came abit too late as most of my family members were asleep, so abit awkward for me la.. but overall, i guess he gave a quite ok impression ba..

forthly.. askin me to go on cruise with his family for the first time.. was hesitant initially bcuz i never went out with such a big family before (except my company retreat).. but later felt tat i should go, cuz it wil mean something.. n oso tat i never go for a cruise before.. hehe.. i was supposed to be at work for a big proj then, but i seeked permission from my boss to go (for the cruise), n she agreed (n of cuz i happy la).. i told him yest tat i can go, but rite now i tink i have to tell him i cant go, cuz my family have some considerations as both of us r stil not tat close to go for a trip together thou i will goin with his family.. guessed he wil be disappointed (jus like tat time wen i first told him i might not be able to go..)

lastly.. i went out with him on sun, along with two guy frens of his.. i knew his frens some time ago, jus tat we r not very close ba.. we were shoppin for tings n went for dinner after tat.. the start of another shock n surprise again.. he was talkin to his colleague over the phone, n he was talkin abt who were with him, n i heard he sayin tat he's eating with his frens n gf(???), my face was flushed red in an instant, but i tot i heard wrongly as the surrounding was abit noisy, so i jus shrugged it aside.. den we continued shoppin, n he got another call again.. tink he is not familiar with e area, so he said he wil pass the phone to his gf (???) for directions.. this time, i confirmed din hear wrongly.. shock and surprise.. i felt so hot again.. oh damn.. i kept my calmness again until we went on separate ways to home.. i asked him tat wen did i became his gf? he replied tat i dun wan to be his gf ar, den he come to my house for wat..? i said he din ask ma, n tat was the first time a guy addressed me as his gf.. *blushes* den he asked whether i wana be his gf, i din answer directly..

sidetrack abit.. i gotten two calls from my guy frens, askin me for advices/ideas for Vday, so i jus gave them my pt of view as usual (those r the tings tat i gave fr a pt of view of a gal..) den i was tellin him tat my frens called, n he said something tat kinda bothers me till now.. "男孩子应该吊起来卖".. this made me starting to wonder did he 吊起来卖 in our r'ship..? i reli dislike doin this, thus i did not 吊起来卖 wen my fellow frens were tellin me tat a gal should do tat, if not guys wil take u for granted.. but like i say to my frens always wen some tings bother me.. "heck care la.." -- i cant let these words bother me for too long.. but at the same time, if I ever get to know that he did, tink I wil get upset ba, cuz....?

conclusion.. can say tat i hv a proper status now, at least i need not have to live with an unknown status.. but i can only say tat i wil be rather careful in committing my feeling in, cuz i know how hard/bad can it be to withdraw from one (bt i wil hope this is the final one), unless the other party make enough efforts to do tings to give me a confirmed answer tat i can commit.. for now, i only can say tat a different kind of uncertainties lies in front of us.. i hope tat i can fight it by stayin strong to my beliefs.. but who wil be able to help me to stay strong to my beliefs..? ---> apple's actions..

I must stay strong to my beliefs..!!!

2008-02-01T12:21:00.000+08:00

got a little vexed last nite....upon hearin some words of advice fr my married colleagues who were very concerned abt me n my potential one (Apple).. can say they were kinda excited upon hearin tat Apple's plan to come to my house tat tues, but when they queried further abt wat happened, they got abit unhappy or kinda pissed off..? they were unhappy tat Apple din come n pick me up even after i told them the reason, n they rebuked back tat it's not a reason, cuz i could jus wait in office for him, y mus i make the trip down..? they jokingly said tat they were very disappointed with me in this aspect as i hv been very efficient at work.. y mus i listen to him n give in to him everytime? they felt tat i was being taken for granted, n said tat his life wun be any different w/o me unless he reli likes me.. tellin me tat there wil stil be guys fallin for me, despite my size.. n many many more.. i got a slight headache upon hearin their words..

after i left the office, the words were stil ringin on my mind, which i decided to give Apple a call.. Everytime i'm troubled over our matter or unhappy, i wil feel like givin him a call, bcuz i felt tat i wil be able to make a clearer decision/feel beta upon hearin his voice.. throughout the call, i din say much or kept quiet some of the time, cuz i jus feel like listenin to his voice n let my mind relax abit.. near the end of our conversation, i got abit serious cuz i was tellin him to tink of his future well, as his current pay is low and he has to work 2 jobs at times, which can be quite taxin on him.. but i felt bad "naggin" at him at the same topic always cuz it doesnt feel good, but for his own good, i reli felt tat he need to take tat step out..

at tis pt of time, i guess i had sorted out my thoughts abt e words my fellow "big sisters" said.. my mind did wavered abit, but wen i reli calm down, i felt tat i'm reli a very stubborn person, i only listen to myself despite wat my frens had been tellin me abt my simple yet complicated r'ship with Apple.. i can only say tat i chose to believe myself, believe him, believe tat he's not tat kind of person who took me for granted bcuz i'm very soft in this aspect.. my frens once asked me this, "y mus u always consider his feelings, be careful with wat u say n dun mind doin tings for him..? have he ever put ur feelings into consideration..?" i will only smile back or tell them this, "bcuz we r both hurt before, but mayb he suffered more harm than me, thus i felt tat i wun wan to do anytin to hurt his feelings.. or mayb it's jus ME, always like to put other ppl's interests ahead of mine.." i wun say tat i totally dun mind wat i had done, or wat he had asked me to do, but i will say tat i dun wan to be so calculative, esp wen it comes to a r'ship..

i must stay strong to my beliefs.. bcuz it's my beliefs tat i believe myself, believe him, n believe tings will go on smoothly.. i cant let my beliefs go weak cuz it wil only cause more harm.. i love myself by loving apple.. but i will take all these comments by my frens as a test to me, cuz everytime i waver, i wil be able to find out how long i took to go back to my beliefs.. this time i took less than a day, which is very gd cuz i normally wil take weeks to tink abt such tings.. this only show one ting.. jus dun care wat others say la.. wat matters is how i feel abt e whole ting.. ya, it can be frustratin to them tat how come we r stil not together despite we went to each other's house - isnt it a step tat only confirmed couples wil do n blah blah blah.. but who cares..? who set the rules tat a guy must woo a gal, den get together, den bring home let parents see n ......? hmm.. to tink of it.. did apple woo me..? got anot ar..? i forgot liao.. aiya, dun care la.. thou most gals stil like the feeling of being wooed....and tat includes me.. haha..

i can be very calculative n picky in other aspects, but wen it comes to bgr, i would rather to be e xiao nu ren, bcuz it wil be beta to let the guys decide the tings.. i wil do watever it takes to maintain e r'ship, unless the other party is reli not worth for my efforts to give in, den i wil have to do something to it.. rite now, jus take a step at a time.. i wil definitely wish tat i can tell my thoughts to apple, but i jus duno y, everytime see him, jus dun have the mood to say it out.. thus i can only blog it..

First visit..

2008-01-30T18:25:00.000+08:00

Yest was a "frightful" day....bcuz Apple came to my house for the very first time.. I couldn't slp well the previous nite cuz I was filled with alot of emotions..unhappiness (he din inform me earlier), anxiety (my house is in a mess), nervousness (no guy had ever come to my house), surprise (din expect him to come) & so on..

I was slightly distracted at work cuz I duno how tings wil go on.. but glad to say tat it's over.. Apple only met my mom cuz he came at a very late timing, so my dad and bro were asleep by then.. Can say that they r slightly unhappy abt him coming at this timing, but overall, tink my mom din say much abt him cuz she said ultimately, the choice left with me.. as long as he is sincere and we like each other, den they wun interfere much.. but my peers were worried tat i might get hurt (again) cuz they felt tat i seemed to have been giving in alot, and i may get cheated as i've very naive in such tings.. but they noe watever they said is no use, cuz at the end of the day, i wil give tat kind of answer tat they wan to vomit blood.. i only believe in myself.. even if i reli get hurt again (touchwood la..), i mustn't regret cuz i chose the path.. thus they can only tell me this, "must learn to love urself and protect urself.. come to us if u need a shoulder to lean on.."

Back to the topic.. i can vaguely remember my first visit to his house in late 2006 (such a pity tat i din note down the date).. can say i was being cheated to go, but oso cant say tat, cuz i went in willingly.. stil can remember wat happened tat day.. as usual, i met up with him near his house (there's a shoppin centre there), when he said tat he wana go up his house to take sth and his nephews are ard (tat was the 1st time i met his sis' family).. when we went up, i was kinda shy to go in cuz i nv went to a guy house b4 except goin to 77's house once.. his whole family were around unlike tat time i went to 77's house.. I felt very weird, but duno how to say.. his mom asked whether we had dinner, i said i had eaten abit, but she stil invited me to stay for dinner, den i....oblivious of anythin, jus say ok lor.. (abit stupid/naive, rite?)

I could felt the weird and tense atmosphere bcuz i had nv sat beside a guy for dinner, as in only the both of us.. n oso the presence of eyes lookin at us.. haha.. (mayb i tink too much..) the shy-est day in 2006 (bcuz i had more of such days in the later yrs..) we went walk walk after dinner..

I din take the first visit as a different meaning bcuz i had always tot it's normal to bring a fren of an opposite gender home (thou i hv never done so).. it was until my frens got to noe abt me, den told me the meaning of it.. and i was like, "huh, like tat meh..? reli ar..? but impossible leh.. u sure..?" --- the silly side of me, which ppl felt tat it's cute.. (???)

end of my frightful experience.. tink there are more to come.. haha.. watch out for my updates..

Temptations~

2008-01-14T12:53:00.000+08:00

Was on my way to meet Apple yest wen Toh msg-ed me.. I've deleted the sms-es, but I can vaguely remembers wat he msged me.. He was sayin tat he want to hold the girl's hand yet he cant, he felt so restless and sick.. Facin this kind of situation, I was kinda duno wat to advise him cuz his case is special one..

(Based on wat I know) Toh got to know this particular girl many years back while working together, and it was in the recent yrs that they get to know each other more after Toh left the company.. I was happy to hear that he found another girl he liked after so many years of singlehood, and they somehow have the same interests and hobbies, which is great.. Slightly more than a week ago, Toh finally plucked up his courage to tell the girl he liked her, and the girl din reject, but here comes the issue.. Due to their religion, they have the same habit to go to temple and pray occasionally, thus they have also asked the deities for advice on tis area, and the answer tat the girl got was, not to start a relationship early, I guessed Toh got a similar answer from his side too, which I am not very sure.. Toh got so troubled over this, but I was not able to advise on this..

When he told me he wanted to hold her hand yest, I tot he was sayin tat he dun dare, so I was listing out my example abt me n apple, cuz I oso dun dare to hold his hands after so long.. Until Toh said that he dare, jus tat he cant bcuz of the girl, he felt so lost n the temptation is there.. I can only tell him to be patient, cuz it might be a test tat he has to overcome, telling him to jiayou and persevere, as his wait might be paid off one day.. cant rush, cuz it might become worse..

Back to my part on temptations.. there's alot of temptations yest while I'm out with Apple.. Haha.. I had made a small wish last Christmas, tat is to be able to hold Apple's hands, but too bad I stil dun have the courage to do so.. Since Christmas is over, I just shrugged it away.. but the temptation is there again.. duno y, the feel is there, and it grew stronger as time goes by, but I din do so again.. The worse (best?) part is when we were at the video shop, tat one even more jialat.. there were times tat our faces r quite close to one another, and I actually got the tempation to **** his face.. oh my.. my mind is reli goin abit bonkers at tat pt of time, but lucky I walked away to divert my attention.. haha..

Yest was another eventful and contented day.. Hehe.. Actually like tat oso not bad.. take time for the ting (relationship) to mature gradually, which I tink it will help alot for anything in future..

Last Nite..

2008-01-04T10:00:00.000+08:00

went for a super ex buffet dinner with aloy n norman last nite.. was talkin to aloy below my block on some issues after tat.. den duno y we moved to bgr issues again.. i guessed he was caught in a situation whereby he doesnt noe wat's going on.. wil not elaborate his situation, cuz it's his personal life.. but i will touch on the part where i gave my pt on view which i felt i suddenly grew matured..

how to determine the one u like..? u may feel attached (attracted) to many gals around u, bcuz they all seemed to be the ones u like, but ultimately how do u decide she is the one u wil like to pursue..? this is where the definition come.. love is a feeling which is unexplainable, whereby no words can explain how love is.. the person u most wanted to protect/to care for, is the person tat is deep in ur heart.. i heard him sayin out the name wen i finished this sentence, n i knew it.. haha..

actually i oso duno y i said tat to him, but after sayin, it reminded me of apple again (i shall not elaborate here..) i was tellin him tat if he reli likes a person, he should continue his efforts n dun give up like this.. but the choice wil stil lies with him..

其实幸福（可以）很简单。。

2007-12-31T10:26:00.000+08:00

Met up with Kel a few days ago to share our stories.. Was sitting at the viewing gallery at Changi Airport, seeing the planes taking off.. Duno y, we will make it a pt to go to the airport to sit n talk in most of our meetings, probably it's reli calm our nerves/put our guards down..

Kel is one fortunate n blissful man now.. He managed to find the one he loves finally, and it's reli happy to see him now as he was totally different person in the past.. He was someone who worked (almost) non stop everyday, n was abit stingy(..?) wen it comes to spending money while going out, but yearned for a gf..

I knew him long long time ago, but it was only recent years tat i got contact with him again.. On one occasion, we were talkin abt bgr matters again, n i gave my point of view towards his lifestyle.. I remembered telling him tat 钱是永远赚不完的, and u yearned to find a gf, yet u r not willing to forgo any time to earn money to spend for "her"..? I din expect my words (mayb a few other ppl) was able to change his perceptive towards money n time..

I could see his change these mths.. his life is not so packed as before.. found the love of his life.. doing romantic tings tat i wil never imagine him doin.. and oso planning his future with her included..

Back to the topic.. I was very anxious to find out wat did he do for his gf this time, bcuz he is someone always full of romantic surprises, such as bakin a cake for her bday, cooking for her.. This time round is another happening.. he bought a bouquet of flowers while takin her on citytour bus, n got the tour guide to help him.. he got a round of loud applause from fellow tourists and after hearing, i was like.. "so sweet of him.." Now he had brought the gal back to see his family, next is he will follow her back to her country to see her parents.. and tink they will be stepping into the red carpet in no time.. Jus like any fairytale like story.. Lived happily ever after..

He gave me see some of his sms exchange with his gf, n i realised tat they both cherished one another.. Den it was my turn to share my story.. Thou envious of his romantic story, I was not tempted to look forward to it, cuz I discovered my story is an unique one, or rather, all love stories are different from each other.. thus I derived the following phrase to describe mine..

其实幸福（可以）很简单。。

A love story need not to be very complicated, like goin for expensive places for special occasion, or have to do romantic tings for the other party.. i stil believe tat if u reli like someone, u wil noe wat to do for the other party automatically.. simplicity is happiness.. 简单就是幸福！

暗恋 vs. 喜欢 vs. 爱

2007-12-28T13:51:00.000+08:00

3 different stages of love..

暗恋是。。。You get to know someone, and mayb as time goes by, you two became good frens, but you know nothin much about the other party, such as his habits/lifestyle/characteristics and so on.. You slowly developed a form of admiration towards him, bcuz you felt attracted to him (to his outer characteristics..?) 暗恋是最纯的一种，间中带有一点苦涩。。。

喜欢是。。。the next stage of admiration..? This is where you get to know more about the lifestyle/habits/hobbies/characteristics of the person bcuz he give you the chance to see those things you are unaware of all along.. The transition (from admiration) came when you realised that you are still attracted to him even after knowing wat kind of person he is.. 喜欢可以是甜蜜的，但也可以是痛苦的。。。

爱是。。。 probably the last stage.. this is a stage where you reli love someone without any valid reason.. 爱一个人是不需要任何理由的。。。

This post is sth significant to me as I've been thru the 1st stage many times, 2nd stage a few times, and as for the 3rd stage - I suppose soon-to-be..

Updates after Missing in Action..

2007-12-26T10:11:00.000+08:00

Dear readers, got miss me? Hehe.. (Provided I have readers to my blog..) It had been a long time since I updated my blog, at most only drop some articles that I found on net.. It's time for me to update as the year is coming to an end soon..

Year 2007 had been an eventful year for me bcuz some changes came to my life and I made some changes too..

I ended my 29 months in fairprice, rotted for abt 2.5 mths before I engaged myself in a new work environment (Community Chest under National Council of Social Service).. Though I have joined the company for almost a mth, I'm still in the stage of getting used to everything as it's reli a totally different environment.. There used to be so many staff under me, now I'm the lowest among the others.. Felt abit small initially bcuz ppl of my age who got the qualifications are of a higher post than me, n moreover I'm doing alot of admin work - kind of no challenge at all.. BUT I believed, given my capabilities, I will be able to handle more impt projects in the near future..

It's kinda 舍不得 to leave fairprice, afterall I have spent my "growing up" years there, n there are so many beautiful memories tat I had left behind, getting to know so many people from all walks of life and background, but I really have to go bcuz we should always look ahead, n I stil have a long road ahead of me.. It's time for me to get interacted with different types of environment and ppl.. Next is I'm a little bit sick of tat kind of lifestyle, having to forfeit PH/offdays (thou it can be very fun during these days), mayb it's time to look for a stable job.. "Putting Down the Past, and Moving On to the Future.."

Another thing to update is probably abt things between me and apple.. I am "honored" to say tat things have been progressing well till now, especially during this month.. I wun touch on the story between us, bcuz it will be super long-winded and will sound abit too dramatic.. Thou we are stil of "unknown" status, but I can say tat we are "somewhere there" to the next stage.. Til now, I stil find it abit hard to digest the fact tat both of us will land up together, bcuz this is sth tat I never given a thought before, probably jus fantacising abt having a guy like him.. (Mayb it's fated tat we will meet in our lifetime..?)

From being jus a big bro to me when I first knew him, to a pillar to lean on when I needed most, and to someone whom I cared for now, this series of events is something tat I would never dream of.. I hv absolute no answer to when he started to have feelings for me, neither do I noe when I started to hv feelings for him too.. (interesting, rite?) Mayb like wat he said tat day, the feeling jus grew gradually..

For the past 6 mths, it can be considered as the most "obvious' period, whereby we could see something is going on, but it is oso a period full of uncertainties and confirmations for me.. Mayb bcuz of prev. experience, I'm tend to be more careful this time round, n consulted alot of guy frens for their opinions n analysis.. I heard both pros n cons from my frens, which at one pt of time, I was tinkin tat wil history repeats itself bcuz thou I might appear strong on the outside, I'm rather weak when it comes to matters of the heart as I am scared of being hurt again.. If tings doesnt turn out well this time, I'm afraid tat I wil totally lose hope in bgr..

Was reading thru my calender in my hp, where I wrote lots of notes b4 I went to slp each nite, and I realised tat I am reli a "tink too much" person, yet I jus cant kick away my habit.. There are many sweet memories written in it, n everytime I read, it jus refreshes my mind and bring me back to the day tat the event happened.. There was a period of time where I felt like givin up on the "unknown" status, as it looked very stagnant, n due to the reason tat we r both "shy", we din touch on much topics abt ourselves.. And some frens ard me were tellin me to give up/learnt to love myself more/stop wasting ur youth waiting & alot more.. But I jus one ear go in and let it digest in my mind.. Thou I can be abit conflicting in my words n actions, I stil understand myself beta than others.. I noe tat if I were to step in further, I will scare of being hurt, if I step out, I will not bear to give up on tat r'ship.. In the end, I chose to listen to my heart n follow wat I feel rite to do..

Luckily and fortunately, I did not do anything silly, n proved that my waiting din come to a waste.. Thou I stil dun reli understand of the sudden progress between us this month, but I can sense that it is a gd start.. I could see him puttin more efforts in, such as bringing me to more places around his place rather than jus the regular ones.. Especially the trip to the temple on xmas day which I realised one ting tat I am attracted to him.. It's tat kind of seriousness/devotion in something tat I saw his "charming" side.. Other than tat, we can be considered as the "cute" gang, cuz we find each other cute in some ways.. I personally tink tat I'm cute in my silly-ness n stupid-ness.. Haha.. As for him, he is cute in his ways which have too many to describe..

It might sound as if I'm sayin aloud tat I have found my Prince Charming finally, but in fact it's not the case, as this r'ship is actually a surprise one, something tat I din expect.. One more thing, no one is perfect, and this applies to the both of us.. Our story behind is similar to a fairytale, yet realistic enough to happen in real life.. I duno wat lies ahead for the both of us, but I noe it will take alot of efforts and barriers for the both of us to overcome in the near future, given tat each of us have different personalities n characteristics..

Last paragraph is meant for Mr. Bear if u happen to see this.. I noe it's best to love myself more so that I can love others, but I got my own definition from this phrase.. the way tat I love myself is by listening to what my heart says, in this case, I chose to love someone.. I saw ur blog, and this is my two cents' worth of comment.. Listen to wat ur heart tells u to do/follow.. Dun purposely suppress ur feelings towards the gal u mentioned in the blog.. wat for making ur conscious and sub-conscious mind fighting each other? why make urself feel so difficult in the situation.. I may not be able understand from ur plight as every one has a different story behind.. Jiayou my fren..

當我老了

2007-11-27T10:27:00.000+08:00

當我老了 , 不再是原來的我 .
請理解我 , 對我有一點耐心 .
當我把菜湯洒到的衣服上時 , 當我忘記怎樣系鞋帶時 ,
請想一想當初我是如何牽著你的手教你 .

當我一遍又一遍的重复你早已聽膩的話語 ,
請耐心的聽我說 , 不要打斷我 .
你從小的時候 , 我不得不重复那個我講過千百遍的故事 , 直到你進入夢鄉 .

當我需要你幫我洗澡時 , 請不要責备我 . 還記得小時候我千方百計哄你洗澡的情形嗎 ?

當我對新科技和新事物不知所措時 , 請不要嘲笑我 . 想一想當初我怎樣耐心地去回答你每一個 ” 為什麼 ” .

當我由于双脚疲勞而無法行走時 ,
請伸出你年輕有力的手攙扶我 .
就像你小時候學習走路時 , 我扶你那樣 .

當我忽然忘記我們談話的主題 , 請給我一些時間去回想 . 其實對我來說 , 談論什麼并不重要 , 只要你能在一旁聽我說 , 我就很滿足了 .

當你看著老去的我 , 請不要悲傷 .
理解我 , 支持我 , 就像你剛開始學習如何生活時我對你那樣 .

當初我引導你走上人生的路 ,
如今請陪我走完最後的路 , 給我你的愛和耐心 , 我會報以感激的微笑 .
這微笑中凝結著我對你無限的愛 .

Inspiring Notes..

2007-11-09T13:29:00.000+08:00

Notes #1
This teenager lived alone with his mother, and the two of them had a very special relationship. Even though theson was always on the bench, his mother was always in the stands cheering. She never missed a game. This young man was still the smallest of the class when he entered high school. But his mother continued to encourage him but also made it very clear that he did not have to play football if he didn't want to.

But the young man loved football and decided to hang in there. He was determined to try his best at every practice, and perhaps he'd get to play when he became a senior.

All through high school he never missed a practice nor a game, but remained a bench warmer all four years.His faithful mother was always in the stands, always with words of encouragement for him. When the young man went to college, he decided to try out for the football team as a "walk-on." Everyone was sure he could never make the cut, but he did. The coach admitted that he kept him on the roster because he always puts his heart and soul into every practice, and at the same time, provided the other members with the spirit and hustle they badly needed.

The news that he had survived the cut thrilled him so much that he rushed to the nearest phone and called his mother. His mother shared his excitement and was sent season tickets for all the college games. This persistent young athlete never missed practice during his four years at college, but he never got to play in the game. It was the end of his senior football season, and as he trotted onto the practice field shortly before the big playoff game, the coach met him with a telegram.

The young man read the telegram and he became deathly silent.

Swall owing hard, he mumbled to the coach, "My mother died this morning. Isit all right if I miss practice today?" The coach put his arm gentlyaround his shoulder and said, "Take the rest of the week off, son. And don't even plan to come back to the game on Saturday. Saturday arrived, and the game was not going well. In the third quarter, when the team was ten points behind, a silent young man quietly slipped into the empty locker room and put on his football gear.

As he ran onto the sidelines, the coach and his players were astounded to see their faithful teammate back so soon. "Coach, please let me play. I've just got to play today," said theyoung man. The coach pretended not to hear him.There was no way he wanted his worst player in this close playoff game.

But the young man persisted, and finally feeling sorry for the kid, the coach gave in."All right," he said. "You can go in." Before long, the coach, the players and everyone in the stands could not believe their eyes. This little unknown, who had never played before was doing everything right. The opposing team could not stop him. He ran, blocked and tackled like a star. His team began to triumph. The score was soon tied. In the closing seconds of the game, this kid intercepted a pass and ran all the way for the winning touchdown. The fans broke loose. His teammates hoisted him onto their shoulders. Such cheering you've never heard!

Finally, after the stands had emptied and the team had showered and left the locker room, the coach noticed that the young man was sitting quietly in the corner all alone. The coach came to him and said, "Kid, I can't believe it. You were fantastic! Tell me what got into you?How did you do it?" He looked at the coach, with tears in his eyes, and said, "Well, you knew my mom died, but did you know that my mom was blind?" The young man swallowed hard and forced a smile, "Mom came to all my games, but today was the first time she could see me play, and I wanted to show her I could do it!"

Notes #2
Dear Friends,
Have you ever loved someone and they had absolutely no idea whatsoever?
Or fell for you're best friend in the entire world, and then sat around and watched him/her fall for someone else?
Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle?
We tell lies when we are afraid....afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us.
But every time we tell a lie...the thing we fear grows stronger.
Have you ever noticed that the worst way to miss someone is when they are right beside you and yet you can never have them...when the moment you can't feel them under your fingertips you miss them?
Have you ever wondered which hurts the most; saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing and wishing you had?
I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say. Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them.
If you do, they might break your heart ... but if you don't, you might break theirs.
Have you ever decided not to become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person?
Your heart decides who it likes and who it doesn't.
You can't tell your heart what to do.
It does it on its own...when you least suspect it, or even when you don't want it to.
Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you?
Too many of us stay walled because we are too afraid tocare too much...for fear that the other person does not care as much, or that all Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump.
Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have, or could have had.
No one waits forever...
When the tears just won't Stop falling down*
I'll be there*
So you see I'll be there until the end*
T his is a promise I can make*
If you ever need me*
Just give me a call and.*
I'll be there...*

Notes#3
If a girl cries in front of you, it means that she couldn't take it anymore...
If you take her hand, she would stay with you for the rest of your life; if you let her go, she couldn't go back to being herself anymore...(VERY TRUE!!!)
A girl wont cry easily, Except infront of the person who she love the most, she becomes weak..(VERY TRUE!!!)
A girl wont cry easily, only when she loves you the most, she put down her ego.
Guys, if a girl cries bcoz of you, please hold her hands firmly, she's the one who would stay with you for the rest of your life.
Guys, if a girl cries bcoz of you, please dont give her up, maybe bcoz of your decision, you ruin her life.
When she cry rite in front of you, when she cry bcoz of you, Look into her eyes, Can u see n feel the pain n hurt she's feeling?
Think....Which other girl have cried wif pure sincerity, In front of you, And becoz ofyou?
She cry not because she is weak, She cry not bcoz she wan sympathy or pity, She cry, Because crying silently is no longer possible, the pain, hurt, n agony have become too big a burden to be kept inside...
Guys, Think about it...If a girl cry her heart out 2 you, And all because of you, Its time to look back on wat u have done, Only you will know the answer to it.
Do consider it. Coz one day....It may be too late for regrets, It may be too late to say "im sorry".
To my friends...Ponder this message seriously.
Do not do dis to a girl, You may regret for the rest of your life.
Maybe in your life, she's the only one that love YOU the most.
Girls.. If u eva cry 4 a guy u love alot..
Guys.. If u hav a gal who cry 4 u..think wat u should do straight away

He & Her

2007-10-12T02:12:00.000+08:00

巨蟹座的男人

　　我不知道你遇见的是个什么样的巨蟹座，单就外在给人的感觉，他们基本上分为两大类：一是温和亲切，丝毫不给人压迫感，另一种则别扭挑剔，让人觉得很“难搞”的样子。

　　但是不论他是属于哪一类，当你们真的深入交往之后，你都会觉得他的个性阴晴不定，难以捉摸。他有时侯温柔体贴，有时冷漠，有时仁慈善良，有时严苛得不近人情。但是，只要他是个巨蟹座的男子，他必定有一颗温柔而敏感的心。他的多变，并不是个性如此，而是他的情绪太容易受外界事物的影响，想要真的了解他并不是件容易的事。

　　保护自己是巨蟹座的本能。他很少会一下子让你了解他太多，他很少会把自己的情绪或感情赤裸的表白。他本能的保护着自的脆弱多情的心，你要给他很多安全感。大多数的巨蟹男子都很害羞，很害怕自己被拒绝。就算他在追求你的时侯，他也尽量做到好象不是在追求你的样子。

　　当他电话来约你的时侯，几乎很少会立刻切入主题，他总是会在跟你聊了半天，绕了好几个圈子之后，才说：“听说有一家新开的意大利菜不错，我们要不要一起去吃吃看？”

　　巨蟹座的追求方式是不具有攻击性的，他的态度始终很和缓。可是，如果你真的有事不能去，或是你那天不想出门的话。你拒绝他的方式可千万要很委婉，否则，你很可能因此伤害到他。当他不安的时侯，可能有两种反应，一种是像寄居蟹似的躲进壳里去，另一种则是像大螃蟹一样用钳子乱咬人。

　　巨蟹座的男人很在意别人对他的尊重。如果你是个粗心大意的女生，你可能常常弄不懂他为什么突然扳着一张脸，他太敏感了，你的一个轻蔑的眼神，或是一句玩笑话，都可能让那个好不容易提起勇气的巨蟹情人，马上躲进壳子里去。想要让他再勇敢的走出来，恐怕得下好一番功夫啰。

　　如果你是个急性子的女孩，那么巨蟹座的追求方式，可能会让你有些不耐烦。他可能一天跟你打了好几通电话，晚上陪你吃饭，饭后跟你散步，然后带你到他家，把他从小到大的奖状、照片、收集，全搬出来给你看，全部看完了之后，你回家的时间也就到了。如果你也是个害羞含蓄的人，那你们恐怕得重复这样的节目无数次。我诚恳的建议你，如果你真的喜欢他，不妨稍微主动一点，给他一点“明显”的暗示（真的要很“明显”，否则害羞的巨蟹男子，还是会觉得没把握）。你们之间的交往会进展的很快。马上就会看到他热情缠绵的一面了。

　　跟敏感而且情绪化的巨蟹座男人相处，温柔的对他是唯一的方式。

　　当你们的感情进展到一个阶段之后，当他对你的感情愈来愈深的时侯，他会感觉不安。他会一再的试探你，他喜欢你不断的证明自己对他的感情。不要不耐烦，这一切都表示他真的在乎你。在他觉安全的情况下，他是个最细心，最体贴的男人。

　　当你们闹别扭的时侯，“哭”跟“撒娇”是比较好的方式，很少有一个巨蟹座的男人能够对着一双泪汪汪的眼睛发脾气。你们马上就可以和解了，而且往往是不战而胜。

　　千万不要凶着一张脸对他大吼大叫，这样一来造成的伤害往往比原先的意见不合更严重。他会觉得你不尊重他，不爱他了，你从原告变成被告的情况，可能常会发生。巨蟹座男人生气的时侯是很难取悦的，请不要自找麻烦。

　　嫁给巨蟹座的老公，是件轻松愉快的事，第一，他是个喜欢做家事的居家男人，但是千万别在他做家事的时侯，跷个腿在客厅里看电视，那太伤他的心了，请在他身边用温柔感谢的眼光看着他，他会做得非常起劲。他很有金钱观念，多数巨蟹座的男人对赚钱的兴趣比花钱高得多，因为金钱往往会给他安全感，他并不吝啬，但是，他不会喜欢你花钱去买一些没“价值”的东西。如果你花了很多钱去买流行的饰品，他会觉得有点浪费。他宁愿帮你买一颗钻石，因为钻石起码可以“保值”。对他而言，“价值感”是很重要的，你最好培养自己正确的花钱观念。

　　对了！千万不要随便丢他的旧东西，对怀旧的巨蟹座来说，一本旧书，或是一个破闹钟，都可能是他的无价之宝。我认识很多巨蟹座的男人都有收集的嗜好，有的收藏古董、还有的收集火柴盒。

　　对人讲述他的收集品的来源，对他来说是一大乐事，你最好能分享他的嗜好，如果你实在没兴趣，至少不要在他重复地把那些“旧东西”搬出来欣赏的时侯，唠唠叨叨的数落个没完。

　　缅怀过去的人、事、物，对他是种享受，也是一辈子改不了的习惯。其实，你应该很高兴。对怀旧的他来说你可能也是愈老愈值钱呢！很多巨蟹座男人对母亲有着依恋的情感。温柔的母亲可能是他成长过程中最大的依赖，在你们的交往过程中，你可能不时的听到他提起：“我妈妈…”。

　　不要没道理的吃醋，不要故意唱反调。聪明的你，最好不要制造婆媳问题，你要尊重你的婆婆，让他教你怎么照顾你的螃蟹，那不就是化阻力为助力了吗？偶尔你可能会觉得缺乏成就感，因为巨蟹座的男人通常都把自己照顾得太好了。我认识的每一个蟹座男人，几乎都是皮鞋擦得雪亮，衬衫和西裤上的线条烫得平平整整的，他们做家事的本领常常比太太高明。如果你热心的帮他做这些事，他可能会嫌你做得不够快，不够好呢。不要生气，你应该乐得轻松才对啊！不过还是要记得常常夸奖他的能干，常常表示出乐于为他服务的样子，你会过得既轻松，又愉快。

　　永远记得“温柔”就是你最有力的武器。

　　巨蟹座的男人与“性”

　　巨蟹座的男人在“性”的方面，仍然保持了一贯的腼腆，因此他很少会有粗暴的表现，也很难有大胆的调情。但是他始终很进入情况，如果你要求的是非常“完整”而且激情的性爱，你应该居于主导的地位：让他感觉到你对他的渴望，将会是莫大的鼓舞。如果他真的爱你，巨蟹座的男人在这一方面是非常忠实的。

　　巨蟹座的爸爸

　　他对孩子的照顾可以说是无微不至，他的细心和关怀，让孩子很清楚的感觉到无限的爱。

　　他对孩子的耐性可能还远超过你。很少男人能像蟹座的男人，在孩子身上花那么多的时间，正因为如此，当孩子渐渐长大不再那么需要他的时侯，他会觉得难过，甚至不愿面对这样的事实。

　　孩子可能会开始埋怨他给他们的限制太多了，你应该从一开始就尽量开导他，避免这样的情况发生，而且你要不断的提醒他，就算有一天孩子长大了，离开了，你还是会永远陪在他身边的。

处女座的女人

　　你想拥有一个处女座的女子吗？首先，请把肩膀上的头皮拍一拍，头发梳梳整齐，指甲剪干净，换一套清清爽爽（还带点洗衣粉香味）的衣服。然后你再慢慢的走近她。处女座的女子虽不见得个个貌美如花，但她百分之百是干净、清爽的。而且，她会要求你同样合乎她的标准。

　　很多人对处女座的女人有着传统、纯洁、保守的印象。就像古时侯养在深宅大院的黄花大闺女。关于这一点我们可得要修正一下。

　　处女座的女性比较含蓄害羞是没错的，你几乎无法看到一个处女座的女人在大庭广众大声喧哗，或是作出夸张的粗俗的动作。他们很细致，很像个大家闺秀的样子。至于是否纯洁、传统、保守，那就得看你对这些形容词如何解释了。

　　处女座的女人虽然不会是女性运动的发启者，但也绝不会传统盲目的接受一些不合理的安排。她虽然很少大声疾呼，但内心却很有自已的主张，而且固执的很呢！对于爱情、婚姻，她当然十分尊重，同时她也会尽心尽力的付出。但是当认定了这是一段不值得眷恋的感情之后，她会义无反顾的转身而去。平时的她，看起来总有一种宁静安详的气质，但请不要因此而忽略她绝顶冷静、实际的头脑。

　　处女座的女子往往会传达出一股自我压抑的气氛。这对许多男性来说，反到是一种特殊的吸引力。不过你千万不要用过度热情的方式追求她，粗俗的求爱行动会把她吓跑的。处女座的女人的确会压抑自已的情绪，但是她绝对不是没有情绪。只是你必须要有耐性罢了。寻找到理想中爱情的处女座女子，是非常热情而且浪漫的。这一点肯定值得你期待。

　　你一定听说过，她是个完美主义者，一切事情都要求尽善尽美。处女座的女人实在很难忍受一个粗心大意笨手笨脚的人。还好她不是个喜欢要求别人帮忙的人，多数的时侯，她都会把自已的事情打理的妥妥贴贴，只是拜托你不要鸡婆的去打扰她就行了。

　　而至于你所做的事情，如果你要请教她意见的话，最好先有一点心理准备。处女座的女人总能在你认为一切完美的情况下挑出一大堆毛病来。真的，她们往往有着与生俱来的分析与批评能力。我认识一对夫妻，太太是处女座的，她的老公有一次告诉我说：“我们结婚快十年了，好象从来没有做过任何事情是完全符合她的标准的。她总会在我刚打扫完的浴室里找出一大堆头发。我刚洗过的碗上面发现油渍。我刚记完的帐上挑出错误。我学聪明了，这些事儿干脆全拜托她了，省得自已呕！”这一招倒是挺管用的，也正因为如此，处女座的女人往往给人一种辛勤工作的印象，反正，能者多劳嘛！

　　不过，你最好要记得，不要随便批评一个处女座女人。关于这一点她们的确是比较缺乏雅量的。在任何情况下，要她低头认错都是很困难的。或许你会觉得不公平，但是请你了解她严苛的自我要求已经对自已造成很大的压力了，别人的批评她自然会受不了！其实她嘴上不承认，心里可明白的很！

　　不要对你的处女座情人诉说一大堆遥不可及的梦想，她要的可是真真实实的人生。你那些不够实际的计划，会被她批评的漏洞百出。结果只是你自已讨没趣而已。但凭良心说，当你真的遇到问题的时侯，处女座的女人是非常好的谈话对象。她会非常乐意为你分忧解劳。同时，以她冷静清晰的头脑，帮你理出事情的头绪。处女座的女人总是能以理性而且温和的态度，扮演好一个贤内助的角色。

　　你们的家会很干净，但也可能太干净了一些。我有个朋友说他最害怕请朋友到家里去了，因为他那位处女座的太太总是五分钟倒一次烟灰缸。要不就是把客人喝了还剩小半杯的咖啡，以迅雷不及掩耳的速度收走。只要是有人用过洗手间，她一定赶快进去清理一遍。弄得大家都十分的尴尬。当然，你的那位处女座小姐应该不至于那么离谱。不过，你还是要有心理准备。她可能每天得花一两个小时在浴室里，从头洗到脚，她可是一丝不苟，而且，她讨厌你催她。

　　不要打乱她的生活秩序，处女座的女孩喜欢生活按部就班，如果你迟到、爽约，把她的时刻表弄得一团糟，她会非常生气。当一个处女座女子生气的时侯，她虽然不会张牙舞爪，但是她会一条条的数落你的罪状，遣辞用句精准有力。而你唯一的办法就是诚心认错，别做无谓的辩驳。

　　娶了她，你就有了一个一流的会计师。你的帐本会清清楚楚，分毫不差。她不会喜欢闹情绪。她会把自已打理的整整齐齐，不让自已变成黄脸婆。你每天下班回家，都会有热腾腾的晚餐。至于你的一切烦脑，她都会乐于分担，他会耐心的听你诉苦、冷静的为你分析。你知道她是个完美主义者，她会努力地做一个完美的妻子。

　　因此，对于她那点吹毛求疵的毛病。和她要求你每天一定要洗澡的要求，你当然应该“欣然”的接受啦！

　　处女座的女人与“性”

　　顾名思义，处女座的女子在性方面是内向而害羞的。虽然她内心对这一件事情有着无比的渴望与好奇，但实际付诸行动仍要耗费许多时间和努力。

　　同时，许多处女座的女性在性方面有着洁僻的倾向。过度的调情会让她心生恐惧。明亮的场所，大胆的动作，她都很排斥。但本身器官的感应度十分敏锐。对异性来说反而有另一种型态的性感。

　　处女座的女人与十二个星座的男人

　　1　白羊座：虽然属向不合，却常有配对的可能。彼此之间有着特殊的吸引力。

　　2　金牛座：他的稳重踏实，是你欣赏的特质。而你的含蓄内敛，正是他所追求的女性典型。

　　3　双子座：你们彼此都欣赏对方冷静机智的头脑。但做事的方法却有很大的差异。

　　4　巨蟹座：他谨慎含蓄的态度，让你觉得与他相处是一件愉快的事。不过你们都应该学习避免挑剔对方的毛病。

　　5　狮子座：你或许不太能接受他有些夸耀的态度。而你的爱的方式，或许对他来说不够热情。

　　6　处女座：过多相同的时侯，会让你们一起工作时得到共鸣，但失去创意。至于“来电”的感觉，恐怕有待努力。

　　7　天秤座：在许多方面你们都能配合的很好。至于实际的生活，天秤座的男人讲求的是“大原则”，而处女座的你可就太注重细节了。

　　8　天蝎座：你们之间的距离可以拉得很近，天蝎座的男人有能力激发出你原本压抑的热情。

　　9　射手座：虽然他的粗心急躁跟你的谨慎保守完全不同，但这样的男人却很容易成为你牵肠挂肚的对向。

　　10　摩羯座：你们相处在一起的气氛可能有点沉闷，但彼此却是可以了解与配合的对象。

　　11　水瓶座：你们的思想方式有很大的差距。所幸彼此都不是很有支配欲的人，因此和平相处的问题不大。

　　12　双鱼座：虽然彼此都很乐于分担对方的喜乐忧伤，但是，基本上双鱼座的浪漫和处女座的实际却有着很大的冲突。

One definite answer..

2007-09-22T14:29:00.000+08:00

i always have the habit of keeping msn conversation history, so tat i can flip back to see wat had i written these yrs.. i was extracting my old msn history fr my laptop as it had spoilt, i wana keep it before it's being thrown away.. it happened tat i was viewin the conversation between me n apple.. i realised tat i had reli changed from a "green & ignorant" gal to a slightly beta gal over these 2+ yrs.. many tings had happened within the short 2.5 yrs n lots of changes were being seen too.. n i'm rather confirmed with wat kind of answer tat i will be givin, unless something happen tat changes my mind..

..sadded..

2007-09-14T21:49:00.001+08:00

Today is a day where all emotions came to overcome me, n alot of thoughts came into my mind, which pushes me to write this blog.. Have an urge to cry, but I didnt.. In the end, I guess I didnt have the courage to let apple noe abt this verbally..

.....my last day in fp

I didnt shed a single tear today, bcuz I didnt wan them to see me cry.. I came here happily, thus I wana leave here happily too.. I was very upset, bcuz I had gained many knowledge, frens n experience there.. many gd n bad memories there.. we are just like one big family.. I loved them as my family..

.....inferiority strikes me again..

I was told tat my grandma was diagnosed with diabetes last nite.. upon hearin, I was kinda accepting, but I knew the same old prob wil come back again.. the internal affairs.. something I always hated.. something I am very sick of.. something tat I had always kept a blind eye to it.. money issue within e family.. as my grandma wil require medicine n treatment, takin care of her n money became an issue.. someone suggested hirin a maid to take care of her, bt my uncle actually said this: who dare to hire maid, den tat family hv to take her home, bcuz everyone treated her as a "trouble".. now they r suggestin to send her to a daycare centre or old folk's home, n e siblings wil hv to share.. n I knew they sure r calculative abt the money.. everyone started to list out their difficulties n blah blah blah, tryin to siam..

there are so much more to be touched on, but I'm not in the mood to continue..

Apple?

2007-09-09T22:07:00.000+08:00

I had done an interesting ting last nite.. I sent a sms to apple, tellin him sth tat i nv reli told him b4, cuz it had been in my mind for the last 3 nites.. e reason tat i sent out tat sms is i was reli moved by his actions.. it might be a small minor ting, bt it had meant alot to me, n i told myself, i need to let him noe this.. i took almost 30 mins b4 sendin out e sms, cuz no words can reli express wat i wana say.. bt i was afraid to see e reply, so i went to slp ( i was tired too..) wen i got up in e morn, i saw the reply, quite a relief cuz it warms my heart.. i nv had a heart warmin feelin b4, even wen i was with 77 back then.. at most only silly smile for some time.. but these times with apple, upon seein his sms or tinkin abt the tings, e heart jus warm up by itself, n of cuz e silly smiles..

back to e topic, wat makes me hv e courage to reli send out tat sms ( i was shy hor..) hmm, can say it's e present tat i received 3 days back.. my bday was over so long, n i told him not to get me a present since he oredi went out with me on my bday.. i nv told him wat i liked, cuz i dun reli like to accept presents thou i like to give.. bt i was reli surprised n touched wen he passed me tat gift.. tat ting is so similar to me.. turtle.. i was reli reli lost for words, wat i did was holdin to tat present tightly.. i'm reli not a gd talker wen it comes to such tings..

i had touched on other tings in my other smses to him, but i felt reli shy, n i was blushin wen he replied back, askin wat i wana ask him.. bt e details i wun touch on now, cuz it's a story.. mayb a so-called my fairytale story..? bt i was kinda worried, am i too hasty to say sth out.. hope i din give him a fright.. haha.. bt now i reli duno how to ........ hahaha..

Past week..

2007-09-02T11:14:00.000+08:00

Had a generally simple n happy bday on mon, thou short, yet fulfilling.. except for the nite part whereby my bro spoilt the entire mood.. until now i stil cant figure out is it reli my fault, but i jus forget it.. no pt in arguing with him, wen he likes to be in the rite.. bt it always land me in tears everytime such case happen.. i hate it.. he is my greatest weakest pt to the contrast of the strong me outside..

as usual, jus as i expected, my bday sabotage was missed again.. bt it can be a gd or bad ting, dependin on how i view it.. gd is i wun get sabo, bad is tat's e last one this yr.. forget it la.. wat for broodin over such a small matter.. bday can be a big or small ting.. big is u only celebrate it once a yr, small is it is jus like any other days.. (i always like to see tings in different views, as to minimise the disappointment or expectation) kan kai yi dian ba.. life oredi so stressed, dun get bothered le la.. (seemed like talkin abt myself..haha..)

Hmm..overall..stil considered happy ba..i prefer happiness over sadness thou i'm kinda moody over the past wk over my bro matter, but i noe wat wil make me happy..hehe..sometimes small actions or words tat one may felt insignificant, it may mean alot to the other party..i was being cheered up by simple words written, n my moodiness went off wenever i read those words..one gd ting afterall.. isnt it?

Live life simply, thou said is easier than done, but it's all in e mind.. control ur life, not life control u..

.23.

2007-08-27T22:24:00.003+08:00

I am 23 today le.. haiz.. older by another yr le.. but this oso means a new chapter to my life.. time to grow up a little bit more.. was doin some reflections over the past few days, n made some decisions n tinkin.. first of all, i have decided to delete all blogs with regards to 77 (but it wil take some time as there's quite alot to clear).. it made me realised tat by writin all those blogs only tells me one ting, i cant let go of the whole matter.. anyway, 1 full yr had passed, n i'm fortunate to have Apple all these along, thou it's only recently den i found out a secret abt him.. haha.. no matter wat physical or mental "damages" tat i had incurred, it's reli time to let go, so tat i can carry on with my life.. one final conclusion tat i can say abt him is he doesnt know of one word - "CHERISH".. i'm alrite with anythin bcuz i respect the other party, but tat doesnt mean u can do anythin to me n take me for granted..

I had a great and wonderful day today, bcuz I had fulfilled my little wish of spending my bday with someone i like - apple.. It's a short and brief meeting, but it's rather fulfilling as I managed to see the "emotional/sentimental" side of him.. Thou I didnt manage to get my bday wish of goin to the zoo this year, I believe I wil get the chance as he promised me.. hehe..

As usual, we met up at jur pt which is near his house as he jus finished a run yest, thus his legs were kinda jelly.. it was kinda amusing to see him walkin this way, but it's not good to laugh at others.. haha.. Had a short walk ard the premises before we proceeded for our lunch at billy bombers.. Either the serving was too large, or I was not hungry (as I'm able to have him with me on my bday), I had leftover for my serving, and he "helped" me to clear.. haha.. startin to get used to accepting food fr guys - he was the one who started it.. I passed him some of the stuffs that I got for him wen I was at Genting over the past few days, and he prepared a birthday card for me (but he got it last min, so he was rushin to write out the contents..)

I started to wonder whether we got telepathy (心有灵犀) everytime, bcuz I was tinkin of watchin the movie 《881》 before I came to meet him.. and before I told him abt the movie, he said that he had bought the tickets.. We went to catch the show after our lunch, and something interesting happened due to my "silly-ness".. Usually wen I catch a movie with my frens, we have the tendency to tear the tickets and distribute to the person who was sitting on that seat, so....I just tore the tickets accordingly and pass his ticket to him, and that was where I realised I did sth wrong.. His reaction was so comical.. Guessed he was surprised to see me tearin the tickets, and I got surprised abt his reaction too bcuz I knew I did sth wrong liao.. Our conversation was like:
“你撕了啊？”
“Huh，不能撕啊？”
“Then，你就收着它吧。”

It was only later den I know that the movie tickets meant something.. Normally ppl will keep the tickets attached bcuz it means that a couple wil not split up.. But cant blame me ma, how would I know abt such tings..? In the end, I went home to stick the 2 tickets back-to-back, using double-sided tape.. Haha..

Back to the movie.. There were some parts in the movie that was very touchin.. and me, being an emotional gal, of cuz cried la.. but wat I din expect was that I saw him cryin too.. My first reaction was like: "How come a guy like him, cried too..?" (cuz I have nv seen a guy cried while watchin a movie, normally they are like "cold-blooded" animals) But after a few seconds, I realised that it was the sentimental side of him.. Frankly speakin, his tears touched my heart cuz it's very rare to find a guy who wil cry like this, and it oso meant other tings too..

After the movie, we walked for abit more b4 he sent me to the MRT station and tat's was the end of my 23rd birthday.. the very first time I celebrated my birthday with a guy.. hehe..

Personality Test

2007-08-11T11:24:00.000+08:00

Summary
Tan Sandy, your responses indicate that you are an intensely persuasive and determined person. You delegate details and obtain technical support whenever it is possible. Your inclination is to deal with a project's key elements rather than its specifics. Too much definite structure and regulation affects your level of comfort. Since you are a very likeable person who takes time to listen to people, it is probable that you have many acquaintances and friends.

Communication Style
Tan Sandy, you have strong social skills and are excellent at quickly establishing rapport. You enjoy talking to people and do so with enthusiasm and spontaneity. Your style of fast, lively expression is both engaging and effective. You are a fluent speaker who expresses thoughts quickly, optimistically, and persuasively.

Also, Tan Sandy, you respond to people with flexibility and open-mindedness. You relay a tone that is uninhibited, creative, and, at times, quite independent.

You enjoy talking and can put people at ease. You use a fun, indirect style of communication. You are people-oriented and can easily relate with another person's point of view.

Tan Sandy, you are a natural team player. You readily delegate authority, and you embrace training. You do not care to be involved with too many technical details. You let others set game plans, priorities and time frames.

You function well when you are allowed a lot of people-interaction. You would rather talk about details than write them down. You enjoy being the focus of attention.

Leadership Style
Leadership Style: Persuasive
You perform your leadership role by using your excellent ability to interpret people's actions and dialogue, and then by persuading them to do things your way. You like a leadership role, function in a manner suitable to your environment, and support teamwork. You develop your people with enthusiasm. You delegate details freely and may be disinclined to delegate authority. You actively promote change and look for new ways of reaching goals.

Conscientiousness
You may tend to work more diligently at those tasks that are most interesting to you. You may place more emphasis on satisfying your personal needs than on achieving traditional goals and accomplishments. It is possible that personal anxieties or emotions may have a negative impact on your work. You may prefer to work at your own pace, rather than follow someone else's fixed schedule.

Motivational Needs
Tan Sandy, you tend to be motivated by a great deal of interaction with people, and by identifying with a prestigious organization with a good public image. You desire opportunities to make more money for yourself, or to improve your status within the organization. You are motivated by praise, public recognition, and by acceptance. You are most productive when working as a team player, and when you are liked by others.

You tend to be demotivated if your territory or opportunity is reduced in size, or if you are not allowed a significant amount of people-interaction or teamwork. Insufficient recognition from management and/or peers can also affect your motivation. You can be demotivated by a perception of not being personally liked, and by not being invited to meetings with peers.

Primary Motivators
• A lot of interaction with people.
• Meeting new people and making friends.
• Opportunities to make more money and improve status.
• Being a team player within the organization.
• Praise and public recognition.
• Identifying with an organization that has prestige and a good public image.
• Awareness of what is going on in the organization.
• Acceptance and being liked by others.

Primary Demotivators
• You perceive you are not liked.
• You are not invited into meetings with your peers.
• Your territory, (opportunity) is reduced in size.
• You feel you are not part of the team.
• You do not have enough people contact.

Emotional Intelligence
Tan Sandy, your responses indicate that you tend to understand the emotional makeup of others, and to accurately sense what other people are feeling. In addition, you are able to attune your own style to the emotional reactions of others. Because you find it easy to see the world from another person's perspective, it is likely that you associate with a diverse group of people.

No More 'L' Plate Driver...!!

2007-08-07T10:52:00.000+08:00

I'm a qualified driver as from yest le...Yippee...Hooray...Haha.. Finally passed on my 3rd attempt, i thought i wil fail again, bcuz my drivin is stil quite shaky before the test... lucky the tester let me pass after beggin him, bcuz i made a small mistake yet big enough to fail.. I reli prayed very hard b4 the test, cuz i desperately wan to pass... the reason to pass is not bcuz of the license, but to be able to drive my mom around in a car - tat's my main motive to learn drivin.. n next is someone told me tat i could drive his "wife" if i pass, which gave me another punch... n oso the cute mango who told me this, "dun pass, mango wil not talk to orange, u dare u fail lor.."

before the test, while sittin in the room, i was holdin on to the turtle tat apple gave me, tellin it tat it must let me pass.. n it did.. i was reli shakin after the event... but heaved a gigantic sigh of relief, imagine 3 times liao.. very stressed de leh, n everyone is there to cheer n encourage me to pass..

i have oredi fulfilled my wish of gettin my license b4 my bday, n to leave fp after i get my next mth bonus so tat i can fly... next on wil be my wish to go to the zoo.. hope to fulfil it.. jiayou!!

Confession Part 2 - Present

2007-08-02T12:25:00.001+08:00

For the second part of my confession, I shall cover the present of my status… Actually I duno is it a rite move to write this out, but since I dun hv the courage to say it out to the person directly, I guess this is the best alternative way tat I can express my tinkin n feelings out… I noe wat r the consequences for being frank, but this ting had been in my mind for some time, n with the “motivation” of my frens, I tink it’s beta tat I wrote it out n carry on with my life… Gambatte!!

The someone tat I wil cover in this part of the confession is someone tat I considered as my close (special) fren, though we had knew each other for merely more than 2 yrs, but I owed some tings to him, which I’l like to express my gratitude to him here too…

Stil tinkin where to start from, mayb start from how we actually got acquainted n became frens… My first “alien” fren, bcuz I did not get to know him thru work or studies, instead I got to know him thru Friendster…

3rd May 2005, while loggin on Friendster to check on daily updates, I received a msg from a guy tat I dun even noe at all… Wat reli caught my attention was his msg, which was telling me tat I had a nice smile, n I was like…??? But I stil replied his msg, cuz I felt tat there’s no harm makin a new fren…

14th May, we officially became frens bcuz I had added him in my msn contacts… We doesn’t seemed to be ppl who chatted for the very first time, we were simply crapping all the conversation, guessed it helped a lot in breakin the ice tat most ppl had when they first chatted with unfamiliar ppl… n from then, we wil exchanged sms of craps, n sometimes I wil ask him to chat online too… It was reli nice n pleasant to noe someone who I was skeptical to noe in the first place, as most ppl/parents will say, dun ever get to noe ppl from the net, they r no gd ppl…

At tat pt of time, I was rather curious to noe how he looked like, cuz I was only being shown a photo with his sunglasses on… To me, he was a mysterious person (or to my kind of mindset then?) Therefore after I came back from my China trip, I started contactin him again, n here comes the chance…

8th June 2005, I happened to noe tat he’s not driving to work, instead he was traveling on train, thus I “grabbed” this oppt to have a first meeting with him at Bedok interchange after my training session… Tat meetin reli left a deep impression in my mind bcuz wat he described abt him reli fits perfectly… Got a slight shock wen I saw him for the very first time… He described himself as an ah beng, no matter is it comes to talking, walking n looked like one… But appearances doesn’t matter wen it comes to knowing someone, bcuz wat reli matters was the person sincerely in making frens with u?

Mayb I was stil naïve n silly, or is it bcuz of my curious/kpo character, I loved to ask a lot of questions from my frens, n he was one of them who I asked a lot of stupid questions, which I felt so bad abt some of the tings tat I had asked then, esp it’s with regards to bgr matters… I was unaware n insensitive to y he somehow avoided those issues…

He is a very gentlemen-liked person, which I couldn’t accept his “actions” n his kind of sharing his concern to his frens… I stil remembered the first time he offered to send me home, I was like, dun need la, my house very near n I dun need a guy to send me home, it’s not as if I’m tat type of pretty n demure gals who need guys to send me home… Since young, I was the kind of tomboyish person, n I was near to a butch, lucky I didn’t become one, so I reli accept tis kind of kindness back then…

But it’s oso bcuz of his way of sharing and caring, changed my perspective towards tings… I started to accept this kind of kindness, n I oso started sending such messages to my fellow frens, n started accepting the fact tat it’s a form of courtesy for a guy to send a gal home safely… n at least I’m not as tomboy-ish as compared to before…

*if u r a careful reader, u wil be able to see tat this blog is written at different period of the yr…*

As time goes by, the frenship gradually changes… fr a net fren to normal fren to gd fren to close fren, n now, I will consider him as a very special fren, bcuz of his actions n words over these 2 yrs… n I wil touch on the last part y is it tat I chose to give up continue writing in the first place, n now I decided to write again…

It seemed like I’m full of praises of him, n describing him until he’s like very noble… but the actual fact is no one is noble, I’m jus stating the facts only… sometimes a small action to u might mean a big meaning to others… it all depends on the situation tat u r in… no one is perfect in this world, neither is he or me… no one has the right to criticize another unless he or she is perfect… so wat I’m sayin here is thou I’ve been sayin his positive pts, he does have his negative pts, but not tat much for me to touch on…

Hmmm… thru out the 2+ yrs, we had met up for a couple of times – lunches at simei, “window-cleaning” shoppin at jur pt, n a few times at the city… but to talk abt the more memorable events with him, wil be the lunches at simei, meetin him up near his house, n the meetings “re”-started in July… but before all these, I wil like to touch on the part tat I started to realize tat I might have a kind of special feelin towards him…

Duno is it bcuz we knew each other thru other sources, which made us has no link at all (such as thru work or study), I had cultivated a habit to tell him almost everything, whether is it crap or serious one… there are some of the tings tat I had never tell anyone else before… but there is one tat I took some hesitation before I told him, I oso duno y… tat is – my r’ship with 77… bt b4 I actually told him tat matter, something tat we conversed on msn left me a deep impression, until now I stil cant figure out whether is it real or false…

I stil remembered tat we were crapping as usual on msn last July, n I cant remembered y we started talking abt some bgr issue… den he made a sentence (probably jus a casual remark), “if I did not have any commitments now, I will go after u…” (I can’t remember the actual sentence, but this is the rough one)… strange to say, my first tinkin n reaction was, “y didn’t he say it earlier?”, but bcuz I was with 77, so I jus brush off the thoughts cuz he might be jokin…

I was reli grateful to him for the days he was with me, physically or mentally, esp durin the days after I went separate ways with 77… I was somehow very dependent on him, bcuz I duno who else can I turn to except my best fren, but she had her problems then… He was there to help me to walk the painful path, but to tink of it now, I reli felt very bad… bcuz I hoped I did not treat him as a substitute back then…

Our meetings became more frequent this yr, thou only for a short while, but I was contented enough to have accompaniment… I took a short 1 wk break in Jan, n I was almost meeting him up for lunch everyday at simei, n tat was the time tat the special feelin became very strong til I almost got an urge to blurt it out, but luckily I controlled it… but tat was where I started to accept a new action of his… givin his food to me… I stil remembered the first time he passed the food to me, I was totally shocked, cuz I have never experienced tat, neither did I have the habit of givin my food to others, cuz they might be receptive towards it… but now, used to it le la… hahaha…

I went to his house abt 3 or 4 times le… n I tink I was reli shy by nature ba… the first time I went to his house, I stil remembered I was blushin n I did not say anything much while eatin, bt I somehow sensed eyes were lookin at me… (mayb I tink too much?) The second time was durin the CNY period, n it was a few days after I asked him out on Vday… (I was rather surprised tat I managed to ask a guy out on vday, which most guys dun… he gave me a very cute turtle hp accessory, n I gave him a four leaf clover key chain…) Back to the pt, tat was the first time I went to a fren’s house for CNY… the third time was a very brief one, he wanted to get something fr his house, so I went up to wait for awhile… the fourth time to his house is the start of the determining factor tat I started to write this blog entry again…

Backtrack abit… I was sayin earlier tat I nearly blurted out tings, which I didn’t… His care n concern then was there to fill in the holes tat I had, which makes the special feelings grew… but I dun hv the courage to say it out, so my fren was telling to drop a hint… So the time came, we were conversing in msn as usual, n I duno wat came into me, I said something like this, “if I have a bf like u, it would be good…” but the reply was, “rubbish…” I was kinda aback by the reply, bt tat made me realized tat he might have always treated me as a gd fren only… from there on, I took a step back, n decided not to tink into it anymore… but I was stil abit vulnerable, esp seein 77 again, n hearin his tings again, which brought the memories back… but I didn’t slip myself into it too much…

There comes the day tat my fren suggested to me to go UK to meet up with her, n I thought it’s a gd idea oso… bcuz tat is not the time to tink abt bgr, n I’m sick of my work too, mayb goin to a new environment wil be beta… bt I kept on bearin tis tiny hope of mine which I tink it’s time to give up tat hope too… tat is – tat special someone is to appear n make me stay… tat is one of the reason tat I haven book the ticket til now, besides waitin for my bonus to come…

I told him my decision to go UK to work durin one of our meetings, n tat night I got another surprise, I got a ride home in his car… cuz normally he will walk me to the MRT station, den I wil take the train home n probably send him a sms wen I got home… it was reli thrilling n exciting to get a ride home… I’m too easily contented hor…? N on another occasion, I managed to bring him to Mustafa, which we agreed on last yr, tat he bring me to zoo, I bring him to Mustafa… Here comes the story… of me meeting up with him in July this yr… which till now I’m stil in the midst of happy-ness…

Ever since I resumed work after my leave in march, I have been quite busy as I was being transferred to grocery, something tat I have not much knowledge in… as time goes by, the time with my peers reduced greatly, except meeting aloy, whose office is located nearby… n shun bian can send me home in his van… haha…

On 7th July, it was my offday, n I was out for lunch with aloy, den he was sayin he had a dinner appt with someone else at 6pm, so he asked me where do I wana go… I didn’t wan to go back home so soon, cuz it had been a long time since I came out on my offday, so since he is goin towards jurong area, jus drop me there… something struck me wen I told him to send me to jurong area… as I was rather busy earlier, it had been some time since I met up with him, n durin one of our casual sms conversation, (if I din remember wrongly) he was sayin tat it had been a long time since we met up, den a sudden surge of guilt came up, n the tot of finding him pop up too… I was practically tryin my luck cuz it’s a sat evening, not many ppl wil be at home at tat time, except ppl like my bro… haha…

Back to the pt, I called him up n asked whether is he at home or outside, n wana meet up, but if he is not free, den it’s ok… he was at home, n told me tat his twin nephews were at his house, n asked me whether I wana come over… i’m always very interested in the twins, n naturally I was excited n agreed to it… when I reached his house, n saw the twins, I was very happy, but here comes the question, who is who…? (til now I stil duno how to differentiate, only can see tat the older one has a stronger personality, n the younger one is more easy going…) as a big kid myself, I loved seein kids, my eyes were practically following them, seein their moves n actions, even wen I was eating…

We left for jurong pt after dinner, n he was askin me whether wil I be free the following sat, he wana ask me out for dinner… I told him I wil be on noon shift tat day, but fri wil be my offday… in my mind, I knew his bday is comin n wanted to ask him the day b4 (bcuz I assumed tat he wil wan to spend it with his family n frens on actual day), but tat moment, it jus din strike my mind tat he is askin me out on his bday, n it was abt the end of the “tour”, den I realized the date he asked me was the actual date (how retarded I am, rite?) I knew in my mind tat I die die have to change my shift, bcuz it’s his bday leh… as usual I thot he wil send me to the mrt, n I take the train home as it wasn’t very late tat day, so wen he said he wil drive me home, I was surprised (again), but I was always very excited to sit in his car as compared to other ppl, duno y… I told him I wil get back to him regardin my shift asap before I got off his car… but tat was the start of my happy-ness, or rather I was easily contented? Thou it was only a few hrs meeting, he reli made my day + seein his twins too… hehe…

Here comes the day… thou I went back on time, I was caught up in a terrible jam, n in the end I was late… I stil remembered seein his surprised face wen I passed him his present… (I went to get him an Adidas tee the previous day which was my offday…) I guessed he did not expect me to remember tat day was his bday n got him a present ba… wen he told me tat we wil be eating with his whole family, I din react much bcuz I tink I somehow expected it, but I thought he would have asked some other frens along… as usual, I was soooo shy n I could feel my face was blushin… n I kept on lookin at the twins… but havin the honor to celebrate his bday with him n his family, I felt reli blessed n fortunate… tat was the first time I ate with a fren’s family… n I could reli sense the strong bond n family warmth tat I have been lookin forward too… for a very short moment, my mind went a little out, but I dragged it back fast cuz I was tinkin it was impossible tat he…

After the dinner, we went for a brief walk before he sent me home, n his parents followed his sis’ car back home… on the way back, we chattin quite abit, talking abt his work n so on… den he was touchin on the present tat I got him, sayin tat I’m the 4th person who gave him a t-shirt after his mom, sis n ex… den out of a sudden, I duno y my mind ran wild n thought of this, “if only I’m his present..” but I jus shrugged off the thought immediately… tat day is a very very very happy day, bcuz I never experienced tat before…

I met him up again for lunch n dinner separately the day of stocktake n right after stocktake, n durin the dinner meeting, he brought me to the heartland areas near where he lived, somewhere I never been to, n not exactly found in my neighborhood (little India?)… can say thou first time there, I quite like the heartland bcuz it felt close to heart as compared to those high-class areas… like those 1980s or 1990s days… after dinner, it’s time to go home again… n was lookin forward to e next meetin on tat coming sun, bcuz he was the one who initiated it, which he seldom, bcuz normally I was the one who asked him out… haha… so at tat pt of time, I reli felt very fortunate to have known such a fren like him n maintain the kind of frenship til so long, n tinkin tat he had treated me as a gd fren only… until the next day, someone told me something…

During a casual chat, I told someone my recent updates, n I told him everything cuz there’s nth to hide ma, n he was sayin this to me tat this guy might be interested in me, I was like “Impossible!! How would he be interested in me? He treats me like a very gd fren only, isnt it?” but he was telling me this, a guy wil not anyhow bring a gal home, unless is doin proj or in a big group… for one moment, I was stunned… bcuz to me, I had always thought it was perfectly normal for a guy or gal to bring an opposite gender home casually or wat, but I stil try to calm myself down by telling myself wat if he’s reli the odd one out, n tink nth abt bringin a gal home casually as his house is so near the mrt station?

I didn’t reli slp well tat nite, n I went on to ask a couple of guys the next day, n most of them told me the same ans, a guy will not anyhow bring a gal home unless she’s someone he is interested in, bcuz tat is the gal he wan to show to the parents for approval, before takin the next step… I was like “huh… it’s reli like tat meh? How come I’m so stupid as to not realizing it, wen I was the one who always taught guys how to woo gals…?” bt no matter wat, I have to pull myself back to the logical side, bcuz wat if tings weren’t like wat the guys analysed? It wil only become a bigger disappointment… so I tell myself, whether is it real or not, I wil treat it as normal, let everything take its place, wat wil be, wil be; wat wil not be, wil not be (basically rubbish la)… but after hearin all those, I tink my level of observation n alertness increased…

The long awaited Sunday came… wun reli touch on the details cuz I felt tat I’m SUPER long-winded in the details earlier, but it’s a story ma, so must write longer n I can remember if I ever forget… I had a happy day jus by sharing our jokes n nonsense, even b4 the meetin, tat call fr him was enough to make me laugh til stomach pain… hahaha… towards the end of the meeting, something tat he did alerted me… my sixth sense sensed something, but mayb I’m wrong la… something tat I wil shun away if some other ppl did tat… (dun tink dirty ar…) mayb it’s jus a form of courtesy, or his way of doin tings, I duno n there’s no way I can find out the answer… jus treat it normal lor…

If u wan to noe wat happened later, watch out for my updates…

Something true abt me...

2007-08-02T01:15:00.000+08:00

肖鼠处女座解密处女座／肖鼠

处女肖鼠者是精神奕奕而善于分析的人，肖鼠者的进取心加上处女座的经营才智，使他们从不对任何事疯狂或愚昧地深陷那其中——爱情除外。

处女肖鼠者与众不同之处在于他们完全不受外来的压力干扰。他们做他们认为必须做的事，而不被同事或对手催逼困迫。“等一下！”，处女肖鼠者会在一项重要的会议中举起手“让我想想。”如果他需要那样多的时间自脑海中搜出资料，他会不计时间的反复思考。他们最适合单独工作。

正因处女肖鼠者兴味盎然地钻入自己的知识领域里，斟研事情，有时他们很难倾听或采用他人的意见，当他人陈述意见时，他们似乎显得异常专注完全吸收，然而令人惊奇地——事后他们并未消化任何别人所提供的意见。他们可能只将某些事实存入他们私人的知识系统中。

当然，处女肖鼠者也有另一面过分情绪化而容易冲动的人，能从处女肖鼠者身上得到协助。他们常能自不同的角度来考虑事情。如果你向处女肖鼠座者哭诉难以处理的麻烦，你注意，他们会说“坐下来，宽宽心，好好想一想，这次又是是什么事？”当你自泪湿的手帕中抬头上望时，处女肖鼠者已站在电话旁。通常他在你喘第一口气之前，就已着手打电话给你的敌人。他无需听完所有的细节,而能立刻汰杂存著抓住要点，瞧！他已经与那个家伙谈上了。

处女肖鼠者对亲属与朋友的关系非常认真。他们从不会忘记老友，在你需要帮助时，他们绝对会助一臂之力。

爱情

虽然处女肖鼠者在审度别人的事情时技高一筹，但一遇到自己的事，他就丝毫不能客观。他热爱有着疯狂热情的人。也将他们理想化。处女肖鼠者个性憨直，以为其他的人都如他一般直来直往而公正无私，也因此他们在爱情中有最糟的运气，因为他们无法看到树外的森林。在情感事件中，人们总在处女肖鼠者的眼前布下多层烟雾。

然而，处女肖鼠者一旦深陷爱情就无法自拔，且不惜为了爱情，旅行远方重新落脚，只为了与所爱的人共处。

适合共处的对象

你会对肖牛、猴或龙的金牛、巨蟹、天蝎或磨揭座者着迷，肖龙的天蝎座者则难说，肖马或兔的双子、天秤、射手和双鱼座者则不合。

职业

处女座肖鼠者是天生的分析家，他的天赋在于需有研究与系统知识的工作。他们能很快行动，但不喜欢做迅速而草率的决定。他们最擅长于择机协助他人获得成功的职业。

2007年7月

2007-07-31T19:52:00.002+08:00

7/7/07
再次的相见竟改变了故事的发展...难道一切真的都是注定的...？

14/7/07
Is he the Fated One for me? I wish he is.. Fate is something unexplainable..

26/7/07
I finally realised that there is a possibility that he might have liked me.. After doing so many things and events.. How stupid of me to tink that it's impossible..？

29/7/07
I'm very happy today.. Hope to be so happy everytime I'm with him..

31/7/07
希望有一天我能成为小红的主人...会成真吗，还是只是我的一厢情愿罢了..？

Happy-ness..Continued

2007-07-25T22:35:00.003+08:00

Nth to blog.. bt stil feel like bloggin.. hehe..

stil feeling happy.. somehow noe y, yet somehow duno y.. mayb i'm slightly slower in figurin out tings ba.. bt this is where i'm cute ma.. hehe..

reli enjoyed this kind of mood.. bt gd tings dun last forever thou i wish it would.. bt y bother so much abt the day tat gd tings is goin to end.. since i'm happy with the series of events tat is happening now, den let me continue to stay happy.. happy-ness is definitely so much beta than sad-ness..

whether my happy-ness wil be continued.. watch out for my blog.. hehe.. gd nites..

One more ting, I am currently in the midst of writin a long story blog, but whether wil i publish it anot, it hv to depend on fate.. can say i'm stil monitorin the whole situation ba.. let everythin takes its place, n let nature takes its course.. )

xiao nu ren, jiayou!!

~ j o h n . 慧 杰 & s A n . 炜 琳 ~

陷入人生低潮

unhappy

life-work imbalance

Apple's Accident

Poor memory

农历生日

1/4 of a century

爱情与面包，天长地久与曾经拥有

Look, it's growing!!

something. someone. somehow.

romantic walk by the sea

Happy Birthday to Apple!!

Pre-birthday family dinner

Pre birthday gathering

angels and devils

wrong timing

communication

confused

love-hate r'ship with apple

first week back at work

Takin a break

sick apple

happy and sad

Flashback of memory..

思念是一种很玄的东西

Chicken Pox vs Lovesick

These 14 days...

doubts and accepting

Feb 13, 2009 - "black friday"

Sensitive topic..

羅志祥 搞笑MV

Early hours of Christmas...

Stealing Hearts..

Sunday Adventure

disappointed + sad

Thank You Dinner

sour.sweet.bitter.spicy

15 nov 08, saturday

diamonds - women's best friends?

Nice Video by KOH+ - Kiss Shite~

i have a very handsome apple..

Apple-ness = dear-ness

airy-fairy words

Sleeping Apple..

happiness

Apple's company dinner

These 2 months..

这就是我...

我要加油！

who do I love?

A + B = AB..? (Part 2)

A + B = AB..? (Part 1)

Friday 13th

Very Busy Ar..

Yesterday..

May 14th

我的爱情观

Had a wonderful and great weekend!!

Life is so unpredictable..

My Kiss Personality..

Afterthoughts from previous blog..

What is Love..?

情侣速配

Honesty..

6 months after..

sick apple..

Love is in the Air~

爱*转角

《幸福病》 - web version

《幸福病》 - diary version

Insecurity..?

March 1st..

Dreaming..

2nd visit to my house..

Valentine's Day Date..

CNY Season~

我相信

dreams..

status promotion..?

~ j o h n . 慧杰 & s A n . 炜琳 ~

羅志祥搞笑MV

Confession Part 2 - Present