I am 23 today le.. haiz.. older by another yr le.. but this oso means a new chapter to my life.. time to grow up a little bit more.. was doin some reflections over the past few days, n made some decisions n tinkin.. first of all, i have decided to delete all blogs with regards to 77 (but it wil take some time as there's quite alot to clear).. it made me realised tat by writin all those blogs only tells me one ting, i cant let go of the whole matter.. anyway, 1 full yr had passed, n i'm fortunate to have Apple all these along, thou it's only recently den i found out a secret abt him.. haha.. no matter wat physical or mental "damages" tat i had incurred, it's reli time to let go, so tat i can carry on with my life.. one final conclusion tat i can say abt him is he doesnt know of one word - "CHERISH".. i'm alrite with anythin bcuz i respect the other party, but tat doesnt mean u can do anythin to me n take me for granted..
I had a great and wonderful day today, bcuz I had fulfilled my little wish of spending my bday with someone i like - apple.. It's a short and brief meeting, but it's rather fulfilling as I managed to see the "emotional/sentimental" side of him.. Thou I didnt manage to get my bday wish of goin to the zoo this year, I believe I wil get the chance as he promised me.. hehe..
As usual, we met up at jur pt which is near his house as he jus finished a run yest, thus his legs were kinda jelly.. it was kinda amusing to see him walkin this way, but it's not good to laugh at others.. haha.. Had a short walk ard the premises before we proceeded for our lunch at billy bombers.. Either the serving was too large, or I was not hungry (as I'm able to have him with me on my bday), I had leftover for my serving, and he "helped" me to clear.. haha.. startin to get used to accepting food fr guys - he was the one who started it.. I passed him some of the stuffs that I got for him wen I was at Genting over the past few days, and he prepared a birthday card for me (but he got it last min, so he was rushin to write out the contents..)
I started to wonder whether we got telepathy (心有灵犀) everytime, bcuz I was tinkin of watchin the movie 《881》 before I came to meet him.. and before I told him abt the movie, he said that he had bought the tickets.. We went to catch the show after our lunch, and something interesting happened due to my "silly-ness".. Usually wen I catch a movie with my frens, we have the tendency to tear the tickets and distribute to the person who was sitting on that seat, so....I just tore the tickets accordingly and pass his ticket to him, and that was where I realised I did sth wrong.. His reaction was so comical.. Guessed he was surprised to see me tearin the tickets, and I got surprised abt his reaction too bcuz I knew I did sth wrong liao.. Our conversation was like:
“你撕了啊？”
“Huh，不能撕啊？”
“Then，你就收着它吧。”
It was only later den I know that the movie tickets meant something.. Normally ppl will keep the tickets attached bcuz it means that a couple wil not split up.. But cant blame me ma, how would I know abt such tings..? In the end, I went home to stick the 2 tickets back-to-back, using double-sided tape.. Haha..
Back to the movie.. There were some parts in the movie that was very touchin.. and me, being an emotional gal, of cuz cried la.. but wat I din expect was that I saw him cryin too.. My first reaction was like: "How come a guy like him, cried too..?" (cuz I have nv seen a guy cried while watchin a movie, normally they are like "cold-blooded" animals) But after a few seconds, I realised that it was the sentimental side of him.. Frankly speakin, his tears touched my heart cuz it's very rare to find a guy who wil cry like this, and it oso meant other tings too..
After the movie, we walked for abit more b4 he sent me to the MRT station and tat's was the end of my 23rd birthday.. the very first time I celebrated my birthday with a guy.. hehe..
Monday, August 27, 2007
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Personality Test
Summary
Tan Sandy, your responses indicate that you are an intensely persuasive and determined person. You delegate details and obtain technical support whenever it is possible. Your inclination is to deal with a project's key elements rather than its specifics. Too much definite structure and regulation affects your level of comfort. Since you are a very likeable person who takes time to listen to people, it is probable that you have many acquaintances and friends.
Communication Style
Tan Sandy, you have strong social skills and are excellent at quickly establishing rapport. You enjoy talking to people and do so with enthusiasm and spontaneity. Your style of fast, lively expression is both engaging and effective. You are a fluent speaker who expresses thoughts quickly, optimistically, and persuasively.
Also, Tan Sandy, you respond to people with flexibility and open-mindedness. You relay a tone that is uninhibited, creative, and, at times, quite independent.
You enjoy talking and can put people at ease. You use a fun, indirect style of communication. You are people-oriented and can easily relate with another person's point of view.
Tan Sandy, you are a natural team player. You readily delegate authority, and you embrace training. You do not care to be involved with too many technical details. You let others set game plans, priorities and time frames.
You function well when you are allowed a lot of people-interaction. You would rather talk about details than write them down. You enjoy being the focus of attention.
Leadership Style
Leadership Style: Persuasive
You perform your leadership role by using your excellent ability to interpret people's actions and dialogue, and then by persuading them to do things your way. You like a leadership role, function in a manner suitable to your environment, and support teamwork. You develop your people with enthusiasm. You delegate details freely and may be disinclined to delegate authority. You actively promote change and look for new ways of reaching goals.
Conscientiousness
You may tend to work more diligently at those tasks that are most interesting to you. You may place more emphasis on satisfying your personal needs than on achieving traditional goals and accomplishments. It is possible that personal anxieties or emotions may have a negative impact on your work. You may prefer to work at your own pace, rather than follow someone else's fixed schedule.
Motivational Needs
Tan Sandy, you tend to be motivated by a great deal of interaction with people, and by identifying with a prestigious organization with a good public image. You desire opportunities to make more money for yourself, or to improve your status within the organization. You are motivated by praise, public recognition, and by acceptance. You are most productive when working as a team player, and when you are liked by others.
You tend to be demotivated if your territory or opportunity is reduced in size, or if you are not allowed a significant amount of people-interaction or teamwork. Insufficient recognition from management and/or peers can also affect your motivation. You can be demotivated by a perception of not being personally liked, and by not being invited to meetings with peers.
Primary Motivators
• A lot of interaction with people.
• Meeting new people and making friends.
• Opportunities to make more money and improve status.
• Being a team player within the organization.
• Praise and public recognition.
• Identifying with an organization that has prestige and a good public image.
• Awareness of what is going on in the organization.
• Acceptance and being liked by others.
Primary Demotivators
• You perceive you are not liked.
• You are not invited into meetings with your peers.
• Your territory, (opportunity) is reduced in size.
• You feel you are not part of the team.
• You do not have enough people contact.
Emotional Intelligence
Tan Sandy, your responses indicate that you tend to understand the emotional makeup of others, and to accurately sense what other people are feeling. In addition, you are able to attune your own style to the emotional reactions of others. Because you find it easy to see the world from another person's perspective, it is likely that you associate with a diverse group of people.
Tan Sandy, your responses indicate that you are an intensely persuasive and determined person. You delegate details and obtain technical support whenever it is possible. Your inclination is to deal with a project's key elements rather than its specifics. Too much definite structure and regulation affects your level of comfort. Since you are a very likeable person who takes time to listen to people, it is probable that you have many acquaintances and friends.
Communication Style
Tan Sandy, you have strong social skills and are excellent at quickly establishing rapport. You enjoy talking to people and do so with enthusiasm and spontaneity. Your style of fast, lively expression is both engaging and effective. You are a fluent speaker who expresses thoughts quickly, optimistically, and persuasively.
Also, Tan Sandy, you respond to people with flexibility and open-mindedness. You relay a tone that is uninhibited, creative, and, at times, quite independent.
You enjoy talking and can put people at ease. You use a fun, indirect style of communication. You are people-oriented and can easily relate with another person's point of view.
Tan Sandy, you are a natural team player. You readily delegate authority, and you embrace training. You do not care to be involved with too many technical details. You let others set game plans, priorities and time frames.
You function well when you are allowed a lot of people-interaction. You would rather talk about details than write them down. You enjoy being the focus of attention.
Leadership Style
Leadership Style: Persuasive
You perform your leadership role by using your excellent ability to interpret people's actions and dialogue, and then by persuading them to do things your way. You like a leadership role, function in a manner suitable to your environment, and support teamwork. You develop your people with enthusiasm. You delegate details freely and may be disinclined to delegate authority. You actively promote change and look for new ways of reaching goals.
Conscientiousness
You may tend to work more diligently at those tasks that are most interesting to you. You may place more emphasis on satisfying your personal needs than on achieving traditional goals and accomplishments. It is possible that personal anxieties or emotions may have a negative impact on your work. You may prefer to work at your own pace, rather than follow someone else's fixed schedule.
Motivational Needs
Tan Sandy, you tend to be motivated by a great deal of interaction with people, and by identifying with a prestigious organization with a good public image. You desire opportunities to make more money for yourself, or to improve your status within the organization. You are motivated by praise, public recognition, and by acceptance. You are most productive when working as a team player, and when you are liked by others.
You tend to be demotivated if your territory or opportunity is reduced in size, or if you are not allowed a significant amount of people-interaction or teamwork. Insufficient recognition from management and/or peers can also affect your motivation. You can be demotivated by a perception of not being personally liked, and by not being invited to meetings with peers.
Primary Motivators
• A lot of interaction with people.
• Meeting new people and making friends.
• Opportunities to make more money and improve status.
• Being a team player within the organization.
• Praise and public recognition.
• Identifying with an organization that has prestige and a good public image.
• Awareness of what is going on in the organization.
• Acceptance and being liked by others.
Primary Demotivators
• You perceive you are not liked.
• You are not invited into meetings with your peers.
• Your territory, (opportunity) is reduced in size.
• You feel you are not part of the team.
• You do not have enough people contact.
Emotional Intelligence
Tan Sandy, your responses indicate that you tend to understand the emotional makeup of others, and to accurately sense what other people are feeling. In addition, you are able to attune your own style to the emotional reactions of others. Because you find it easy to see the world from another person's perspective, it is likely that you associate with a diverse group of people.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
No More 'L' Plate Driver...!!
I'm a qualified driver as from yest le...Yippee...Hooray...Haha.. Finally passed on my 3rd attempt, i thought i wil fail again, bcuz my drivin is stil quite shaky before the test... lucky the tester let me pass after beggin him, bcuz i made a small mistake yet big enough to fail.. I reli prayed very hard b4 the test, cuz i desperately wan to pass... the reason to pass is not bcuz of the license, but to be able to drive my mom around in a car - tat's my main motive to learn drivin.. n next is someone told me tat i could drive his "wife" if i pass, which gave me another punch... n oso the cute mango who told me this, "dun pass, mango wil not talk to orange, u dare u fail lor.."
before the test, while sittin in the room, i was holdin on to the turtle tat apple gave me, tellin it tat it must let me pass.. n it did.. i was reli shakin after the event... but heaved a gigantic sigh of relief, imagine 3 times liao.. very stressed de leh, n everyone is there to cheer n encourage me to pass..
i have oredi fulfilled my wish of gettin my license b4 my bday, n to leave fp after i get my next mth bonus so tat i can fly... next on wil be my wish to go to the zoo.. hope to fulfil it.. jiayou!!
before the test, while sittin in the room, i was holdin on to the turtle tat apple gave me, tellin it tat it must let me pass.. n it did.. i was reli shakin after the event... but heaved a gigantic sigh of relief, imagine 3 times liao.. very stressed de leh, n everyone is there to cheer n encourage me to pass..
i have oredi fulfilled my wish of gettin my license b4 my bday, n to leave fp after i get my next mth bonus so tat i can fly... next on wil be my wish to go to the zoo.. hope to fulfil it.. jiayou!!
Thursday, August 02, 2007
Confession Part 2 - *Present*
For the second part of my confession, I shall cover the present of my status… Actually I duno is it a rite move to write this out, but since I dun hv the courage to say it out to the person directly, I guess this is the best alternative way tat I can express my tinkin n feelings out… I noe wat r the consequences for being frank, but this ting had been in my mind for some time, n with the “motivation” of my frens, I tink it’s beta tat I wrote it out n carry on with my life… Gambatte!!
The someone tat I wil cover in this part of the confession is someone tat I considered as my close (special) fren, though we had knew each other for merely more than 2 yrs, but I owed some tings to him, which I’l like to express my gratitude to him here too…
Stil tinkin where to start from, mayb start from how we actually got acquainted n became frens… My first “alien” fren, bcuz I did not get to know him thru work or studies, instead I got to know him thru Friendster…
3rd May 2005, while loggin on Friendster to check on daily updates, I received a msg from a guy tat I dun even noe at all… Wat reli caught my attention was his msg, which was telling me tat I had a nice smile, n I was like…??? But I stil replied his msg, cuz I felt tat there’s no harm makin a new fren…
14th May, we officially became frens bcuz I had added him in my msn contacts… We doesn’t seemed to be ppl who chatted for the very first time, we were simply crapping all the conversation, guessed it helped a lot in breakin the ice tat most ppl had when they first chatted with unfamiliar ppl… n from then, we wil exchanged sms of craps, n sometimes I wil ask him to chat online too… It was reli nice n pleasant to noe someone who I was skeptical to noe in the first place, as most ppl/parents will say, dun ever get to noe ppl from the net, they r no gd ppl…
At tat pt of time, I was rather curious to noe how he looked like, cuz I was only being shown a photo with his sunglasses on… To me, he was a mysterious person (or to my kind of mindset then?) Therefore after I came back from my China trip, I started contactin him again, n here comes the chance…
8th June 2005, I happened to noe tat he’s not driving to work, instead he was traveling on train, thus I “grabbed” this oppt to have a first meeting with him at Bedok interchange after my training session… Tat meetin reli left a deep impression in my mind bcuz wat he described abt him reli fits perfectly… Got a slight shock wen I saw him for the very first time… He described himself as an ah beng, no matter is it comes to talking, walking n looked like one… But appearances doesn’t matter wen it comes to knowing someone, bcuz wat reli matters was the person sincerely in making frens with u?
Mayb I was stil naïve n silly, or is it bcuz of my curious/kpo character, I loved to ask a lot of questions from my frens, n he was one of them who I asked a lot of stupid questions, which I felt so bad abt some of the tings tat I had asked then, esp it’s with regards to bgr matters… I was unaware n insensitive to y he somehow avoided those issues…
He is a very gentlemen-liked person, which I couldn’t accept his “actions” n his kind of sharing his concern to his frens… I stil remembered the first time he offered to send me home, I was like, dun need la, my house very near n I dun need a guy to send me home, it’s not as if I’m tat type of pretty n demure gals who need guys to send me home… Since young, I was the kind of tomboyish person, n I was near to a butch, lucky I didn’t become one, so I reli accept tis kind of kindness back then…
But it’s oso bcuz of his way of sharing and caring, changed my perspective towards tings… I started to accept this kind of kindness, n I oso started sending such messages to my fellow frens, n started accepting the fact tat it’s a form of courtesy for a guy to send a gal home safely… n at least I’m not as tomboy-ish as compared to before…
*if u r a careful reader, u wil be able to see tat this blog is written at different period of the yr…*
As time goes by, the frenship gradually changes… fr a net fren to normal fren to gd fren to close fren, n now, I will consider him as a very special fren, bcuz of his actions n words over these 2 yrs… n I wil touch on the last part y is it tat I chose to give up continue writing in the first place, n now I decided to write again…
It seemed like I’m full of praises of him, n describing him until he’s like very noble… but the actual fact is no one is noble, I’m jus stating the facts only… sometimes a small action to u might mean a big meaning to others… it all depends on the situation tat u r in… no one is perfect in this world, neither is he or me… no one has the right to criticize another unless he or she is perfect… so wat I’m sayin here is thou I’ve been sayin his positive pts, he does have his negative pts, but not tat much for me to touch on…
Hmmm… thru out the 2+ yrs, we had met up for a couple of times – lunches at simei, “window-cleaning” shoppin at jur pt, n a few times at the city… but to talk abt the more memorable events with him, wil be the lunches at simei, meetin him up near his house, n the meetings “re”-started in July… but before all these, I wil like to touch on the part tat I started to realize tat I might have a kind of special feelin towards him…
Duno is it bcuz we knew each other thru other sources, which made us has no link at all (such as thru work or study), I had cultivated a habit to tell him almost everything, whether is it crap or serious one… there are some of the tings tat I had never tell anyone else before… but there is one tat I took some hesitation before I told him, I oso duno y… tat is – my r’ship with 77… bt b4 I actually told him tat matter, something tat we conversed on msn left me a deep impression, until now I stil cant figure out whether is it real or false…
I stil remembered tat we were crapping as usual on msn last July, n I cant remembered y we started talking abt some bgr issue… den he made a sentence (probably jus a casual remark), “if I did not have any commitments now, I will go after u…” (I can’t remember the actual sentence, but this is the rough one)… strange to say, my first tinkin n reaction was, “y didn’t he say it earlier?”, but bcuz I was with 77, so I jus brush off the thoughts cuz he might be jokin…
I was reli grateful to him for the days he was with me, physically or mentally, esp durin the days after I went separate ways with 77… I was somehow very dependent on him, bcuz I duno who else can I turn to except my best fren, but she had her problems then… He was there to help me to walk the painful path, but to tink of it now, I reli felt very bad… bcuz I hoped I did not treat him as a substitute back then…
Our meetings became more frequent this yr, thou only for a short while, but I was contented enough to have accompaniment… I took a short 1 wk break in Jan, n I was almost meeting him up for lunch everyday at simei, n tat was the time tat the special feelin became very strong til I almost got an urge to blurt it out, but luckily I controlled it… but tat was where I started to accept a new action of his… givin his food to me… I stil remembered the first time he passed the food to me, I was totally shocked, cuz I have never experienced tat, neither did I have the habit of givin my food to others, cuz they might be receptive towards it… but now, used to it le la… hahaha…
I went to his house abt 3 or 4 times le… n I tink I was reli shy by nature ba… the first time I went to his house, I stil remembered I was blushin n I did not say anything much while eatin, bt I somehow sensed eyes were lookin at me… (mayb I tink too much?) The second time was durin the CNY period, n it was a few days after I asked him out on Vday… (I was rather surprised tat I managed to ask a guy out on vday, which most guys dun… he gave me a very cute turtle hp accessory, n I gave him a four leaf clover key chain…) Back to the pt, tat was the first time I went to a fren’s house for CNY… the third time was a very brief one, he wanted to get something fr his house, so I went up to wait for awhile… the fourth time to his house is the start of the determining factor tat I started to write this blog entry again…
Backtrack abit… I was sayin earlier tat I nearly blurted out tings, which I didn’t… His care n concern then was there to fill in the holes tat I had, which makes the special feelings grew… but I dun hv the courage to say it out, so my fren was telling to drop a hint… So the time came, we were conversing in msn as usual, n I duno wat came into me, I said something like this, “if I have a bf like u, it would be good…” but the reply was, “rubbish…” I was kinda aback by the reply, bt tat made me realized tat he might have always treated me as a gd fren only… from there on, I took a step back, n decided not to tink into it anymore… but I was stil abit vulnerable, esp seein 77 again, n hearin his tings again, which brought the memories back… but I didn’t slip myself into it too much…
There comes the day tat my fren suggested to me to go UK to meet up with her, n I thought it’s a gd idea oso… bcuz tat is not the time to tink abt bgr, n I’m sick of my work too, mayb goin to a new environment wil be beta… bt I kept on bearin tis tiny hope of mine which I tink it’s time to give up tat hope too… tat is – tat special someone is to appear n make me stay… tat is one of the reason tat I haven book the ticket til now, besides waitin for my bonus to come…
I told him my decision to go UK to work durin one of our meetings, n tat night I got another surprise, I got a ride home in his car… cuz normally he will walk me to the MRT station, den I wil take the train home n probably send him a sms wen I got home… it was reli thrilling n exciting to get a ride home… I’m too easily contented hor…? N on another occasion, I managed to bring him to Mustafa, which we agreed on last yr, tat he bring me to zoo, I bring him to Mustafa… Here comes the story… of me meeting up with him in July this yr… which till now I’m stil in the midst of happy-ness…
Ever since I resumed work after my leave in march, I have been quite busy as I was being transferred to grocery, something tat I have not much knowledge in… as time goes by, the time with my peers reduced greatly, except meeting aloy, whose office is located nearby… n shun bian can send me home in his van… haha…
On 7th July, it was my offday, n I was out for lunch with aloy, den he was sayin he had a dinner appt with someone else at 6pm, so he asked me where do I wana go… I didn’t wan to go back home so soon, cuz it had been a long time since I came out on my offday, so since he is goin towards jurong area, jus drop me there… something struck me wen I told him to send me to jurong area… as I was rather busy earlier, it had been some time since I met up with him, n durin one of our casual sms conversation, (if I din remember wrongly) he was sayin tat it had been a long time since we met up, den a sudden surge of guilt came up, n the tot of finding him pop up too… I was practically tryin my luck cuz it’s a sat evening, not many ppl wil be at home at tat time, except ppl like my bro… haha…
Back to the pt, I called him up n asked whether is he at home or outside, n wana meet up, but if he is not free, den it’s ok… he was at home, n told me tat his twin nephews were at his house, n asked me whether I wana come over… i’m always very interested in the twins, n naturally I was excited n agreed to it… when I reached his house, n saw the twins, I was very happy, but here comes the question, who is who…? (til now I stil duno how to differentiate, only can see tat the older one has a stronger personality, n the younger one is more easy going…) as a big kid myself, I loved seein kids, my eyes were practically following them, seein their moves n actions, even wen I was eating…
We left for jurong pt after dinner, n he was askin me whether wil I be free the following sat, he wana ask me out for dinner… I told him I wil be on noon shift tat day, but fri wil be my offday… in my mind, I knew his bday is comin n wanted to ask him the day b4 (bcuz I assumed tat he wil wan to spend it with his family n frens on actual day), but tat moment, it jus din strike my mind tat he is askin me out on his bday, n it was abt the end of the “tour”, den I realized the date he asked me was the actual date (how retarded I am, rite?) I knew in my mind tat I die die have to change my shift, bcuz it’s his bday leh… as usual I thot he wil send me to the mrt, n I take the train home as it wasn’t very late tat day, so wen he said he wil drive me home, I was surprised (again), but I was always very excited to sit in his car as compared to other ppl, duno y… I told him I wil get back to him regardin my shift asap before I got off his car… but tat was the start of my happy-ness, or rather I was easily contented? Thou it was only a few hrs meeting, he reli made my day + seein his twins too… hehe…
Here comes the day… thou I went back on time, I was caught up in a terrible jam, n in the end I was late… I stil remembered seein his surprised face wen I passed him his present… (I went to get him an Adidas tee the previous day which was my offday…) I guessed he did not expect me to remember tat day was his bday n got him a present ba… wen he told me tat we wil be eating with his whole family, I din react much bcuz I tink I somehow expected it, but I thought he would have asked some other frens along… as usual, I was soooo shy n I could feel my face was blushin… n I kept on lookin at the twins… but havin the honor to celebrate his bday with him n his family, I felt reli blessed n fortunate… tat was the first time I ate with a fren’s family… n I could reli sense the strong bond n family warmth tat I have been lookin forward too… for a very short moment, my mind went a little out, but I dragged it back fast cuz I was tinkin it was impossible tat he…
After the dinner, we went for a brief walk before he sent me home, n his parents followed his sis’ car back home… on the way back, we chattin quite abit, talking abt his work n so on… den he was touchin on the present tat I got him, sayin tat I’m the 4th person who gave him a t-shirt after his mom, sis n ex… den out of a sudden, I duno y my mind ran wild n thought of this, “if only I’m his present..” but I jus shrugged off the thought immediately… tat day is a very very very happy day, bcuz I never experienced tat before…
I met him up again for lunch n dinner separately the day of stocktake n right after stocktake, n durin the dinner meeting, he brought me to the heartland areas near where he lived, somewhere I never been to, n not exactly found in my neighborhood (little India?)… can say thou first time there, I quite like the heartland bcuz it felt close to heart as compared to those high-class areas… like those 1980s or 1990s days… after dinner, it’s time to go home again… n was lookin forward to e next meetin on tat coming sun, bcuz he was the one who initiated it, which he seldom, bcuz normally I was the one who asked him out… haha… so at tat pt of time, I reli felt very fortunate to have known such a fren like him n maintain the kind of frenship til so long, n tinkin tat he had treated me as a gd fren only… until the next day, someone told me something…
During a casual chat, I told someone my recent updates, n I told him everything cuz there’s nth to hide ma, n he was sayin this to me tat this guy might be interested in me, I was like “Impossible!! How would he be interested in me? He treats me like a very gd fren only, isnt it?” but he was telling me this, a guy wil not anyhow bring a gal home, unless is doin proj or in a big group… for one moment, I was stunned… bcuz to me, I had always thought it was perfectly normal for a guy or gal to bring an opposite gender home casually or wat, but I stil try to calm myself down by telling myself wat if he’s reli the odd one out, n tink nth abt bringin a gal home casually as his house is so near the mrt station?
I didn’t reli slp well tat nite, n I went on to ask a couple of guys the next day, n most of them told me the same ans, a guy will not anyhow bring a gal home unless she’s someone he is interested in, bcuz tat is the gal he wan to show to the parents for approval, before takin the next step… I was like “huh… it’s reli like tat meh? How come I’m so stupid as to not realizing it, wen I was the one who always taught guys how to woo gals…?” bt no matter wat, I have to pull myself back to the logical side, bcuz wat if tings weren’t like wat the guys analysed? It wil only become a bigger disappointment… so I tell myself, whether is it real or not, I wil treat it as normal, let everything take its place, wat wil be, wil be; wat wil not be, wil not be (basically rubbish la)… but after hearin all those, I tink my level of observation n alertness increased…
The long awaited Sunday came… wun reli touch on the details cuz I felt tat I’m SUPER long-winded in the details earlier, but it’s a story ma, so must write longer n I can remember if I ever forget… I had a happy day jus by sharing our jokes n nonsense, even b4 the meetin, tat call fr him was enough to make me laugh til stomach pain… hahaha… towards the end of the meeting, something tat he did alerted me… my sixth sense sensed something, but mayb I’m wrong la… something tat I wil shun away if some other ppl did tat… (dun tink dirty ar…) mayb it’s jus a form of courtesy, or his way of doin tings, I duno n there’s no way I can find out the answer… jus treat it normal lor…
If u wan to noe wat happened later, watch out for my updates…
The someone tat I wil cover in this part of the confession is someone tat I considered as my close (special) fren, though we had knew each other for merely more than 2 yrs, but I owed some tings to him, which I’l like to express my gratitude to him here too…
Stil tinkin where to start from, mayb start from how we actually got acquainted n became frens… My first “alien” fren, bcuz I did not get to know him thru work or studies, instead I got to know him thru Friendster…
3rd May 2005, while loggin on Friendster to check on daily updates, I received a msg from a guy tat I dun even noe at all… Wat reli caught my attention was his msg, which was telling me tat I had a nice smile, n I was like…??? But I stil replied his msg, cuz I felt tat there’s no harm makin a new fren…
14th May, we officially became frens bcuz I had added him in my msn contacts… We doesn’t seemed to be ppl who chatted for the very first time, we were simply crapping all the conversation, guessed it helped a lot in breakin the ice tat most ppl had when they first chatted with unfamiliar ppl… n from then, we wil exchanged sms of craps, n sometimes I wil ask him to chat online too… It was reli nice n pleasant to noe someone who I was skeptical to noe in the first place, as most ppl/parents will say, dun ever get to noe ppl from the net, they r no gd ppl…
At tat pt of time, I was rather curious to noe how he looked like, cuz I was only being shown a photo with his sunglasses on… To me, he was a mysterious person (or to my kind of mindset then?) Therefore after I came back from my China trip, I started contactin him again, n here comes the chance…
8th June 2005, I happened to noe tat he’s not driving to work, instead he was traveling on train, thus I “grabbed” this oppt to have a first meeting with him at Bedok interchange after my training session… Tat meetin reli left a deep impression in my mind bcuz wat he described abt him reli fits perfectly… Got a slight shock wen I saw him for the very first time… He described himself as an ah beng, no matter is it comes to talking, walking n looked like one… But appearances doesn’t matter wen it comes to knowing someone, bcuz wat reli matters was the person sincerely in making frens with u?
Mayb I was stil naïve n silly, or is it bcuz of my curious/kpo character, I loved to ask a lot of questions from my frens, n he was one of them who I asked a lot of stupid questions, which I felt so bad abt some of the tings tat I had asked then, esp it’s with regards to bgr matters… I was unaware n insensitive to y he somehow avoided those issues…
He is a very gentlemen-liked person, which I couldn’t accept his “actions” n his kind of sharing his concern to his frens… I stil remembered the first time he offered to send me home, I was like, dun need la, my house very near n I dun need a guy to send me home, it’s not as if I’m tat type of pretty n demure gals who need guys to send me home… Since young, I was the kind of tomboyish person, n I was near to a butch, lucky I didn’t become one, so I reli accept tis kind of kindness back then…
But it’s oso bcuz of his way of sharing and caring, changed my perspective towards tings… I started to accept this kind of kindness, n I oso started sending such messages to my fellow frens, n started accepting the fact tat it’s a form of courtesy for a guy to send a gal home safely… n at least I’m not as tomboy-ish as compared to before…
*if u r a careful reader, u wil be able to see tat this blog is written at different period of the yr…*
As time goes by, the frenship gradually changes… fr a net fren to normal fren to gd fren to close fren, n now, I will consider him as a very special fren, bcuz of his actions n words over these 2 yrs… n I wil touch on the last part y is it tat I chose to give up continue writing in the first place, n now I decided to write again…
It seemed like I’m full of praises of him, n describing him until he’s like very noble… but the actual fact is no one is noble, I’m jus stating the facts only… sometimes a small action to u might mean a big meaning to others… it all depends on the situation tat u r in… no one is perfect in this world, neither is he or me… no one has the right to criticize another unless he or she is perfect… so wat I’m sayin here is thou I’ve been sayin his positive pts, he does have his negative pts, but not tat much for me to touch on…
Hmmm… thru out the 2+ yrs, we had met up for a couple of times – lunches at simei, “window-cleaning” shoppin at jur pt, n a few times at the city… but to talk abt the more memorable events with him, wil be the lunches at simei, meetin him up near his house, n the meetings “re”-started in July… but before all these, I wil like to touch on the part tat I started to realize tat I might have a kind of special feelin towards him…
Duno is it bcuz we knew each other thru other sources, which made us has no link at all (such as thru work or study), I had cultivated a habit to tell him almost everything, whether is it crap or serious one… there are some of the tings tat I had never tell anyone else before… but there is one tat I took some hesitation before I told him, I oso duno y… tat is – my r’ship with 77… bt b4 I actually told him tat matter, something tat we conversed on msn left me a deep impression, until now I stil cant figure out whether is it real or false…
I stil remembered tat we were crapping as usual on msn last July, n I cant remembered y we started talking abt some bgr issue… den he made a sentence (probably jus a casual remark), “if I did not have any commitments now, I will go after u…” (I can’t remember the actual sentence, but this is the rough one)… strange to say, my first tinkin n reaction was, “y didn’t he say it earlier?”, but bcuz I was with 77, so I jus brush off the thoughts cuz he might be jokin…
I was reli grateful to him for the days he was with me, physically or mentally, esp durin the days after I went separate ways with 77… I was somehow very dependent on him, bcuz I duno who else can I turn to except my best fren, but she had her problems then… He was there to help me to walk the painful path, but to tink of it now, I reli felt very bad… bcuz I hoped I did not treat him as a substitute back then…
Our meetings became more frequent this yr, thou only for a short while, but I was contented enough to have accompaniment… I took a short 1 wk break in Jan, n I was almost meeting him up for lunch everyday at simei, n tat was the time tat the special feelin became very strong til I almost got an urge to blurt it out, but luckily I controlled it… but tat was where I started to accept a new action of his… givin his food to me… I stil remembered the first time he passed the food to me, I was totally shocked, cuz I have never experienced tat, neither did I have the habit of givin my food to others, cuz they might be receptive towards it… but now, used to it le la… hahaha…
I went to his house abt 3 or 4 times le… n I tink I was reli shy by nature ba… the first time I went to his house, I stil remembered I was blushin n I did not say anything much while eatin, bt I somehow sensed eyes were lookin at me… (mayb I tink too much?) The second time was durin the CNY period, n it was a few days after I asked him out on Vday… (I was rather surprised tat I managed to ask a guy out on vday, which most guys dun… he gave me a very cute turtle hp accessory, n I gave him a four leaf clover key chain…) Back to the pt, tat was the first time I went to a fren’s house for CNY… the third time was a very brief one, he wanted to get something fr his house, so I went up to wait for awhile… the fourth time to his house is the start of the determining factor tat I started to write this blog entry again…
Backtrack abit… I was sayin earlier tat I nearly blurted out tings, which I didn’t… His care n concern then was there to fill in the holes tat I had, which makes the special feelings grew… but I dun hv the courage to say it out, so my fren was telling to drop a hint… So the time came, we were conversing in msn as usual, n I duno wat came into me, I said something like this, “if I have a bf like u, it would be good…” but the reply was, “rubbish…” I was kinda aback by the reply, bt tat made me realized tat he might have always treated me as a gd fren only… from there on, I took a step back, n decided not to tink into it anymore… but I was stil abit vulnerable, esp seein 77 again, n hearin his tings again, which brought the memories back… but I didn’t slip myself into it too much…
There comes the day tat my fren suggested to me to go UK to meet up with her, n I thought it’s a gd idea oso… bcuz tat is not the time to tink abt bgr, n I’m sick of my work too, mayb goin to a new environment wil be beta… bt I kept on bearin tis tiny hope of mine which I tink it’s time to give up tat hope too… tat is – tat special someone is to appear n make me stay… tat is one of the reason tat I haven book the ticket til now, besides waitin for my bonus to come…
I told him my decision to go UK to work durin one of our meetings, n tat night I got another surprise, I got a ride home in his car… cuz normally he will walk me to the MRT station, den I wil take the train home n probably send him a sms wen I got home… it was reli thrilling n exciting to get a ride home… I’m too easily contented hor…? N on another occasion, I managed to bring him to Mustafa, which we agreed on last yr, tat he bring me to zoo, I bring him to Mustafa… Here comes the story… of me meeting up with him in July this yr… which till now I’m stil in the midst of happy-ness…
Ever since I resumed work after my leave in march, I have been quite busy as I was being transferred to grocery, something tat I have not much knowledge in… as time goes by, the time with my peers reduced greatly, except meeting aloy, whose office is located nearby… n shun bian can send me home in his van… haha…
On 7th July, it was my offday, n I was out for lunch with aloy, den he was sayin he had a dinner appt with someone else at 6pm, so he asked me where do I wana go… I didn’t wan to go back home so soon, cuz it had been a long time since I came out on my offday, so since he is goin towards jurong area, jus drop me there… something struck me wen I told him to send me to jurong area… as I was rather busy earlier, it had been some time since I met up with him, n durin one of our casual sms conversation, (if I din remember wrongly) he was sayin tat it had been a long time since we met up, den a sudden surge of guilt came up, n the tot of finding him pop up too… I was practically tryin my luck cuz it’s a sat evening, not many ppl wil be at home at tat time, except ppl like my bro… haha…
Back to the pt, I called him up n asked whether is he at home or outside, n wana meet up, but if he is not free, den it’s ok… he was at home, n told me tat his twin nephews were at his house, n asked me whether I wana come over… i’m always very interested in the twins, n naturally I was excited n agreed to it… when I reached his house, n saw the twins, I was very happy, but here comes the question, who is who…? (til now I stil duno how to differentiate, only can see tat the older one has a stronger personality, n the younger one is more easy going…) as a big kid myself, I loved seein kids, my eyes were practically following them, seein their moves n actions, even wen I was eating…
We left for jurong pt after dinner, n he was askin me whether wil I be free the following sat, he wana ask me out for dinner… I told him I wil be on noon shift tat day, but fri wil be my offday… in my mind, I knew his bday is comin n wanted to ask him the day b4 (bcuz I assumed tat he wil wan to spend it with his family n frens on actual day), but tat moment, it jus din strike my mind tat he is askin me out on his bday, n it was abt the end of the “tour”, den I realized the date he asked me was the actual date (how retarded I am, rite?) I knew in my mind tat I die die have to change my shift, bcuz it’s his bday leh… as usual I thot he wil send me to the mrt, n I take the train home as it wasn’t very late tat day, so wen he said he wil drive me home, I was surprised (again), but I was always very excited to sit in his car as compared to other ppl, duno y… I told him I wil get back to him regardin my shift asap before I got off his car… but tat was the start of my happy-ness, or rather I was easily contented? Thou it was only a few hrs meeting, he reli made my day + seein his twins too… hehe…
Here comes the day… thou I went back on time, I was caught up in a terrible jam, n in the end I was late… I stil remembered seein his surprised face wen I passed him his present… (I went to get him an Adidas tee the previous day which was my offday…) I guessed he did not expect me to remember tat day was his bday n got him a present ba… wen he told me tat we wil be eating with his whole family, I din react much bcuz I tink I somehow expected it, but I thought he would have asked some other frens along… as usual, I was soooo shy n I could feel my face was blushin… n I kept on lookin at the twins… but havin the honor to celebrate his bday with him n his family, I felt reli blessed n fortunate… tat was the first time I ate with a fren’s family… n I could reli sense the strong bond n family warmth tat I have been lookin forward too… for a very short moment, my mind went a little out, but I dragged it back fast cuz I was tinkin it was impossible tat he…
After the dinner, we went for a brief walk before he sent me home, n his parents followed his sis’ car back home… on the way back, we chattin quite abit, talking abt his work n so on… den he was touchin on the present tat I got him, sayin tat I’m the 4th person who gave him a t-shirt after his mom, sis n ex… den out of a sudden, I duno y my mind ran wild n thought of this, “if only I’m his present..” but I jus shrugged off the thought immediately… tat day is a very very very happy day, bcuz I never experienced tat before…
I met him up again for lunch n dinner separately the day of stocktake n right after stocktake, n durin the dinner meeting, he brought me to the heartland areas near where he lived, somewhere I never been to, n not exactly found in my neighborhood (little India?)… can say thou first time there, I quite like the heartland bcuz it felt close to heart as compared to those high-class areas… like those 1980s or 1990s days… after dinner, it’s time to go home again… n was lookin forward to e next meetin on tat coming sun, bcuz he was the one who initiated it, which he seldom, bcuz normally I was the one who asked him out… haha… so at tat pt of time, I reli felt very fortunate to have known such a fren like him n maintain the kind of frenship til so long, n tinkin tat he had treated me as a gd fren only… until the next day, someone told me something…
During a casual chat, I told someone my recent updates, n I told him everything cuz there’s nth to hide ma, n he was sayin this to me tat this guy might be interested in me, I was like “Impossible!! How would he be interested in me? He treats me like a very gd fren only, isnt it?” but he was telling me this, a guy wil not anyhow bring a gal home, unless is doin proj or in a big group… for one moment, I was stunned… bcuz to me, I had always thought it was perfectly normal for a guy or gal to bring an opposite gender home casually or wat, but I stil try to calm myself down by telling myself wat if he’s reli the odd one out, n tink nth abt bringin a gal home casually as his house is so near the mrt station?
I didn’t reli slp well tat nite, n I went on to ask a couple of guys the next day, n most of them told me the same ans, a guy will not anyhow bring a gal home unless she’s someone he is interested in, bcuz tat is the gal he wan to show to the parents for approval, before takin the next step… I was like “huh… it’s reli like tat meh? How come I’m so stupid as to not realizing it, wen I was the one who always taught guys how to woo gals…?” bt no matter wat, I have to pull myself back to the logical side, bcuz wat if tings weren’t like wat the guys analysed? It wil only become a bigger disappointment… so I tell myself, whether is it real or not, I wil treat it as normal, let everything take its place, wat wil be, wil be; wat wil not be, wil not be (basically rubbish la)… but after hearin all those, I tink my level of observation n alertness increased…
The long awaited Sunday came… wun reli touch on the details cuz I felt tat I’m SUPER long-winded in the details earlier, but it’s a story ma, so must write longer n I can remember if I ever forget… I had a happy day jus by sharing our jokes n nonsense, even b4 the meetin, tat call fr him was enough to make me laugh til stomach pain… hahaha… towards the end of the meeting, something tat he did alerted me… my sixth sense sensed something, but mayb I’m wrong la… something tat I wil shun away if some other ppl did tat… (dun tink dirty ar…) mayb it’s jus a form of courtesy, or his way of doin tings, I duno n there’s no way I can find out the answer… jus treat it normal lor…
If u wan to noe wat happened later, watch out for my updates…
Something true abt me...
肖鼠处女座解密 处女座／肖鼠
处女肖鼠者是精神奕奕而善于分析的人，肖鼠者的进取心加上处女座的经营才智，使他们从不对任何事疯狂或愚昧地深陷那其中——爱情除外。
处女肖鼠者与众不同之处在于他们完全不受外来的压力干扰。他们做他们认为必须做的事，而不被同事或对手催逼困迫。“等一下！”，处女肖鼠者会在一项重要的会议中举起手“让我想想。”如果他需要那样多的时间自脑海中搜出资料，他会不计时间的反复思考。他们最适合单独工作。
正因处女肖鼠者兴味盎然地钻入自己的知识领域里，斟研事情，有时他们很难倾听或采用他人的意见，当他人陈述意见时，他们似乎显得异常专注完全吸收，然而令人惊奇地——事后他们并未消化任何别人所提供的意见。他们可能只将某些事实存入他们私人的知识系统中。
当然，处女肖鼠者也有另一面过分情绪化而容易冲动的人，能从处女肖鼠者身上得到协助。他们常能自不同的角度来考虑事情。如果你向处女肖鼠座者哭诉难以处理的麻烦，你注意，他们会说“坐下来，宽宽心，好好想一想，这次又是是什么事？”当你自泪湿的手帕中抬头上望时，处女肖鼠者已站在电话旁。通常他在你喘第一口气之前，就已着手打电话给你的敌人。他无需听完所有的细节,而能立刻汰杂存著抓住要点，瞧！他已经与那个家伙谈上了。
处女肖鼠者对亲属与朋友的关系非常认真。他们从不会忘记老友，在你需要帮助时，他们绝对会助一臂之力。
爱情
虽然处女肖鼠者在审度别人的事情时技高一筹，但一遇到自己的事，他就丝毫不能客观。他热爱有着疯狂热情的人。也将他们理想化。处女肖鼠者个性憨直，以为其他的人都如他一般直来直往而公正无私，也因此他们在爱情中有最糟的运气，因为他们无法看到树外的森林。在情感事件中，人们总在处女肖鼠者的眼前布下多层烟雾。
然而，处女肖鼠者一旦深陷爱情就无法自拔，且不惜为了爱情，旅行远方重新落脚，只为了与所爱的人共处。
适合共处的对象
你会对肖牛、猴或龙的金牛、巨蟹、天蝎或磨揭座者着迷，肖龙的天蝎座者则难说，肖马或兔的双子、天秤、射手和双鱼座者则不合。
职业
处女座肖鼠者是天生的分析家，他的天赋在于需有研究与系统知识的工作。他们能很快行动，但不喜欢做迅速而草率的决定。他们最擅长于择机协助他人获得成功的职业。
处女肖鼠者是精神奕奕而善于分析的人，肖鼠者的进取心加上处女座的经营才智，使他们从不对任何事疯狂或愚昧地深陷那其中——爱情除外。
处女肖鼠者与众不同之处在于他们完全不受外来的压力干扰。他们做他们认为必须做的事，而不被同事或对手催逼困迫。“等一下！”，处女肖鼠者会在一项重要的会议中举起手“让我想想。”如果他需要那样多的时间自脑海中搜出资料，他会不计时间的反复思考。他们最适合单独工作。
正因处女肖鼠者兴味盎然地钻入自己的知识领域里，斟研事情，有时他们很难倾听或采用他人的意见，当他人陈述意见时，他们似乎显得异常专注完全吸收，然而令人惊奇地——事后他们并未消化任何别人所提供的意见。他们可能只将某些事实存入他们私人的知识系统中。
当然，处女肖鼠者也有另一面过分情绪化而容易冲动的人，能从处女肖鼠者身上得到协助。他们常能自不同的角度来考虑事情。如果你向处女肖鼠座者哭诉难以处理的麻烦，你注意，他们会说“坐下来，宽宽心，好好想一想，这次又是是什么事？”当你自泪湿的手帕中抬头上望时，处女肖鼠者已站在电话旁。通常他在你喘第一口气之前，就已着手打电话给你的敌人。他无需听完所有的细节,而能立刻汰杂存著抓住要点，瞧！他已经与那个家伙谈上了。
处女肖鼠者对亲属与朋友的关系非常认真。他们从不会忘记老友，在你需要帮助时，他们绝对会助一臂之力。
爱情
虽然处女肖鼠者在审度别人的事情时技高一筹，但一遇到自己的事，他就丝毫不能客观。他热爱有着疯狂热情的人。也将他们理想化。处女肖鼠者个性憨直，以为其他的人都如他一般直来直往而公正无私，也因此他们在爱情中有最糟的运气，因为他们无法看到树外的森林。在情感事件中，人们总在处女肖鼠者的眼前布下多层烟雾。
然而，处女肖鼠者一旦深陷爱情就无法自拔，且不惜为了爱情，旅行远方重新落脚，只为了与所爱的人共处。
适合共处的对象
你会对肖牛、猴或龙的金牛、巨蟹、天蝎或磨揭座者着迷，肖龙的天蝎座者则难说，肖马或兔的双子、天秤、射手和双鱼座者则不合。
职业
处女座肖鼠者是天生的分析家，他的天赋在于需有研究与系统知识的工作。他们能很快行动，但不喜欢做迅速而草率的决定。他们最擅长于择机协助他人获得成功的职业。
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
