unhappy

yest apple asked me y am i unhappy lately? i tink probably i am gettin sick and tired over sth..

i reli hope we could have more "we-time" instead of "everyone-else time", but it is not working..

everything we planned jus dun come out as the end results.. this is not expectations, jus sudden disruptions.

makin me losing faith in the words he said - becoming "听听就好".

we communicated, he said noted, but i felt he stil dun get it. i could feel he felt tat i am getting more complicated wen i told him what i observed. tensions in the relationships.

i always asked him if there's anything to feedback - he said no, bcuz it's enough as long as i am by his side. yes, i am happy to be by him too, but there are always too many external factors affecting us, or rather me. there are so many tings i need to factor in wen we are doing tings, bcuz i noe tings wil not turn out the way we wan.

and sometimes wen tings are related to his close ones, it makes me even harder to “做人”. who am i to comment on this? i dun wan to hurt him, neither i wan to put him in a spot and lead him to frustrations.

my morale is fallin - i am a lousy gf/poor communicator/gal with lots of requests and etc.

life-work imbalance

suffering from a serious problem of life-work imbalance.

Yes, i like new challenges and this new job is a good training ground for me, but i tink it is affecting my life quite badly. fell sick the 2nd week in the job, burning weekends and forsaking sleep to rush proposals which i never tried b4 (and amended it over and over again). putting my studies at stake where i got no time to touch on my notes at all (exams coming).. instead of goin to apple house for dinner, he has to dabao dinner from his home for me whenever i told him "sorry, dun tink i can finish my work by 8pm".

and recently, another medical problem came to me - 淋巴腺肿胀, doc say viral infection but some say its serious and mayb due to insufficient rest. nv had this prob in my life, at most 扁桃腺发炎 and lead to fever. i try to manage work cuz i cant afford to lose this job or my superior tellin me "mayb u r not suitable for this job". need the money for so many tings in my current life, if not probably i would not hv come out to work again amidst my "complicated" lifestyle.

reason y i stil got time to write this blog and play some facebook is i am reli too exhausted from writing the same proposal - for the 7th or more times. and i stil got so many other proposals and projects to concentrate on.

sometimes can see apple wan to help, oso duno how to help, and could only say "work is like that", or offered me to stay at his house on weekends wen he knew i hv to go back office to rush stuffs and it would be a hassle to travel here and there.

am i reli tat lousy? mayb i am. cuz i cant even handle my life well. sad arh.