The past still bothers me..

Felt very emotional today.. And till now I stil cant get over it.. I was being reminded of the past.. A painful past.. Something that I cant reverse the process..

I was being informed by KT when he came to work today.. His grandma has passed away.. Out of a sudden, I was being reminded of my grandma's death.. Everything jus came back to my mind.. All of them.. A sudden surge of emotion jus came to me, which I felt like crying..

My grandma passed away 6 yrs ago, on July 30th.. The day I will never forget.. n with a tinge of regret..

That year was the year that I was having my 'O' Levels exams.. n that year was the most so-called busiest year bcuz my grandma kept falling down and injured herself quite badly on few occasions.. But none of us was able to take good care of her bcuz due to our respective work n study commitments.. What we could do was try to stay at home as much as possible to watch over her in case of any possible incident/injury again..

A few days before her death, she fell down again.. She reli hurt herself in a very bad state.. She could only lie on bed and I could see bruises (she was prone to such bruises).. I was reli afraid to see her state tat I everytime siam.. She couldnt eat or drink properly.. My mom took leave to look after her.. As I was stil considered young then, alot of tings were not conveyed to me, cuz adults wil only say, kids like us wun noe anythin de..

On that fateful day, I had arranged to meet my best fren bcuz her bday was comin up.. It was a sunday.. I walked once or twice to my grandma's rm to take a look at her, wat I could see was that she seemed to be in great pain.. I waited till quite late like 12+pm den I went out.. I still remembered seein my mom cried tat day.. It's like she somehow had a feelin tat my grandma wun be able to live long.. I waited my fren at her house's bus stop, n when she din come on time, I called her house, no one picked up the call, n I was rather pissed off.. So i hopped on the bus, n when the bus made a turn, I saw her.. I got down the bus n wanted to chide her.. But she told me something.. My mom had called her to inform me tat my grandma "cannot le".. I was like duno wat to do.. wat I could do was to hop on a cab n went all the way home.. I stil remembered tat the taxi was goin at a very slow rate even when I told him tat my grandma was dyin..

I ran all the way from the lift to my house, n I was too late.. My grandma had left us forever.. When I went inside her room to take a look at her, I could sense tat she left in pain.. I duno wat to react, or rather I was not feelin as upset as I should.. A song jus came to my mind.. Zhang Huimei's "Jie Tuo".. I was cryin.. My mind is in a blank.. I called my fren to tell her tat I wun be coming back to sch for 2 days.. I stil remembered wat my fren told me, dun take too many days.. I was not in the mood to do anything..

We din hold any wake or wat.. Cuz my mom din have any relative, neither does she has much frens.. We were by our grandma's lifeless body for a day before she was taken away by the undertaker and being sent to the crematarian.. She looked as if she was alive, jus like lying on her bed.. I remembered we put alot of her clothings and her favorite tidbits inside her coffin.. And there.. she is reli gone forever..

2 days later, all of us except my mom, went back to work as per normal.. And I had let this matter to be kept behind me from then on.. I thought I had oredi settled my emotions down on tat matter le.. but today's news from KT had reminded me of the painful past.. Wat I need is some time ba.. Wat done cant be undone.. n life stil have to go on.. we must always look forward n not let our past bothers us.. Treat the ppl better, means treatin urself beta.. Life is beautiful!!