wrong timing

cant reli say i am counting down to the days i am leavin.. cuz it jus felt so sad to do so.. i will miss my lovable managers and colleagues.. for once, i felt tat i have made a 'disasterous' mistake..

today the new gal (replacin me) reported to work, and i ended up sitting at kum's desk cuz she's on course this wk, and oso bcuz it was toooo cramped.. imagined my cubi is so small.. whole morning was briefin her abt 30% of the work, and didnt manage to do any ting regarding TH. and spent the whole afternoon meeting without a sip of water.. nearly died of thirst..

and wen it is only left with 2 wks to go, sth pop up and the need of money is there.. and the first thought is can i stay until end july to get my bonus? i knew the answer is NO, bcuz wen cm tried to persuade me to stay, i gave him a firm NO. i have oredi gave up the oppt, not once but many times wen ppl asked me whether do i reli wan to leave? at tat pt of time, i jus felt like leavin so badly cuz i reli cant see any light.. it's so stressed to noe tat bro is sittin at hm for mths without a job, yet i am workin and studyin at the same time.. it's only after the exams den i felt a sigh of relief tat one big burden is down.. but news abt apple's possible laidoff is spreading.. and sth else.. i tot i could take a slower pace in findin a PT job and live by my savings.. but at this sudden moment i cant..

what am i going to do? spoke to kum jus now, i knew her answer and my answer are the same.. i had lost the golden oppt.. today is reli a bad day.. nth is goin my way.. wat's goin on? wat did i do wrong..? shld i put down my pride to approach cm again and tell him my request? but the new gal is here.. no budget for me to stay... and no projects tat can help me to extend my stay.. oh gosh..

communication

have jus communicated my main pts to him, and somehow he agreed that i shld do it tat way too.

1. my world shouldnt jus abt him, it's time i shld put him jus part of my world and not my entire world.. he said he used to treat his ex as his world, but he realised tat it's super painful wen tat person is not ard.. tink it would be a long process for me, but the first step is: start to love myself abit more..

2. lifestyle - he said we can compromise on this in future, not necessary tat i hv to accomodate him.. hmm.. we shall see ba..

try ba.. hopefully it wun be tat confusin again..

confused

submitted my letter and would be leavin in mid june after the major event..
it's a big risk bcuz my bro is retrenched & jobless since Feb, yet i chose to leave at this time..
family income would be super low, and i stil got my liabilities (studies, insurance) to be cleared..
mayb i reli not suitable for the job, i tried likin it, yet until now i stil cant find the interest and passion to continue..
mayb i need to find another piece of land where i might be able to find some interest and passion..

ppl age everyday and in the process, we start to get some enlightenment over some tings..
and again, i start to ponder abt my r'ship with apple..
somehow i felt tat i am losin faith and confidence in myself, i duno if i can sustain..
it's not tat we dun love each other, or havin any prob with one another, it's jus tat i doesnt seem to be able to convince myself tat i can live with tat kind of lifestyle in future..
mayb i shld start to like/love myself more, and not jus devote the love to him only..

there are many areas of concern that i wished i could tell him, but wenever i see him, i jus felt 'melted' and forgot/duno how to tell him.. we did communicate on several areas, but sometimes i dun tink he catch wat i reli meant..

i am confused..