One definite answer..

i always have the habit of keeping msn conversation history, so tat i can flip back to see wat had i written these yrs.. i was extracting my old msn history fr my laptop as it had spoilt, i wana keep it before it's being thrown away.. it happened tat i was viewin the conversation between me n apple.. i realised tat i had reli changed from a "green & ignorant" gal to a slightly beta gal over these 2+ yrs.. many tings had happened within the short 2.5 yrs n lots of changes were being seen too.. n i'm rather confirmed with wat kind of answer tat i will be givin, unless something happen tat changes my mind..

..sadded..

Today is a day where all emotions came to overcome me, n alot of thoughts came into my mind, which pushes me to write this blog.. Have an urge to cry, but I didnt.. In the end, I guess I didnt have the courage to let apple noe abt this verbally..

.....my last day in fp

I didnt shed a single tear today, bcuz I didnt wan them to see me cry.. I came here happily, thus I wana leave here happily too.. I was very upset, bcuz I had gained many knowledge, frens n experience there.. many gd n bad memories there.. we are just like one big family.. I loved them as my family..

.....inferiority strikes me again..

I was told tat my grandma was diagnosed with diabetes last nite.. upon hearin, I was kinda accepting, but I knew the same old prob wil come back again.. the internal affairs.. something I always hated.. something I am very sick of.. something tat I had always kept a blind eye to it.. money issue within e family.. as my grandma wil require medicine n treatment, takin care of her n money became an issue.. someone suggested hirin a maid to take care of her, bt my uncle actually said this: who dare to hire maid, den tat family hv to take her home, bcuz everyone treated her as a "trouble".. now they r suggestin to send her to a daycare centre or old folk's home, n e siblings wil hv to share.. n I knew they sure r calculative abt the money.. everyone started to list out their difficulties n blah blah blah, tryin to siam..

there are so much more to be touched on, but I'm not in the mood to continue..

Apple?

I had done an interesting ting last nite.. I sent a sms to apple, tellin him sth tat i nv reli told him b4, cuz it had been in my mind for the last 3 nites.. e reason tat i sent out tat sms is i was reli moved by his actions.. it might be a small minor ting, bt it had meant alot to me, n i told myself, i need to let him noe this.. i took almost 30 mins b4 sendin out e sms, cuz no words can reli express wat i wana say.. bt i was afraid to see e reply, so i went to slp ( i was tired too..) wen i got up in e morn, i saw the reply, quite a relief cuz it warms my heart.. i nv had a heart warmin feelin b4, even wen i was with 77 back then.. at most only silly smile for some time.. but these times with apple, upon seein his sms or tinkin abt the tings, e heart jus warm up by itself, n of cuz e silly smiles..

back to e topic, wat makes me hv e courage to reli send out tat sms ( i was shy hor..) hmm, can say it's e present tat i received 3 days back.. my bday was over so long, n i told him not to get me a present since he oredi went out with me on my bday.. i nv told him wat i liked, cuz i dun reli like to accept presents thou i like to give.. bt i was reli surprised n touched wen he passed me tat gift.. tat ting is so similar to me.. turtle.. i was reli reli lost for words, wat i did was holdin to tat present tightly.. i'm reli not a gd talker wen it comes to such tings..

i had touched on other tings in my other smses to him, but i felt reli shy, n i was blushin wen he replied back, askin wat i wana ask him.. bt e details i wun touch on now, cuz it's a story.. mayb a so-called my fairytale story..? bt i was kinda worried, am i too hasty to say sth out.. hope i din give him a fright.. haha.. bt now i reli duno how to ........ hahaha..

Past week..

Had a generally simple n happy bday on mon, thou short, yet fulfilling.. except for the nite part whereby my bro spoilt the entire mood.. until now i stil cant figure out is it reli my fault, but i jus forget it.. no pt in arguing with him, wen he likes to be in the rite.. bt it always land me in tears everytime such case happen.. i hate it.. he is my greatest weakest pt to the contrast of the strong me outside..

as usual, jus as i expected, my bday sabotage was missed again.. bt it can be a gd or bad ting, dependin on how i view it.. gd is i wun get sabo, bad is tat's e last one this yr.. forget it la.. wat for broodin over such a small matter.. bday can be a big or small ting.. big is u only celebrate it once a yr, small is it is jus like any other days.. (i always like to see tings in different views, as to minimise the disappointment or expectation) kan kai yi dian ba.. life oredi so stressed, dun get bothered le la.. (seemed like talkin abt myself..haha..)

Hmm..overall..stil considered happy ba..i prefer happiness over sadness thou i'm kinda moody over the past wk over my bro matter, but i noe wat wil make me happy..hehe..sometimes small actions or words tat one may felt insignificant, it may mean alot to the other party..i was being cheered up by simple words written, n my moodiness went off wenever i read those words..one gd ting afterall.. isnt it?

Live life simply, thou said is easier than done, but it's all in e mind.. control ur life, not life control u..