I must stay strong to my beliefs..!!!

got a little vexed last nite....upon hearin some words of advice fr my married colleagues who were very concerned abt me n my potential one (Apple).. can say they were kinda excited upon hearin tat Apple's plan to come to my house tat tues, but when they queried further abt wat happened, they got abit unhappy or kinda pissed off..? they were unhappy tat Apple din come n pick me up even after i told them the reason, n they rebuked back tat it's not a reason, cuz i could jus wait in office for him, y mus i make the trip down..? they jokingly said tat they were very disappointed with me in this aspect as i hv been very efficient at work.. y mus i listen to him n give in to him everytime? they felt tat i was being taken for granted, n said tat his life wun be any different w/o me unless he reli likes me.. tellin me tat there wil stil be guys fallin for me, despite my size.. n many many more.. i got a slight headache upon hearin their words..

after i left the office, the words were stil ringin on my mind, which i decided to give Apple a call.. Everytime i'm troubled over our matter or unhappy, i wil feel like givin him a call, bcuz i felt tat i wil be able to make a clearer decision/feel beta upon hearin his voice.. throughout the call, i din say much or kept quiet some of the time, cuz i jus feel like listenin to his voice n let my mind relax abit.. near the end of our conversation, i got abit serious cuz i was tellin him to tink of his future well, as his current pay is low and he has to work 2 jobs at times, which can be quite taxin on him.. but i felt bad "naggin" at him at the same topic always cuz it doesnt feel good, but for his own good, i reli felt tat he need to take tat step out..

at tis pt of time, i guess i had sorted out my thoughts abt e words my fellow "big sisters" said.. my mind did wavered abit, but wen i reli calm down, i felt tat i'm reli a very stubborn person, i only listen to myself despite wat my frens had been tellin me abt my simple yet complicated r'ship with Apple.. i can only say tat i chose to believe myself, believe him, believe tat he's not tat kind of person who took me for granted bcuz i'm very soft in this aspect.. my frens once asked me this, "y mus u always consider his feelings, be careful with wat u say n dun mind doin tings for him..? have he ever put ur feelings into consideration..?" i will only smile back or tell them this, "bcuz we r both hurt before, but mayb he suffered more harm than me, thus i felt tat i wun wan to do anytin to hurt his feelings.. or mayb it's jus ME, always like to put other ppl's interests ahead of mine.." i wun say tat i totally dun mind wat i had done, or wat he had asked me to do, but i will say tat i dun wan to be so calculative, esp wen it comes to a r'ship..

i must stay strong to my beliefs.. bcuz it's my beliefs tat i believe myself, believe him, n believe tings will go on smoothly.. i cant let my beliefs go weak cuz it wil only cause more harm.. i love myself by loving apple.. but i will take all these comments by my frens as a test to me, cuz everytime i waver, i wil be able to find out how long i took to go back to my beliefs.. this time i took less than a day, which is very gd cuz i normally wil take weeks to tink abt such tings.. this only show one ting.. jus dun care wat others say la.. wat matters is how i feel abt e whole ting.. ya, it can be frustratin to them tat how come we r stil not together despite we went to each other's house - isnt it a step tat only confirmed couples wil do n blah blah blah.. but who cares..? who set the rules tat a guy must woo a gal, den get together, den bring home let parents see n ......? hmm.. to tink of it.. did apple woo me..? got anot ar..? i forgot liao.. aiya, dun care la.. thou most gals stil like the feeling of being wooed....and tat includes me.. haha..

i can be very calculative n picky in other aspects, but wen it comes to bgr, i would rather to be e xiao nu ren, bcuz it wil be beta to let the guys decide the tings.. i wil do watever it takes to maintain e r'ship, unless the other party is reli not worth for my efforts to give in, den i wil have to do something to it.. rite now, jus take a step at a time.. i wil definitely wish tat i can tell my thoughts to apple, but i jus duno y, everytime see him, jus dun have the mood to say it out.. thus i can only blog it..