Childish side of me..

Hooray!! Yippee!! Finally it rained!! and I got myself happily drenched in the rain.. Reminds me of my childhood days.. Loved the rain, but seldom got the chance to get drenched cuz parents dun allow.. Stil remembered wearing the raincoat, walkin under the rain.. So happy n naive..

To tink back of myself, sometimes I felt tat I'm stil childish at times, or rather all ppl have a childish side in his or her own shell.. We r stil a big kid at heart.. No matter how old u r, as long as u r young at heart, u wun grow old mentally n feel like an old man/woman.. this is wat i tink la.. I always loved to smile or stick out my tongue, it helps to destress, n as time goes by, it became a habit.. n some of my frens actually told me tat I'm cute.. haha.. ke ai = ke lian mei ren ai.. haha.. n sometimes after my meal at the hawker centre, my face will be reddish.. this is sometin tat i'll have to agree tat very cute.. but sometimes overly red, not good.. like burnt face.. haha..

gotta go n hv a rest le.. later stil got nite work.. wil update again wen i'm free..

The past still bothers me..

Felt very emotional today.. And till now I stil cant get over it.. I was being reminded of the past.. A painful past.. Something that I cant reverse the process..

I was being informed by KT when he came to work today.. His grandma has passed away.. Out of a sudden, I was being reminded of my grandma's death.. Everything jus came back to my mind.. All of them.. A sudden surge of emotion jus came to me, which I felt like crying..

My grandma passed away 6 yrs ago, on July 30th.. The day I will never forget.. n with a tinge of regret..

That year was the year that I was having my 'O' Levels exams.. n that year was the most so-called busiest year bcuz my grandma kept falling down and injured herself quite badly on few occasions.. But none of us was able to take good care of her bcuz due to our respective work n study commitments.. What we could do was try to stay at home as much as possible to watch over her in case of any possible incident/injury again..

A few days before her death, she fell down again.. She reli hurt herself in a very bad state.. She could only lie on bed and I could see bruises (she was prone to such bruises).. I was reli afraid to see her state tat I everytime siam.. She couldnt eat or drink properly.. My mom took leave to look after her.. As I was stil considered young then, alot of tings were not conveyed to me, cuz adults wil only say, kids like us wun noe anythin de..

On that fateful day, I had arranged to meet my best fren bcuz her bday was comin up.. It was a sunday.. I walked once or twice to my grandma's rm to take a look at her, wat I could see was that she seemed to be in great pain.. I waited till quite late like 12+pm den I went out.. I still remembered seein my mom cried tat day.. It's like she somehow had a feelin tat my grandma wun be able to live long.. I waited my fren at her house's bus stop, n when she din come on time, I called her house, no one picked up the call, n I was rather pissed off.. So i hopped on the bus, n when the bus made a turn, I saw her.. I got down the bus n wanted to chide her.. But she told me something.. My mom had called her to inform me tat my grandma "cannot le".. I was like duno wat to do.. wat I could do was to hop on a cab n went all the way home.. I stil remembered tat the taxi was goin at a very slow rate even when I told him tat my grandma was dyin..

I ran all the way from the lift to my house, n I was too late.. My grandma had left us forever.. When I went inside her room to take a look at her, I could sense tat she left in pain.. I duno wat to react, or rather I was not feelin as upset as I should.. A song jus came to my mind.. Zhang Huimei's "Jie Tuo".. I was cryin.. My mind is in a blank.. I called my fren to tell her tat I wun be coming back to sch for 2 days.. I stil remembered wat my fren told me, dun take too many days.. I was not in the mood to do anything..

We din hold any wake or wat.. Cuz my mom din have any relative, neither does she has much frens.. We were by our grandma's lifeless body for a day before she was taken away by the undertaker and being sent to the crematarian.. She looked as if she was alive, jus like lying on her bed.. I remembered we put alot of her clothings and her favorite tidbits inside her coffin.. And there.. she is reli gone forever..

2 days later, all of us except my mom, went back to work as per normal.. And I had let this matter to be kept behind me from then on.. I thought I had oredi settled my emotions down on tat matter le.. but today's news from KT had reminded me of the painful past.. Wat I need is some time ba.. Wat done cant be undone.. n life stil have to go on.. we must always look forward n not let our past bothers us.. Treat the ppl better, means treatin urself beta.. Life is beautiful!!

My Characteristics.. Very accurate..

Virgo General Character

http://www.pixelgirldesign.com/astrology/virgo.html

Dominant Keyword: I ANALYZE.
Lucky Day: Wednesday
Lucky Numbers: 5 and 3
Birthstone: Sapphire
Colors: Navy Blue and Gray
Metal: Mercury

Your most likeable trait: CONSCIENTIOUSNESS

The real drama of Virgo's personality is interior. To the world you may give an impression of calm authority, but you are aware of your own nervous, restless, controlled intensity, the desire to be up and doing, rearranging, improving. You can exhaust yourself more by simply sitting still than others do moving around.

The planet Mercury, which rules both Virgo and Gemini, inclines its subjects toward constant activity. However, in Gemini the nervous energy is directed primarily toward stimulation and adventure, while in Virgo the ceaseless drive is to accomplish and perfect. It's impossible for Virgos to put off until tomorrow what might be done today, or to do later what might be done now. You are, in a word, organized. Your idea of taking it easy would seem like hard work to most people. You are not a daydreamer, you're a day-doer.

Your emotional life is a constant striving to bring order out of chaos. Although you have a great capacity for love, love alone is not enough for you to be happy. You need more than a mate, home, children, friends. You must justify your life, conduct yourself as a good bookkeeper keeps a ledger—always ready to give a reckoning on whether there's a profit or a loss.

Intelligence is the hallmark of your sign. The symbol is a young woman gathering wheat, and Virgo people harvest information, assimilate facts, and put what they learn to practical use. You have an excellent memory, an analytical mind, and are know for crystal-clear thinking. You also have a keen ability to probe into human motivations.

People like to check their plans with you before putting them in action because you have microscopic vision when it comes to detecting a flaw. Your superb logic cuts through muddled thinking like a laser beam. Because you believe life should be approached rationally, you are without peer in solving knotty problems or tangled disputes. You are convinced that a reasoned presentation of the facts will carry the day. Until you have the facts before you, you are reluctant to make a decision. Your faith is not in Chinese fortune cookies or in weighing-machine cards, but in facts, and you distrust ideas that don't stand up to critical appraisal or people who make emotional judgments.

The first thing you learned about money matters is that money does matter. Although you tend to be critical of your own ability in financial affairs, no one is better than you at staying within a budget. You aren't tempted into foolish ventures. Your bank balances usually jibe to the decimal point. You want the finest but rarely overpay, and you have a built-in resistance against self-indulgence.

One of your major faults is that you don't see the forest for the trees. A preoccupation with neatness and precision sometimes limits your breadth of vision. That estimable faith in logic also confines your imagination and leaves you a little shy on inspiration, too dependent on established practices and methods. Your nature is to look back and analyze rather than push forward in a new direction. You must know the why and how of everything. Virgo is a mutable sign, however, so you can adjust easily to change once you find way of fitting the new situation into your routine.

You may run into difficulty because of a tendency to complicate everything. No problem is ever simple for Virgo. For every answer you've got a question, and making mountains out of molehills is one of your specialties.

Your nature is shy and reserved; its' hard for you to relax, to make small talk or be gregarious with strangers. You prefer one-on-one encounters, in which you can offer the full benefit of your sharp insights and discerning opinions. That's also when people discover how well-read, perceptive, charming, and witty you are.

A highly developed sense of discrimination may lead you to be hypercritical. You are unsatisfied with things as they are and continue to analyze situations and people in the hope of finding a way to make them better. At times your finely tuned sensibilities can even make you unhappy, for they give you a heightened awareness of the world's imperfections. However, you resist criticism of your faults from others. It's a rare Virgo who takes criticism well or who can admit to being in the wrong.

You are health-conscious and try to make sure you get enough vitamins and go for regular check-ups at the dentist. However in this as in other areas, you can't help being a worrier. As a result you are prone to tension and nervous ailments. Hypochondria is common among Virgos.

A warm loving relationship brings out the best in anyone born under this sign because basically you are kind, devoted and very loyal. When your affections are engaged you tireless try to serve loved ones. They will never have to worry about who's going to keep the checkbook balanced, or look after them when they are ill.

Virgo Love Compatibility

http://www.pixelgirldesign.com/astrology/virgo_love.html

Virgo: The Amorous Nature

YOU AND THE VIRGO WOMAN

She keeps her passions under a tight rein, but underneath emotions are surging. Outwardly she may appear calm, sometimes even remote and unreachable, for the quintessential Virgo has a serene, almost classic repose. Yet hers is one of the most conflicted signs.

Basically, Virgo woman distrusts and is a little afraid of emotion. To her it represents the unknown, turbulent sea on which she may be set adrift without map or compass or rudder. because of this a man may wonder if she isn't a bit cold. She isn't. Virgo's enormous capacity for loving will pour out, as from a rich treasury, once her emotions are unlocked. Virgo is a much misunderstood sign, and Virgo women particularly are often characterized as timid, evasive, reserved. This is also untrue. What Virgo women do have is self-possession, a sense of passion that is controlled by discipline.

Virgo is an earth sign, and like all the earth signs (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn) she is an enigmatic combination of sensuality and conservatism. The Virgo woman likes men, but she is very careful about allowing herself to become too involved with them. She fears being trapped into a long term living arrangement with the wrong man. Before she marries or enters into a meaningful affair, she is careful to take note where the exit doors are. For a Virgo woman, falling in love can take a long time. She moves forward step by step, revealing the layers of her deep sensitivity, learning to trust.

She is discriminating. Rather than go out with a man who doesn't interest her, she'll stay home and read a good book. This does not mean (as some have tried to imply) that she thinks lovemaking is a poor substitute for a good book. It's just that she doesn't mind waiting for Mr. Right to come along. When he does he will find behind her cool facade a real woman waiting, warm and responsive. Meanwhile, her off-putting manner has served a useful purpose. It kept Mr. Wrong from intruding where he was not wanted.

The real clue to understanding Virgo woman's amorous nature is to remember that she believes in true love. When she truly loves, her inhibitions are never in control of her passions. However, this is not a woman you can take for granted. You must strive hard to win her, please her, fulfill her. If you can, you will have a partner who pays you back in lifelong dividends of love, loyalty, and happiness.


YOU AND VIRGO MAN

He gives an impression of being in firm control of his emotions but this is often a disguise. The Virgo man is sensitive, receptive, sensuous, and cautious all at the same time. He will never sweep you into the bedroom and take you by force. For one thing, he has too much respect for a woman.

Because he does not find it easy to express his own deep feelings, he is often drawn to women who are effusive and vivacious. Yet he has a horror of getting embroiled in tempestuous scenes and angry tantrums. Emotionality upsets him, but because he is both attracted to and disturbed by it, his love life never runs as smoothly as he'd like. This man's love nature can be described as private. At times there is even a surface quality of untouchableness about him, but this is an expression of his self-containment. He has a keen sense of the dividing line between your psyche and his.

The woman a Virgo man ultimately chooses has to measure up to very high standards. What he particularly doesn't like in a woman is any suggestion of coarseness, cheapness, or loose and careless conduct. Fastidious is a good word for what he does like.

While he doesn't find it easy to express himself directly about his emotional needs, he has a way of making his dissatisfactions known. He can be demanding. He can find fault. The woman who finds this annoying has one important consolation: His demands and his fault-finding are proof he cares about her. Otherwise, he wouldn't bother.

To some women he may seem lacking in romance, at least in the cinematic tradition of moonlight, roses, and masked men riding into a cobbled courtyard. A woman will never look down from her balcony to find him strumming his guitar and singing romantic ballads. But in the cold light of dawn, in the real world we all inhabit, Virgo men have a lot more to offer than masked riders or lovesick troubadours. For one, a Virgo lover will still be there with the dawn's early light. He won't be riding off to sing ballads to someone else.

Virgo dreams about changing his image. He would like to be a love-'em-and-leave-'em type, a Don Juan, a bon vivant. The woman who taps this secret Virgoan fantasy will reap the surprisingly rich and memorable rewards of his pent-up sensuality. It's all there under the surface, and it's the kind of sensuality that improves with time. As a lover, he is simple, direct, and for real.

If you are looking for quality, not glitter, Virgo is your man.

HOW TO ATTRACT VIRGO

The rule to bear in mind is: Don't overpower. Underplay.

Always try to be a good sport. If that drink you're invited for turns out to be at a health store and consists of carrot and cucumber juice, smile and gulp it. Virgos are finicky eaters and careful about their health. With them, the laws of nutrition rate just behind the Ten Commandments.

In addition tot he old standby of discussing work connected topics, another good conversational subject is pets. Virgos like the smaller variety, especially the exotic kind.
Quickly establish your cultural credentials. Virgos are drawn to people whose intelligence or learning is superior to their own.

Don't probe too closely into their personal affairs. They guard their private life. Avoid noisy places or entertainment that is vulgar or offensive. Virgos pride themselves on their good taste.

Don't let Virgo's worrying upset you. People born under this sign are natural worriers. Will they be on time for the show? Will they catch the plane? Will it rain or snow? Will the mail arrive? the list of their worries is endless. It's no use pointing out that most of the things they worry about never actually happen. They'll go right on worrying anyway; it's their way of coping with what might go wrong.

Both male and female Virgos appreciate gifts that are useful and practical. They are also great hobbyists and are sure to have at least one special interest.

Very few special occasions with Virgo will occur on the spur of the moment—at least not if Virgo can help it. There will be careful planning; all the moves will be figured out in advance. Virgo is marvelous at working behind the scenes to accomplish this. All you have to do is relax and enjoy it.

VIRGO'S AMOROUS COMBINATIONS

VIRGO AND ARIES Virgo can be intrigued by Aries's audaciousness, but Virgo's prudent ways soon clash with Aries's colorful personality. They have difficulty communicating, because Virgo wants to talk and Aries wants to act. Their arguments will probably be more passionate than their lovemaking. Aries will think Virgo is inhibited; Virgo will consider Aries impulsive and wild. Aries likes a flamboyant social life. Virgo is happy with quiet, intellectual friends. Aries is also the type to bring out Virgo's worst habits of nitpicking and nagging. Exit romance.

VIRGO AND TAURUS Virgo is analytical while Taurus is sensuous, but Taurus's strong passions can spark Virgo. If that happens, they make lovely love. Practical, down-to-earth, satisfied with the tried-and-true, these two have much in common. Both try to build for a secure future, both are homebodies, both share a fondness for money. Virgo's rational approach and Taurus's persistence are also a good moneymaking combination. Auguries couldn't be more promising.

VIRGO AND GEMINI They are attracted to each other because of a mutual interest in intellectual ideas. Both have active minds, but the rapport ends there. Gemini's amorous nature is too impulsive and unstable to suit Virgo. Gemini dismisses Virgo as a stick-in-the-mud. Virgo considers Gemini irresponsible and adolescent. Gemini needs freedom to pursue its varied interests. Virgo resents this, and will nag and try to dominate. Gemini will soon stray to other loves.

VIRGO AND CANCER A stimulating affair, for they arouse each other's beneath-the-surface sensuality. Cancer isn't too forceful, which suits Virgo fine. And the little attentions won't be neglected, which suits Virgo even better. Cancer is affectionate and sentimental, and that makes Virgo feel secure. This couple also likes money and domestic comfort, and Cancer's dependency fits perfectly with Virgo's protectiveness. On the downside, both tend to be overcritical. On the upside, each draws the other out of its shell.

VIRGO AND LEO Highly physical Leo takes it as a personal affront if Virgo doesn't match its leonine ardor. Virgo's passive and reserved nature frustrates Leo and leads to quarrels. Virgo isn't quick to hand out praise, and Leo lives on nothing but. Leo is a spendthrift, Virgo is careful with pennies. They're both very independent, but Leo exhibits this in a temperamental way while Virgo is very private. Virgo simply will not be dominated by tyrannical Leo, and always has its guard up. This affair has a shorter life than a May fly.

VIRGO AND VIRGO All is smooth sailing as long as these perfectionists curb their instincts for finding fault. Actually, they bring out the very best in each other. They are responsible, sensitive, intelligent, and take love seriously. They also share passions of the mind, and will never bore each other. Both think that there are more important things in life than sex; they may end up just talking in bed. There will probably be a continue contest over who is leader, but they have too much else in common for that to matter.

VIRGO AND LIBRA Libra is too frivolous and shallow for Virgo's taste. Libra enjoys spending money, going to parties, and being the center of attention. Virgo criticizes and makes Libra feel unloved. Libra may tap Virgo's hidden sensuality but their personalities are altogether too different for real compatibility Virgo will try to curb and dominate Libra's fickle and outer-directed nature. Virgo is reserved and practical, and Libra views this as a personal rebuff. Libra will soon drift away in search of more fun-loving companions.

VIRGO AND SCORPIO Sensual Scorpio keeps trying to entice Virgo into ever bolder sexual adventures. But Virgo is pleased because Scorpio is also possessive and fiercely loyal, which makes Virgo feel loved and protected. They also admire each other's minds. Virgo is logical, intellectual, analytical. Scorpio is imaginative, visionary, perceptive. Each sometimes has trouble expressing real feelings: Scorpio is volatile but secretive; Virgo is self-restrained and reserved. There may be some conflict about who runs things, but Virgo's willingness to compromise keeps Scorpio tractable.

VIRGO AND SAGITTARIUS These two are like the grasshopper and the ant. Sagittarius's free spirit has nothing in common with hardworking Virgo. Sagittarius has a reckless gambler's spirit, while Virgo carefully builds for future security. Both are intellectual signs but the way their minds work clashes with each other. Sagittarius is expansive and extravagant, while Virgo prefers a simple, ordered, and unpretentious life. Sagittarius considers Virgo's sexual attitudes rather prudish, and won't stay long in one bedroom anyway.

VIRGO AND CAPRICORN A harmonious pair. Capricorn's ambition and drive for success meshes well with Virgo's perfectionism and energy. Both are diligent, disciplined, and have a sense of purpose. They admire one another and take great pride in pleasing each other. Both need respect and approval (though neither will confess this), and each intuitively gives the other exactly that. Sexual compatibility becomes a mutual achievement; in lovemaking, though, Capricorn usually takes the lead.

VIRGO AND AQUARIUS They are both rational, intellectual, and tend to view love in the abstract—but the similarity ends there. Aquarius has venturesome ideas and thinks Virgo unresponsive or cold. Actually, each has a distant quality: Virgo is cautious about emotional giving; Aquarius's thoughts are in the far-off clouds. Aquarius is interested in other people, in causes, and in setting the world right. Virgo seeks personal achievement and financial security. Aquarius is outgoing, inventive, a visionary. Virgo is reserved, prudent, and very practical about its ambitions. this couple may not even make it as friends.

VIRGO AND PISCES To Virgo, love means security and mental compatibility. To Pisces, love is a sweeping, all-enveloping emotion. At first Virgo is powerfully attracted to Pisces, as opposites often are: sentimental, in-love-with-love Pisces is very intriguing to Virgo, and Pisces is fascinated by Virgo's incisive, analytical mind. However, disillusion quickly sets in. Pisces's extravagance, secretiveness, and dreaminess frustrate pragmatic, orderly Virgo. Also, Virgo isn't likely to adapt to some of Pisces's sexual preferences.

My definition of 5Cs..

Was chattin with my fren over some bgr tingy last nite.. den somehow I have derived a set of 5Cs on my own.. See whether u all agree anot.. But not applicable to those gals who are kinda materialistic la..

1. It doesnt matter whether a guy has a car anot, as long as he has a license.
2. It doesnt matter whether a guy has a credit card anot, as long as he has an ATM card.
3. It doesnt matter whether a guy has a cert anot, as long as he has shang jin xin (the mindset to keep upgrading).
4. It doesnt matter whether a guy has cash anot, as long as he is willing to go and earn it.
5. It doesnt matter whether a guy has a condo anot, as long as he is able to afford a HDB flat when he get married for the both of them.

I tink generally speakin, wat gals reli wan is security n assurance from guys ba.. All these material or luxury tings wun last long.. Like wat the sayin says, when we come to this world, we din bring any cash here, so when the day we die, we wont be bringing any cash to the other world too.. Live life as it is.. Wat matters is being happy and true to urself..

Recently..

Again.. it had been some time since i put up a decent blog or rather update of my life.. this time i will separate wat happened to me recently into differernt categories.. like that it will be easier to read ba..

Friendship: been meetin up with a couple of frens tat i din meet for a long time.. or rather i was quite busy with work tat i cant afford to ask them out too.. after some matter, i realised that my frens had been with me all along which i reli grateful to them.. they went thru the most difficult period with me.. I reli liked to chat with them along the riverside or wherever, talkin abt any topic under the sky.. some of my frens belong to those who need to give some reminders to let them find out what they reli wan to look in life.. n normally i wil be the one who give them the motivation, sayin some so-called mature things, hoping to wake them up from their 'depression'.. n me myself, i have a fren to motivate me too.. which i reli appreciative of him too.. he waked me up.. if not i wil stil be trapped in my stupid tinkin.. n not the happy-go-lucky me again.. hehe..

Work: Busy like no ppl business.. handling difficult staff is reli not my forte.. being too kind to ppl, means clearing all the shits that they had left u with.. now i reli got 3 heads n 6 arms, covering so many tings til sometimes i m lost in wat i'm supposed to do.. everyday doin the same old tings.. in addition, help to clear the stocks, den have to double check wat my staff order.. sianz.. i reli need new challenges n obstacles.. i cant be doin all these tings.. but i need the pay to survive.. confusing..

Family: nth much to comment.. as usual.. everyone is busy doin his or her own tings.. or rather we din try to improve the condition.. i reli envied those ppl who had a real loving family.. i yearned to have one too.. but.. life is cruel.. tat day i got to go to a fren's house.. i reli can see how loving their family is.. n my heart was tellin me.. this is the kind of family tat i hoped to grow in..

Love: Jus ended an unknown relationship on children's day.. 1st oct.. memorable.. finally can heave a sigh of relief.. cuz i finally realised tat loving someone is so tiring.. n mayb like wat my fellow mates says, this guy doesnt reli worth tat much for me to contribute so much feelings in the relationship.. i had done my part, n i had no regrets.. wat past is past.. we must always look forward to watever in life.. n i guess i'm reli happy with my kind of life rite now.. thou kinda lonely at times, but i was once this lonely too.. the period whereby we din contact, reli clear my mind to realise alot of tings.. n thru alot of events n self-reflection, i tink i noe wat kind of guys tat i wil wan to look for.. there's one in my peers which reli is the type whereby all gals wil wan to have as a bf or husband.. n i believe he is the right guy for most gals.. n this made me derive one sentence : " your ideal guy may not be ur right guy, neither is ur right guy ur ideal guy, but finding the right guy is the most impt cuz he is someone who wil be with u the rest of ur life.." if possible, seek the happiness that u wan.. but for me.. mayb i only have matchmaker luck ba.. so jus let fate takes its path..

Money: broke.broke.broke.. insurance n driving lessons r killin me.. but i am stil able to save a little bit la.. hehe..

Health: need to take care more la.. stupid haze is causin alot of ppl sick..

Overall: Live simply, bcuz this is where u can reli find real happiness besides finding someone who likes/loves u.. Simplicity is happiness.. May all ppl live happily ever after!!

Regards,
San
"the dreamloner who always in seek of her own happiness with simplicity.."