2007年7月

7/7/07
再次的相见竟改变了故事的发展...难道一切真的都是注定的...？

14/7/07
Is he the Fated One for me? I wish he is.. Fate is something unexplainable..

26/7/07
I finally realised that there is a possibility that he might have liked me.. After doing so many things and events.. How stupid of me to tink that it's impossible..？

29/7/07
I'm very happy today.. Hope to be so happy everytime I'm with him..

31/7/07
希望有一天我能成为小红的主人...会成真吗，还是只是我的一厢情愿罢了..？

Happy-ness..Continued

Nth to blog.. bt stil feel like bloggin.. hehe..

stil feeling happy.. somehow noe y, yet somehow duno y.. mayb i'm slightly slower in figurin out tings ba.. bt this is where i'm cute ma.. hehe..

reli enjoyed this kind of mood.. bt gd tings dun last forever thou i wish it would.. bt y bother so much abt the day tat gd tings is goin to end.. since i'm happy with the series of events tat is happening now, den let me continue to stay happy.. happy-ness is definitely so much beta than sad-ness..

whether my happy-ness wil be continued.. watch out for my blog.. hehe.. gd nites..

One more ting, I am currently in the midst of writin a long story blog, but whether wil i publish it anot, it hv to depend on fate.. can say i'm stil monitorin the whole situation ba.. let everythin takes its place, n let nature takes its course.. )

xiao nu ren, jiayou!!

Happy-ness

Been in a happy mood these few days.. Ever since tat particular day which made me felt I was special.. But beta dun tink too much, wat if tings aren't like wat i tink to be..?

A series of tings happened recently which helped me changed my emotions, perspective and mood.. it's like an invisible ting tat is helpin to carry these series of events..

Me seeing 77 again..knowin he got a gf, yet I wasnt upset anymore..
Me meeting "bear", whom helped me get over e whole past n got wat I wished for..
Me going to e dinner, which I..(stay tuned for the episode which wil aired on xx/09/07)

Mayb next step is waiting ba.. 2 mths to fly n counting.. wil he appear or has he appeared, jus tat he's too shy to say it out.. (*a hit on my head to ask me stop dreaming)

Actually my main source of happy-ness came fr something tat is very "insignificant", yet it is more meaningful than other tings else.. even more than receivin flowers or dates.. bcuz this kind of happy-ness is comin from something tat is not monetary.. mayb fr sincerity?

Happy..Happy..Happy.. :)

Dreams...Fantasies...Desires...

This post is inspired by someone who wrote abt his dreams in his blog, n it triggered me to tink abt the dreams tat I had since young...

My dream of.....being a ballet dancer..
Though I'm big in size, I have very flexible bones n joint since young.. when other ppl cant touch the ground with both palms while bending down, I can.. when other ppl cant do a split, I can.. It's kind of a regret tat I din get a chance to learn ballet due to my background..

My dream of.....being a singer..
I loved singing, but my singing isnt as gd as they said.. I stil remember wen I was young, I liked to stand on my dad's bed, lookin out of the window, singing loudly.. Lucky I lived high, if not all the rotten eggs wil be thrown to me..

My dream of.....being a radio DJ/part of media
I liked media, thus I only read news abt entertainment industry first in newspapers.. It had been one of my dream to be part of media since young, thou it had never come true till now.. I was not photogenic, thus I wanted to be part of the 'behind-the-stage' ppl, but too bad I failed the interview back in 2+ yrs ago at mediacorp.. I wanted to be a DJ too, bcuz I tink it's nearer to the radio listener to portray urself, it's more natural.. But..too bad..sent in application so long, stil no news..

Before I grad fr poly, I ever thought of goin to Taiwan to work in the entertainment industry, bcuz it is somewhere I can communicate as compared to HK or China.. The culture is similar to SG too.. Tat time the silly me told my frens; if I ever work there, the first person I wana meet is Wilber Pan or Zax Wang/Shanwei, bcuz I was watchin their show almost everyday back then..

If now given a chance to work there, I hope to meet Nicholas Teo in person, cuz I liked his songs very much, can say he's my idol now.. n he has a nickname of 'Prince of Smiles', which is very suitable for him.. he is oso one of the pride of M'sia, besides Guang Liang & Gary Chaw, who is able to survive in the competitive music industry..

My fantasy of.....falling in love
Born romantic-minded, I wil yearn for a romantic type of bgr, but as I grew up, I realised tat reality and fiction are totally different tings.. I wil stil go for the realistic type of bgr, regardless how many types of fantasies tat I had towards bgr.. wat reli matters is two hearts are together, and with that, u can reli create alot of ur own stories.. meaningful and romantic..

My fantasy of.....him being my bf(??)
Among all of my part-time bfs, there's one particular guy that I have a soft spot for him, rather should I say, I felt the most comfortable wen i'm with him.. He cracked me up with his extraordinary lame-ness and jokes, which reli brings a smile to me wenever I'm down.. Mayb lack of confidence or bcuz of the tings he said, I have to tell myself to stop having this kind of daydream or fantasy.. Seems like I dun have the luck to become the "co-owner" of tat red car liao.. *stop fantacising la..

My desire of.....havin that kind of family warmth
The same guy tat I mentioned above have a close-knitted family, which I'm always full of envy wen I heard/see abt his family.. my family is not as close-knitted as theirs, so I often felt very inferior to other ppl (+ my size).. In addition, the "teachings" tat I had were totally different, as in we are asked not to believe/trust in others.. Since young, I desired to hv such a family, but as time goes by, I realised that the bigger possibility is to find a bf with such a family..

to be continued..

2nd Date..

Jus came back fr a so-called 2nd date (with the same guy whom I went out with last week) not long ago.. Went to watch Die Hard 4.0.. Not a bad show.. It had been a long time since I watched 2 movies for 2 consecutive wks.. But lucky this time round, it's free as I have tickets to it.. Hehe..

After thoughts... Thou knowing him for less than 2 wks, but he let me realised alot of tings... n I was tellin him straight on my way home... If back in the past, if we were to continue goin out like this, i might fell for him, bcuz he can be quite thoughtful... But too bad, after goin thru & seein the same ting again, jus made me realised tat I wun be tat silly to fall for a guy jus like tat.. I'm referring to my past exp with 77.. I fell for him too easily back in those days liao... not to mention wat tactics he used.. One more ting tat I'm glad with this fren is, we r rational n open enough to accept all kinds of rumors, as long as it is not too over.. or else we simply heck care.. haha.. Wat's wrong with going out with guys rite? I jus went out with another 2 of them yest, n got free rides.. *evil grin.. Haha..

This fren of mine came at the rite time, at least I tink tat is the case... To help me to sort out part of my confused thoughts, jus like my another fren.. I believe in one ting, some ppl simply jus appeared at the right place n right time to help u, thou wat they did was jus very minor tings, it may meant alot to the other party bcuz tings jus happen with a reason, n there's no need to ask y...

I was sharin another silly dream of mine with him jus now, with regards to my UK trip.. I was tellin him tat I'm stil hopin for some kind of "miracle" to happen, whereby someone appears in my life within the next 2 mths or so; someone who is able to love me, bcuz I had never be loved in a relationship-wise... I wanted to try tat, to experience the feeling of being loved by a guy truthfully... whereby the guy reli noe where to place u in his heart, n the significance of u in his life... A dream is stil a dream, or rather it is jus a foolish fantasy of mine, thou it's like lying to myself, I noe where is the limit... If the time reli comes for me to leave for UK, n tat special someone did not appear, I will accept the fact and leave... This is wat I had prepared myself for for the past few mths... But the above scenario wil be based on a case by case scenario, not any ah cat or ah dog comes by, I wil jus stay like tat.. (my airfare wil be gone jus like tat, I'm not tat stupid la..) I believe if the person is destined to appear, he wil definitely appear.. Enough of my stupid dream...

Recently alot of my frens celebrated their bday, tat reminds me of the pranks tat we had in our branch for our fellow colleagues.. Kinda envious of them.. bcuz my bday was always the "quietest" one... My 21st bday was celebrated very simply, givin some of them a treat at Suntec, den went to Boat Quay there, have a short drink n went back home.. on my 22nd, quite sad, but duno how to say.. Mayb my bday is always the last in the team, so it's very easy to be forgotten... Not tat I'm desperate to celebrate my bdays, instead I never have the habit of celebrating it, but frankly speaking, I am very envious when we were celebrating for the others... In the past, wen I was younger, I always wan to show off n let ppl noe my birthday, but it led to e dislike of me in them.. As time goes by, I jus kept quiet n act as normal, bcuz i dun see the pt of sayin it so loud tat it's my bday, but deep in my heart, I stil hope tat they wil remember it.. For those who remembered it, I reli very grateful n appreciate it bcuz I did not say it out, yet u all remember.. THANKS!! Back to the pt, probably this bday would be my last b4 I leave, thus another small dream of mine branches out... wil I be able to get the most memorable bday? this wil remain as a ??? til my bday.. Let's shall see abt it..

Time for me to continue my fantasy in dreamland..

First 'Date'..?

I was out with a fren tat I knew not long ago, or rather less than a week…? How ‘brave’ of me to go out with someone I hardly knew, rite? Hmmm, mayb I can put it this way, he appeared at the right time to help to ease the uneasiness of seein 77 again, but most irony part is, he has more than 80% similar to 77, given wat I knew abt 77… mayb he is here to help me remove the burden before flyin off to uk in mid sept, bcuz the burden/pain fr the past relationship had left me scarred quite badly… I’ve been wanting to remove it, but my efforts always went into the drain wenever I see 77… so can I say he is my savior…? Haha…

Since the day tat I touched down to sg, we have contacted one another thru one way or another, n he popped the question of askin me out for a date on sun (1/7)… as usual, given my experiences with my other guy frens, I jus say ‘ok’, bcuz it need a kind of trust btwn frens… we arranged to watch ‘transformers’, have a dinner, n go back home… but since we said tat we wana make it look like a first ‘date’, we were a so-called ‘bf & gf” for a day… kinda …? Rite?

Here comes the day… I changed after work to meet him, n wen I saw him, I was walkin away as far as I can, bcuz I was totally shocked… he was holdin a small bouquet of purple roses in his hands, n he looked so formal… at tat pt of time, my mind was tinkin, “wat the hell?!”, “why is there flowers?!” I refused to take the flowers initially, n it took me so long to calm down bcuz I was wearin so casual in my t-shirt n jeans, not as if I was in my skirt… moreover, I had never received a bouquet fr a guy b4 in my entire life before, except on my last bday which was fr my colleagues… it felt so weird… but to tink of it now, I was reli very touched n moved by his actions, esp tat I heard he waited so long to get the bouquet.. Thanks pal, if u happens to see this… I din expect u to get flowers for me jus bcuz I told u before tat I had never received one…

We went on to have dinner n watch movie… it’s a nice movie, powerful n fantastic sound effects, jus tat we were seated rite in the front, it’s kinda straining for the eyes…n I tink the neck too… after tat he walked me home, n I gave him a small treat back… but we din go home straight, I brought him to the open space opposite my block to chat for awhile n enjoy the night scenery, listenin to some of the songs in my hp… I nearly cried upon hearin the songs, but I reli cried wen he said this, “do not cry again after tonight”… but strange to say is tat I din cry much, mayb the feelin for 77 wasn’t tat strong anymore, n I had accepted the fact, n started to move on with my life from there…

Afterthoughts… I was kinda startled by his actions n words, bcuz it’s reli like the tactics used to woo a gal… n all those sms r almost 95% identical to 77, back in those days… but once bitten, twice shy, I wun be tat silly to fall for tat easily now… can say I’m lookin for sincerity… back to the topic, I was sayin tat his actions n words gave me a shock… but after chattin with him, den I realized I had tink too much, he jus wanted to give me wat I din not have durin my time with 77, the kind of happiness tat I should have back then, n no other tings… *phew~ *heaved a sigh of relief… haha… he dun wan to have any commitments now n he got tell me the reasons behind it…

To all my frens here, gambatte ne~ whether u r single or attached, always remember to bring happiness to someone beside u, bcuz it’s a chain reaction… wil help u to love urself more, to love someone else more… Take care, everyone!!!