confused

submitted my letter and would be leavin in mid june after the major event..
it's a big risk bcuz my bro is retrenched & jobless since Feb, yet i chose to leave at this time..
family income would be super low, and i stil got my liabilities (studies, insurance) to be cleared..
mayb i reli not suitable for the job, i tried likin it, yet until now i stil cant find the interest and passion to continue..
mayb i need to find another piece of land where i might be able to find some interest and passion..

ppl age everyday and in the process, we start to get some enlightenment over some tings..
and again, i start to ponder abt my r'ship with apple..
somehow i felt tat i am losin faith and confidence in myself, i duno if i can sustain..
it's not tat we dun love each other, or havin any prob with one another, it's jus tat i doesnt seem to be able to convince myself tat i can live with tat kind of lifestyle in future..
mayb i shld start to like/love myself more, and not jus devote the love to him only..

there are many areas of concern that i wished i could tell him, but wenever i see him, i jus felt 'melted' and forgot/duno how to tell him.. we did communicate on several areas, but sometimes i dun tink he catch wat i reli meant..

i am confused..