Apple told me on sun tat he wil be comin to my house to bai nian on tues, cuz he din come n my mom gave him an angpao.. so I asked him to stay over for dinner..
As usual, I met up with him at his house, rest for awhile b4 we set off to my house.. thou it was not the first time, the nervous feelin was there, but much more beta than the first time..
I remembered tat I was teasin him in the afternoon abt he owing me sth.. actually it's jus words tat he said on the eve (abt holdin my hands), but I din let him noe the answer in the end, n he was like kept on askin me for the answer, until i was like "arghz~".. funny leh..
Along the way, i was tinkin wat might happen later, esp my bro.. kinda worried if my bro were to bombard him with questions, den it wun be gd, so i pre-empt him first abt my bro..
Wen he came to my house, he sat on the floor to read newspaper first, den my mom was askin to have dinner first as it was abt 9pm liao.. my heart was pumpin so fast thou it isnt the first time i'm sittin beside him.. den after dinner, we started chattin abt our houses' design and then this comes the most interesting part.. the scenery part..
He started to walk over to my kitchen's window and i followed suit to tell him this n that.. n tat was where i got a big urge to take the chance to hold his hand n drag him to my room, but i didnt.. *sighz~
I brought him to my room, and I started to point here n there, tellin him where my frens lived n what are the buildings ard my house.. den i heard my bro came back liao.. n of cuz i need to intro apple to him la.. they jus shaked hand and my bro went straight into his room.. *phew~
den he went back to the living room n read newspaper n watched tv.. n I..? of cuz went to find sth to occupy myself - started diggin my photos and snacks for him to eat.. stil abit uneasy ma thou i'm at my own house.. practice makes perfect, guess he wil have to come down a few more times b4 i can get used to it.. hehe..
time to go home as it was abt 10+pm.. i offered to send him out and wen we reached the lift lobby at my floor, we started to talk abt scenery again as we could see a clearer view there.. den wen the lift came, my dad walked out of the lift, and i need to intro ma.. so i was sayin, 'pa, this is my bf..." - first time i said tat.. haha.. den they chatted a little n i was like, "I send u down.." bcuz he asked me to send him to the lift lobby only.. den wen we reached the ground floor, he wanted me to go up, but i jus pushed him n followed suit.. hehe..
den the best part came.. wen we walked to his car, n started to warm up his car, n we continued to talk abt scenery again.. haha.. (I was lookin for chance to give him a peck on his cheek at the same time..but...) he was puttin his hand on my shoulder n den asked me to close my eyes, this was where i was like, 'oh shit, is he goin to do wat i was tinkin to do..?', my reaction was like, 'wat u wana do..? how come u r doin wat i wan to do' - silly me rite? got n say out so loud.. haha.. den i managed to change the topic again.. haha.. but finally it's time to go, n he gave me a peck on the cheek.. *so sweet* hehe.. cant let him off like tat ma.. so i took my revenge by "pullin" him out of his seat, n gave him a peck back.. hehe..
that was the first shock.. here comes the second shock.. he started to address me as 'dear' after he got home tat day.. at first cant accept, but after tat i'm fine with tat addressin.. hmm.. wil say the rationale in my upcomin blog entry.. hehe..
tat's all, folks!
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Valentine's Day Date..
was kinda lookin towards it esp wen the date is approachin near, but how come apple din mention abt meetin me..? there was a day which i worked late in the office, n i felt like talkin to apple, thus we were chattin over the phone n he asked me whether wil i be free on fri..? haha.. of cuz happy la.. n it's beta to meet on fri as it wun be tat crowded and i need not hv to get back tat early to rush for work the next morn..
on actual day of vday, he sent me a sms while i was stil workin hard in the office.. "hope you will have a happy and blissful r'ship, which is with me.." for tat moment, felt kinda touched thou felt tat he was kinda thick-skinned.. i was hestitating for a few days wen he started to address me as his gf, bcuz i felt tat i need to find out am i ready to commit into this stage thou we acted like a couple for mths.. tat was y i 'joked' with apple abt wen did i became his gf.. i took a few days to tink it over n over again, cuz i reli dun wan to commit one if there is stil any traces of 77.. but i was very relieved to say tat 77 had oredi became a past to me.. can say mostly it's bcuz of apple..
back to the topic.. i was lookin forward to e date on fri tat i tried not to get stressed or pissed off over work.. cuz i was very happy ma.. din hv much time to tink n get a present for him, so i only managed to write him a card with some of the tings tat i wouldnt say it verbally to him..mayb those were some tings tat he din noe too? but wen i went out for lunch tat day, i saw a noddin monkey which during one of our meetin, i was tellin him tat i got a shakin doll, so he said shakin no gd, mus nod head.. haha.. so i only managed to get tat for him..
here comes the moment.. he started to tell me tat he din get anythin for me, but i told him, 'no need la' bcuz i dun mind these tings de la.. so we started to window shop, n he was like pointin this n tat, 'i buy for u this..?' but i rejected all offers.. haha.. we had our dinner at billy bombers n after tat, it was abt time to go home.. he offered to send me home, but i rejected again cuz he happened to say tat he was near to dozin off wen he was drivin home tat day.. so he accompanied me to the mrt station, den i jokingly said tat he owed me sth, i was referrin to the words he said on cny eve, abt holdin my hands.. but he tot tat it was a kiss.. i faster siam.. haha.. den he was takin sth out of his waist pouch and said tat it was fragile, my first tot: glass ornament? wen i asked how come he said tat he din buy anythin for me, he said tat he was jokin n y would he bring his pouch along? (was kinda suspicious wen his wallet was at his pant's pocket..)
was kinda surprised to see tat the gift was a bottle of perfume, cuz it's sth tat i din expect, neither was it sth i wun use.. it seemed like he noe wat's on my mind, as he is able to 'predict' wat are the tings i had been tinkin, but it might be pure coincidence..
thou this is my 2nd vday date with him, but it meant a different meaning to me, last yr was admiration/liking for him, this yr is as an open couple.. i will cherished wat i have for bgr.. bcuz it RELI doesnt come easy..
on actual day of vday, he sent me a sms while i was stil workin hard in the office.. "hope you will have a happy and blissful r'ship, which is with me.." for tat moment, felt kinda touched thou felt tat he was kinda thick-skinned.. i was hestitating for a few days wen he started to address me as his gf, bcuz i felt tat i need to find out am i ready to commit into this stage thou we acted like a couple for mths.. tat was y i 'joked' with apple abt wen did i became his gf.. i took a few days to tink it over n over again, cuz i reli dun wan to commit one if there is stil any traces of 77.. but i was very relieved to say tat 77 had oredi became a past to me.. can say mostly it's bcuz of apple..
back to the topic.. i was lookin forward to e date on fri tat i tried not to get stressed or pissed off over work.. cuz i was very happy ma.. din hv much time to tink n get a present for him, so i only managed to write him a card with some of the tings tat i wouldnt say it verbally to him..mayb those were some tings tat he din noe too? but wen i went out for lunch tat day, i saw a noddin monkey which during one of our meetin, i was tellin him tat i got a shakin doll, so he said shakin no gd, mus nod head.. haha.. so i only managed to get tat for him..
here comes the moment.. he started to tell me tat he din get anythin for me, but i told him, 'no need la' bcuz i dun mind these tings de la.. so we started to window shop, n he was like pointin this n tat, 'i buy for u this..?' but i rejected all offers.. haha.. we had our dinner at billy bombers n after tat, it was abt time to go home.. he offered to send me home, but i rejected again cuz he happened to say tat he was near to dozin off wen he was drivin home tat day.. so he accompanied me to the mrt station, den i jokingly said tat he owed me sth, i was referrin to the words he said on cny eve, abt holdin my hands.. but he tot tat it was a kiss.. i faster siam.. haha.. den he was takin sth out of his waist pouch and said tat it was fragile, my first tot: glass ornament? wen i asked how come he said tat he din buy anythin for me, he said tat he was jokin n y would he bring his pouch along? (was kinda suspicious wen his wallet was at his pant's pocket..)
was kinda surprised to see tat the gift was a bottle of perfume, cuz it's sth tat i din expect, neither was it sth i wun use.. it seemed like he noe wat's on my mind, as he is able to 'predict' wat are the tings i had been tinkin, but it might be pure coincidence..
thou this is my 2nd vday date with him, but it meant a different meaning to me, last yr was admiration/liking for him, this yr is as an open couple.. i will cherished wat i have for bgr.. bcuz it RELI doesnt come easy..
Monday, February 11, 2008
CNY Season~
CNY Eve
Went to work as usual, but was snaking most of time there blogging..
Went down to BM to help out, but too bad not a big crowd there, so can't help much..
"Rushed" down to apple's house for reunion dinner - my very first reunion dinner outside my house.. Felt a little bit uneasy despite going to his house for duno how many times.. His mom kept askin him to give me food, haha.. The kind of warmth is something that I have been lookin for.. an indescribable feelin..
Went to wash cars with him, thou I was just there to watch and talk.. Din noe wat to talk, so was askin some tings abt us n sharin stories.. Askin him y he chose me instead of other gals, sharin my stories abt us.. n den tink I happened to discover a small secret.. but duno am I correct anot.. He got interested in me for a long time.. long before I was attracted to him (during the time tat I was leanin to him as a pillar when tings between me n 77 dun work out)..
Den he jokingly said tat he "haven hold my hand hor", tml mus hold, tat's where I got abit panicked.. Haha.. cuz thou it might not be the first time I held a guy's hand, but stil scared ma.. hehe..
CNY 1st day
Got up very early cuz was abit tensed.. Went to his house at abt 10plus before we went to his grandma's house to bai nian with his family.. Tink it's my first attempt, was kinda uneasy.. Was watchin the tv, den joined him at the "gamble" table.. been prayin hard tat he wil win, at least wun lose tat much, cuz can see tat he lost quite abit in the first few games..
He received a call from his workplace, askin him back to check on some stuffs as he's on standby tat week.. my uneasiness increased as he will not be ard, and I will be left with his family.. I went to play with e kids awhile before joinin in to gamble a little bit more.. hehe.. den we left to go and visit his mum's siblings..
Can say tat I duno how to react wen I got there initially, lucky that his cousin was talkin to me and we chatted on being a teacher as tat was one of the career paths I did consider back then.. While chattin halfway, apple called tat he had finished his stuffs there and comin to join us.. *phew~ heaved a sigh of relief..
There was a small joke goin abt wen I was at his relatives' houses, cuz I tink the addressing for the younger ones are almost the same, so I was mistaken to be the gf of his cousin.. haha.. We finished the visiting at abt 8+, thou kinda tired, but it was an eventful and fulfilling day for me..
A different feeling..as alot of my first times were experienced here.. liked the family warmth there.. n many many more which i duno how to elaborate here..
CNY 2nd day
Felt so lost.. n started missin him? mayb it's bcuz i've been seein him for the past 3 days ba.. and the event for the day is not very exciting as i will be havin lunch at my aunt's house, so most of my relatives wun be around (I have a small external family).. was dazin there after lunch there, as the elders started their gambling session.. thus i decided to "sneak off" b4 i fell aslp there.. called a few frens to send my regards to them, and i called apple too cuz i felt like doin so.. chatted with him abit, but can hear tat he's abit stoned.. haha..
CNY 3rd day
Bored.. duno wat to do, thou apple did mentioned abt goin out, but i guessed he's tired and also held up with other stuffs, so din reli look forward to it tat much.. went out to walk awhile b4 went home to do some stuffs..
CNY 4th day
Last day of my long holiday.. forgotten wat i did, but i guess i went out to walk walk again.. haha..
End of reporting..
Went to work as usual, but was snaking most of time there blogging..
Went down to BM to help out, but too bad not a big crowd there, so can't help much..
"Rushed" down to apple's house for reunion dinner - my very first reunion dinner outside my house.. Felt a little bit uneasy despite going to his house for duno how many times.. His mom kept askin him to give me food, haha.. The kind of warmth is something that I have been lookin for.. an indescribable feelin..
Went to wash cars with him, thou I was just there to watch and talk.. Din noe wat to talk, so was askin some tings abt us n sharin stories.. Askin him y he chose me instead of other gals, sharin my stories abt us.. n den tink I happened to discover a small secret.. but duno am I correct anot.. He got interested in me for a long time.. long before I was attracted to him (during the time tat I was leanin to him as a pillar when tings between me n 77 dun work out)..
Den he jokingly said tat he "haven hold my hand hor", tml mus hold, tat's where I got abit panicked.. Haha.. cuz thou it might not be the first time I held a guy's hand, but stil scared ma.. hehe..
CNY 1st day
Got up very early cuz was abit tensed.. Went to his house at abt 10plus before we went to his grandma's house to bai nian with his family.. Tink it's my first attempt, was kinda uneasy.. Was watchin the tv, den joined him at the "gamble" table.. been prayin hard tat he wil win, at least wun lose tat much, cuz can see tat he lost quite abit in the first few games..
He received a call from his workplace, askin him back to check on some stuffs as he's on standby tat week.. my uneasiness increased as he will not be ard, and I will be left with his family.. I went to play with e kids awhile before joinin in to gamble a little bit more.. hehe.. den we left to go and visit his mum's siblings..
Can say tat I duno how to react wen I got there initially, lucky that his cousin was talkin to me and we chatted on being a teacher as tat was one of the career paths I did consider back then.. While chattin halfway, apple called tat he had finished his stuffs there and comin to join us.. *phew~ heaved a sigh of relief..
There was a small joke goin abt wen I was at his relatives' houses, cuz I tink the addressing for the younger ones are almost the same, so I was mistaken to be the gf of his cousin.. haha.. We finished the visiting at abt 8+, thou kinda tired, but it was an eventful and fulfilling day for me..
A different feeling..as alot of my first times were experienced here.. liked the family warmth there.. n many many more which i duno how to elaborate here..
CNY 2nd day
Felt so lost.. n started missin him? mayb it's bcuz i've been seein him for the past 3 days ba.. and the event for the day is not very exciting as i will be havin lunch at my aunt's house, so most of my relatives wun be around (I have a small external family).. was dazin there after lunch there, as the elders started their gambling session.. thus i decided to "sneak off" b4 i fell aslp there.. called a few frens to send my regards to them, and i called apple too cuz i felt like doin so.. chatted with him abit, but can hear tat he's abit stoned.. haha..
CNY 3rd day
Bored.. duno wat to do, thou apple did mentioned abt goin out, but i guessed he's tired and also held up with other stuffs, so din reli look forward to it tat much.. went out to walk awhile b4 went home to do some stuffs..
CNY 4th day
Last day of my long holiday.. forgotten wat i did, but i guess i went out to walk walk again.. haha..
End of reporting..
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
我相信
This song was Apple's hp ringing tone before he changed to the cny tone..
想飞上天，和太阳肩并肩
世界等著我去改变
想做的梦从不怕别人看见
在这裡我都能实现
大声欢笑让你我肩併肩
何处不能欢乐无限
拋开烦恼 勇敢的大步向前
我就站在舞台中间
我相信我就是我
我相信明天
我相信青春没有地平线
在日落的海边
在热闹的大街
都是我心中最美的乐园
我相信自由自在
我相信希望
我相信伸手就能碰到天
有你在我身边
让生活更新鲜
每一刻都精采万分
I DO BELIEVE
想飞上天，和太阳肩并肩
世界等著我去改变
拋开烦恼 勇敢的大步向前
我就站在舞台中间
我相信我就是我
我相信明天
我相信青春没有地平线
在日落的海边
在热闹的大街
都是我心中最美的乐园
我相信自由自在
我相信希望
我相信伸手就能碰到天
有你在我身边
让生活更新鲜
每一刻都精采万分
I DO BELIEVE
我相信
I BELIEVE
我相信我就是我
我相信明天
我相信青春没有地平线
在日落的海边
在热闹的大街
都是我心中最美的乐园
我相信自由自在
我相信希望
我相信伸手就能碰到天
有你在我身边
让生活更新鲜
每一刻都精采万分
I DO BELIEVE
I duno is this song is his favorite song, but I was reminded of him everytime I heard this song, n I started to like this song.. Guess it's a portray of my feelings/beliefs now..?
dreams..
today is cny's eve, so can snake abit by doin personal tings.. hehe..
talkin abt dreams..it's the dreams tat we get at nite while we are slpin..
over the past few mths, i have been dreamin of me and apple (of cuz i do have other dreams la..), but those were tings tat we haven do (dun tink elsewhere ar..) and they looked so realistic..
i reli dun feel like wakin up bcuz i noe (sub-consciously) the possibility of them happenin in real life is slim.. (or rather most probably ba..)
the feeling of being wooed.. the feeling of being loved by the other party more.. the feeling of the other party cant live without u.. the feeling of the other party's willingness to do anything for u..
but to tink of it again..i shouldn't be greedy for wantin to "enjoy" the above-mentioned feeling..i oredi gotten a very good-enough gift from heaven, n i should cherish it well..all these tings/feelings jus run in the mind..u give up some tings to take in some tings..isn't it?
so mayb i should continue to dream, cuz dreams are beautiful thou fictitious..
talkin abt dreams..it's the dreams tat we get at nite while we are slpin..
over the past few mths, i have been dreamin of me and apple (of cuz i do have other dreams la..), but those were tings tat we haven do (dun tink elsewhere ar..) and they looked so realistic..
i reli dun feel like wakin up bcuz i noe (sub-consciously) the possibility of them happenin in real life is slim.. (or rather most probably ba..)
the feeling of being wooed.. the feeling of being loved by the other party more.. the feeling of the other party cant live without u.. the feeling of the other party's willingness to do anything for u..
but to tink of it again..i shouldn't be greedy for wantin to "enjoy" the above-mentioned feeling..i oredi gotten a very good-enough gift from heaven, n i should cherish it well..all these tings/feelings jus run in the mind..u give up some tings to take in some tings..isn't it?
so mayb i should continue to dream, cuz dreams are beautiful thou fictitious..
status promotion..?
a series of events happened lately...with regards to me n apple again..
went thru alot of "first time" tings.. *sweat ar~
firstly.. a dinner invite which i felt unusual (tink too much??) cuz normally he wil send me such msg only when there's a special occasion in the family, if not we wil jus go out n den mayb go his house for dinner.. he replied tat there's no special occasion, just a makan session.. the surprise came later wen i overheard tat they wil be goin to visit his grandma at her house.. reli not mentally prepared but stil hv to act calm.. haha.. felt abit out of place at his grandma's house, cuz tat was the first time i went to a guy's grandma's house.. lucky his cousin talked to me (she is a very sweet and nice gal..), askin me some questions abt me n him.. the most interestin part is wen she asked how come she din see me last cny despite we knew each other for almost 3 yrs..? he replied tat my status is different now, got promoted..??
secondly.. askin me to go bai nian together with his family this cny.. at first i tot he wun be askin me along bcuz of our unknown status.. was taken by surprise again cuz it will be my first time going to his relatives' house.. so i asked him to go to my side too.. (at first he agreed, but yest he declined cuz i tink he's not prepared yet..)
thirdly.. his abrupt decision to come to my house suddenly.. was filled with mixed emotions (anguish/surprise/anxiety/nervousness/confused) cuz it happened too sudden.. hmm.. but tat was the first time i brought a guy home, even though it's for a short while.. jus tat he came abit too late as most of my family members were asleep, so abit awkward for me la.. but overall, i guess he gave a quite ok impression ba..
forthly.. askin me to go on cruise with his family for the first time.. was hesitant initially bcuz i never went out with such a big family before (except my company retreat).. but later felt tat i should go, cuz it wil mean something.. n oso tat i never go for a cruise before.. hehe.. i was supposed to be at work for a big proj then, but i seeked permission from my boss to go (for the cruise), n she agreed (n of cuz i happy la).. i told him yest tat i can go, but rite now i tink i have to tell him i cant go, cuz my family have some considerations as both of us r stil not tat close to go for a trip together thou i will goin with his family.. guessed he wil be disappointed (jus like tat time wen i first told him i might not be able to go..)
lastly.. i went out with him on sun, along with two guy frens of his.. i knew his frens some time ago, jus tat we r not very close ba.. we were shoppin for tings n went for dinner after tat.. the start of another shock n surprise again.. he was talkin to his colleague over the phone, n he was talkin abt who were with him, n i heard he sayin tat he's eating with his frens n gf(???), my face was flushed red in an instant, but i tot i heard wrongly as the surrounding was abit noisy, so i jus shrugged it aside.. den we continued shoppin, n he got another call again.. tink he is not familiar with e area, so he said he wil pass the phone to his gf (???) for directions.. this time, i confirmed din hear wrongly.. shock and surprise.. i felt so hot again.. oh damn.. i kept my calmness again until we went on separate ways to home.. i asked him tat wen did i became his gf? he replied tat i dun wan to be his gf ar, den he come to my house for wat..? i said he din ask ma, n tat was the first time a guy addressed me as his gf.. *blushes* den he asked whether i wana be his gf, i din answer directly..
sidetrack abit.. i gotten two calls from my guy frens, askin me for advices/ideas for Vday, so i jus gave them my pt of view as usual (those r the tings tat i gave fr a pt of view of a gal..) den i was tellin him tat my frens called, n he said something tat kinda bothers me till now.. "男孩子应该吊起来卖".. this made me starting to wonder did he 吊起来卖 in our r'ship..? i reli dislike doin this, thus i did not 吊起来卖 wen my fellow frens were tellin me tat a gal should do tat, if not guys wil take u for granted.. but like i say to my frens always wen some tings bother me.. "heck care la.." -- i cant let these words bother me for too long.. but at the same time, if I ever get to know that he did, tink I wil get upset ba, cuz....?
conclusion.. can say tat i hv a proper status now, at least i need not have to live with an unknown status.. but i can only say tat i wil be rather careful in committing my feeling in, cuz i know how hard/bad can it be to withdraw from one (bt i wil hope this is the final one), unless the other party make enough efforts to do tings to give me a confirmed answer tat i can commit.. for now, i only can say tat a different kind of uncertainties lies in front of us.. i hope tat i can fight it by stayin strong to my beliefs.. but who wil be able to help me to stay strong to my beliefs..? ---> apple's actions..
went thru alot of "first time" tings.. *sweat ar~
firstly.. a dinner invite which i felt unusual (tink too much??) cuz normally he wil send me such msg only when there's a special occasion in the family, if not we wil jus go out n den mayb go his house for dinner.. he replied tat there's no special occasion, just a makan session.. the surprise came later wen i overheard tat they wil be goin to visit his grandma at her house.. reli not mentally prepared but stil hv to act calm.. haha.. felt abit out of place at his grandma's house, cuz tat was the first time i went to a guy's grandma's house.. lucky his cousin talked to me (she is a very sweet and nice gal..), askin me some questions abt me n him.. the most interestin part is wen she asked how come she din see me last cny despite we knew each other for almost 3 yrs..? he replied tat my status is different now, got promoted..??
secondly.. askin me to go bai nian together with his family this cny.. at first i tot he wun be askin me along bcuz of our unknown status.. was taken by surprise again cuz it will be my first time going to his relatives' house.. so i asked him to go to my side too.. (at first he agreed, but yest he declined cuz i tink he's not prepared yet..)
thirdly.. his abrupt decision to come to my house suddenly.. was filled with mixed emotions (anguish/surprise/anxiety/nervousness/confused) cuz it happened too sudden.. hmm.. but tat was the first time i brought a guy home, even though it's for a short while.. jus tat he came abit too late as most of my family members were asleep, so abit awkward for me la.. but overall, i guess he gave a quite ok impression ba..
forthly.. askin me to go on cruise with his family for the first time.. was hesitant initially bcuz i never went out with such a big family before (except my company retreat).. but later felt tat i should go, cuz it wil mean something.. n oso tat i never go for a cruise before.. hehe.. i was supposed to be at work for a big proj then, but i seeked permission from my boss to go (for the cruise), n she agreed (n of cuz i happy la).. i told him yest tat i can go, but rite now i tink i have to tell him i cant go, cuz my family have some considerations as both of us r stil not tat close to go for a trip together thou i will goin with his family.. guessed he wil be disappointed (jus like tat time wen i first told him i might not be able to go..)
lastly.. i went out with him on sun, along with two guy frens of his.. i knew his frens some time ago, jus tat we r not very close ba.. we were shoppin for tings n went for dinner after tat.. the start of another shock n surprise again.. he was talkin to his colleague over the phone, n he was talkin abt who were with him, n i heard he sayin tat he's eating with his frens n gf(???), my face was flushed red in an instant, but i tot i heard wrongly as the surrounding was abit noisy, so i jus shrugged it aside.. den we continued shoppin, n he got another call again.. tink he is not familiar with e area, so he said he wil pass the phone to his gf (???) for directions.. this time, i confirmed din hear wrongly.. shock and surprise.. i felt so hot again.. oh damn.. i kept my calmness again until we went on separate ways to home.. i asked him tat wen did i became his gf? he replied tat i dun wan to be his gf ar, den he come to my house for wat..? i said he din ask ma, n tat was the first time a guy addressed me as his gf.. *blushes* den he asked whether i wana be his gf, i din answer directly..
sidetrack abit.. i gotten two calls from my guy frens, askin me for advices/ideas for Vday, so i jus gave them my pt of view as usual (those r the tings tat i gave fr a pt of view of a gal..) den i was tellin him tat my frens called, n he said something tat kinda bothers me till now.. "男孩子应该吊起来卖".. this made me starting to wonder did he 吊起来卖 in our r'ship..? i reli dislike doin this, thus i did not 吊起来卖 wen my fellow frens were tellin me tat a gal should do tat, if not guys wil take u for granted.. but like i say to my frens always wen some tings bother me.. "heck care la.." -- i cant let these words bother me for too long.. but at the same time, if I ever get to know that he did, tink I wil get upset ba, cuz....?
conclusion.. can say tat i hv a proper status now, at least i need not have to live with an unknown status.. but i can only say tat i wil be rather careful in committing my feeling in, cuz i know how hard/bad can it be to withdraw from one (bt i wil hope this is the final one), unless the other party make enough efforts to do tings to give me a confirmed answer tat i can commit.. for now, i only can say tat a different kind of uncertainties lies in front of us.. i hope tat i can fight it by stayin strong to my beliefs.. but who wil be able to help me to stay strong to my beliefs..? ---> apple's actions..
Friday, February 01, 2008
I must stay strong to my beliefs..!!!
got a little vexed last nite....upon hearin some words of advice fr my married colleagues who were very concerned abt me n my potential one (Apple).. can say they were kinda excited upon hearin tat Apple's plan to come to my house tat tues, but when they queried further abt wat happened, they got abit unhappy or kinda pissed off..? they were unhappy tat Apple din come n pick me up even after i told them the reason, n they rebuked back tat it's not a reason, cuz i could jus wait in office for him, y mus i make the trip down..? they jokingly said tat they were very disappointed with me in this aspect as i hv been very efficient at work.. y mus i listen to him n give in to him everytime? they felt tat i was being taken for granted, n said tat his life wun be any different w/o me unless he reli likes me.. tellin me tat there wil stil be guys fallin for me, despite my size.. n many many more.. i got a slight headache upon hearin their words..
after i left the office, the words were stil ringin on my mind, which i decided to give Apple a call.. Everytime i'm troubled over our matter or unhappy, i wil feel like givin him a call, bcuz i felt tat i wil be able to make a clearer decision/feel beta upon hearin his voice.. throughout the call, i din say much or kept quiet some of the time, cuz i jus feel like listenin to his voice n let my mind relax abit.. near the end of our conversation, i got abit serious cuz i was tellin him to tink of his future well, as his current pay is low and he has to work 2 jobs at times, which can be quite taxin on him.. but i felt bad "naggin" at him at the same topic always cuz it doesnt feel good, but for his own good, i reli felt tat he need to take tat step out..
at tis pt of time, i guess i had sorted out my thoughts abt e words my fellow "big sisters" said.. my mind did wavered abit, but wen i reli calm down, i felt tat i'm reli a very stubborn person, i only listen to myself despite wat my frens had been tellin me abt my simple yet complicated r'ship with Apple.. i can only say tat i chose to believe myself, believe him, believe tat he's not tat kind of person who took me for granted bcuz i'm very soft in this aspect.. my frens once asked me this, "y mus u always consider his feelings, be careful with wat u say n dun mind doin tings for him..? have he ever put ur feelings into consideration..?" i will only smile back or tell them this, "bcuz we r both hurt before, but mayb he suffered more harm than me, thus i felt tat i wun wan to do anytin to hurt his feelings.. or mayb it's jus ME, always like to put other ppl's interests ahead of mine.." i wun say tat i totally dun mind wat i had done, or wat he had asked me to do, but i will say tat i dun wan to be so calculative, esp wen it comes to a r'ship..
i must stay strong to my beliefs.. bcuz it's my beliefs tat i believe myself, believe him, n believe tings will go on smoothly.. i cant let my beliefs go weak cuz it wil only cause more harm.. i love myself by loving apple.. but i will take all these comments by my frens as a test to me, cuz everytime i waver, i wil be able to find out how long i took to go back to my beliefs.. this time i took less than a day, which is very gd cuz i normally wil take weeks to tink abt such tings.. this only show one ting.. jus dun care wat others say la.. wat matters is how i feel abt e whole ting.. ya, it can be frustratin to them tat how come we r stil not together despite we went to each other's house - isnt it a step tat only confirmed couples wil do n blah blah blah.. but who cares..? who set the rules tat a guy must woo a gal, den get together, den bring home let parents see n ......? hmm.. to tink of it.. did apple woo me..? got anot ar..? i forgot liao.. aiya, dun care la.. thou most gals stil like the feeling of being wooed....and tat includes me.. haha..
i can be very calculative n picky in other aspects, but wen it comes to bgr, i would rather to be e xiao nu ren, bcuz it wil be beta to let the guys decide the tings.. i wil do watever it takes to maintain e r'ship, unless the other party is reli not worth for my efforts to give in, den i wil have to do something to it.. rite now, jus take a step at a time.. i wil definitely wish tat i can tell my thoughts to apple, but i jus duno y, everytime see him, jus dun have the mood to say it out.. thus i can only blog it..
after i left the office, the words were stil ringin on my mind, which i decided to give Apple a call.. Everytime i'm troubled over our matter or unhappy, i wil feel like givin him a call, bcuz i felt tat i wil be able to make a clearer decision/feel beta upon hearin his voice.. throughout the call, i din say much or kept quiet some of the time, cuz i jus feel like listenin to his voice n let my mind relax abit.. near the end of our conversation, i got abit serious cuz i was tellin him to tink of his future well, as his current pay is low and he has to work 2 jobs at times, which can be quite taxin on him.. but i felt bad "naggin" at him at the same topic always cuz it doesnt feel good, but for his own good, i reli felt tat he need to take tat step out..
at tis pt of time, i guess i had sorted out my thoughts abt e words my fellow "big sisters" said.. my mind did wavered abit, but wen i reli calm down, i felt tat i'm reli a very stubborn person, i only listen to myself despite wat my frens had been tellin me abt my simple yet complicated r'ship with Apple.. i can only say tat i chose to believe myself, believe him, believe tat he's not tat kind of person who took me for granted bcuz i'm very soft in this aspect.. my frens once asked me this, "y mus u always consider his feelings, be careful with wat u say n dun mind doin tings for him..? have he ever put ur feelings into consideration..?" i will only smile back or tell them this, "bcuz we r both hurt before, but mayb he suffered more harm than me, thus i felt tat i wun wan to do anytin to hurt his feelings.. or mayb it's jus ME, always like to put other ppl's interests ahead of mine.." i wun say tat i totally dun mind wat i had done, or wat he had asked me to do, but i will say tat i dun wan to be so calculative, esp wen it comes to a r'ship..
i must stay strong to my beliefs.. bcuz it's my beliefs tat i believe myself, believe him, n believe tings will go on smoothly.. i cant let my beliefs go weak cuz it wil only cause more harm.. i love myself by loving apple.. but i will take all these comments by my frens as a test to me, cuz everytime i waver, i wil be able to find out how long i took to go back to my beliefs.. this time i took less than a day, which is very gd cuz i normally wil take weeks to tink abt such tings.. this only show one ting.. jus dun care wat others say la.. wat matters is how i feel abt e whole ting.. ya, it can be frustratin to them tat how come we r stil not together despite we went to each other's house - isnt it a step tat only confirmed couples wil do n blah blah blah.. but who cares..? who set the rules tat a guy must woo a gal, den get together, den bring home let parents see n ......? hmm.. to tink of it.. did apple woo me..? got anot ar..? i forgot liao.. aiya, dun care la.. thou most gals stil like the feeling of being wooed....and tat includes me.. haha..
i can be very calculative n picky in other aspects, but wen it comes to bgr, i would rather to be e xiao nu ren, bcuz it wil be beta to let the guys decide the tings.. i wil do watever it takes to maintain e r'ship, unless the other party is reli not worth for my efforts to give in, den i wil have to do something to it.. rite now, jus take a step at a time.. i wil definitely wish tat i can tell my thoughts to apple, but i jus duno y, everytime see him, jus dun have the mood to say it out.. thus i can only blog it..
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