Today is my offday, duno wat can I do leh.. See how ba.. Mayb I'll go wandering on e streets again ba.. I prefer loneliness or mayb I'm used to it all these yrs.. I looked very happy-go-lucky on e surface, but deep down in my heart, it is very dark....so dark tat I oso gotten a shock at it....I craved for warmth, love n concern... No one will be able to understand wat r e probs tat i had been thru bcuz 家家有本难念的经, everyone oso have their own kind of probs.. We were trained to be numbed at e probs tat we faced, n see n treat life simply.. But we were also forced to grow up rapidly n taught to tink alot further cuz we will have to plan ahead in case of emergencies.. For me, I reli feel like behavin like a child, something I have lost while I'm growing up.. But when I behaved like a child, most of e time wat I received was criticism n comments tat I was immatured.. n only wen i'm with ppl close to me, den I'll b able to do so.. friends have always been e biggest drive in my life as compared to my family, bcuz I found peace n serenity in them...thus some ppl r quite surprised tat how cum i can do so much for a fren, n they tot I liked tat person.. Haha.. but ppl will grow up one day, they will want to get involved in other things like go to some happening places, n oso get attached, which I chose to be alone wen I see them attached.. It's only until recently tat my frens keep askin me to get attached, dun get my inferiority or lack of self confidence delay it.. I oso tot it's time for me to find one.. but jus too bad, some happiness are short-lived.. I was once loved (or rather I felt I was), for a very short period of time, whereby i chose to give up in e end cuz I was totally a different person before n after, I din wan to give e other party too much pressure n probably he felt being tied down.. e withdrawal symptoms r terrible, n i've been tryin hard to divert it thru work or wat.. but lucky to say is that I din let this matter affect my work, mayb bcuz I'm back to singlehood n i'm able to think as a single individual...able to see things clearly again... It's only after work or when I'm alone den I'll start thinkin again.. Flashes of the memories jus pop up n I felt a tinge somewhere.. Mayb I had committed too much in it, n now I wan to withdraw fr it, it reli need to take a lot of efforts n time to do so ba.. Tink e other party oso gotten a shock ba.. or rather he din expect tat I committed so much ba.. Jus a wild guess.. My trait again...tink too much...I loved thinkin cuz it makes ur mind turn, but it oso make ur mind strain..n create unneccessary stress fr it... Alot of things are avoidable, jus tat ppl like to tink too much, n when things doesnt turn out their way, they will get very frustrated..n it's only tat wen they cleared their mind, den they realised tat e fault doesnt lies with anyone, but themselves.. In the whole process, i felt tat I had lost 2 frens, but I duno whether is it true or is it tat I tink too much again?
有的事情一旦错过
就不会再回到你的身边
我现在真的明白这句话的意思了
现在已经太晚了
我只有等待，因为我不想再伤心了
让时间来冲淡这一切
让时间来带走这一切
(extract fr somewhere over e internet)
Found that this entry is kinda long.. It's time to end it liao.. Let me end it with a song I liked very much recently..
彩虹天堂 - 刘耕宏
我不知不觉 又徘徊在从前
秋风悄悄的呼唤 听来尽是孤单
落叶的期盼 片片左右为难
心走寂寞攀 跟著飘进黑暗
我不闻不问 也许好过一点
被遗憾关在房间 挣扎只是拖延
无望的空谈 一声声的轻叹
回忆扯不断 怎麼摆脱纠缠
找不到方向 往彩虹天堂
有你说的爱 在用幸福触摸忧伤
两个人 相守直到白发苍苍
自由的飞翔在灿烂的星光
找不到方向 往彩虹天堂
有你说的爱 在用幸福触摸忧伤
两个人 相守直到白发苍苍
自由的飞翔在灿烂的星光 有你在我身旁
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