这两天得了手足口症，得乖乖的呆在家里。朋友们都开玩笑的说，我以为这种病小孩子才会中的，您怎么会被感染到？我只能说不知道，可能是我倒霉吧。后来到网上看了一下资料，才发现原来这种病是没有药物可以医治的，怪不得医生怎么样都不肯开药给我敷。这种病跟水痘的不同之处是它不是很痒，但会痛，因为小红点都是长在手掌和脚底，碰到地面时就会有点不舒服。还有一个地方也会痛，因为那是最容易被细菌感染的地方。
回到主题，这几个月的事物让我陷入了我这25年来的人生低潮。
1. 大哥失业一年了
2. 钱
3. 事业
还是写英文比较好，会写得比较快。
I guess my bro is on the brink of giving up in finding employment, and wil slip into mild depression if this continues.. his temper is getting bad to worse, and i am tryin to avoid him as much as i can, thus i started to stay over at apple's house more..
As for money, i guess it's becuz 我太懦弱了, facing the fren who owed me money yet cant get back wat i wan.. seeing her at the office everyday jus reminds me of the bad tings i experienced during all these yrs.. how i hv to scrimp and save every cent, and tink thrice on the tings i want.. and her, stil continued with her normal lifestyle.. 我真的放不下，放不下这口气，为什么她就不能想到我的感受...
Career wise - i decide to give up. this is not i reli want. i realised i hv changed, changed to another person - someone so negative and unhappy.. this is not me.. where is the bubbly and cheerful side of me tat ppl known me in my prev employments? my ex-colleagues were commenting tat they can feel tat i hv changed.. why dun i joke nowadays.. frankly speaking, 在公司里，i have tat kind of 皮笑肉不笑 feeling.. i finally noe how is it like, no matter how funny it is..
tat day went out with PL and LL they all, i reli enjoyed it, cuz i am reli laughin from the bottom of my heart, which i reli missed.. and talking normally - bickering with LL reli makes my day and hearing PL complaining in her unique-princessy manner.
i stil prefer to work in a noisy environment, talkin craps.. the reason i remained quiet now cuz i noe the culture dun let craps in.. different culture.. everytime i say a crap out, ppl cant get the ball, and questioned wat i am referrin which i felt "hurt".. and the freedom to do tings my way, not totally free, at least not to the extent tat ppl wil tell u - no, tat is not the way.. do u understand wat we wan? YES, i dun understand.. but i understand i reli dun like it.. this environment is too serious for me to be.. (someone said i'm too serious at work) actually it's not me wan to be serious, but is bcuz i cant fit myself in, thus u tink i am serious.. sorry, i cant meet ur expectations.. i wil leave.. but pls let me stay after cny, cuz i hope to give my parents hongbao this yr.. at least let me hv abit more money b4 i leave..
actually there are not many ppl i trust now, after "betrayed" by my very gd fren.. left with apple who is always there for me - thou sometimes we are stil "grinding" out our differences (but small issue la).. he is the only one who listens to my nagging, holding my hands in times of trouble.. 他是我人生的方向，引导着我应该向哪里走.. yest he said sth tat i was touched which i seldom wil get this from him - "u r the best tat happen to me".. we will continue with our yap-ish style of relationship.. stop givin ur comments, cuz u r not us.. we noe how to find our happiness de.. thk you all for ur concern.. and thk u CC, it's bcuz of u, i understand other ppl is other ppl.. bcuz u r very xin fu now too with your style of relationship.. if u can do it, i can too..
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Sunday, November 22, 2009
unhappy
yest apple asked me y am i unhappy lately? i tink probably i am gettin sick and tired over sth..
i reli hope we could have more "we-time" instead of "everyone-else time", but it is not working..
everything we planned jus dun come out as the end results.. this is not expectations, jus sudden disruptions.
makin me losing faith in the words he said - becoming "听听就好".
we communicated, he said noted, but i felt he stil dun get it. i could feel he felt tat i am getting more complicated wen i told him what i observed. tensions in the relationships.
i always asked him if there's anything to feedback - he said no, bcuz it's enough as long as i am by his side. yes, i am happy to be by him too, but there are always too many external factors affecting us, or rather me. there are so many tings i need to factor in wen we are doing tings, bcuz i noe tings wil not turn out the way we wan.
and sometimes wen tings are related to his close ones, it makes me even harder to “做人”. who am i to comment on this? i dun wan to hurt him, neither i wan to put him in a spot and lead him to frustrations.
my morale is fallin - i am a lousy gf/poor communicator/gal with lots of requests and etc.
i reli hope we could have more "we-time" instead of "everyone-else time", but it is not working..
everything we planned jus dun come out as the end results.. this is not expectations, jus sudden disruptions.
makin me losing faith in the words he said - becoming "听听就好".
we communicated, he said noted, but i felt he stil dun get it. i could feel he felt tat i am getting more complicated wen i told him what i observed. tensions in the relationships.
i always asked him if there's anything to feedback - he said no, bcuz it's enough as long as i am by his side. yes, i am happy to be by him too, but there are always too many external factors affecting us, or rather me. there are so many tings i need to factor in wen we are doing tings, bcuz i noe tings wil not turn out the way we wan.
and sometimes wen tings are related to his close ones, it makes me even harder to “做人”. who am i to comment on this? i dun wan to hurt him, neither i wan to put him in a spot and lead him to frustrations.
my morale is fallin - i am a lousy gf/poor communicator/gal with lots of requests and etc.
Thursday, November 05, 2009
life-work imbalance
suffering from a serious problem of life-work imbalance.
Yes, i like new challenges and this new job is a good training ground for me, but i tink it is affecting my life quite badly. fell sick the 2nd week in the job, burning weekends and forsaking sleep to rush proposals which i never tried b4 (and amended it over and over again). putting my studies at stake where i got no time to touch on my notes at all (exams coming).. instead of goin to apple house for dinner, he has to dabao dinner from his home for me whenever i told him "sorry, dun tink i can finish my work by 8pm".
and recently, another medical problem came to me - 淋巴腺肿胀, doc say viral infection but some say its serious and mayb due to insufficient rest. nv had this prob in my life, at most 扁桃腺发炎 and lead to fever. i try to manage work cuz i cant afford to lose this job or my superior tellin me "mayb u r not suitable for this job". need the money for so many tings in my current life, if not probably i would not hv come out to work again amidst my "complicated" lifestyle.
reason y i stil got time to write this blog and play some facebook is i am reli too exhausted from writing the same proposal - for the 7th or more times. and i stil got so many other proposals and projects to concentrate on.
sometimes can see apple wan to help, oso duno how to help, and could only say "work is like that", or offered me to stay at his house on weekends wen he knew i hv to go back office to rush stuffs and it would be a hassle to travel here and there.
am i reli tat lousy? mayb i am. cuz i cant even handle my life well. sad arh.
Yes, i like new challenges and this new job is a good training ground for me, but i tink it is affecting my life quite badly. fell sick the 2nd week in the job, burning weekends and forsaking sleep to rush proposals which i never tried b4 (and amended it over and over again). putting my studies at stake where i got no time to touch on my notes at all (exams coming).. instead of goin to apple house for dinner, he has to dabao dinner from his home for me whenever i told him "sorry, dun tink i can finish my work by 8pm".
and recently, another medical problem came to me - 淋巴腺肿胀, doc say viral infection but some say its serious and mayb due to insufficient rest. nv had this prob in my life, at most 扁桃腺发炎 and lead to fever. i try to manage work cuz i cant afford to lose this job or my superior tellin me "mayb u r not suitable for this job". need the money for so many tings in my current life, if not probably i would not hv come out to work again amidst my "complicated" lifestyle.
reason y i stil got time to write this blog and play some facebook is i am reli too exhausted from writing the same proposal - for the 7th or more times. and i stil got so many other proposals and projects to concentrate on.
sometimes can see apple wan to help, oso duno how to help, and could only say "work is like that", or offered me to stay at his house on weekends wen he knew i hv to go back office to rush stuffs and it would be a hassle to travel here and there.
am i reli tat lousy? mayb i am. cuz i cant even handle my life well. sad arh.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Apple's Accident
started worryin wen i received a call from apple last nite. he told me his car scratched a police car accidentally.
i went to look for him last evening to clear some admin stuffs and it was quite late wen he sent me home. both of us were dead tired for me spending the whole day facing the pc and him clearing piles of work on/off site. normally i would receive his msg abt 40 mins after i got hm, but it was past the duration and i decided to drop him a msg. he called me and told me it's a small matter, jus some scratches but my instinct/my 多疑 character told me sth is wrong. he doesnt sound right in the call. i knew i couldnt go to slp jus like tat and esp wen he haven reach hm.
i was tryin to relax myself, but if u noe my pattern, how to relax? no details was given by him, i duno where is he or wat is he doin. at tat pt of time, a lot of thoughts passed thru my mind:
- if only i took a cab hm, den this wouldnt happen
- if i din insist on being perfect on writing tat article, i wun drag tat late
- how is he doin? how serious was the matter?
- wil the thing affect his application?
- police car leh? wil he be fined and given demerit pts?
- his beloved 'wife' is damaged and how is he feeling? shocked from the hit?
and many more.. i dislike myself for being like this, but tat's my 紧张大师 character. always like to tink of the worst.
at tat pt of time, i reli wished i was there with him. but i cant. i could only pray hard at hm that everything's ok, and sent him msgs to "cheer" him up, give him some moral support. the msgs i got later in the nite was "no injury involved", "ok u rest earli k", and "ok gal". and it was pourin heavily suddenly at 2am.. and he isnt hm yet.. finally at 2.38am, he got hm but i stil couldnt slp due to over-anxiety.
this mornin, i dropped him a msg to find out how is he.. seems like 小红受伤了, meaning no small deal.. he was on his way to make a police report, get the tow truck to garage and service the car and make another report on the accident.
the feeling of helplessness was too overwhelming.. together with the worry-ness abt him.. thk god he was unhurt, safe and sound. but 小红就惨了.
a lesson learnt - dun be too 固执 and insist on perfection for my works. and to drive safely.
老天爷，请保佑苹果和小红都无大碍 - apple to be freed from serious penalty and the car not to disfigure too much. 保佑，保佑。
i went to look for him last evening to clear some admin stuffs and it was quite late wen he sent me home. both of us were dead tired for me spending the whole day facing the pc and him clearing piles of work on/off site. normally i would receive his msg abt 40 mins after i got hm, but it was past the duration and i decided to drop him a msg. he called me and told me it's a small matter, jus some scratches but my instinct/my 多疑 character told me sth is wrong. he doesnt sound right in the call. i knew i couldnt go to slp jus like tat and esp wen he haven reach hm.
i was tryin to relax myself, but if u noe my pattern, how to relax? no details was given by him, i duno where is he or wat is he doin. at tat pt of time, a lot of thoughts passed thru my mind:
- if only i took a cab hm, den this wouldnt happen
- if i din insist on being perfect on writing tat article, i wun drag tat late
- how is he doin? how serious was the matter?
- wil the thing affect his application?
- police car leh? wil he be fined and given demerit pts?
- his beloved 'wife' is damaged and how is he feeling? shocked from the hit?
and many more.. i dislike myself for being like this, but tat's my 紧张大师 character. always like to tink of the worst.
at tat pt of time, i reli wished i was there with him. but i cant. i could only pray hard at hm that everything's ok, and sent him msgs to "cheer" him up, give him some moral support. the msgs i got later in the nite was "no injury involved", "ok u rest earli k", and "ok gal". and it was pourin heavily suddenly at 2am.. and he isnt hm yet.. finally at 2.38am, he got hm but i stil couldnt slp due to over-anxiety.
this mornin, i dropped him a msg to find out how is he.. seems like 小红受伤了, meaning no small deal.. he was on his way to make a police report, get the tow truck to garage and service the car and make another report on the accident.
the feeling of helplessness was too overwhelming.. together with the worry-ness abt him.. thk god he was unhurt, safe and sound. but 小红就惨了.
a lesson learnt - dun be too 固执 and insist on perfection for my works. and to drive safely.
老天爷，请保佑苹果和小红都无大碍 - apple to be freed from serious penalty and the car not to disfigure too much. 保佑，保佑。
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Poor memory
oh no, i tink i am startin to suffer from poor memory.. sighz..
had a short chat with mr. bear yest mornin, and he was askin me whether i got any surprise for my bday.. i tink tink and tink, stil cant remember wat did i do with apple the sat after my bday.. and also the prior/subsequent meetings.. guess partly bcuz i too lazy to jote down here too.. haha..
and this morning, i suddenly remember wat i did tat day and decide to jote it down in case i forget.. haha..
we supposed to meet at city hall mrt station, but i was late, so i asked him to wait for me at the bus stop at suntec convention centre. i could see how pek chey his face was while sittin at the steps (not bcuz of me, it's the sun and dust).. felt so bad to make him sit there and wasted additional 45 mins of date..
decided to go and watch UP cuz i heard it's very inspiring, so walked to GV at MS, but sad to say, the movie was not shown there.. was prayin hard that the movie has not terminated cuz it was first shown in late july.. we walked back to suntec EW and lucky, we got the tix! hehe..
i bought a bowl of "supreme" soup for him, cuz 难得 my bday, mus treat myself abit.. i dug out the goodies that I have kept since CNY, and cooked a "near-to-real" shark's fins soup for myself.. good tings are meant to share, so knowin my pattern, i sure wil reserve one portion for him.. haha.. can see how hungry he was wen he ate the ting, he didnt eat his lunch wen he came to meet me..
i reli loved crying.. i was crying nonstop throughout the movie.. thou inspiring, but very sad.. it's true that death is an inevitable ting, but stil very sad lor, esp the main characters are so loving despite having no children. and even thou i cried nonstop, i can stil laugh at apple wen i saw him cryin too.. 性情中人.. 会哭的男人，才是应该珍惜的.. my philosophy again..
after the movie, we slowly walked back to MS and had our dinner at hongkong cafe.. oh ya, he gave me a bday card with a "love" bookmark from precious thots.. with his "once-a-yr" 真情告白 written on it.. can sense his love for me is much more than last yr.. during the dinner, he got asked if the "celebration" was too plain, and did i blame him for not being with me on my actual day.. i told him no, and i was booked on the actual day too.. if i am happy with him, everyday is my bday.. no need fancy tings or arrangement for me..
at first i suggested goin back to take his car and roam ard the city, but i can see he's tired (actually i m tired too).. so we decided to head home.. and b4 we settle for the bill, his phone rang.. he needs to rush back to work, sth spoilt.. he asked whether i wan to go home, i asked if i can follow him.. he allowed me to.. yippee.. thou i noe i will be locked out at the carpark for hours.. haha.. we took the train back to his hm to take his car, and went all the way to changi again.. i spent my time readin magazines and enjoyin the breeze at the carpark, cuz there's security guard there, so i cant do anytin funny.. haha..
waited and waited and he was finally out.. and we were on the road again.. home sweet home..
had a short chat with mr. bear yest mornin, and he was askin me whether i got any surprise for my bday.. i tink tink and tink, stil cant remember wat did i do with apple the sat after my bday.. and also the prior/subsequent meetings.. guess partly bcuz i too lazy to jote down here too.. haha..
and this morning, i suddenly remember wat i did tat day and decide to jote it down in case i forget.. haha..
we supposed to meet at city hall mrt station, but i was late, so i asked him to wait for me at the bus stop at suntec convention centre. i could see how pek chey his face was while sittin at the steps (not bcuz of me, it's the sun and dust).. felt so bad to make him sit there and wasted additional 45 mins of date..
decided to go and watch UP cuz i heard it's very inspiring, so walked to GV at MS, but sad to say, the movie was not shown there.. was prayin hard that the movie has not terminated cuz it was first shown in late july.. we walked back to suntec EW and lucky, we got the tix! hehe..
i bought a bowl of "supreme" soup for him, cuz 难得 my bday, mus treat myself abit.. i dug out the goodies that I have kept since CNY, and cooked a "near-to-real" shark's fins soup for myself.. good tings are meant to share, so knowin my pattern, i sure wil reserve one portion for him.. haha.. can see how hungry he was wen he ate the ting, he didnt eat his lunch wen he came to meet me..
i reli loved crying.. i was crying nonstop throughout the movie.. thou inspiring, but very sad.. it's true that death is an inevitable ting, but stil very sad lor, esp the main characters are so loving despite having no children. and even thou i cried nonstop, i can stil laugh at apple wen i saw him cryin too.. 性情中人.. 会哭的男人，才是应该珍惜的.. my philosophy again..
after the movie, we slowly walked back to MS and had our dinner at hongkong cafe.. oh ya, he gave me a bday card with a "love" bookmark from precious thots.. with his "once-a-yr" 真情告白 written on it.. can sense his love for me is much more than last yr.. during the dinner, he got asked if the "celebration" was too plain, and did i blame him for not being with me on my actual day.. i told him no, and i was booked on the actual day too.. if i am happy with him, everyday is my bday.. no need fancy tings or arrangement for me..
at first i suggested goin back to take his car and roam ard the city, but i can see he's tired (actually i m tired too).. so we decided to head home.. and b4 we settle for the bill, his phone rang.. he needs to rush back to work, sth spoilt.. he asked whether i wan to go home, i asked if i can follow him.. he allowed me to.. yippee.. thou i noe i will be locked out at the carpark for hours.. haha.. we took the train back to his hm to take his car, and went all the way to changi again.. i spent my time readin magazines and enjoyin the breeze at the carpark, cuz there's security guard there, so i cant do anytin funny.. haha..
waited and waited and he was finally out.. and we were on the road again.. home sweet home..
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
农历生日
cant remember wen was the last time i celebrated my bday, probably many yrs ago cuz i dun hv the habit of celebrating it. and in recent yrs, i dun even celebrate it cuz i heard it's not gd to celebrate it in the seventh month (everytime i'm so unlucky, it falls on a seventh month on the day of my bday). in the end, i could only "celebrate" it on my lunar bday (which happen to be after the 7th month) by havin a bowl of mee sua..
this lunar bday i spent it with apple with a new experience. prawn fishing. went to farmart at cck area with his fren and wife. nice place, and felt like going back to the olden days. but din catch much of the prawns (miserably uh-hum), so decided not to go for such activity in future. rather use the money on other tings than the few prawns, thou it's the experience tat is included in the price package.
tink my previous post created a little misunderstanding.. but can say tat fren of mine always "kicked a SMALL fuss" over apple's presence. nvm..
life's stil great with apple, happy and blissful.. and may it continues.. =)
this lunar bday i spent it with apple with a new experience. prawn fishing. went to farmart at cck area with his fren and wife. nice place, and felt like going back to the olden days. but din catch much of the prawns (miserably uh-hum), so decided not to go for such activity in future. rather use the money on other tings than the few prawns, thou it's the experience tat is included in the price package.
tink my previous post created a little misunderstanding.. but can say tat fren of mine always "kicked a SMALL fuss" over apple's presence. nvm..
life's stil great with apple, happy and blissful.. and may it continues.. =)
Friday, August 28, 2009
1/4 of a century
感觉好老啊！四分之一个世纪了...
Had a quiet and peaceful day yest.. Was at hm in the morning, went to bugis to walk and proceeded to vivo for a quiet moment.. Vivo is reli a nice place to sit by the sea and enjoying the scenery in the surroundings.. and the cool breeze is so comfy that complement the whole experience.. And i tink i like the place cuz it's lomantic too, but not much chance to go there lomantic la.. =|
Some thoughts came to my mind, but i got them off quite quickly.. guess tat's the gd side of me.. remaining positive despite the situation faced.. Felt abit "noisy" in my heart though i am facing the calm sea..
Was abit bored, so i called my fren for a short chat, instead i got chiding from him when he got to noe that apple is not with me yest.. 心中起了一点浪，过后却平复了许多... yes, i admit that i do wish apple was with me yest, but does it reli matters tat much jus bcuz it's yest? we are arranging to go out tml and i have asked him to plan a gd one cuz i dun wan any present this yr.. hope it wil be a gd one.. jiayou wor, apple!! prove to me that 你是有心的！=)
Had a quiet and peaceful day yest.. Was at hm in the morning, went to bugis to walk and proceeded to vivo for a quiet moment.. Vivo is reli a nice place to sit by the sea and enjoying the scenery in the surroundings.. and the cool breeze is so comfy that complement the whole experience.. And i tink i like the place cuz it's lomantic too, but not much chance to go there lomantic la.. =|
Some thoughts came to my mind, but i got them off quite quickly.. guess tat's the gd side of me.. remaining positive despite the situation faced.. Felt abit "noisy" in my heart though i am facing the calm sea..
Was abit bored, so i called my fren for a short chat, instead i got chiding from him when he got to noe that apple is not with me yest.. 心中起了一点浪，过后却平复了许多... yes, i admit that i do wish apple was with me yest, but does it reli matters tat much jus bcuz it's yest? we are arranging to go out tml and i have asked him to plan a gd one cuz i dun wan any present this yr.. hope it wil be a gd one.. jiayou wor, apple!! prove to me that 你是有心的！=)
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