It had been a long time since I lasted posted a blog liao, or is it tat long? Haha, jus felt that many days have passed by recently.. Everyday is a challenging day for me cuz I get to meet alot of ppl n learned a lot of lessons of life.. I'm more or less on my own to guard my own dept back in my work, but luckily tat I have some colleagues who are stil willin to provide me help when I'm stil lost on my track.. But heard tat the politics there are reli terrible, they told me, "never ever trust anyone, includin me", I heard this umpteen times liao, n everytime I jus kinda ignore it cuz everyone seemed so nice, now den I realised I must take these words very seriously cuz u will never noe who will backstab u.. It is jus like, "ur best fren can be ur worst enemy".
I wun say I'm a gd leader or gd supervisor to my subordinates, but at least I can say, I'm jus too nice to them till I duno how to draw a line with them, cuz I reli duno when can I be strict n fun with them.. Whenever they nd help, I will jus help them without thinkin tat it is their job, n if I were to help them everytime, den the boss employ me for wat? They can jus employ more of my subordinates to do the jobs.. They employed me to perform supervisory jobs n help to increase the sales, not to help to stack gds n do so much of manual work.. Haha.. But too bad, tat's me lah.. Always loved to 路见不平,拔刀相助.. n abit too much liao hor.. I can knock off on time everytime, but once I see my subordinates is short-handed, I will stay back n help them till most of the things are done.. Haha..
Think the cough n flu bug see me too healthy liao, now kena attacked by them liao, but I will fight them with my happy-go-lucky attitude, see how long they can make me suffer.. I have lots of my own philosophies n beliefs, n I believe tat as long as a person stays happy everyday, he will be healthy.. So I loved to smile every now n then, though it may looked silly n stupid, but it reli makes me abit better everyday.. There's a saying: 不开心也要过一天，开心也要过一天。为何不开开心心地过一天呢。。。?
Since I started work, think life is abit sianz cuz reli dunno wat can I do during my off days.. Last time haven started work, stil can go ard n walk alone, now go out like no meaning at all leh.. everywhere seemed the same to me leh.. Haha.. Den stay at home oso very sian, cuz nth to watch n wasting my life.. Go library oso cant do much cuz if I borrow any books, I wonder do I have the time to read them anot ar? So stil tryin to figure out wat can I do during my offdays.. Haha..
I had a very fruitful day yest cuz I've finally met up with John, the guy I got to know thru Friendster.. Though there aren't much surprises cuz he is reli wat he told me, his voice, his walking n talking style, but I stil felt very happy to get to see him finally.. See, I so easily contented hor? He is reli a nice chap - humorous n very cute!! But I can see tat if he were to get angry, better keep at least 100m away fr him, if not, sure die.. Can sense his temper.. Haha.. Stil not used to him callin my Chinese name, guessed it had been a long time since ppl called me by my Chinese name, cuz since I started work, everyone called me "Sandy".. Haha..
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Monday, June 06, 2005
Ask urself what is..
LOVE?
Why hold someone back... when u know u don't love them...
Why keep them to yourself... when u know you won't wanna have them?
Why let them miss other chances... when they can have them?
If you really don't love someone... let them go... hurt them NOW... not later... for a longer relationship builds stronger emotions...
A good relationship isn't a game you play or an ego trip you take.
It is about love and two people.
Loving someone can give us the greatest joy we can ever know and it can hurt more than we can believe too.
When it does not really hurt when that person did something disappointing to you, but really hurts when you see that person in pain and sadness, then you know you truly love that person.
Loving someone means you should be ready to experience heartache and happiness at the same time.
That's the reward and that's the risk.
Unless we are willing to experience it, we will never really know what it's like to love and be loved.
Sharing love is probably the most valuable and meaningful experience a person can ever have.
And there's a difference between being in love with someone and loving someone.
It's the difference between a love that's fickle, wild and short-lived and one that's tender and passionate, nurturing and lasts a long time.
The first is easy.
The second, the one that really matters to all of us, takes work because it's about keeping a relationship.
Loving someone takes efforts.
We have to be able to communicate with each other.
Nobody can read anyone else's mind.
We always presume that our partner knows what we think and feel.
Maybe in time we might be able to predict or sense each other's thoughts but it's never perfect and takes time to develop.
Getting the chance to love and be loved by someone is blessed.
Respect him/her for who he/she is, and not what you want him/her to be.
Everyone is pretty and special in his/her own special way.
No one is perfect.
It is true love which closes the gap of imperfectness to form a smooth surface of acceptance for each other.
True love sees and accepts a person for who he/she is.
It is also true love which makes a person change for the better.
The power of true love to a person is undeniable.
A relationship needs commitments too.
What is love without commitments from each other anyway?
It's like principles and values.
Everyone has them but they only mean as much as we are willing to stand for them.
The same goes for our commitments to relationships, and the person we love.
"Love is like an antique vase.
It's hard to find, hard to net, but easy to break."
Every day everywhere, people fall in love ... but just how many of these relationships are self-sacrificing love, and not just relationships which are formed only for the intense!
Feeling of falling in love?
I know hundreds of friends who say the magical words "I love you"... but more often than not, the truth is just I am IN love with you.
There is a difference between being in love with someone and loving someone.
If a person says he/she is in love with you, he/she means that he/she likes you for who you are now and he/she fell in love with you because of the present you.
This kind of love is temporary and lasts only as long as the fairytale lasts.
When fairy godmother comes in at midnight to whirl us back to reality, we see the heartache of such a relationship... where both were only IN love with each other.
But if a person says he/she loves you, he/she means that he/she loves you unconditionally for who you are now, who you were in the past and who you might be in the future.
When he/she says he/she loves you and really means it, you have to ask yourself if you love him/her too or if you're in love with the idea of being in love.
It is very hard to see the difference through logical thinking.
Let your heart guide u.
May you be blessed on your soul-searching journey for your soul mate.
ARE YOU REALLY IN LOVE? ASK YOURSELF!
Is this true love?
Do I really love him/her?
Or is it just another infatuation?
Are you willing to give?
Even though you may not get back the same amount you gave?
R U cheating yourself?
Thinking that you really love him/her and not just taking him/her as a substitute for your ex boyfriend/girlfriend?
Friends, let today be the day ... you truly understand love...
If after reading this and answering all the questions, you are very sure that you love him/her, tell him/her that.
Let him/her know how much you love him/her and that you are willing to take the risks of being hurt by him/her in the course of the development of your relationship with him/her.
This is a love that's sacrificial, R U ready for it?
If you accept someone's philosophy that is simply their rationalization to justify their failure, you accept their failures!"
**The greatest regrets in our lives are the risks we did not take. ** If you think something will make you happy, go for it. **Remember that we pass this way only once. **
YoU cAn'T mAkE sOmEoNe LoVe YoU, aLl YoU cAn Do Is Be SoMeOnE wHo CaN bE lOvEd, ThE rEsT iS uP tO tHe PeRsOn To ReAlIzE yOuR wOrTh~
Why hold someone back... when u know u don't love them...
Why keep them to yourself... when u know you won't wanna have them?
Why let them miss other chances... when they can have them?
If you really don't love someone... let them go... hurt them NOW... not later... for a longer relationship builds stronger emotions...
A good relationship isn't a game you play or an ego trip you take.
It is about love and two people.
Loving someone can give us the greatest joy we can ever know and it can hurt more than we can believe too.
When it does not really hurt when that person did something disappointing to you, but really hurts when you see that person in pain and sadness, then you know you truly love that person.
Loving someone means you should be ready to experience heartache and happiness at the same time.
That's the reward and that's the risk.
Unless we are willing to experience it, we will never really know what it's like to love and be loved.
Sharing love is probably the most valuable and meaningful experience a person can ever have.
And there's a difference between being in love with someone and loving someone.
It's the difference between a love that's fickle, wild and short-lived and one that's tender and passionate, nurturing and lasts a long time.
The first is easy.
The second, the one that really matters to all of us, takes work because it's about keeping a relationship.
Loving someone takes efforts.
We have to be able to communicate with each other.
Nobody can read anyone else's mind.
We always presume that our partner knows what we think and feel.
Maybe in time we might be able to predict or sense each other's thoughts but it's never perfect and takes time to develop.
Getting the chance to love and be loved by someone is blessed.
Respect him/her for who he/she is, and not what you want him/her to be.
Everyone is pretty and special in his/her own special way.
No one is perfect.
It is true love which closes the gap of imperfectness to form a smooth surface of acceptance for each other.
True love sees and accepts a person for who he/she is.
It is also true love which makes a person change for the better.
The power of true love to a person is undeniable.
A relationship needs commitments too.
What is love without commitments from each other anyway?
It's like principles and values.
Everyone has them but they only mean as much as we are willing to stand for them.
The same goes for our commitments to relationships, and the person we love.
"Love is like an antique vase.
It's hard to find, hard to net, but easy to break."
Every day everywhere, people fall in love ... but just how many of these relationships are self-sacrificing love, and not just relationships which are formed only for the intense!
Feeling of falling in love?
I know hundreds of friends who say the magical words "I love you"... but more often than not, the truth is just I am IN love with you.
There is a difference between being in love with someone and loving someone.
If a person says he/she is in love with you, he/she means that he/she likes you for who you are now and he/she fell in love with you because of the present you.
This kind of love is temporary and lasts only as long as the fairytale lasts.
When fairy godmother comes in at midnight to whirl us back to reality, we see the heartache of such a relationship... where both were only IN love with each other.
But if a person says he/she loves you, he/she means that he/she loves you unconditionally for who you are now, who you were in the past and who you might be in the future.
When he/she says he/she loves you and really means it, you have to ask yourself if you love him/her too or if you're in love with the idea of being in love.
It is very hard to see the difference through logical thinking.
Let your heart guide u.
May you be blessed on your soul-searching journey for your soul mate.
ARE YOU REALLY IN LOVE? ASK YOURSELF!
Is this true love?
Do I really love him/her?
Or is it just another infatuation?
Are you willing to give?
Even though you may not get back the same amount you gave?
R U cheating yourself?
Thinking that you really love him/her and not just taking him/her as a substitute for your ex boyfriend/girlfriend?
Friends, let today be the day ... you truly understand love...
If after reading this and answering all the questions, you are very sure that you love him/her, tell him/her that.
Let him/her know how much you love him/her and that you are willing to take the risks of being hurt by him/her in the course of the development of your relationship with him/her.
This is a love that's sacrificial, R U ready for it?
If you accept someone's philosophy that is simply their rationalization to justify their failure, you accept their failures!"
**The greatest regrets in our lives are the risks we did not take. ** If you think something will make you happy, go for it. **Remember that we pass this way only once. **
YoU cAn'T mAkE sOmEoNe LoVe YoU, aLl YoU cAn Do Is Be SoMeOnE wHo CaN bE lOvEd, ThE rEsT iS uP tO tHe PeRsOn To ReAlIzE yOuR wOrTh~
Separation from her man...
Does make sense for some....
Guys drink to forget about the girl...
Girls drink to think back about the guy...
When guys are in love, they become poor...
When girls are in love, they become pretty...
Guys can forget, but cannot forgive...
Girls can forgive, but cannot forget...
Guys care the most about the quantity of love...
Girls care the most about the quality of love...
Guys break-up when they feel love from another Girl...
Girls break-up when they feel the feeling of Separation from her man...
Guys feel curiosity towards all girls...
Girls feel curiosity towards guys who are Interested in her...
When guys are heartbroken, they try to forget about the girl by going out with another girl...
When girls are heartbroken, they try to find his Characteristics from another guy...
Guys wish to be her first love....
Girls wish to be his last love...
Guys drink to forget about the girl...
Girls drink to think back about the guy...
When guys are in love, they become poor...
When girls are in love, they become pretty...
Guys can forget, but cannot forgive...
Girls can forgive, but cannot forget...
Guys care the most about the quantity of love...
Girls care the most about the quality of love...
Guys break-up when they feel love from another Girl...
Girls break-up when they feel the feeling of Separation from her man...
Guys feel curiosity towards all girls...
Girls feel curiosity towards guys who are Interested in her...
When guys are heartbroken, they try to forget about the girl by going out with another girl...
When girls are heartbroken, they try to find his Characteristics from another guy...
Guys wish to be her first love....
Girls wish to be his last love...
Love is A Mystery
"When you love someone, their life will mean more to you than your own"
If you find someone else in love with U & U don't love him / her, feel honored that love come & called at your door. But, gently refuse the gift U can't return. Do not take advantage, do not cause pain.
How U deal with love is how U deal with U, and all our hearts feel the same & joys. Even if our lives and ways are different.
If U find yourself in love with someone who does not love U, be gentle with yourself, there is nothing wrong with U, love just didn't choose to rest in the other person's heart.
If U fall in love with another and He / she falls in love with U, and then love chooses to leave. Do not try to reclaim it or to asses blame, Let it go. There is a reason & there is a meaning. U will know in time.
Remember, that U don't choose love, love chooses U. All U can really do is accept it for all it's mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it feels U to overflowing & then reach out and give it away. Give it back to others who seem it poor in spirit. Give it to the world around U in anyway U can.
There is many lovers go wrong. Having so long without love, They understand love as a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love. And they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them. The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as a need.
They cease to be someone who generates love and instead become someone who seeks love. They forget that the secret of love it is a gift, and that it can be made to grow by only giving away.
Remember this, and keep it to your heart. Love has it's own time, it's own seasons, and it's own reason for coming and going.
U can not bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into saying. U can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you.
But, if it chooses to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing U can do and there's nothing U should do.
LOVE ALWAYS HAS BEEN AND ALWAYS WILL BE A MYSTERY. BE GLAD THAT IT CAME TO U FOR A MOMENT IN YOUR LIFE
If you find someone else in love with U & U don't love him / her, feel honored that love come & called at your door. But, gently refuse the gift U can't return. Do not take advantage, do not cause pain.
How U deal with love is how U deal with U, and all our hearts feel the same & joys. Even if our lives and ways are different.
If U find yourself in love with someone who does not love U, be gentle with yourself, there is nothing wrong with U, love just didn't choose to rest in the other person's heart.
If U fall in love with another and He / she falls in love with U, and then love chooses to leave. Do not try to reclaim it or to asses blame, Let it go. There is a reason & there is a meaning. U will know in time.
Remember, that U don't choose love, love chooses U. All U can really do is accept it for all it's mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it feels U to overflowing & then reach out and give it away. Give it back to others who seem it poor in spirit. Give it to the world around U in anyway U can.
There is many lovers go wrong. Having so long without love, They understand love as a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love. And they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them. The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as a need.
They cease to be someone who generates love and instead become someone who seeks love. They forget that the secret of love it is a gift, and that it can be made to grow by only giving away.
Remember this, and keep it to your heart. Love has it's own time, it's own seasons, and it's own reason for coming and going.
U can not bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into saying. U can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you.
But, if it chooses to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing U can do and there's nothing U should do.
LOVE ALWAYS HAS BEEN AND ALWAYS WILL BE A MYSTERY. BE GLAD THAT IT CAME TO U FOR A MOMENT IN YOUR LIFE
50 Most Romantic Things To Do With Ur Gf or Bf
1. Watch the sunset together.
2. Whisper to each other.
3. Cook for each other.
4. Walk in the rain.
5. Hold hands
6. Buy gifts for each other.
7. Roses.
8. Find out their favorite cologne/perfume and wear it every time you're together.
9. Go for a long walk down the beach at midnight.
10. Write poetry for each other.
11. Hugs are the universal medicine.
12. Say I love you, only when you mean it and make sure they know you mean it.
13. Give random gifts of flowers/candy/poetry etc.
14. Tell her that she's the only girl you ever want. Don't lie!
15. Spend every second possible together.
16. Look into each other's eyes.
17. Very lightly push up her chin, look into her eyes, tell her you love her, and kiss her lightly.
18. When in public, only flirt with each other.
19. Put love notes in their pockets when they aren't looking.
20. Buy her a ring.
21. Sing to each other.
22. Always hold her around her hips/sides.
23. Take her to dinner and do the dinner for two deal.
24. Spaghetti? (Ever see Lady and the Tramp?)
25. Hold her hand, stare into her eyes, kiss her hand and then put it over your heart.
26. Dance together.
27. I love the way a girl looks right after she's fallen asleep with her head in my lap.
28. Do cute things like write I love you in a note so that they have to look in a mirror to read it.
29. Make excuses to call them every 5 minutes
30. Even if you are really busy doing something, go out of your way to call and say I love you.
31. Call from your vacation spot to tell them you were thinking about them.
32. Remember your dreams and tell her about them.
34. Tell each other your most sacred secrets/fears.
35. Be Prince Charming to her parents.
36. Brush her hair out of her face for her.
37. Hang out with his/her friends.
38. Go to church/pray/worship together.
39. Take her to see a romantic movie and remember the parts she liked.
40. Learn from each other and don't make the same mistake twice.
41. Describe the joy you feel just to be with him/her.
42. Make sacrifices for each other.
43. Really love each other, or don't stay together.
44. Let there never be a second during any given day that you aren't thinking about them, and make sure they know it.
45. Love yourself before you love anyone else.
46. Learn to say sweet things in foreign languages.
47. Dedicate songs to them on the radio.
48. Fall asleep on the phone with each other.
49. Stand up for them when someone talks trash.
50. Never forget the kiss goodnight and always remember to say, "Sweet dreams."
2. Whisper to each other.
3. Cook for each other.
4. Walk in the rain.
5. Hold hands
6. Buy gifts for each other.
7. Roses.
8. Find out their favorite cologne/perfume and wear it every time you're together.
9. Go for a long walk down the beach at midnight.
10. Write poetry for each other.
11. Hugs are the universal medicine.
12. Say I love you, only when you mean it and make sure they know you mean it.
13. Give random gifts of flowers/candy/poetry etc.
14. Tell her that she's the only girl you ever want. Don't lie!
15. Spend every second possible together.
16. Look into each other's eyes.
17. Very lightly push up her chin, look into her eyes, tell her you love her, and kiss her lightly.
18. When in public, only flirt with each other.
19. Put love notes in their pockets when they aren't looking.
20. Buy her a ring.
21. Sing to each other.
22. Always hold her around her hips/sides.
23. Take her to dinner and do the dinner for two deal.
24. Spaghetti? (Ever see Lady and the Tramp?)
25. Hold her hand, stare into her eyes, kiss her hand and then put it over your heart.
26. Dance together.
27. I love the way a girl looks right after she's fallen asleep with her head in my lap.
28. Do cute things like write I love you in a note so that they have to look in a mirror to read it.
29. Make excuses to call them every 5 minutes
30. Even if you are really busy doing something, go out of your way to call and say I love you.
31. Call from your vacation spot to tell them you were thinking about them.
32. Remember your dreams and tell her about them.
34. Tell each other your most sacred secrets/fears.
35. Be Prince Charming to her parents.
36. Brush her hair out of her face for her.
37. Hang out with his/her friends.
38. Go to church/pray/worship together.
39. Take her to see a romantic movie and remember the parts she liked.
40. Learn from each other and don't make the same mistake twice.
41. Describe the joy you feel just to be with him/her.
42. Make sacrifices for each other.
43. Really love each other, or don't stay together.
44. Let there never be a second during any given day that you aren't thinking about them, and make sure they know it.
45. Love yourself before you love anyone else.
46. Learn to say sweet things in foreign languages.
47. Dedicate songs to them on the radio.
48. Fall asleep on the phone with each other.
49. Stand up for them when someone talks trash.
50. Never forget the kiss goodnight and always remember to say, "Sweet dreams."
Sweetest Story
The first time for a guy to approach woman during his life, be it a senseless dare or pure admiration, somehow or another, ounce of energy will gradually flow in you until it accumulates pass a climax, then a sudden urge of doing silly things to know her happens. Before you know it, everything happens in a flash, and when you think back, you wondered how on earth did you manage to do or say something as retard.
I am in similar hypothetical situation.
I observed her since two days and for some diabolical reasons, something stuck me, whispering to me in telepathy mode that I have to know her. Must have one of Cupid's bow shot went haywire and got into me - my eyes never left her. She is petite and small, with long flawless hair. Her features were well defined - especially her eyes that captured my soul in the first wink I caught from her. She is not that drop-dead gorgeous model's style, but when she smiles and her two dimples creases into her cheeks deeply, nothing on earth is sweeter than her. Her charisma and the air that saturates around her are angelic and when I am near her, to close for comfort (it's simply stressing), she smelled like a walking conditioner.
I have to know her, if I want this piece of dream to turn into reality. If it were something of my forte, it would have been as simple as snapping my fingers, but I had never approach a girl before. What do you expect from someone who studied in an all guy’s school since Primary One and not even a single sister at home? Female of similar age don't exist in my environment since I graduated from kindergarten, which was like years ago?
Today is the last day of school, which means starting from tomorrow, two months worth of vacation began. Then, my chances of seeing her will be zero because she doesn't even stay near me; she stayed near my good friend, Jerry, private estate. Fate has enabled us to meet because two days back, because I have been going to Jerry's house and I would only see her at the bus stop. So everything needs to be done today!
She is sitting in front of me and my mind is virtually blank, thinking of a good way to start a decent conversation with her.
Then, the bus appeared into sight and my set my pulse racing - I am losing my time resources!
The bus slowed down to a gradually stop and we both board it.
I chose a seat near the back and sat down, watching her walked passed me and sat behind. A wave of uneasiness washed over me as I could even sense her gaze on my back. There was an internal war waging inside me as I am fighting against trying to walk over to introduce myself and to remain rational.
Finally our stop came and we got down.
She walked at a quickened pace, reckoning that I am stalking her behind. Every seconds is slipping passed me and beads of sweats broke out at strategic part of my forehead. I can't let this final chance go by!
She went through the gate of the estate by now and my mind is in state of desperation. Watching her gradually moving towards her block is unimaginable.
Come on Cloud you could do it! OR you are gonna lose this chance forever!?
A surge of false strength filled my veins as I ran towards her. When I came arm length distance from her, I delivered a light tap onto her shoulder.
She turned around, as if expecting all that would happen and gave me a curious look.
Hi, I was...was wondering if I...I...could get to know you and be your friend??
All the energy in me had expanded in this stuttering sentence I blurted. My face is beginning to blush red with shyness as I waited for any respond.
She smiled faintly and gosh, that nearly sweep me off my feet.
Five minutes went by and everything happened as smoothly as any successful mission. We exchanged numbers and I learned that she is not exactly local; she is a half Japanese who came to Singapore to study. Her name is Yukiko, which means snow in Japanese like her unblemished skin, fair and silky-like.
Then she said she had to leave and with a dumb smile reciprocating her sweet ones, we parted.
I looked back at her for one final time, before running and yelling at the top of my voice that I made it. Did I mention knocking onto the lamppost and actually apologized to it?
It was two months since I knew her and we have always talk online. Our relation is like good friends now. Jerry told me to go after her, but my heart doesn't want to sacrifice this stable friendship for now. Maybe because I had never had a girlfriend before and always have this phobia of relationship not lasting behind my head.
I came home quite late and logging onto IRC and yes! She is there. Before I could catch my breath for walking back home from the bus stop, she sent me a message.
'Cloud, so late still never sleep ar?'
I heard my mum's voice lurking in the background, commanding me to finish the leftover food in the kitchen. If my mum knew that I ate in school already, I guess she is gonna skin me alive.
'Just came back from school, you?'
'I waited for you to come online.'
Waited for me? Sometimes girls can be such cute little thing. Words like these seemed like healing wards for the day fatigue. Jerry said that guys must be sweet talkers and romantic, well. I am none of the above. But when he stressed his point, I tried learning to be one.
'Why leh? Miss me ar? HAHAHAHA!'
I know the laughter was just to cover my embarrassment, but hey, that's a good attempt.
'Cloud, I am moody today.'
'Really? What happen?'
'My good friend just broke up with her boyfriend today.'
Somehow girls are very affected over things happening to their friends in matters of love. Guys would normally tell them to move on with their life and stuff, whereas they would share their pain and sorrow or cry with them. Maybe that's why girls always tell one another about their personal problem?
'Well. it's getting common isn't it? Relationship are breaking up every now and then.'
'I seen them come together and they have been together for 3 months plus. so long.'
Three months and you called that long? It's not even longer than a semester. Maybe people involved will find it longer than it seemed to be. I am a counsellor in school and people approach me for all kind of interpersonal relation problem. Maybe that's why I have another point of view? But when it comes to myself, I am such a dickhead.
'If they were meant to be together. well. they will be together right? Sometimes not being together is a good thing. couples not suited for each other being force to be together is a painful thing.'
'Fate.?'
Fate to me is like a legend; everyone talks about it, rant about it, thank God about it, but when it comes to relation, I have never gotten myself a girlfriend, so I know nuts about it.
'Err. you could say that?'
'Then are we fated to know each other. Cloud.?'
I always hated it whenever girls corner me with questions that neither YES nor NO is the right answer. Just when I am stuck with her questions, my mum with her pissed off face come knocking at my door, demanded that I finish the food left for me.
'Hey, I have go off for now to eat supper. answer you another time.'
'Come on. gif me a smile ok? I treat you movie next time.'
'You say wan ar. . I see you tomorrow ok?'
Well, it seemed that the treating trick always works. Hey. it means that I can make use of this excuse to catch a movie with her! I am such a fast learner.
'Ok! bye bye!'
The next thing I see is the 'DISCONNECT' word on my computer. Grinning from ear to ear, I skip my way to the kitchen.
'Cloud! You are finally here!'
I looked at the clock and it says 10 pm. No, I am not late, rather I am pretty early using IRC entering our usual chat room.
'Cloud, my good friend tried to patch back with her bf today. but he ignore her.'
Well. guys of these days are not looking for serious relation. People have to get to know and go through more relation before they could realize that who is the right one for them what.
'She cried you know. so poor thing. then that guy said that he likes another girl.'
A Chinese proverb came into my mind - Tian ya he chu wu fang cao. Why cry wasted tears over a relation that was never meant to be yours in the first place? Human, even though are emotional creatures, after a period of time, everything will just be a memory of what had taken place.
'Yah I told her to move on with her life, but she loved him so much and she couldn't believe that he like someone else. if I am her, I will also dunno what the do.'
Don't know what to do? Make yourself happy instead of lingering in this sorrowful event? Sometimes I really wonder if woman are that dumb? Or is it love that is making woman a vulnerable creature? And what makes you think THAT it is love? Woman, in their first love, love their lovers, in others, they loved love.
'Really?.'
All woman loves romance. It is like salt and sugar in cooking. Without it, whatever relation will be bland.
'What about you Cloud?'
Me? How come the topic is about me now? I always avoid questions whenever it comes to me in revealing my inner self. It is like exposing yourself to danger through speaking. People, whom you least expected it, betray the trust you given to them and you will have to go through this series of utter disappointment and sadness. Ok I admit. I watch TOO much TV.
'Me? What about me?'
'What if something like that happens to you?'
'Er. it won't lar. I don't even have a gf.'
'Why? Go get one?'
'y? something is wrong?' Ok baby, this would be the catalysis to explode my innermost views again.
'I don't want to get a gf for the SAKE of getting one. its meaningless don't you think? Relation nowadays are going nowhere because people just want to be in a relation. They are afraid to be alone - they WANT someone to walk by them. Be it emotionally, sexually or physically. I don't mind being alone - I like it! Until maybe when the special one comes along, I will try my best to be with her, doing stuff together and most importantly, grow together.'
There was an unaccustomed silence after I type that paragraph. My fingers speed through the keyboard and finally stop at the last word. Oh @$$@! Have I just ruined my good impression? I discern its time to celebrate with Jerry about my first failure.
'You are right Cloud.'
Hooray!! I could see my happiness on the computer screen, signaling to my victory of words.
'I want to stay single, until the special one comes along too. .'
Oh wait, how could cute girls like her possibly stay single? Guys will try all sorts of ways to get her and she would finally succumb to one. She is too cute to stay single.
'me blushed. no I am not cute.'
She is such a poor liar. When you praise a girl pretty, they would tell you they look ugly. When you say that they look like toilet, she retaliate and bites back, saying you look worst. such is mentality of a woman.
'I girl mah, that why will also be like that. =P'
From a close defeated battle, I have eventually emerge the winner as I continue to chat with her for the next two hours. Somehow, during these periods of knowing her, I had never asked about the background of her family or sort, but we talk everything else. I loved to chat with her as she is way so different from all the other girls - she is VERY naïve and this creates an impulse for me to protect her, to guide her along. She showed me the real innocence of a young lady, untainted and pure. I love the way she is, naturally cute and THIS is the reasons that stop me from jioing her - I can't take advantage of her innocence right?
'Cloud. I have to go already. its getting late.'
'I have to leave too. Oh yeah. its almost 12 and my Cinderella has to leave. HAHAHAHA!'
Why is it that I must laugh every time I attempt a MUSHY statement? A lousy cover for my embarrassment.
'Cloud. you say the other time you wanna treat me movie right?'
Ok, my hypnotic statement has hinted her! YEAH!
'Lets watch movie together tomorrow ok?'
Er. ok!'
My mind was cheering and screaming in rejoice. All hail cupid for the golden opportunity!
'Ok. Cloud you log off first, I don't want you to see me go.'
'Aww, ok I count to 3 and leave.'
I can't believe I am doing this SILLY business.
'3.2.1.gone!'
I couldn't get to sleep on that day, totally excited about tomorrow's event. Going out with a girl? I had never been out with one before! Praying at my bedside sincerely that nothing will screwed up on that day.
It was 8.40 pm and I was at Starbucks (20 minutes before appointment point) - Plaza Singapura, the location we suppose to meet. It is not polite to be late for a date for the first time anyway. Slipping my favourite ice blended mocha, I waited.
I was daydreaming about today's soccer match I played and started pondering over life issues and soccer; Life is like soccer. you never know when you gonna get hit by the ball in your face. What load of crap!
As I was trying to entertain myself to relieve some amount of tension in me, I sense her presence - the smell, I can never forget. I looked up and saw her smiling and making her way towards me. She is simply stunning and like a critical hit, I was stoned watching her coming. White spaghetti straps top with jean skirts. Woah, I simply love girls wearing skirts. It makes them looked more. erm. more female.
'Sorry I am late.'
'Nah, its Ok. I am just early myself.'
'So what movie are we watching?.'
'It's ok, we will check it out later, anyway what matter most is who I am watching with, not the show.'
She blushed and I nearly died saying that sentence. Hey. I am pro huh? HAHAHA!
Smiling at my flippant words, I commented on how gorgeous she looked today. I guess it was just something to start conversation, but hey. I really meant what I said. She looked really shy and reply with a soft thanks. I bought another ice-blended mocha for her as she said she wanted the same.
We chatted for a while - Jerry told me to soften her up with the conversation as she will most likely be as tense as I am. Gradually, she gain comfort from my company and from chatting, it grew some laughter in it. Actually at times (lucky thing it wasn't frequent), I did not understand what she was saying. Her Japanese accent with little tint of singlish that comes along with it, was weird but comprehendible. Nevertheless, she looked so cute, especially when she smiled that I have this burning urge to pinch her cheek.
After finishing our drinks, we made our way to the Cinema, after we decide and made purchase for Shallow Hal. It was comedy show and Jerry said that comedies is good way to remember a first date. At least she won't be crying while watching a sad movie and I had to cheer her up later, although horror show seemed like a whole lot better option to me. Hiak!
The movie is talking about Hal Larsen, the ultimate shallow guy. He judged woman by appearance and in the end he got hypnotize by this guy who made him sees woman by their character instead of physical beauty. Rosemary, the lead actress came into the picture and he fell in love with her, without realizing that she is not what he thinks she looked like.
The story is a mixture of hearts, laughs and emotions and at the end of the show, I could see watery tears rimming around Yukiko's eyes. What the hell? Well. at the very least she understand the story, which was my first fear. We walked out of the Cinema and out of Plaza Singapura, while I tried to reassure her that the world was still spinning and it was only a show.
'Cloud. do you think there are people like that?'
'Sure. of course. that is the real world.'
'Why must guys like pretty girls?'
I was momentarily taken aback by a sudden question. I asked myself and the answer that came up doesn't seemed too good.
'Because human like to see pretty things? I mean you would like to see good looking guys too right?'
'But good-looking guys don't give me security. That's why I don't like good-looking guys.'
My heart screamed another point of victory; I am not good looking - I am decent looking, the second closest to handsome. Even though she never really answered my question, but I love her reply.
'What about you Cloud? Do you like pretty girls too?'
THIS KIND of question AGAIN? If I said yes, I will appear **** shallow. If I say no I am lying to myself. Gawd! I need the best of both world answer.
'Me?'
I was trying to buy time as she nodded her head almost immediately.
'Well. I think I prefer. cute girls like. you!'
My system was undergoing this contained stress and it is making me go nuts every time she throws questions like these to stumble me. She blushed and tapped my head lightly. Oh man, I think I am not gonna wash my hair today.
'Don't be silly.'
I know that sentence was just to cover her embarrassment, just like me laughing whenever I made mushy remarks.
I decided to sent her home by bus as I think this is the very least what a guy should do. We boarded the bus, the same bus 171 where we always take - We recognized the bus driver.
'Boy ar. not bad ar. get to know her liao. last time you both dunno each other wan right?'
It was the bus driver and I nodded in faintly agreement with him and smiled my way through, while she giggled uncontrollably. We choose a seat at the far back and sat down.
'This driver is always very chatty, don't bother about him. I always seen him talking to other passengers.'
She shaped a smile from her lips.
Suddenly, she took the bus tickets I was holding.
'Look away first!'
I did as I was told and after five minutes she hold my waist and put her fist onto my hands.
Am I in heaven?
'I have nothing to give you, so I made this two heart myself. One for you, one for me.'
I looked at her origami made from bus tickets and wondered whether I should do something similar. I appreciate her effort though - I thanked her.
Finally her stop arrived and she had to align. We got down and I insisted in sending her all the way till her block.
'It's ok. It's not good if I am being seen by my neighbours with a guy so late at night you know.'
I nodded and finally relented. Well, every date has to part eventually right?
I watched her fade into her estate and until I caught zero glimpse of her.
I am in LOVE with TODAY.
For the next few months, we chatted everyday and each time I felt that I am slipping into this pit of angelic darkness called love. She told me she couldn't go out very often as her guardian is very strict - finally she is talking more about herself. Her parents are overseas working, leaving her all alone, which contribute reasons for her character. I know she longs for my company like I longs for hers. We are like one in-separate-able pair of best friend. Whatever problems she has, she consulted me and I will be there to give my expertise advice. Maybe this is what true love is, someone to be there regardless of whether you two are together - someone to guide, shield and depend. Jerry, the woman's men, said that I am wasting too much time on a single girl. I should have just pop the question and leave the thinking to her, after all life is too short to spend on one person. But the urge to reveal my feeling hasn't reached to such stage for desperation yet. Maybe next time I would, but when is the right time?
'Cloud. I have something to ask you.'
Oh no, not again?
'What do you think of me?.'
Oh shit, peer evaluating time! Even though I speak easily to myself, when it comes to expressing to HER, I am score an F9 for it.
'Cute? And you are a very good friend of mine.'
'That all?.'
What do you mean that's all? Oh dear, I have to say something that she wants to hear or forever I will be condemn in her eyes. Noooooooo...
I decide to avoid the question using my avoidance tactics.
'There is a lot of things in my heart that I feel about you, but in this short span of time, I can't express it out. But regardless of what is it, I want to let you know that I treasure you a lot.'
Phew, lucky thing I manage to come out with this marvelous sentence. It seemed that after the episode of knowing her, I am beginning to learn the trades of using words.
I didn't know how to reply her smile and decide to leave it until she reply me with something else. Five minutes went by and I am starting ponder whether I should reply anything.
'Cloud. can we meet for dinner tomorrow?'
Another date! Yeah I screamed literally at my computer scream as she is able to go out once more, with me.
'Sure! What about your guardian? She allows you to go out?'
'Yes, she allow me to go out tomorrow.'
'Ok. we meet at Mac at Parklane ok?'
'me nodded her head.'
'Ok I have to go offline now. remember don't be so early ok?. I feel bad if you have to wait for me.'
I smiled at her consideration for me.
Before I could reply with anything, her nick has quit IRC. Guess that I have to wait for tomorrow to see her again.
I arrived early as usual, this time about 15 minutes earlier, waiting for her outside Macdonald patently. Reckoning about her sudden wanting to meet me suggested motives, that's what TV drama always show. Maybe she needed a large sum of money, borrow from me and then disappear into thin air. hiak. the effect of TOO much TV. again.
As I was busy throwing impossible scenarios into the pictures to cease my tension, she stood in front of me. As I looked up, I noticed her face is getting fairer and whiter to the extend of being pale, but nevertheless her sparkling eyes never loses its glow. Must be the effect of those skin whitening Japanese beauty product.
'Waited long?'
'Only about 5 minutes.'
My first lie I made to her. But it was for good cause.
We went into Mac and sat near the window seats, where we could look out towards the roadside.
'What do you want, I buy for you.'
'You eat anything, I eat anything.'
I went to buy for her and decide upon Mac Nuggets Meal as she is a small eater. Less than an instant, 2 packets of large fries, 2 large coke and two boxes of 6-pieces nugget was on the tray as I carried them. Somehow, I noticed that she was looking at me with such mesmerizing effect that I nearly unbalanced myself.
'Cloud. why are you so good to me?.'
Good? What you mean good? You mean you want me to trick you to bed and after that meet about for sessions like this? Thinking back, only ******* guys would do that and being a good guy, I shall uphold my reputation.
'What you mean?'
'Before those day when you wanted to know me, I was actually getting a little irritated when you stalked me.'
'Oh really?. I must have seen like a pervert or something to you right?.'
She giggled out of a sudden and I wondered what she meant.
'But then again. till now, I realize that you are different from other guys that wanted to know me.'
What? There are other idiots doing the same thing too? Oh well, I am NOT surprised, considering her lovable nature and attractiveness.
'You are my best friend and appreciated it. and must be fated that we will know each other right?'
Fate again. Why must woman always bring up the topic of fate everytime when it comes to relation of any kind? I nodded my head a little. She seemed a little solemn today and I reckoned that if there is anything I could give in to her, I should give in. I tried to cheer her up a little as the topic she started were on the emotional side. I spoke some joke and she giggled a little as we continue to our meals. Sometimes I feel that she is the only person in the world that appreciate what I am doing - be it stupid, silly, cute, dumb or whatever $@%!. It is not much, but she always responded.
We finished our meals and were playing with our straws like little kids. As we had our little 'fighting', I looked into her eyes and her eyes seemed to tell me that she may have gone through a lot of in during these period. I don't know what was the problem may be, but all my mind was telling me was to make her happy - simple and sincere.
'Can we go somewhere where I could see the sea?'
We took a taxi down to Marina Bay. Reached in while moment, we got out and walked close to the shores where the waves roar in protest from the raging winds. The sky is densely clouded and the breezes is strong, but just nice enough for comfort. We sat down side by side and watched the waves continual sweeping up the shores.
Suddenly she position and lean herself on my back with her head facing up, looking at the nightly sky. I told myself never would I forget such day. The first intimate bodily contact I had with a girl back to back, just like two hearts melted in one. We spoke nothing, just reveling in nature's enjoyment.
'The sky is beautiful right?.'
I looked at the sky and to me, it appeared as if it's going to rain soon. Then she stopped leaning on me, and looked into me. As if a soldier going for war, my gaze never left hers - I have decide not to avoid it. We studied each other gaze for a moment and after what seemed like eternity, I could see a layer of wetness in her eyes.
'Cloud. would you remember me?.'
Actually I was wondering why she sobbed, but it seemed that maybe she wants to bring out something to tell me and I suspect it is nothing good. I nodded my head to her question and her gaze move onto the rough sea.
'Why? I will never forget you. is there something wrong?'
She kept quiet, rolling her vision between the sea and the sky before looking down...
‘I have to go back Japan.'
Like a prick on bubbles, an internal implosion occurred within me. Don't tell me all the fantasy I am having is coming to an end? If this was a dream, I pray that I will never wake up from it.
'I understand. your parents are over there and they worried for you.'
Even though I am fighting inside, I had to put on a brave front. Well, she isn't my girlfriend or something, I can't demand her not to leave. Girls of her age needs their parents to be with them more than friends.
'Will you come and visit me if I ask you to?.'
'Yes of course! I will!. Can we still contact through IRC?'
I was hoping for a small miracle, its nothing much, but at least I could still talk to her online.
'I don't think I have computer or internet connection at my house.'
The atmosphere is getting intense and to make matter worst, the I could feel a drop of water falling on my skin.
'Then. its ok. we could chat on the phone whenever we can and I think we better leave now, it's going to rain.'
We both got up and walked hastily towards the road in trying to catch a cab, but halfway through, the merciless weather started pouring heavily. Even though I just had a shock from what she had just told me, in the present moment, in my mind, all I thought of is to shield her from the chilling rain as I didn't want her to fall sick. My hands formed a tiny, little barrier and covers her head. It is **** dumb and I don't understand why am I doing such acts - it won't block the rain from drenching her.
Then, I saw a coming taxi driving and I flagged it.
'You are so silly Cloud.'
The next thing I knew, we were in the cab pretty drenched. I told the uncle to reduce the air-con to the lowest and put my arms around her shoulder, rubbing her arms to gain some heat. Gradually, for some reasons, she was in my embrace and I was stroking her soaked hair. Her eyes were kept closed and my fingers traveled to her cheeks. Pinching lightly to fulfill my long awaited-desire, she opened her eyes, like an awaken baby in the morning. My index finger teased her dimples a little as she felt tickled and ruffled her head in between my arms and chest.
All good things must come to an end - the cab reached her place and lucky thing, there was shelter to her house. I told the uncle to wait for a while and got out of the cab with her.
'When are you leaving then.?'
'Tomorrow.'
Tomorrow? Did I just hear wrongly? What's the rush? Sometimes, reality is extremely cruel - heaven makes sport of men.
'I am suppose to tell you earlier, but I can't bear to.'
She is right. If she told me earlier, my feelings would be just like dying patients with the last stage of cancer - waiting for THAT day. It's terrible!
'Would you see me off?.'
In my heart, there is this robust urge of seeing her every second, but if I were to see her off, the scene would be unimaginable. My mind and soul won't be able to endure the parting scene.
'I think, we should just keep this the last meeting then.'
I actually managed to smile and kept this mask of mine, this brave front indestructible. It remains on my face emotionlessly and dead.
'Well. perhaps it's better if we keep it this way. By the count of three, we both just walk off to our destination and never look back ok?
She nodded and I could see her tears closed to spilling out.
'3.2.1.'
Boy ar, come, drink this.'
It was close to my June examination and my mum knocked and came into my room, bringing me the usual examination brain tonic - Chicken Essence. I gulped down the entire bottle and sat by my study table in my room. Working through last year papers has driven me to the pinnacle of madness. I looked out of my room's window and thought of Yukiko, again.
It has been a few months since I last saw or heard from her. After the scene at her estate and we promise not to look back at each other, I never turn back to even have my last glance. I feel that I already had my last glance when I spoke my last words to her. As I depart, I controlled myself emotionally and force my tears back to its origin. For a guy's image, I can't allow such feelings to overpower me.
I went online that day and see if she was there using another nick, but no she wasn't. I know it already passed midnight, but I finally succumb to my inner self and wanted to make sure I won't think back and regret on the fact that I never check whether she was online that day.
I don't know why she never contacts me since then, but I know she has her reasons. Maybe she lost my number over there, maybe she is busy adapting to her new life. or maybe she has forgotten me? No can't be! How can that be? How can the scenarios that have been taken place be so easily forgotten? The day I knew her, our chats, the movie, dinner, straws fighting, the beach, the unexpected rain, the cuddle and every other tiny little details. Is this piece of dreamland meant to be only a dream?
Tomorrow is the beginning of my exam. I rubbed my eyes a little and stretched, telling myself not to ponder over past issues as it may affect my exam performance. I went back to my books and paper and continue began working on it.
'Boy ar! Your phone!'
My phone? At such hours of the night?
'Hello?.'
There was no respond, but somehow I had this feeling that it was her.
'Yukiko?? Is that you?'
I was praying and gripping the phone hard, hoping that a miracle could happen.
'How. how you know it was me?.'
'I smart what! Hey! I never hear from you SO LONG!'
I emphasized on the words 'So long' as if I had never heard anything from her for few decades. The first thing I did was to told her to hang on for a moment and screamed at the top of my voice, literally. My happiness could not contain inside me and I need to release it. Then I scolded her, in gentle tone, for not contacting me and making me so worried for her.
'Sorry. I can't use the phone here for very long too.'
Actually, I don't mind the duration of her calls - I just wanted to hear her voice so badly.
'Miss me?.'
'For making me worried and missing you so badly, you shall treat me movie the next time I see you.'
I used the same trick again. HAHAHA!
We spoke on the phone and talked like old friends and the pressing examination stress seemed to have vanished. I was hoping in my heart that time will freeze so that we could chat till the end of time.
'Cloud. remember that day when I ask you if you would visit me in Japan and you said you would.?'
'Yes? You want me to go over? Ok sure, tell me your address. I will go over right after my examination next sat.'
'Next sat?. examination?. that is when?'
'Maybe 28 May or slightly later. Yeah. tell me your address?.'
I jolted down her contacts in Japan and kiss it.
'Cloud. I got to go already. can't talk anymore. Before I put down, is there anything you want to tell me?.'
'Take lots of care ok? I can't wait to see you soon!'
'You put down first Cloud. I don't want you to see me hang up on you.'
With that a heavy heart our conversation ended as I put the phone down. In preparation for the coming trip to Japan, I hurried my revision, determined to do well so that I could psycho my mum to pay for my trip. I thank you God for giving me this chance!!
HOORAY!
*Days passed*
Finally I am close to finishing my examination - today is the last paper. I was home, like all other days, doing my revision. My mum says that if I do finish this examination, she would pay for my tickets, provided I give her my words that my results will be good when it is out. Regardless. I CAN'T WAIT ANYMORE! I want to see her so badly and life has been good to me, even though little setbacks filled along the way, but I love the surprises Cupid has in store for me.
From morning till night, I have been studying non-stop, although my mind wandered on the thought of seeing her again. For the sake of going over, everything is worth it.
Then, in amidst of studying, my mum calls for me and I guess it must be regarding the trip over. Hehz. Yeah I will see her soon!
'Boy ar. a letter for you.'
Huh? A letter for me? I had never receive a letter addressed to me before. I examined the envelope and it wrote ' To Cloud' on the front. Curiously, I tear opened and a letter fell out.
Dear Cloud,
Before I began, I apologise for not telling you everything about myself. In this world, if there is one person I wouldn't want to see crying - it would have been you.
I wrote this letter on the night when we parted and promise not to look back. Actually I broke the promise; I did looked back, because I feared that I may not have the chance to see you again this lifetime. I know you are putting on a brave front because as a woman I could cry and I know you would be there to console me, but someone has to be the stronger one to console and reassure right?
The reasons why I have to go back to Japan is because I am suffering from a rare case of a blood cancer that may claim my life very soon if it is not treated. My parents wants me to go back to take a major operation there because if this operation were to fail, I would disappear from the surface of the world and they wants to be with me during this period, that's why I ask you if you would come to visit me if I ask you to.
The success rate of this operation is only 30% and anything could happen. So I want to tell you that I appreciate your company, your advices, everything you did or said. I giggled to myself every night after we chatted online and I began to ask myself if I fell in love with you. I guess I did, although you never express yourself to me. Perhaps it is just one sided, but no wrong liking you what right?
You told me you rather wait for the special one, and I told you I will also wait for mine. During the time when I was cuddling in you, I knew that you are the one. I hope that the cab could drive slower because I may not get the chance to cuddle in you again. You may find a girlfriend by then, or I am already in heaven watching over you.
My operation begins on 24 May and I will call you maybe a week plus before to fulfill the promise you said you would come over and visit me in Japan. By then you would know the truth and I could see you for the last time, at least.
But then again, if you receive this letter through mail send by my guardian, it means that I am already gone, leaving my physical body, leaving my suffering and of course, leaving this world. But do not despair, as I will always be around you, shielding you like what you did, in vain, to protect me from the rain today. You said you are not romantic at all, but to me, you are the best a guy could be.
I am feeling a little tired writing this letter, but I am determine to finish what I had to say. If there is one thing final question I want you to ask me, it would be you asking me whether if I like good-looking guys. No, I don't like them because I like guys like YOU - unique and extraordinary, just like Rosemary in the movie we watched together. This distinct character could only be found in you and I want you to kept it that way for I like the way you are, not the way you looked.
I love you, Cloud. very much. Yukiko
Tears I have been fighting back, at this time broke from my resistance barrier and roll down my cheek as I saw the date today - 27 May. I was rooted to the ground, totally defeated, lying at the mercy of my ill-fated destiny. I clutched my head tightly as trains of disillusioned thoughts sinks into my mind. Why DIDN'T I LEFT Singapore to Japan? I should have heck care about my examination to be with her, her final days. I should not have delay the trip over. I should not.
Decisions, most of the times, have cruel consequences regardless of which options I chose. I was at the verge of mental breakdown, totally confused and helpless, like a baby in crossfire, weeping silently to myself for the tears I owe her and for the lack of courage to express my feeling. She was waiting for me to pop the question! And I never did! I should have fuc-king listen to Jerry. At the very least, I could let her know HOW MUCH she meant to me and how much I loved her.
I knew something is happening to me.
I was crying.
As expected, my results were good. Since that day, I never spoke much because I was hurt, disappointed and regretted beyond words. I sat at the bus stop where I first saw her and every scene replay itself in my mind, like a drama. I recalled that she still owe me a movie treat - although this could never happen and thinking of it, made me sink deeper into this whirlpool of depression.
Clutching tightly onto the heart origami that she made, I waited for the bus and soon, it arrived.
I took it and realize that it was the same bus driver again.
'Eh boy ar. why your girlfriend not with you ar?.'
I smiled at him and pointed to my heart.
'Nope! She is with me. All the time.'
I am in similar hypothetical situation.
I observed her since two days and for some diabolical reasons, something stuck me, whispering to me in telepathy mode that I have to know her. Must have one of Cupid's bow shot went haywire and got into me - my eyes never left her. She is petite and small, with long flawless hair. Her features were well defined - especially her eyes that captured my soul in the first wink I caught from her. She is not that drop-dead gorgeous model's style, but when she smiles and her two dimples creases into her cheeks deeply, nothing on earth is sweeter than her. Her charisma and the air that saturates around her are angelic and when I am near her, to close for comfort (it's simply stressing), she smelled like a walking conditioner.
I have to know her, if I want this piece of dream to turn into reality. If it were something of my forte, it would have been as simple as snapping my fingers, but I had never approach a girl before. What do you expect from someone who studied in an all guy’s school since Primary One and not even a single sister at home? Female of similar age don't exist in my environment since I graduated from kindergarten, which was like years ago?
Today is the last day of school, which means starting from tomorrow, two months worth of vacation began. Then, my chances of seeing her will be zero because she doesn't even stay near me; she stayed near my good friend, Jerry, private estate. Fate has enabled us to meet because two days back, because I have been going to Jerry's house and I would only see her at the bus stop. So everything needs to be done today!
She is sitting in front of me and my mind is virtually blank, thinking of a good way to start a decent conversation with her.
Then, the bus appeared into sight and my set my pulse racing - I am losing my time resources!
The bus slowed down to a gradually stop and we both board it.
I chose a seat near the back and sat down, watching her walked passed me and sat behind. A wave of uneasiness washed over me as I could even sense her gaze on my back. There was an internal war waging inside me as I am fighting against trying to walk over to introduce myself and to remain rational.
Finally our stop came and we got down.
She walked at a quickened pace, reckoning that I am stalking her behind. Every seconds is slipping passed me and beads of sweats broke out at strategic part of my forehead. I can't let this final chance go by!
She went through the gate of the estate by now and my mind is in state of desperation. Watching her gradually moving towards her block is unimaginable.
Come on Cloud you could do it! OR you are gonna lose this chance forever!?
A surge of false strength filled my veins as I ran towards her. When I came arm length distance from her, I delivered a light tap onto her shoulder.
She turned around, as if expecting all that would happen and gave me a curious look.
Hi, I was...was wondering if I...I...could get to know you and be your friend??
All the energy in me had expanded in this stuttering sentence I blurted. My face is beginning to blush red with shyness as I waited for any respond.
She smiled faintly and gosh, that nearly sweep me off my feet.
Five minutes went by and everything happened as smoothly as any successful mission. We exchanged numbers and I learned that she is not exactly local; she is a half Japanese who came to Singapore to study. Her name is Yukiko, which means snow in Japanese like her unblemished skin, fair and silky-like.
Then she said she had to leave and with a dumb smile reciprocating her sweet ones, we parted.
I looked back at her for one final time, before running and yelling at the top of my voice that I made it. Did I mention knocking onto the lamppost and actually apologized to it?
It was two months since I knew her and we have always talk online. Our relation is like good friends now. Jerry told me to go after her, but my heart doesn't want to sacrifice this stable friendship for now. Maybe because I had never had a girlfriend before and always have this phobia of relationship not lasting behind my head.
I came home quite late and logging onto IRC and yes! She is there. Before I could catch my breath for walking back home from the bus stop, she sent me a message.
'Cloud, so late still never sleep ar?'
I heard my mum's voice lurking in the background, commanding me to finish the leftover food in the kitchen. If my mum knew that I ate in school already, I guess she is gonna skin me alive.
'Just came back from school, you?'
'I waited for you to come online.'
Waited for me? Sometimes girls can be such cute little thing. Words like these seemed like healing wards for the day fatigue. Jerry said that guys must be sweet talkers and romantic, well. I am none of the above. But when he stressed his point, I tried learning to be one.
'Why leh? Miss me ar? HAHAHAHA!'
I know the laughter was just to cover my embarrassment, but hey, that's a good attempt.
'Cloud, I am moody today.'
'Really? What happen?'
'My good friend just broke up with her boyfriend today.'
Somehow girls are very affected over things happening to their friends in matters of love. Guys would normally tell them to move on with their life and stuff, whereas they would share their pain and sorrow or cry with them. Maybe that's why girls always tell one another about their personal problem?
'Well. it's getting common isn't it? Relationship are breaking up every now and then.'
'I seen them come together and they have been together for 3 months plus. so long.'
Three months and you called that long? It's not even longer than a semester. Maybe people involved will find it longer than it seemed to be. I am a counsellor in school and people approach me for all kind of interpersonal relation problem. Maybe that's why I have another point of view? But when it comes to myself, I am such a dickhead.
'If they were meant to be together. well. they will be together right? Sometimes not being together is a good thing. couples not suited for each other being force to be together is a painful thing.'
'Fate.?'
Fate to me is like a legend; everyone talks about it, rant about it, thank God about it, but when it comes to relation, I have never gotten myself a girlfriend, so I know nuts about it.
'Err. you could say that?'
'Then are we fated to know each other. Cloud.?'
I always hated it whenever girls corner me with questions that neither YES nor NO is the right answer. Just when I am stuck with her questions, my mum with her pissed off face come knocking at my door, demanded that I finish the food left for me.
'Hey, I have go off for now to eat supper. answer you another time.'
'Come on. gif me a smile ok? I treat you movie next time.'
'You say wan ar. . I see you tomorrow ok?'
Well, it seemed that the treating trick always works. Hey. it means that I can make use of this excuse to catch a movie with her! I am such a fast learner.
'Ok! bye bye!'
The next thing I see is the 'DISCONNECT' word on my computer. Grinning from ear to ear, I skip my way to the kitchen.
'Cloud! You are finally here!'
I looked at the clock and it says 10 pm. No, I am not late, rather I am pretty early using IRC entering our usual chat room.
'Cloud, my good friend tried to patch back with her bf today. but he ignore her.'
Well. guys of these days are not looking for serious relation. People have to get to know and go through more relation before they could realize that who is the right one for them what.
'She cried you know. so poor thing. then that guy said that he likes another girl.'
A Chinese proverb came into my mind - Tian ya he chu wu fang cao. Why cry wasted tears over a relation that was never meant to be yours in the first place? Human, even though are emotional creatures, after a period of time, everything will just be a memory of what had taken place.
'Yah I told her to move on with her life, but she loved him so much and she couldn't believe that he like someone else. if I am her, I will also dunno what the do.'
Don't know what to do? Make yourself happy instead of lingering in this sorrowful event? Sometimes I really wonder if woman are that dumb? Or is it love that is making woman a vulnerable creature? And what makes you think THAT it is love? Woman, in their first love, love their lovers, in others, they loved love.
'Really?.'
All woman loves romance. It is like salt and sugar in cooking. Without it, whatever relation will be bland.
'What about you Cloud?'
Me? How come the topic is about me now? I always avoid questions whenever it comes to me in revealing my inner self. It is like exposing yourself to danger through speaking. People, whom you least expected it, betray the trust you given to them and you will have to go through this series of utter disappointment and sadness. Ok I admit. I watch TOO much TV.
'Me? What about me?'
'What if something like that happens to you?'
'Er. it won't lar. I don't even have a gf.'
'Why? Go get one?'
'y? something is wrong?' Ok baby, this would be the catalysis to explode my innermost views again.
'I don't want to get a gf for the SAKE of getting one. its meaningless don't you think? Relation nowadays are going nowhere because people just want to be in a relation. They are afraid to be alone - they WANT someone to walk by them. Be it emotionally, sexually or physically. I don't mind being alone - I like it! Until maybe when the special one comes along, I will try my best to be with her, doing stuff together and most importantly, grow together.'
There was an unaccustomed silence after I type that paragraph. My fingers speed through the keyboard and finally stop at the last word. Oh @$$@! Have I just ruined my good impression? I discern its time to celebrate with Jerry about my first failure.
'You are right Cloud.'
Hooray!! I could see my happiness on the computer screen, signaling to my victory of words.
'I want to stay single, until the special one comes along too. .'
Oh wait, how could cute girls like her possibly stay single? Guys will try all sorts of ways to get her and she would finally succumb to one. She is too cute to stay single.
'me blushed. no I am not cute.'
She is such a poor liar. When you praise a girl pretty, they would tell you they look ugly. When you say that they look like toilet, she retaliate and bites back, saying you look worst. such is mentality of a woman.
'I girl mah, that why will also be like that. =P'
From a close defeated battle, I have eventually emerge the winner as I continue to chat with her for the next two hours. Somehow, during these periods of knowing her, I had never asked about the background of her family or sort, but we talk everything else. I loved to chat with her as she is way so different from all the other girls - she is VERY naïve and this creates an impulse for me to protect her, to guide her along. She showed me the real innocence of a young lady, untainted and pure. I love the way she is, naturally cute and THIS is the reasons that stop me from jioing her - I can't take advantage of her innocence right?
'Cloud. I have to go already. its getting late.'
'I have to leave too. Oh yeah. its almost 12 and my Cinderella has to leave. HAHAHAHA!'
Why is it that I must laugh every time I attempt a MUSHY statement? A lousy cover for my embarrassment.
'Cloud. you say the other time you wanna treat me movie right?'
Ok, my hypnotic statement has hinted her! YEAH!
'Lets watch movie together tomorrow ok?'
Er. ok!'
My mind was cheering and screaming in rejoice. All hail cupid for the golden opportunity!
'Ok. Cloud you log off first, I don't want you to see me go.'
'Aww, ok I count to 3 and leave.'
I can't believe I am doing this SILLY business.
'3.2.1.gone!'
I couldn't get to sleep on that day, totally excited about tomorrow's event. Going out with a girl? I had never been out with one before! Praying at my bedside sincerely that nothing will screwed up on that day.
It was 8.40 pm and I was at Starbucks (20 minutes before appointment point) - Plaza Singapura, the location we suppose to meet. It is not polite to be late for a date for the first time anyway. Slipping my favourite ice blended mocha, I waited.
I was daydreaming about today's soccer match I played and started pondering over life issues and soccer; Life is like soccer. you never know when you gonna get hit by the ball in your face. What load of crap!
As I was trying to entertain myself to relieve some amount of tension in me, I sense her presence - the smell, I can never forget. I looked up and saw her smiling and making her way towards me. She is simply stunning and like a critical hit, I was stoned watching her coming. White spaghetti straps top with jean skirts. Woah, I simply love girls wearing skirts. It makes them looked more. erm. more female.
'Sorry I am late.'
'Nah, its Ok. I am just early myself.'
'So what movie are we watching?.'
'It's ok, we will check it out later, anyway what matter most is who I am watching with, not the show.'
She blushed and I nearly died saying that sentence. Hey. I am pro huh? HAHAHA!
Smiling at my flippant words, I commented on how gorgeous she looked today. I guess it was just something to start conversation, but hey. I really meant what I said. She looked really shy and reply with a soft thanks. I bought another ice-blended mocha for her as she said she wanted the same.
We chatted for a while - Jerry told me to soften her up with the conversation as she will most likely be as tense as I am. Gradually, she gain comfort from my company and from chatting, it grew some laughter in it. Actually at times (lucky thing it wasn't frequent), I did not understand what she was saying. Her Japanese accent with little tint of singlish that comes along with it, was weird but comprehendible. Nevertheless, she looked so cute, especially when she smiled that I have this burning urge to pinch her cheek.
After finishing our drinks, we made our way to the Cinema, after we decide and made purchase for Shallow Hal. It was comedy show and Jerry said that comedies is good way to remember a first date. At least she won't be crying while watching a sad movie and I had to cheer her up later, although horror show seemed like a whole lot better option to me. Hiak!
The movie is talking about Hal Larsen, the ultimate shallow guy. He judged woman by appearance and in the end he got hypnotize by this guy who made him sees woman by their character instead of physical beauty. Rosemary, the lead actress came into the picture and he fell in love with her, without realizing that she is not what he thinks she looked like.
The story is a mixture of hearts, laughs and emotions and at the end of the show, I could see watery tears rimming around Yukiko's eyes. What the hell? Well. at the very least she understand the story, which was my first fear. We walked out of the Cinema and out of Plaza Singapura, while I tried to reassure her that the world was still spinning and it was only a show.
'Cloud. do you think there are people like that?'
'Sure. of course. that is the real world.'
'Why must guys like pretty girls?'
I was momentarily taken aback by a sudden question. I asked myself and the answer that came up doesn't seemed too good.
'Because human like to see pretty things? I mean you would like to see good looking guys too right?'
'But good-looking guys don't give me security. That's why I don't like good-looking guys.'
My heart screamed another point of victory; I am not good looking - I am decent looking, the second closest to handsome. Even though she never really answered my question, but I love her reply.
'What about you Cloud? Do you like pretty girls too?'
THIS KIND of question AGAIN? If I said yes, I will appear **** shallow. If I say no I am lying to myself. Gawd! I need the best of both world answer.
'Me?'
I was trying to buy time as she nodded her head almost immediately.
'Well. I think I prefer. cute girls like. you!'
My system was undergoing this contained stress and it is making me go nuts every time she throws questions like these to stumble me. She blushed and tapped my head lightly. Oh man, I think I am not gonna wash my hair today.
'Don't be silly.'
I know that sentence was just to cover her embarrassment, just like me laughing whenever I made mushy remarks.
I decided to sent her home by bus as I think this is the very least what a guy should do. We boarded the bus, the same bus 171 where we always take - We recognized the bus driver.
'Boy ar. not bad ar. get to know her liao. last time you both dunno each other wan right?'
It was the bus driver and I nodded in faintly agreement with him and smiled my way through, while she giggled uncontrollably. We choose a seat at the far back and sat down.
'This driver is always very chatty, don't bother about him. I always seen him talking to other passengers.'
She shaped a smile from her lips.
Suddenly, she took the bus tickets I was holding.
'Look away first!'
I did as I was told and after five minutes she hold my waist and put her fist onto my hands.
Am I in heaven?
'I have nothing to give you, so I made this two heart myself. One for you, one for me.'
I looked at her origami made from bus tickets and wondered whether I should do something similar. I appreciate her effort though - I thanked her.
Finally her stop arrived and she had to align. We got down and I insisted in sending her all the way till her block.
'It's ok. It's not good if I am being seen by my neighbours with a guy so late at night you know.'
I nodded and finally relented. Well, every date has to part eventually right?
I watched her fade into her estate and until I caught zero glimpse of her.
I am in LOVE with TODAY.
For the next few months, we chatted everyday and each time I felt that I am slipping into this pit of angelic darkness called love. She told me she couldn't go out very often as her guardian is very strict - finally she is talking more about herself. Her parents are overseas working, leaving her all alone, which contribute reasons for her character. I know she longs for my company like I longs for hers. We are like one in-separate-able pair of best friend. Whatever problems she has, she consulted me and I will be there to give my expertise advice. Maybe this is what true love is, someone to be there regardless of whether you two are together - someone to guide, shield and depend. Jerry, the woman's men, said that I am wasting too much time on a single girl. I should have just pop the question and leave the thinking to her, after all life is too short to spend on one person. But the urge to reveal my feeling hasn't reached to such stage for desperation yet. Maybe next time I would, but when is the right time?
'Cloud. I have something to ask you.'
Oh no, not again?
'What do you think of me?.'
Oh shit, peer evaluating time! Even though I speak easily to myself, when it comes to expressing to HER, I am score an F9 for it.
'Cute? And you are a very good friend of mine.'
'That all?.'
What do you mean that's all? Oh dear, I have to say something that she wants to hear or forever I will be condemn in her eyes. Noooooooo...
I decide to avoid the question using my avoidance tactics.
'There is a lot of things in my heart that I feel about you, but in this short span of time, I can't express it out. But regardless of what is it, I want to let you know that I treasure you a lot.'
Phew, lucky thing I manage to come out with this marvelous sentence. It seemed that after the episode of knowing her, I am beginning to learn the trades of using words.
I didn't know how to reply her smile and decide to leave it until she reply me with something else. Five minutes went by and I am starting ponder whether I should reply anything.
'Cloud. can we meet for dinner tomorrow?'
Another date! Yeah I screamed literally at my computer scream as she is able to go out once more, with me.
'Sure! What about your guardian? She allows you to go out?'
'Yes, she allow me to go out tomorrow.'
'Ok. we meet at Mac at Parklane ok?'
'me nodded her head.'
'Ok I have to go offline now. remember don't be so early ok?. I feel bad if you have to wait for me.'
I smiled at her consideration for me.
Before I could reply with anything, her nick has quit IRC. Guess that I have to wait for tomorrow to see her again.
I arrived early as usual, this time about 15 minutes earlier, waiting for her outside Macdonald patently. Reckoning about her sudden wanting to meet me suggested motives, that's what TV drama always show. Maybe she needed a large sum of money, borrow from me and then disappear into thin air. hiak. the effect of TOO much TV. again.
As I was busy throwing impossible scenarios into the pictures to cease my tension, she stood in front of me. As I looked up, I noticed her face is getting fairer and whiter to the extend of being pale, but nevertheless her sparkling eyes never loses its glow. Must be the effect of those skin whitening Japanese beauty product.
'Waited long?'
'Only about 5 minutes.'
My first lie I made to her. But it was for good cause.
We went into Mac and sat near the window seats, where we could look out towards the roadside.
'What do you want, I buy for you.'
'You eat anything, I eat anything.'
I went to buy for her and decide upon Mac Nuggets Meal as she is a small eater. Less than an instant, 2 packets of large fries, 2 large coke and two boxes of 6-pieces nugget was on the tray as I carried them. Somehow, I noticed that she was looking at me with such mesmerizing effect that I nearly unbalanced myself.
'Cloud. why are you so good to me?.'
Good? What you mean good? You mean you want me to trick you to bed and after that meet about for sessions like this? Thinking back, only ******* guys would do that and being a good guy, I shall uphold my reputation.
'What you mean?'
'Before those day when you wanted to know me, I was actually getting a little irritated when you stalked me.'
'Oh really?. I must have seen like a pervert or something to you right?.'
She giggled out of a sudden and I wondered what she meant.
'But then again. till now, I realize that you are different from other guys that wanted to know me.'
What? There are other idiots doing the same thing too? Oh well, I am NOT surprised, considering her lovable nature and attractiveness.
'You are my best friend and appreciated it. and must be fated that we will know each other right?'
Fate again. Why must woman always bring up the topic of fate everytime when it comes to relation of any kind? I nodded my head a little. She seemed a little solemn today and I reckoned that if there is anything I could give in to her, I should give in. I tried to cheer her up a little as the topic she started were on the emotional side. I spoke some joke and she giggled a little as we continue to our meals. Sometimes I feel that she is the only person in the world that appreciate what I am doing - be it stupid, silly, cute, dumb or whatever $@%!. It is not much, but she always responded.
We finished our meals and were playing with our straws like little kids. As we had our little 'fighting', I looked into her eyes and her eyes seemed to tell me that she may have gone through a lot of in during these period. I don't know what was the problem may be, but all my mind was telling me was to make her happy - simple and sincere.
'Can we go somewhere where I could see the sea?'
We took a taxi down to Marina Bay. Reached in while moment, we got out and walked close to the shores where the waves roar in protest from the raging winds. The sky is densely clouded and the breezes is strong, but just nice enough for comfort. We sat down side by side and watched the waves continual sweeping up the shores.
Suddenly she position and lean herself on my back with her head facing up, looking at the nightly sky. I told myself never would I forget such day. The first intimate bodily contact I had with a girl back to back, just like two hearts melted in one. We spoke nothing, just reveling in nature's enjoyment.
'The sky is beautiful right?.'
I looked at the sky and to me, it appeared as if it's going to rain soon. Then she stopped leaning on me, and looked into me. As if a soldier going for war, my gaze never left hers - I have decide not to avoid it. We studied each other gaze for a moment and after what seemed like eternity, I could see a layer of wetness in her eyes.
'Cloud. would you remember me?.'
Actually I was wondering why she sobbed, but it seemed that maybe she wants to bring out something to tell me and I suspect it is nothing good. I nodded my head to her question and her gaze move onto the rough sea.
'Why? I will never forget you. is there something wrong?'
She kept quiet, rolling her vision between the sea and the sky before looking down...
‘I have to go back Japan.'
Like a prick on bubbles, an internal implosion occurred within me. Don't tell me all the fantasy I am having is coming to an end? If this was a dream, I pray that I will never wake up from it.
'I understand. your parents are over there and they worried for you.'
Even though I am fighting inside, I had to put on a brave front. Well, she isn't my girlfriend or something, I can't demand her not to leave. Girls of her age needs their parents to be with them more than friends.
'Will you come and visit me if I ask you to?.'
'Yes of course! I will!. Can we still contact through IRC?'
I was hoping for a small miracle, its nothing much, but at least I could still talk to her online.
'I don't think I have computer or internet connection at my house.'
The atmosphere is getting intense and to make matter worst, the I could feel a drop of water falling on my skin.
'Then. its ok. we could chat on the phone whenever we can and I think we better leave now, it's going to rain.'
We both got up and walked hastily towards the road in trying to catch a cab, but halfway through, the merciless weather started pouring heavily. Even though I just had a shock from what she had just told me, in the present moment, in my mind, all I thought of is to shield her from the chilling rain as I didn't want her to fall sick. My hands formed a tiny, little barrier and covers her head. It is **** dumb and I don't understand why am I doing such acts - it won't block the rain from drenching her.
Then, I saw a coming taxi driving and I flagged it.
'You are so silly Cloud.'
The next thing I knew, we were in the cab pretty drenched. I told the uncle to reduce the air-con to the lowest and put my arms around her shoulder, rubbing her arms to gain some heat. Gradually, for some reasons, she was in my embrace and I was stroking her soaked hair. Her eyes were kept closed and my fingers traveled to her cheeks. Pinching lightly to fulfill my long awaited-desire, she opened her eyes, like an awaken baby in the morning. My index finger teased her dimples a little as she felt tickled and ruffled her head in between my arms and chest.
All good things must come to an end - the cab reached her place and lucky thing, there was shelter to her house. I told the uncle to wait for a while and got out of the cab with her.
'When are you leaving then.?'
'Tomorrow.'
Tomorrow? Did I just hear wrongly? What's the rush? Sometimes, reality is extremely cruel - heaven makes sport of men.
'I am suppose to tell you earlier, but I can't bear to.'
She is right. If she told me earlier, my feelings would be just like dying patients with the last stage of cancer - waiting for THAT day. It's terrible!
'Would you see me off?.'
In my heart, there is this robust urge of seeing her every second, but if I were to see her off, the scene would be unimaginable. My mind and soul won't be able to endure the parting scene.
'I think, we should just keep this the last meeting then.'
I actually managed to smile and kept this mask of mine, this brave front indestructible. It remains on my face emotionlessly and dead.
'Well. perhaps it's better if we keep it this way. By the count of three, we both just walk off to our destination and never look back ok?
She nodded and I could see her tears closed to spilling out.
'3.2.1.'
Boy ar, come, drink this.'
It was close to my June examination and my mum knocked and came into my room, bringing me the usual examination brain tonic - Chicken Essence. I gulped down the entire bottle and sat by my study table in my room. Working through last year papers has driven me to the pinnacle of madness. I looked out of my room's window and thought of Yukiko, again.
It has been a few months since I last saw or heard from her. After the scene at her estate and we promise not to look back at each other, I never turn back to even have my last glance. I feel that I already had my last glance when I spoke my last words to her. As I depart, I controlled myself emotionally and force my tears back to its origin. For a guy's image, I can't allow such feelings to overpower me.
I went online that day and see if she was there using another nick, but no she wasn't. I know it already passed midnight, but I finally succumb to my inner self and wanted to make sure I won't think back and regret on the fact that I never check whether she was online that day.
I don't know why she never contacts me since then, but I know she has her reasons. Maybe she lost my number over there, maybe she is busy adapting to her new life. or maybe she has forgotten me? No can't be! How can that be? How can the scenarios that have been taken place be so easily forgotten? The day I knew her, our chats, the movie, dinner, straws fighting, the beach, the unexpected rain, the cuddle and every other tiny little details. Is this piece of dreamland meant to be only a dream?
Tomorrow is the beginning of my exam. I rubbed my eyes a little and stretched, telling myself not to ponder over past issues as it may affect my exam performance. I went back to my books and paper and continue began working on it.
'Boy ar! Your phone!'
My phone? At such hours of the night?
'Hello?.'
There was no respond, but somehow I had this feeling that it was her.
'Yukiko?? Is that you?'
I was praying and gripping the phone hard, hoping that a miracle could happen.
'How. how you know it was me?.'
'I smart what! Hey! I never hear from you SO LONG!'
I emphasized on the words 'So long' as if I had never heard anything from her for few decades. The first thing I did was to told her to hang on for a moment and screamed at the top of my voice, literally. My happiness could not contain inside me and I need to release it. Then I scolded her, in gentle tone, for not contacting me and making me so worried for her.
'Sorry. I can't use the phone here for very long too.'
Actually, I don't mind the duration of her calls - I just wanted to hear her voice so badly.
'Miss me?.'
'For making me worried and missing you so badly, you shall treat me movie the next time I see you.'
I used the same trick again. HAHAHA!
We spoke on the phone and talked like old friends and the pressing examination stress seemed to have vanished. I was hoping in my heart that time will freeze so that we could chat till the end of time.
'Cloud. remember that day when I ask you if you would visit me in Japan and you said you would.?'
'Yes? You want me to go over? Ok sure, tell me your address. I will go over right after my examination next sat.'
'Next sat?. examination?. that is when?'
'Maybe 28 May or slightly later. Yeah. tell me your address?.'
I jolted down her contacts in Japan and kiss it.
'Cloud. I got to go already. can't talk anymore. Before I put down, is there anything you want to tell me?.'
'Take lots of care ok? I can't wait to see you soon!'
'You put down first Cloud. I don't want you to see me hang up on you.'
With that a heavy heart our conversation ended as I put the phone down. In preparation for the coming trip to Japan, I hurried my revision, determined to do well so that I could psycho my mum to pay for my trip. I thank you God for giving me this chance!!
HOORAY!
*Days passed*
Finally I am close to finishing my examination - today is the last paper. I was home, like all other days, doing my revision. My mum says that if I do finish this examination, she would pay for my tickets, provided I give her my words that my results will be good when it is out. Regardless. I CAN'T WAIT ANYMORE! I want to see her so badly and life has been good to me, even though little setbacks filled along the way, but I love the surprises Cupid has in store for me.
From morning till night, I have been studying non-stop, although my mind wandered on the thought of seeing her again. For the sake of going over, everything is worth it.
Then, in amidst of studying, my mum calls for me and I guess it must be regarding the trip over. Hehz. Yeah I will see her soon!
'Boy ar. a letter for you.'
Huh? A letter for me? I had never receive a letter addressed to me before. I examined the envelope and it wrote ' To Cloud' on the front. Curiously, I tear opened and a letter fell out.
Dear Cloud,
Before I began, I apologise for not telling you everything about myself. In this world, if there is one person I wouldn't want to see crying - it would have been you.
I wrote this letter on the night when we parted and promise not to look back. Actually I broke the promise; I did looked back, because I feared that I may not have the chance to see you again this lifetime. I know you are putting on a brave front because as a woman I could cry and I know you would be there to console me, but someone has to be the stronger one to console and reassure right?
The reasons why I have to go back to Japan is because I am suffering from a rare case of a blood cancer that may claim my life very soon if it is not treated. My parents wants me to go back to take a major operation there because if this operation were to fail, I would disappear from the surface of the world and they wants to be with me during this period, that's why I ask you if you would come to visit me if I ask you to.
The success rate of this operation is only 30% and anything could happen. So I want to tell you that I appreciate your company, your advices, everything you did or said. I giggled to myself every night after we chatted online and I began to ask myself if I fell in love with you. I guess I did, although you never express yourself to me. Perhaps it is just one sided, but no wrong liking you what right?
You told me you rather wait for the special one, and I told you I will also wait for mine. During the time when I was cuddling in you, I knew that you are the one. I hope that the cab could drive slower because I may not get the chance to cuddle in you again. You may find a girlfriend by then, or I am already in heaven watching over you.
My operation begins on 24 May and I will call you maybe a week plus before to fulfill the promise you said you would come over and visit me in Japan. By then you would know the truth and I could see you for the last time, at least.
But then again, if you receive this letter through mail send by my guardian, it means that I am already gone, leaving my physical body, leaving my suffering and of course, leaving this world. But do not despair, as I will always be around you, shielding you like what you did, in vain, to protect me from the rain today. You said you are not romantic at all, but to me, you are the best a guy could be.
I am feeling a little tired writing this letter, but I am determine to finish what I had to say. If there is one thing final question I want you to ask me, it would be you asking me whether if I like good-looking guys. No, I don't like them because I like guys like YOU - unique and extraordinary, just like Rosemary in the movie we watched together. This distinct character could only be found in you and I want you to kept it that way for I like the way you are, not the way you looked.
I love you, Cloud. very much. Yukiko
Tears I have been fighting back, at this time broke from my resistance barrier and roll down my cheek as I saw the date today - 27 May. I was rooted to the ground, totally defeated, lying at the mercy of my ill-fated destiny. I clutched my head tightly as trains of disillusioned thoughts sinks into my mind. Why DIDN'T I LEFT Singapore to Japan? I should have heck care about my examination to be with her, her final days. I should not have delay the trip over. I should not.
Decisions, most of the times, have cruel consequences regardless of which options I chose. I was at the verge of mental breakdown, totally confused and helpless, like a baby in crossfire, weeping silently to myself for the tears I owe her and for the lack of courage to express my feeling. She was waiting for me to pop the question! And I never did! I should have fuc-king listen to Jerry. At the very least, I could let her know HOW MUCH she meant to me and how much I loved her.
I knew something is happening to me.
I was crying.
As expected, my results were good. Since that day, I never spoke much because I was hurt, disappointed and regretted beyond words. I sat at the bus stop where I first saw her and every scene replay itself in my mind, like a drama. I recalled that she still owe me a movie treat - although this could never happen and thinking of it, made me sink deeper into this whirlpool of depression.
Clutching tightly onto the heart origami that she made, I waited for the bus and soon, it arrived.
I took it and realize that it was the same bus driver again.
'Eh boy ar. why your girlfriend not with you ar?.'
I smiled at him and pointed to my heart.
'Nope! She is with me. All the time.'
My Sassy Girlfriend..
It had been a long time since this movie created a big group of ppl going crazy over it, but till now I still abit crazy over it, cuz the story is reli gd.. Especially the ten pts written below based on the movie..
1. 不要叫她温柔。
2. 不要让她喝三杯以上，否则她会见人就打。
3. 在咖啡馆一定要喝咖啡，不要喝可乐或橙汁。
4. 如果她打你，一定要装得很痛，如果真的很痛，那要装得没事。
5. 在你们认识的第100天，一定要去她班上送她一支玫瑰，她会非常喜欢。
6. 你一定要会击剑，打壁球。
7. 另外，还要随时有蹲监狱的思想准备。
8. 如果她说她会杀了你，那么不要当真，这样你会好受些。
9. 如果她的鞋穿着不舒服，一定要和她换鞋穿。
10. 最后，她喜欢写东西，要好好地鼓励她。
1. 不要叫她温柔。
2. 不要让她喝三杯以上，否则她会见人就打。
3. 在咖啡馆一定要喝咖啡，不要喝可乐或橙汁。
4. 如果她打你，一定要装得很痛，如果真的很痛，那要装得没事。
5. 在你们认识的第100天，一定要去她班上送她一支玫瑰，她会非常喜欢。
6. 你一定要会击剑，打壁球。
7. 另外，还要随时有蹲监狱的思想准备。
8. 如果她说她会杀了你，那么不要当真，这样你会好受些。
9. 如果她的鞋穿着不舒服，一定要和她换鞋穿。
10. 最后，她喜欢写东西，要好好地鼓励她。
True Love is Eternal
True Luv Is Eternal,
Cherish Luv When U Got The Chance,
Once It Left U,
It Will Be Difficult 2 Get It Back,
Dun Let Love Be Onli A Memory...
When I Saw U,
I Was Afraid 2 Talk 2 U,
When I Talked 2 U,
I Was Afraid 2 Hold U,
When I Hold U,
I Was Afraid 2 Love U,
Now That I' ve Love U,
I' m Afraid 2 Lose U...
It Hurts 2 Love Someone And Not Be Loved
In Return,
But What Is The Most Painful Is 2 Love Someone And Never Finding The Courage 2 Let the Person Know How U Feel...
Sometimes Love Hurts,
But If It Doesn't Hurt,
Then Itsn't LoveAnymore,
Hold On 2 the Person U Love,
Before They Slip Away,
Or Else U Can Never Get Them Back...
Cherish Luv When U Got The Chance,
Once It Left U,
It Will Be Difficult 2 Get It Back,
Dun Let Love Be Onli A Memory...
When I Saw U,
I Was Afraid 2 Talk 2 U,
When I Talked 2 U,
I Was Afraid 2 Hold U,
When I Hold U,
I Was Afraid 2 Love U,
Now That I' ve Love U,
I' m Afraid 2 Lose U...
It Hurts 2 Love Someone And Not Be Loved
In Return,
But What Is The Most Painful Is 2 Love Someone And Never Finding The Courage 2 Let the Person Know How U Feel...
Sometimes Love Hurts,
But If It Doesn't Hurt,
Then Itsn't LoveAnymore,
Hold On 2 the Person U Love,
Before They Slip Away,
Or Else U Can Never Get Them Back...
Tell her you think she’s cool
Tell her you think she’s cool.
Tell her why you think she’s so cool.
Smell her hair.
Talk to her in movie theatres.
Pick her up and pretend you’re going to throw her in the river; she'll scream and fight you but secretly, she’ll love it.
Hold her hand and skip.
Hold her hand and run.
Just hold her hand.
Pick flowers from other peoples gardens and give them to her.
Tell her she's pretty.
Let her pay if she wants to.
Introduce her to your friends as the coolest girl you know.
Sit in the park and talk to her.
JUST TALK TO HER.
Take her to the library.
TAKE HER ANYWHERE.
Tell her dirty jokes.
TELL HER HAPPY STORIES.
TELL HER SAD STORIES.
TELL HER YOUR STORIES.
TELL HER ANYTHING.
Tell her stupid jokes.
Write poems about her.
Just walk with her.
Throw pebbles at her window.
When she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her.
Take her to shows of bands she’s never heard of.
Hold her hand in the mosh pit.
Let her fall asleep in your arms.
Call her.
Call her back if she calls you.
Sing to her, no matter how bad you are.
Carve your names into a tree.
Get her mad, and then kiss her.
Give her piggyback rides.
Go see her band play even if they really suck and tell her they were great.
Give her space if she needs it.
Push her on swings.
Stay up with her all night when she’s sick.
Make up pet names for her but cool ones not sappy ones.
Teach her guitar.Lend her your cds.
Write on her.
WRITE ABOUT HER.
Make her mix tapes.
Write her letters.
Take her to cool shops and let her take you to even cooler ones.
Just hang out with her.Listen to all the bands she mentions.
Don’t tell her that her favorite bands suck.
When she’s sad, hang out with her or stay on the phone with her, even if she’s not saying anything.
Buy her ice cream.
Let her take all the photos of you she wants.
Look into her eyes.
Slow dance with her even if the music is fast.
TELL HER A SECRET.
Kiss her in the rain.
JUST KISS HER.
TRUST HER.
LOVE HER.
BE YOURSELF AROUND HER.
CHERISH HER and when you fall in love with her tell her.
Tell her why you think she’s so cool.
Smell her hair.
Talk to her in movie theatres.
Pick her up and pretend you’re going to throw her in the river; she'll scream and fight you but secretly, she’ll love it.
Hold her hand and skip.
Hold her hand and run.
Just hold her hand.
Pick flowers from other peoples gardens and give them to her.
Tell her she's pretty.
Let her pay if she wants to.
Introduce her to your friends as the coolest girl you know.
Sit in the park and talk to her.
JUST TALK TO HER.
Take her to the library.
TAKE HER ANYWHERE.
Tell her dirty jokes.
TELL HER HAPPY STORIES.
TELL HER SAD STORIES.
TELL HER YOUR STORIES.
TELL HER ANYTHING.
Tell her stupid jokes.
Write poems about her.
Just walk with her.
Throw pebbles at her window.
When she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her.
Take her to shows of bands she’s never heard of.
Hold her hand in the mosh pit.
Let her fall asleep in your arms.
Call her.
Call her back if she calls you.
Sing to her, no matter how bad you are.
Carve your names into a tree.
Get her mad, and then kiss her.
Give her piggyback rides.
Go see her band play even if they really suck and tell her they were great.
Give her space if she needs it.
Push her on swings.
Stay up with her all night when she’s sick.
Make up pet names for her but cool ones not sappy ones.
Teach her guitar.Lend her your cds.
Write on her.
WRITE ABOUT HER.
Make her mix tapes.
Write her letters.
Take her to cool shops and let her take you to even cooler ones.
Just hang out with her.Listen to all the bands she mentions.
Don’t tell her that her favorite bands suck.
When she’s sad, hang out with her or stay on the phone with her, even if she’s not saying anything.
Buy her ice cream.
Let her take all the photos of you she wants.
Look into her eyes.
Slow dance with her even if the music is fast.
TELL HER A SECRET.
Kiss her in the rain.
JUST KISS HER.
TRUST HER.
LOVE HER.
BE YOURSELF AROUND HER.
CHERISH HER and when you fall in love with her tell her.
A little of everything...
Dunno wat to write for the title of this blog, just felt kinda lazy to think of any name for it cuz jus wanna cover abit of everything.. Work, Frens, BGR and anything else..
Stil tryin hard to cope with work since my return from China, but felt that I jus cant seem to get anything right, everything is not doing well, later got complains over the price, den my subordinate kept eating snake, b4 I can give her a lecture, she lectured me instead, kept sayin that when she do work, no one see, n when she is not ard, everyone accused her of eating snake.. Do u noe that as her supervisor, I got so stressed tat other supervisors are seein her walking here n there, doin nth.. Sometimes she even missing in action, this one I reli dunno how to explain, cant possibly everytime cover her up to say she went for lunch? I oredi close one eye on her MC, n leg pain, wat else does she wan me to do? Jus like wat others say ba, I jus too soft-hearted n too green, so that the older staffs dare to bully me.. For me, I jus hope tat if I can solve the prob before I reli flare up, den all things will end well, isnt it? Will someone tell me how to be firm n dun get enemies?
Think the manager wants the newbies to do something for the company, another colleague n I was put into the planning for the upcoming events of the company, I was put into the planning for National Day, n I'm supposed to hand in the draft by 15th June, how am I goin to come up with a plan so fast? It seemed like tat I will have to use my skills in poly again, to come up with a plan within 3 days.. Right now, jus cant find any idea leh.. Only red n white, stil got wat can I think?
Frens mah.. Jus felt tat there are many things to talk abt it, but dunno how to approach it.. First, fate plays a large part to it, especially when two ppl with no links at all, can get together as frens, this is one miraculous thing.. It takes alot of efforts to maintain a friendship but nowadays not many ppl are doing it, tat's y those close n gd frens of theirs eventually becomes "hi-bye" frens. I admit tat I din do much to contact my then-close frens, but u can sense tat they r starting to drift apart from u, no point on hangin on to them.. I have many of such cases that I'm losing confidence in such frenship anymore.. It is a slow process for gd frens to progress to best/close frens but it is terribly fast for it to progress to normal frens..
Till now, I only have trust on one particular fren, I will consider her as my one n only best fren cuz I felt the most comfortable with her.. Though we dun contact tat often, we have the invisible link between us, where we will say anything as we like.. She is jus the near-to-perfect fren cuz no one is perfect.. She is always able to accept my weaknesses, n allow me time to change, unlike others.. There is another fren of mine, whom I known for quite some time, but I jus dun feel much comfort in her, cuz she is not willing to accept n change her weaknesses, so after some time, I dun even bother to say anything liao..
Next is to my guys frens, n I will call them as my buddies ba, mayb due to my tomboyish characteristics ba, as I felt comfort in talkin to some of them, cuz I jus like the way they gave their opinions, it's totally different from wat I will hear fr gals.. But hor, guys are still guys, u dun contact them, they wun contact u one.. So every now n then, I will have to look for them to chat.. But most of them have gf liao, so also not convenient to look them too, if not their gf will get suspicious too.. Haha.. Have to look for single guys to chat liao.. Tat's wat I'm doin now..
BGR mah.. This topic always exist, but doesnt occur to me much cuz I dun have one, at most only one-sided love, but to my frens, kept occuring.. Mayb I have cultivated myself as a gd listener, they loved to come to me for opinions, how am I to know wat to give, but after so many yrs of experiences, think I can open a consultancy firm on this liao.. I shall not touch on any particular cases today but jus wanna give a general view on it..
Every relationship is similar, jus tat the parties involved are different, n their personalities are different too.. Many couples can stay long in the relationship as long as they are willing to give n take for one another.. Another case will be one part is willing to take in watever nonsense tat the other party is giving, I admired such ppl, though I dun reli agree with wat they are doin.. n some ended in breaking up bcuz when u take in too much, u r allowing the other party to do watever he/she wants, there is always a limit to human's limitations.. I saw one case where I found my fren's bf is very gd, he is willing to accept watever she is, though I stil see my fren kept insisting on her views of doing things.. If she is reli bent on her views, I dun see any future in their relationship unless her bf is so great to accept all of it till the end of their journey.. Haiz~
Song of the day (not related to the topics tat I covered):
遗失的美好
演唱人：张韶涵 词：姚若龙 曲：黄汉青
海的思念绵延不绝 终于和天 在地平线交会
爱如果走得够远 应该也会跟幸福相见
承诺常常很像蝴蝶 美丽的飞 盘旋然后不见
但我相信你给我的誓言 就像一定会来的春天
我始终带着你爱的微笑 一路上寻找我遗失的美好
不小心当泪滑过嘴角 就用你握过的手抹掉
再多的风景也从不停靠 只一心寻找我遗失的美好
有的人说不清哪里好 但就是谁都替代不了
在最开始的那一秒 有些事早已经注定要到老
虽然命运爱开玩笑 真心会和真心遇到
Stil tryin hard to cope with work since my return from China, but felt that I jus cant seem to get anything right, everything is not doing well, later got complains over the price, den my subordinate kept eating snake, b4 I can give her a lecture, she lectured me instead, kept sayin that when she do work, no one see, n when she is not ard, everyone accused her of eating snake.. Do u noe that as her supervisor, I got so stressed tat other supervisors are seein her walking here n there, doin nth.. Sometimes she even missing in action, this one I reli dunno how to explain, cant possibly everytime cover her up to say she went for lunch? I oredi close one eye on her MC, n leg pain, wat else does she wan me to do? Jus like wat others say ba, I jus too soft-hearted n too green, so that the older staffs dare to bully me.. For me, I jus hope tat if I can solve the prob before I reli flare up, den all things will end well, isnt it? Will someone tell me how to be firm n dun get enemies?
Think the manager wants the newbies to do something for the company, another colleague n I was put into the planning for the upcoming events of the company, I was put into the planning for National Day, n I'm supposed to hand in the draft by 15th June, how am I goin to come up with a plan so fast? It seemed like tat I will have to use my skills in poly again, to come up with a plan within 3 days.. Right now, jus cant find any idea leh.. Only red n white, stil got wat can I think?
Frens mah.. Jus felt tat there are many things to talk abt it, but dunno how to approach it.. First, fate plays a large part to it, especially when two ppl with no links at all, can get together as frens, this is one miraculous thing.. It takes alot of efforts to maintain a friendship but nowadays not many ppl are doing it, tat's y those close n gd frens of theirs eventually becomes "hi-bye" frens. I admit tat I din do much to contact my then-close frens, but u can sense tat they r starting to drift apart from u, no point on hangin on to them.. I have many of such cases that I'm losing confidence in such frenship anymore.. It is a slow process for gd frens to progress to best/close frens but it is terribly fast for it to progress to normal frens..
Till now, I only have trust on one particular fren, I will consider her as my one n only best fren cuz I felt the most comfortable with her.. Though we dun contact tat often, we have the invisible link between us, where we will say anything as we like.. She is jus the near-to-perfect fren cuz no one is perfect.. She is always able to accept my weaknesses, n allow me time to change, unlike others.. There is another fren of mine, whom I known for quite some time, but I jus dun feel much comfort in her, cuz she is not willing to accept n change her weaknesses, so after some time, I dun even bother to say anything liao..
Next is to my guys frens, n I will call them as my buddies ba, mayb due to my tomboyish characteristics ba, as I felt comfort in talkin to some of them, cuz I jus like the way they gave their opinions, it's totally different from wat I will hear fr gals.. But hor, guys are still guys, u dun contact them, they wun contact u one.. So every now n then, I will have to look for them to chat.. But most of them have gf liao, so also not convenient to look them too, if not their gf will get suspicious too.. Haha.. Have to look for single guys to chat liao.. Tat's wat I'm doin now..
BGR mah.. This topic always exist, but doesnt occur to me much cuz I dun have one, at most only one-sided love, but to my frens, kept occuring.. Mayb I have cultivated myself as a gd listener, they loved to come to me for opinions, how am I to know wat to give, but after so many yrs of experiences, think I can open a consultancy firm on this liao.. I shall not touch on any particular cases today but jus wanna give a general view on it..
Every relationship is similar, jus tat the parties involved are different, n their personalities are different too.. Many couples can stay long in the relationship as long as they are willing to give n take for one another.. Another case will be one part is willing to take in watever nonsense tat the other party is giving, I admired such ppl, though I dun reli agree with wat they are doin.. n some ended in breaking up bcuz when u take in too much, u r allowing the other party to do watever he/she wants, there is always a limit to human's limitations.. I saw one case where I found my fren's bf is very gd, he is willing to accept watever she is, though I stil see my fren kept insisting on her views of doing things.. If she is reli bent on her views, I dun see any future in their relationship unless her bf is so great to accept all of it till the end of their journey.. Haiz~
Song of the day (not related to the topics tat I covered):
遗失的美好
演唱人：张韶涵 词：姚若龙 曲：黄汉青
海的思念绵延不绝 终于和天 在地平线交会
爱如果走得够远 应该也会跟幸福相见
承诺常常很像蝴蝶 美丽的飞 盘旋然后不见
但我相信你给我的誓言 就像一定会来的春天
我始终带着你爱的微笑 一路上寻找我遗失的美好
不小心当泪滑过嘴角 就用你握过的手抹掉
再多的风景也从不停靠 只一心寻找我遗失的美好
有的人说不清哪里好 但就是谁都替代不了
在最开始的那一秒 有些事早已经注定要到老
虽然命运爱开玩笑 真心会和真心遇到
Fantasy vs. Reality
Fantasy:
1. The creative imagination; unrestrained fancy.
2. Something, such as an invention, that is a creation of the fancy.
3. A capricious or fantastic idea; a conceit.
4. Fiction characterized by highly fanciful or supernatural elements.
5. An imagined event or sequence of mental images, such as a daydream, usually fulfilling a wish or psychological need.
6. An unrealistic or improbable supposition.
Reality:
1. The quality or state of being actual or true.
2. The totality of all things possessing actuality, existence, or essence.
3. That which exists objectively and in fact.
For me, I always lived in a world of fantasy, where I created all things n events based on my imaginations n how I wan them to be. So in my dreams or fantasy world, there is no death or sadness. Some may call me silly n stupid, already a grown-up gal, stil thinkin of such things? To me, I dun care what they wanna say or do, I will jus hang on to my thoughts n feelings, cuz this is the only way I can relive my dreams, make up for my regrets and keep my spirit on..
There are alot of things I always believed, and listing them all out will be a very long process.. I dunno when I started believing in something, but I remembered that I liked to wish upon the sky where the stars n moon are around, hopin that they will be able to hear my wishes (though till now none of my wishes have ever come true).. When I was growing up, I starting to forget about this until I saw the moon n stars last night while going home.. Though there was only half a moon, it seemed so bright to me.. If u looked closely, there is always a star besides the moon, a shiny one, it is not coincidence that there are together, there is a reason behind it, but I have forgotten it.
I wanted to be an angel, an angel who is always helpin those in need, jus like our guardian angel.. Since the day I heard that there is a guardian angel in every one of us, I started to believe that too, cuz I felt that there is always an invisible forc helpin us up whenever we are in trouble, in depression or in luck.. Being an angel must be very pure in heart, with no hatred or enemies, and I'm not qualified to be one.. Though I dun hate someone, but there is someone I reli reli dislike n I dun think I will forgive for the rest of my life.. Jus dun ask me who.. Not my frens.. No frens are my enemies, unless they treated me as one..
Quote of the day: "Whenever u feel lonely, pls look up at the sky."
The sky may have nth on it, jus clouds, sun, stars, or even the moon, but it will definitely make someone's day feel reli better, cuz ur guardian angel might be lookin at u at an angle of the sky.. =)
1. The creative imagination; unrestrained fancy.
2. Something, such as an invention, that is a creation of the fancy.
3. A capricious or fantastic idea; a conceit.
4. Fiction characterized by highly fanciful or supernatural elements.
5. An imagined event or sequence of mental images, such as a daydream, usually fulfilling a wish or psychological need.
6. An unrealistic or improbable supposition.
Reality:
1. The quality or state of being actual or true.
2. The totality of all things possessing actuality, existence, or essence.
3. That which exists objectively and in fact.
For me, I always lived in a world of fantasy, where I created all things n events based on my imaginations n how I wan them to be. So in my dreams or fantasy world, there is no death or sadness. Some may call me silly n stupid, already a grown-up gal, stil thinkin of such things? To me, I dun care what they wanna say or do, I will jus hang on to my thoughts n feelings, cuz this is the only way I can relive my dreams, make up for my regrets and keep my spirit on..
There are alot of things I always believed, and listing them all out will be a very long process.. I dunno when I started believing in something, but I remembered that I liked to wish upon the sky where the stars n moon are around, hopin that they will be able to hear my wishes (though till now none of my wishes have ever come true).. When I was growing up, I starting to forget about this until I saw the moon n stars last night while going home.. Though there was only half a moon, it seemed so bright to me.. If u looked closely, there is always a star besides the moon, a shiny one, it is not coincidence that there are together, there is a reason behind it, but I have forgotten it.
I wanted to be an angel, an angel who is always helpin those in need, jus like our guardian angel.. Since the day I heard that there is a guardian angel in every one of us, I started to believe that too, cuz I felt that there is always an invisible forc helpin us up whenever we are in trouble, in depression or in luck.. Being an angel must be very pure in heart, with no hatred or enemies, and I'm not qualified to be one.. Though I dun hate someone, but there is someone I reli reli dislike n I dun think I will forgive for the rest of my life.. Jus dun ask me who.. Not my frens.. No frens are my enemies, unless they treated me as one..
Quote of the day: "Whenever u feel lonely, pls look up at the sky."
The sky may have nth on it, jus clouds, sun, stars, or even the moon, but it will definitely make someone's day feel reli better, cuz ur guardian angel might be lookin at u at an angle of the sky.. =)
My Fav Manga - Itazura Na Kiss
(Friendster blog kept disappearing, so this blog is the duplicated one)
I always lived in a world of fantasy, daydreaming and imaginations, so I would say tat this is the best manga that I have ever read, and if can, I hoped tat my life story can be like that (but it's totally impossible!!)
This manga had once caused a woo-ha during those days esp when the drama version was released, 恶作剧之吻, but too bad, I missed the first few episodes.. I got hooked on the drama and search the internet for more details on the drama, and happened to know about the manga, but I din pay too much attention to it..
It's only much later (about 10 days ago), when I felt that I want to look for more info on the manga, and use my free time to read on it.. It took me a long time to found the scans of the manga online, and I was super hooked on it.. The story was superb, and I was totally speechless as to how to comment on it..
The creator of the manga passed away b4 she could finished vol. 23, which left many fans guessin what will the ending be and how will the story be carried on. I'm one of fans who felt kinda lost when I found out that there isnt any ending to the story.. But the spirit of the manga will or already passed on till now, where alot of people cant forget the scenes of the story which were very memorable..
I will strongly recommend this manga to all, esp those who are like me, dreamin of the perfect love story all day long.. It will be better to read the manga scans than the summaries that some fans have posted, cuz the feel is totally different.. Oh.. How great!! *daydreaming again*
I always lived in a world of fantasy, daydreaming and imaginations, so I would say tat this is the best manga that I have ever read, and if can, I hoped tat my life story can be like that (but it's totally impossible!!)
This manga had once caused a woo-ha during those days esp when the drama version was released, 恶作剧之吻, but too bad, I missed the first few episodes.. I got hooked on the drama and search the internet for more details on the drama, and happened to know about the manga, but I din pay too much attention to it..
It's only much later (about 10 days ago), when I felt that I want to look for more info on the manga, and use my free time to read on it.. It took me a long time to found the scans of the manga online, and I was super hooked on it.. The story was superb, and I was totally speechless as to how to comment on it..
The creator of the manga passed away b4 she could finished vol. 23, which left many fans guessin what will the ending be and how will the story be carried on. I'm one of fans who felt kinda lost when I found out that there isnt any ending to the story.. But the spirit of the manga will or already passed on till now, where alot of people cant forget the scenes of the story which were very memorable..
I will strongly recommend this manga to all, esp those who are like me, dreamin of the perfect love story all day long.. It will be better to read the manga scans than the summaries that some fans have posted, cuz the feel is totally different.. Oh.. How great!! *daydreaming again*
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Favorite Bulletin
I like this bulletin posted quite some time ago on friendster by a fren some time ago, jus felt tat I'm similar to the character of this bulletin.. Rite now, there's isnt anyone I'm in love with, or rather, secret admiring with, but it once left me with bits of fond memories when I was secret admiring this particular guy a long long time ago.. Haha..
Question: Does looks really matters much when it comes to love…?
This is based on a true story… If you like it, re-post it…
Perhaps you will find the love you have been waiting for all this time…
sHe was not pretty…
But she had feelings…
One day, she felt in love with a guy…
A guy she really had a crush on…
But she realized that she was not pretty…
So she kept it deep inside her heart…
sHe was not pretty…
Knowing this, she still approached the guy she admired…
Upon approaching him, she asked his name and asked for his number…
They came into contact with each other…
The lady was so happy and she felt nice talking to the guy…
sHe was not pretty…
sHe had to remember this all the time…
sHe knew she couldnt say out her wish to the guy…
However, one day, she took up the strength to call the guy…
When she was about to pick up the reciever, the phone rang…
It was him… Her crush…
Her guy of her dreams…
He asked her out on that night…
There was no reason for her to say NO…
That night, they went to a restaurant…for dinner…
sHe was not pretty…
This was proven to her at that night…
When the guy told her that he had a crush on another lady.
Her heart was crushed into pieces by her own crush…
But she didn’t say a word…
sHe knew it…
sHe was not pretty~!
sHe was not pretty…
And she knew she wont get her guy of her dream…
So she intended to help the guy out…
sHe took the guy to the lady whom he had a crush on…
After a week, she saw the guy dating with the lady…
sHe knew that there is no more hope for her…
sHe was not pretty…
And this made her loose her love…
sHe just kept her feelings deep inside her heart…
But it was okay for her…
As her love was happy with the lady he loved…
sHe was not pretty…
But maybe her powerful love brought her guy back to her…
One day, the guy came all the way crying to her…
He said to her that he lost the girl, the girl play two-timer and dumped him…
He was all in tears and didnt know where to go…
sHe was not pretty…
But she loved him…
sHe wiped the tears off the guy and gave a warm hug…
The guy felt the warm feel gush through his nerves and touch his heart deep inside…
He realized that this is his true love…
sHe was not pretty…
But she found her love finally…
And she was happy…
p/s: looks are not really the most important thing in love…
Consider the feelings of the ppl around you…
You might just find that true love of yours..
sHe may not be pretty…
But she might love you more than anyone could ever love you!
Question: Does looks really matters much when it comes to love…?
This is based on a true story… If you like it, re-post it…
Perhaps you will find the love you have been waiting for all this time…
sHe was not pretty…
But she had feelings…
One day, she felt in love with a guy…
A guy she really had a crush on…
But she realized that she was not pretty…
So she kept it deep inside her heart…
sHe was not pretty…
Knowing this, she still approached the guy she admired…
Upon approaching him, she asked his name and asked for his number…
They came into contact with each other…
The lady was so happy and she felt nice talking to the guy…
sHe was not pretty…
sHe had to remember this all the time…
sHe knew she couldnt say out her wish to the guy…
However, one day, she took up the strength to call the guy…
When she was about to pick up the reciever, the phone rang…
It was him… Her crush…
Her guy of her dreams…
He asked her out on that night…
There was no reason for her to say NO…
That night, they went to a restaurant…for dinner…
sHe was not pretty…
This was proven to her at that night…
When the guy told her that he had a crush on another lady.
Her heart was crushed into pieces by her own crush…
But she didn’t say a word…
sHe knew it…
sHe was not pretty~!
sHe was not pretty…
And she knew she wont get her guy of her dream…
So she intended to help the guy out…
sHe took the guy to the lady whom he had a crush on…
After a week, she saw the guy dating with the lady…
sHe knew that there is no more hope for her…
sHe was not pretty…
And this made her loose her love…
sHe just kept her feelings deep inside her heart…
But it was okay for her…
As her love was happy with the lady he loved…
sHe was not pretty…
But maybe her powerful love brought her guy back to her…
One day, the guy came all the way crying to her…
He said to her that he lost the girl, the girl play two-timer and dumped him…
He was all in tears and didnt know where to go…
sHe was not pretty…
But she loved him…
sHe wiped the tears off the guy and gave a warm hug…
The guy felt the warm feel gush through his nerves and touch his heart deep inside…
He realized that this is his true love…
sHe was not pretty…
But she found her love finally…
And she was happy…
p/s: looks are not really the most important thing in love…
Consider the feelings of the ppl around you…
You might just find that true love of yours..
sHe may not be pretty…
But she might love you more than anyone could ever love you!
My Fav Song - Feb/Mar/Apr/May
This is my fav song for the past few mths, guessed I had repeated this song again n again over my Winamp for more than 200 times since the day I gotten this song.. Jus felt tat this song is jus too wonderful, it had been such a long time since I heard a song like this.. The best song for a dreamer like me who is living in a world of fantasy..
童话
曲：光良 词：光良
忘了有多久 再没听到你对我说你最爱的故事
我想了很久 我开始慌了 是不是我又做错了什么
你哭着对我说 童话里都是骗人的 我不可能是你的王子
也许你不会懂 从你说爱我以后 我的天空 星星都亮了
我愿变成童话里 你爱的那个天使 张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里 幸福和快乐是结局
我要变成童话里 你爱的那个天使 张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里 幸福和快乐是结局
我会变成童话里 你爱的那个天使 张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里 幸福和快乐是结局 一起写我们的结局
(English Translation)
I have forgotten how long was it,
Since I last heard you,
Telling me your favorite story,
I have been thinking for a very long time,
I'm beginning to feel paranoid,
Did I make any mistakes again?
You came and tell me with the tears in your eyes,
That fairytales are all lies,
It's impossible for me to be your prince charming,
Maybe you will not understand,
After the moment when you said you loved me,
The stars in my sky, are beginning to shine and shimmer.
I'm wishing to be, the angel you love,
In the fairytales,
Open my arms wide,
And let it become wings, to protect you,
You have to believe,
Believe that we will be like the fairytale,
With happiness and joy as the ending.
I'm desiring to be, the angel you love,
In the fairytales,
Open my arms wide,
And let it become wings, to protect you,
You have to believe,
Believe that we will be like the fairytale,
With happiness and joy as the ending.
I'm willing to be, the angel you love,
In the fairytales,
Open my arms wide,
And let it become wings, to protect you,
You have to believe,
Believe that we will be like the fairytale,
With happiness and joy as the ending.
Everything is our beautiful ending.
童话
曲：光良 词：光良
忘了有多久 再没听到你对我说你最爱的故事
我想了很久 我开始慌了 是不是我又做错了什么
你哭着对我说 童话里都是骗人的 我不可能是你的王子
也许你不会懂 从你说爱我以后 我的天空 星星都亮了
我愿变成童话里 你爱的那个天使 张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里 幸福和快乐是结局
我要变成童话里 你爱的那个天使 张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里 幸福和快乐是结局
我会变成童话里 你爱的那个天使 张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里 幸福和快乐是结局 一起写我们的结局
(English Translation)
I have forgotten how long was it,
Since I last heard you,
Telling me your favorite story,
I have been thinking for a very long time,
I'm beginning to feel paranoid,
Did I make any mistakes again?
You came and tell me with the tears in your eyes,
That fairytales are all lies,
It's impossible for me to be your prince charming,
Maybe you will not understand,
After the moment when you said you loved me,
The stars in my sky, are beginning to shine and shimmer.
I'm wishing to be, the angel you love,
In the fairytales,
Open my arms wide,
And let it become wings, to protect you,
You have to believe,
Believe that we will be like the fairytale,
With happiness and joy as the ending.
I'm desiring to be, the angel you love,
In the fairytales,
Open my arms wide,
And let it become wings, to protect you,
You have to believe,
Believe that we will be like the fairytale,
With happiness and joy as the ending.
I'm willing to be, the angel you love,
In the fairytales,
Open my arms wide,
And let it become wings, to protect you,
You have to believe,
Believe that we will be like the fairytale,
With happiness and joy as the ending.
Everything is our beautiful ending.
Horoscopes: Do U Believe It??
Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20)
Aries is the first of the twelve zodiacs. It represents the beginning of all things and usually displays a strong desire to lead. Aries is adventurous, energetic, pioneering, and courageous. Arians always want to be on top. They tend to be frank and open but also self-centered and willful. Arians love adventure and almost has no fear. All is done with great enthusiasm which affects the people around them. Aries is loyal to family and friends. Aries is ruled by the forceful Mars. Arians are good athletes, doctors, explorers, soldiers, and leaders. Sometimes they like physical, emotional and mental extremes but Arians should be careful not to go too far with their extremism.
Aries Attractions: Gemini, Leo, Libra, Scorpio
Taurus (Apr 21 - May 21)
Taurus is the second sign of the zodiac, representing growth and development. Taurus is patient, reliable, warmhearted, loving, persistent, and determined. It likes few changes which determines its reserved and practical nature. Taurueans show a great interest in all physical matters. Taurus is faithful to friends and lovers. However, when insulted Taurueans remember it forever. No other sign in the zodiac is closer to earth then Taurus. Taurus is ruled by Venus and seeks harmony with its surroundings. Taureans like being part of a team. However, they have reputation for stubbornness. Taureans are good teachers, scientists, designers, and chefs.
Taurus Attractions: Libra, Scorpio, Capricorn
Gemini (May 22 - Jun 21)
Gemini is the third sign of the zodiac, representing quickness of thought. Geminis are good communicators. They are active and clever. Geminis are adaptable, versatile, communicative, witty, intellectual, and eloquent. Sometime they can be pessimistic which is caused by their dualistic nature. Geminis like being part of a group. They always follow the rules of the game. Understanding and tolerant, they can be helpful in any situation. They usually liven up any social gathering with their ideas and verbal facility. Gemini is ruled by Mercury. Geminis can adapt to any situation, however they still try to keep their independence. Geminis like to travel and socialize. Geminis are good lawyers, politicians and public speakers.
Gemini Attractions: Virgo, Libra, Sagittarius
Cancer (Jun 22 - Jul 22)
Cancers are protective, traditional, and emotional. Cancer is probably the most emotional of all the signs. This makes Cancers romantic and shy. Sometimes Cancers can be aggressive in getting what they want. They like extremes: they can be joyful and melancholic in a short period of time. The heart of their personality is sensitivity. They take everything very personally. Cancers will find their security in their families. They give high value to their homes which should be luxurious. Cancers do not like to be criticized or insulted. Cancer is ruled by the moon. Cancers like to give away things. They are good lawyers, architects, designers, and painters.
Cancer Attractions: Pisces, Scorpio, Aquarius
Leo (Jul 23 - Aug 23)
Leos are like lions: energetic, free, and independent. Leos likes to get things done. They are excellent leaders because of their authoritative and confident character. They are very loyal to other people, even to their enemies. They like to socialize and give away presents. They like to buy fancy items. Leos like to get the attention of others. They can do many different jobs and learn easily. They always follow their principles so it is very unlikely to be surprised by a Leo. They also like children and are good entertainers. Leo is ruled by the Sun. Leos are optimist because of their strong confidence in themselves. Leos are good leaders, managers, performers and negotiators.
Leo Attractions: Scorpio, Capricorn, Leo
Virgo (Aug 24 - Sep 22)
Virgo likes to attack back when confronted. Virgos need to receive a lot attention, adoration and gratitude. Virgos are accurate, competent and effective. They like rationality. Virgos like to help and solve problems quickly. They do not do it for compliments. Virgos are not wasteful. Being perfectionists, they like order and cleanness in their home. Virgos change friends often. They have only a few real friends because they give very special values to friendship to which other people cannot commit. Virgo is ruled by Mercury. Virgos are very bright and educated. They are good scientists, teachers, analysts and planners.
Virgo Attractions: Gemini, Pisces, Taurus
Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 22)
Libra is very sociable and likes being a part of a group. Libras have gentle and refined personalities and like to be praised and pampered. Libras are perfectionists. They like to give fair justice when they hear all disputing sides. Libras are loyal, caring, nice, and adaptive. Libras are very trustworthy in friendships and relationships. Sometimes this makes them unreasonably possessive to other people. Libras like large, open spaces like halls and stadiums. They like to be out in nature. The sign is ruled by Venus. Libras also are very devoted to what they do and always try to get things done with excellence. Libras are good judges, managers, writers and social workers.
Libra Attractions: Aquarius, Aries, Taurus
Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
Scorpios have very complicated personality. They are clever, non-compromising, calculating, and self protective. Money is very important for them. Sometimes they have "a sixth sense": they can feel things by intuition that other people cannot. They are very loyal and protective towards friends and loved ones. They can change radically according to the situation. Scorpios could say something and have in mind exactly the opposite. They are good actors. They can "poison" other people at any time - a harm that may last for long time. They would do anything to accomplish their goals. In relationships, they could be dangerously jealous. They are also passionate and caring. Scorpio is ruled by Mars. Scorpios are good teachers, actors, businessmen, accountants and sociologists.
Scorpio Attractions: Capricorn, Leo, Pisces
Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Sagittarius has energetic and active personality. People carrying this sign what to know everything and everyone. They are also like to travel and to be close to nature. Sagittarians are optimistic, faithful, and honest. Other people often share their problems with Sagittarians to seek help and understanding. Sagittarians are not very emotional. They adjust quickly to any environment. Sagittarians are good friends but still they keep their freedom and neutrality. Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter. Sagittarius are very curious by nature. Such curiosity makes them well educated and intelligent people. Sometimes Sagittarians can be rebellious but they can quickly calm down and return to their ordinary nature. Sagittarius are good salesmen, scientists, researcher and analysts.
Sagittarius Attractions: Gemini, Aries, Taurus, Virgo
Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 20)
Capricorns never repeat their mistakes. They are very careful, slow, practical and thrifty. Their reserved personality can cause problems in their relationships. They are faithful to their family and loved ones. Their personality is also kind and affectionate but is suppressed by shyness. Trying to be perfect in everything they undertake, they often miss great opportunities because of insecurity in their abilities. Careful planning and insuring against any negative outcome is a must for all their deeds. Capricorn is ruled by Saturn. Capricorn's nature can be easily changed when they are loved or respected by other people. Capricorns are good brokers, politicians, economists and bankers.
Capricorn Attractions: Cancer, Leo, Taurus, Virgo
Aquarius (Jan 21 - Feb 19)
Aquarians have a good sense of humor. They are gentle and caring and they are not very sociable. They to prefer to be alone or with their closest friends. That's why Aquarius chooses its friends carefully. They like to receive compliments and are ready to forgive when harmed. They can easily entertain other people which makes them charming and wanted. Usually they are calm and sincere. However, when they get angry, they can be dangerous. Most of the times they overestimate the sincerity and the promises of their partners for which they regret later on. Aquarius is ruled by Saturn and Uranus. Aquarians are good workers and usually are paid well. Aquarians usually have many different hobbies and are creative and skilful in many areas. Aquarians are good computer scientists, doctors, pilots and writers.
Aquarius Attractions: Aries, Gemini, Libra
Pieces (Feb 20 - Mar 20)
Pisces are a little bit of everything. They are independent and mystical. They are sensitive and loving. They can easily adapt and change according the situation. Sometimes they are so colorful that they contradict their own rules and principles. Pisces can handle many different tasks at once and be successful in all of them. They can tolerate other people's behaviors. This makes very strong friends out of them. They also learn easy and can change professions without concern. Although trying to be independent, they like to have somebody above them to mange all the tasks they perform. Pisces are ruled by Jupiter and Neptune. They are religious and pay strong attention to family and relationship values. Pisces are good for any profession as long as they are not the major players.
Pisces Attractions: Aquarius, Cancer, Scorpio
This is the only website tat I found most of the characteristics of the horoscope that I found in my frens quite true, and about 85% true about myself ba.. Some ppl believe in such things, but for me, sometimes I believe, sometimes I dun.. What about you? Does the characteristics written here match ur real person? Believe or not.. =)
Aries is the first of the twelve zodiacs. It represents the beginning of all things and usually displays a strong desire to lead. Aries is adventurous, energetic, pioneering, and courageous. Arians always want to be on top. They tend to be frank and open but also self-centered and willful. Arians love adventure and almost has no fear. All is done with great enthusiasm which affects the people around them. Aries is loyal to family and friends. Aries is ruled by the forceful Mars. Arians are good athletes, doctors, explorers, soldiers, and leaders. Sometimes they like physical, emotional and mental extremes but Arians should be careful not to go too far with their extremism.
Aries Attractions: Gemini, Leo, Libra, Scorpio
Taurus (Apr 21 - May 21)
Taurus is the second sign of the zodiac, representing growth and development. Taurus is patient, reliable, warmhearted, loving, persistent, and determined. It likes few changes which determines its reserved and practical nature. Taurueans show a great interest in all physical matters. Taurus is faithful to friends and lovers. However, when insulted Taurueans remember it forever. No other sign in the zodiac is closer to earth then Taurus. Taurus is ruled by Venus and seeks harmony with its surroundings. Taureans like being part of a team. However, they have reputation for stubbornness. Taureans are good teachers, scientists, designers, and chefs.
Taurus Attractions: Libra, Scorpio, Capricorn
Gemini (May 22 - Jun 21)
Gemini is the third sign of the zodiac, representing quickness of thought. Geminis are good communicators. They are active and clever. Geminis are adaptable, versatile, communicative, witty, intellectual, and eloquent. Sometime they can be pessimistic which is caused by their dualistic nature. Geminis like being part of a group. They always follow the rules of the game. Understanding and tolerant, they can be helpful in any situation. They usually liven up any social gathering with their ideas and verbal facility. Gemini is ruled by Mercury. Geminis can adapt to any situation, however they still try to keep their independence. Geminis like to travel and socialize. Geminis are good lawyers, politicians and public speakers.
Gemini Attractions: Virgo, Libra, Sagittarius
Cancer (Jun 22 - Jul 22)
Cancers are protective, traditional, and emotional. Cancer is probably the most emotional of all the signs. This makes Cancers romantic and shy. Sometimes Cancers can be aggressive in getting what they want. They like extremes: they can be joyful and melancholic in a short period of time. The heart of their personality is sensitivity. They take everything very personally. Cancers will find their security in their families. They give high value to their homes which should be luxurious. Cancers do not like to be criticized or insulted. Cancer is ruled by the moon. Cancers like to give away things. They are good lawyers, architects, designers, and painters.
Cancer Attractions: Pisces, Scorpio, Aquarius
Leo (Jul 23 - Aug 23)
Leos are like lions: energetic, free, and independent. Leos likes to get things done. They are excellent leaders because of their authoritative and confident character. They are very loyal to other people, even to their enemies. They like to socialize and give away presents. They like to buy fancy items. Leos like to get the attention of others. They can do many different jobs and learn easily. They always follow their principles so it is very unlikely to be surprised by a Leo. They also like children and are good entertainers. Leo is ruled by the Sun. Leos are optimist because of their strong confidence in themselves. Leos are good leaders, managers, performers and negotiators.
Leo Attractions: Scorpio, Capricorn, Leo
Virgo (Aug 24 - Sep 22)
Virgo likes to attack back when confronted. Virgos need to receive a lot attention, adoration and gratitude. Virgos are accurate, competent and effective. They like rationality. Virgos like to help and solve problems quickly. They do not do it for compliments. Virgos are not wasteful. Being perfectionists, they like order and cleanness in their home. Virgos change friends often. They have only a few real friends because they give very special values to friendship to which other people cannot commit. Virgo is ruled by Mercury. Virgos are very bright and educated. They are good scientists, teachers, analysts and planners.
Virgo Attractions: Gemini, Pisces, Taurus
Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 22)
Libra is very sociable and likes being a part of a group. Libras have gentle and refined personalities and like to be praised and pampered. Libras are perfectionists. They like to give fair justice when they hear all disputing sides. Libras are loyal, caring, nice, and adaptive. Libras are very trustworthy in friendships and relationships. Sometimes this makes them unreasonably possessive to other people. Libras like large, open spaces like halls and stadiums. They like to be out in nature. The sign is ruled by Venus. Libras also are very devoted to what they do and always try to get things done with excellence. Libras are good judges, managers, writers and social workers.
Libra Attractions: Aquarius, Aries, Taurus
Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
Scorpios have very complicated personality. They are clever, non-compromising, calculating, and self protective. Money is very important for them. Sometimes they have "a sixth sense": they can feel things by intuition that other people cannot. They are very loyal and protective towards friends and loved ones. They can change radically according to the situation. Scorpios could say something and have in mind exactly the opposite. They are good actors. They can "poison" other people at any time - a harm that may last for long time. They would do anything to accomplish their goals. In relationships, they could be dangerously jealous. They are also passionate and caring. Scorpio is ruled by Mars. Scorpios are good teachers, actors, businessmen, accountants and sociologists.
Scorpio Attractions: Capricorn, Leo, Pisces
Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Sagittarius has energetic and active personality. People carrying this sign what to know everything and everyone. They are also like to travel and to be close to nature. Sagittarians are optimistic, faithful, and honest. Other people often share their problems with Sagittarians to seek help and understanding. Sagittarians are not very emotional. They adjust quickly to any environment. Sagittarians are good friends but still they keep their freedom and neutrality. Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter. Sagittarius are very curious by nature. Such curiosity makes them well educated and intelligent people. Sometimes Sagittarians can be rebellious but they can quickly calm down and return to their ordinary nature. Sagittarius are good salesmen, scientists, researcher and analysts.
Sagittarius Attractions: Gemini, Aries, Taurus, Virgo
Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 20)
Capricorns never repeat their mistakes. They are very careful, slow, practical and thrifty. Their reserved personality can cause problems in their relationships. They are faithful to their family and loved ones. Their personality is also kind and affectionate but is suppressed by shyness. Trying to be perfect in everything they undertake, they often miss great opportunities because of insecurity in their abilities. Careful planning and insuring against any negative outcome is a must for all their deeds. Capricorn is ruled by Saturn. Capricorn's nature can be easily changed when they are loved or respected by other people. Capricorns are good brokers, politicians, economists and bankers.
Capricorn Attractions: Cancer, Leo, Taurus, Virgo
Aquarius (Jan 21 - Feb 19)
Aquarians have a good sense of humor. They are gentle and caring and they are not very sociable. They to prefer to be alone or with their closest friends. That's why Aquarius chooses its friends carefully. They like to receive compliments and are ready to forgive when harmed. They can easily entertain other people which makes them charming and wanted. Usually they are calm and sincere. However, when they get angry, they can be dangerous. Most of the times they overestimate the sincerity and the promises of their partners for which they regret later on. Aquarius is ruled by Saturn and Uranus. Aquarians are good workers and usually are paid well. Aquarians usually have many different hobbies and are creative and skilful in many areas. Aquarians are good computer scientists, doctors, pilots and writers.
Aquarius Attractions: Aries, Gemini, Libra
Pieces (Feb 20 - Mar 20)
Pisces are a little bit of everything. They are independent and mystical. They are sensitive and loving. They can easily adapt and change according the situation. Sometimes they are so colorful that they contradict their own rules and principles. Pisces can handle many different tasks at once and be successful in all of them. They can tolerate other people's behaviors. This makes very strong friends out of them. They also learn easy and can change professions without concern. Although trying to be independent, they like to have somebody above them to mange all the tasks they perform. Pisces are ruled by Jupiter and Neptune. They are religious and pay strong attention to family and relationship values. Pisces are good for any profession as long as they are not the major players.
Pisces Attractions: Aquarius, Cancer, Scorpio
This is the only website tat I found most of the characteristics of the horoscope that I found in my frens quite true, and about 85% true about myself ba.. Some ppl believe in such things, but for me, sometimes I believe, sometimes I dun.. What about you? Does the characteristics written here match ur real person? Believe or not.. =)
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