disappointed + sad

my 1st thailand trip is gone.. bcuz of the situation in bangkok currently.. so sad.. nv been to thailand b4, moreover it's with apple's family.. though apple got say go cruise, but duno wen wil it be liao.. and oso the whole experience would be different.. kinda speechless now.. mayb bcuz i'm filled with alot of emotions ba.. haiz..

Thank You Dinner

jus came back from a thank you cum gatherin dinner of apple's fren, cuz he helped out in the weddin 2 weeks ago..

stil abit sinkin in the fantasy cum dreamin mode, mayb bcuz i'm tired too.. i was abt to fall aslp in apple's car when he was drivin me home.. the position of the seat and the aircon jus made me super relunctant to step out of the car.. for tat moment, how i wished the ride could be longer..

back to the topic, this grp of ppl are very sociable and cheerful so i reli felt comfortable mixing with them, even though i duno them well.. interesting and fun grp.. reli need to know more of this kind of ppl.. hehe..

time to go for my sleep and see whether can dream of apple anot.. gd nitez!

sour.sweet.bitter.spicy

these are the tastes that most couples will go thru at different stages of their r'ships or lives..

sour represents the sourness such as jealousy or wen you are faced with a dilemma
sweet represents the sweetness and usually the honeymoon period of a r'ship
bitter represents the bitterness where you dun say/do wat u wan
spicy represents the quarrels and misunderstandings

was on the phone with apple tat day wen he mentioned these 4 tastes, where we are now at the sweet part bcuz we are still honeymoon period of the r'ship.. but he oso mentioned tat we will somehow go thru the rest of the tastes when the times comes, which i dun wish those times to come..

mayb i'm jus being too naive/simple-minded again..? bcuz no r'ship will always be sweet without any quarrels, even if got, it's jus one of the few of the super loving couples.. but i am stubborn and only believed in my own guts feelings at times.. as long as the sweetness is there, i will preserve and cherish the feeling for as long as i can, bcuz i wun know when will the other tastes start to kick in.. for every 1 day of sweetness, it may overrides months of sour/bitter/spicy.. happy oso one day, not happy oso one day, y not happy happy get over one day..? (am i too optimistic again..?)

suddenly reminded of the question tat apple always liked to ask me, "am i bored to be with..?" usually i wil say no or jus smile smile.. frankly speakin, sometimes yes la, esp wen there was a period where we always hang out at either jur pt or his hse.. tat was where i started to hint and suggest some other places ard his places cuz i noe he doesnt like to travel far, bcuz he doesnt like to like to go to places that are very crowded.. but recently i realised tat this qn doesnt apply to me much liao.. mayb i had oredi gotten use and adapted to this momentum gradually liao.. sometimes it doesnt matter tat much to where u go, wat reli matters is who are u being with.. jus like i am gettin so used to follow where apple is, jus like a superglue..

but.. i stil got some of the tings that i wana do or places tat i wana bring my bf to, and that was wat i decided long before i got into a r'ship.. but mostly romantic tings la, such as:
- bringing him for a full body and foot massage (done)
- go sit on singapore flyer (going soon)
- go to the rooftop of vivocity (beautiful xmas tree is there now!!)
- clarke quay at nite (wonderful and romantic scenery)
- goin to orchard to see the xmas lightup
- a nite's out to see the stars and moon
- enjoyin the breeze at esplanade/merlion
and more.. will add on wen i remember..

15 nov 08, saturday

duno wat to put as title, so jus put the date lor.. hehe..

jus came back from a date with apple again, but felt tat i shld blog this while my memory is stil fresh..

but b4 i start, let me jus briefly describe my timeline of adventure:

morning: went to collect the free laptop skin at toa payoh

noon: meet him at simei to pick me up and have lunch with his dad. went to download and copy pictures from his pc. take a short rest at his room.

evening: went to jur pt to walk walk. went back for dinner and abit of stoning. den he sent me home.

now comes the elaboration.. will pick out the part where we were resting.. he has the habit of takin a short nap durin afternoon, so i accompanied to rest too.. i usually dun hv the habit of takin afternoon nap, thus it will be quite difficult for me to fall aslp.. but i was abt to doze off too when the sound in the living room somehow woke me up, so in the end i decided to see him slp.. this was the first time tat i get to see him slp at such a close distance, so the feeling jus feel great again.. jus like seeing him slp like a little boy, esp wen he is sound aslp.. was adjusting my position over and over again, so tat i can see him at the closest distance.. abit boliao rite..? hehe..

here comes the main point.. though he did say "i love you" before, but everytime i jus din get it or he always said it in a mixture of words that made me so confused abt it.. but today i reli heard it straight and directly from his mouth, without any confusion.. it jus happened wen we were in his room, seein his nephews playin the tv game, and he jus whispered into my ears the words.. first reaction of cuz stunned, followed by delightness.. no more "i like you many many liao..", it had crossed to the next level.. hehe.. am i being too simple-minded again..? aiya, who cares.. i happy can liao.. haha..

and finally i have photos of us together in soft copy, will upload the favorites soon.. hehe..

diamonds - women's best friends?

tink drank too much coffee in the mornin, so now still cant get to slp..

went outside to study today, and 顺便 take a look at apple (actually more than an hour la).. hehe.. happy..

was passin by a jewellery shop wen he was sendin me to the mrt station, and he took a glance at some of the items.. at first look, i thought it was diamond, but he said it's not cuz diamonds cant be tat cheap.. this brings me back to sth tat most ppl are sayin.. "diamonds are women's best friend"..

this sentence doesnt work for me.. wat's so great abt diamonds..? it's jus a sparkling stone that cost a bomb.. okok.. it may be one of the hardest and precious stones in the whole wide world, but i am stil not convinced of owning one of it.. jus find it a hindrance to wear such tings on finger.. imagine sth protruding out and ur heart wil ache alot wen u accidentally knock ur finger against some things? if not, some ppl will jus keep the diamond at hm, and admire it when they are free (den wat the use of buyin it wen u cant wear it out..?) and moreover, i wonder does the value of diamond will increase over time? if yes, mayb jus buy to keep it as an investment lor, so tat can sell away wen i am broke.. if not, it is just a normal stone lor.. haiz..

suddenly recalled one of my frens was boasting abt the diamond ring tat her bf bought her yrs ago - how big the diamond was and how much was it.. and measured it against the love from her bf.. (alamak, how can measure love like tat one..?) love shld never be measured with the monetary value, instead of the importance/significance of the other party (like that den is the real value of love ma..) haiz.. nowadays, ppl are getting more and more shallow or materialistic, they only see money.. "i dun wan u if u got no money.." true la, money is one of the impt tings tat give u some form of security, but some ppl dun hv money, oso lived happily ever after ma.. jus try to save more money and be thrifty lor.. at most dun buy expensive tings or replaced them with cheaper items.. life can stil go on ma.. haiz.. reli dun understand the mindset of ppl now.. i talk so much, scarli i'm one of the shallow and materialistic person too.. hehe..

anyway, back to the diamond ting.. if reli wan to say "diamonds are women's best friend", den i oso got a diamond ar.. a very big one, it is non-transferable and not for sale.. an APPLE-diamond.. super duper valuable wor.. and i oso can haolian abt it almost everyday, 24/7.. haha.. best part is, he can talk/make me laugh/let me lean on and hold my hands.. hehe..

mus continue to admire my apple-diamond more often, occasionally polish him until shiny and sparkling (make him handsome and stil handsome), bring him out to have some sun, then he will grow in value more..wahaha..

Nice Video by KOH+ - Kiss Shite~

This music video is from the Japan drama, Galileo.. quite like the song and the lyrics.. so thought of sharing it out.. hehe..

i have a very handsome apple..

i told myself tat i die die muz write this entry, but was too tired to do so yest nite.. so i ended up zZzZzz..

okok.. this entry is to "haolian" how handsome my apple was, at his fren's wedding yest.. hehe..

let me recount the whole incident, bit by bit..

i was kinda excited abt yest's weddin, bcuz firstly it was his fren's wedding where he's the head brother, and also bcuz i was there as his gf too.. that was my 2nd time going for such function with him (the prev time was his company dinner).. i bought a simple top to go with jeans, put on abit of makeup, and got to wear the accessories tat my fren gave me (hope i din look too bad yest, cuz he got say i looked pretty.. hehe.. happy..)

backtrack abit.. i went with him to buy a jacket for the weddin a few days back, and wen he came out of the changin room, i was abit stunned.. he looked very smart in tat outfit, and i was so heng to get him the right sizes to try on.. tat was the first time i saw him so formal lookin.. handsome sia~ (saliva drooling..) totally different from his usual look, which can be very casual or lok cok as he described..

back to yest.. i went to meet him at abt 5pm, bringin a bottle of homemade lemon tea (& was very glad to hear from his frens tat it was nice).. hehe.. he was under the table, tryin to fix the plug into the socket, and wen he stood up, i see him, he see me, we see each other, and i was tellin myself repeatedly - he looked reli handsome in his attire (white shirt, black pants and his leather shoes).. and he got put gel on his hair wor..

to cut short everything, i shall not touch on the details and jus described the highlights of the event.. hehe.. throughout the dinner, i was lookin at him over & over again, my eyes were followin him wherever he goes.. jus cant resist tat temptation to look at him, (i guess the nature of the event and ambience was jus right to bring out his handsome-ness too).. i've been repeatin the same sentence (u r v.handsome today) to him tat i felt abit paiseh, but jus cant stop leh.. esp when he put on the whole set (with tie and jacket), he looked like a successful businessman.. and the jacket oso helped to complement/bring out his build - he got broad shoulders that he reli looked very nice in it (V-shaped)..

during the dinner, whenever our hands are not busy with something such as eatin or clappin hands, we will tend to play with our fingers.. gettin used to such actions ever since we are together.. hehe.. it jus feel comfortable or at ease holdin his hands..

after the dinner, he actually wanted to "tour" ard the area nearby, but we only managed to go to the lobby to take a seat bcuz the carpark was full of cars exiting.. as usual, me was starin at him again, bcuz jus find him too handsome.. oh my gosh, how many times i'm goin to repeat this.. he reli drove me gaga/crazy over him yest, tat i jus cant stop havin the images of him in tat suit even after i got home.. haha..

this is the end of yest endeavor, now i shall touch on some serious stuffs.. thru some of my entries, esp this one, u might think tat apple is a very handsome chap, but actually he is jus a normal average-lookin boy (note to apple: dun get too disappointed with my description k?).. he doesnt belonged to those photogenic type, and some might described him as "too matured-lookin for his age", but "情人眼里出西施" or "Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder", he is reli tat handsome and charming in my eyes and i am very proud of it to repeat tat over and over again..

there are oso some tings tat i was quite surprised tat he actually did it, or rather i'm too suah-gu (mountain turtle).. he actually helped me take my shoes yest.. and on other occasions, he helped me wear a pair of shoes too.. all those tings nv crossed my mind, as to wat a bf shld do.. which makes him quite sweet in this aspect, bcuz it is jus like him - express himself thru actions rather than words..

tat day he mentioned tat his ex was an independent gal, which i did a little tinkin abt it.. does he liked independent gals? bcuz i seemed to be stickin to him like a superglue, followin his footsteps wenever he goes.. din reli asked whether he mind i stick to him so much anot, but reli hoped tat he dun mind.. i was tinkin, if i were to be as independent as my work persona, the likin for him might not be as much as now, cuz i definitely wun be puttin him as one of my priorities, which can be a good or bad ting..

haiz.. beta dun tink too deep abt it, if not i wil end up makin myself to be similar to his ex.. he liked me for wat i am, so i shldnt make myself to look like someone whom once hurt him so deeply.. anyway, i stil prefer to be the "little woman - 小女人", being the silly and dumb self of me in front of him.. to tink of it, maria's life isnt tat bad la, at least she noes tat she is serving the one she loves and in return, her sir oso treats her quite well in caring and protecting her..

"oh my, apple is reli very handsome in tat suit.. how can i not be addicted or attracted to him..?" (repeating XXX times liao)

Apple-ness = dear-ness

was sticking with apple for almost half a day at his house, doing nth much, but today was another memorable day that i felt i should blog it down.. let me think, how shall i start my topic..?

was helpin apple to tidy up his stuffs and tried my luck in sewing his pants for the first time.. hope i din do it too badly.. hehe.. den i continued to stay in his room as we were quite full from wat we had during tea-time.. i was tinkin of seein his photographs when he said tat he will let me see some of the photographs of his ex-girlfriend..

Hmm.. his ex looked abit like malay, almost the same build as him and they looked very compatible in the photos.. From the photos, i could sense the love and the amt of efforts that he had put in.. am i exaggerating? of cuz not.. wat abt being jealous? nah..i'm not tat childish to be jealous of his past.. But i was once envious abt her, bcuz of the love that she had from apple during the few yrs tat they were together (when i was stil gd frens with apple, and heard him sayin little bit of her occasionally)..

actually it's very consoling to me tat he had opened up his heart to talk abt his ex wen i was asking questions abt her jus now.. and also i finally noe the name of his ex (i dare not ask in the past ma..) but there was one ting tat i mentioned was tat he shld not hv any kind of thinkin tat he wan to let his ex noe tat he is living very well w/o her or wan to show off sth to her, for tat kind of action will only tells one ting - either u r childish or u jus cant get over the whole ting and it will only affect those who are jus beside u..

continue on, i was sharing my (or rather our) love story with him, telling him i felt tat we are fated to meet/be together as there were so many coincidences and similarities tat we had.. he gave me alot of surprises from the day we met, sending me hm, askin me to send him msg wen i got hm, havin common likin for food and sharin similar thinkin.. all these bits and pieces jus made me realised tat i had found my perfect match..

I was tellin him abt my short stint with 77 again, someone who have the height and build that I am lookin for (dream guy), but later on realised tat dream guy is not equal to the man of my choice.. Ya, at tat pt of time, being able to be hugged by someone who was taller and stouter than me is a comfort, despite feeling sth was not right.. the feeling was never right from the beginning till the end, yet i told myself tat might be bcuz it was my first r'ship, thus it was natural for me to feel tat way.. thou tat r'ship left me with a phobia for guys, i told myself tat i was lucky tat i din commit further, if not i will reli regret doin sth esp wen i was havin the wrong feeling..

apple's existence reli made my life turned upside down.. i din noe tat he was interested in me, cuz he was full of anguish wen i asked abt his ex at tat pt of time.. and the best part was, i belonged to those silly/blur blur type, dun even noe how to figure out the hidden messages tat he had been sending out (and he was patient enough to make me understand).. ask ppl, ppl tell me this kind of guy is playin with my feelings or takin me for granted (heng ar~ i din listen to their words, or else i wun hv my apple now..)

went thru a few rollercoaster rides within myself for the 9 mths me and apple had been together (bcuz scared of history repeating), but now it had always been a clear blue sky for us.. Found the man of my choice and Mr. Right.. he cleared all the negative tings tat i had from the past exp, and inputted with all the positive tings.. the greatest ting was i lost my phobia for guys totally and he coloured my world with love.. he made me feel so proud/honoured wen he brought me to his gatherings and me bringing him to know my cliques of frens.. the love is not one-sided and his presence had never failed in making me so happy (stil sinkin in loads of happiness + blissfulness).. happy seein/hearin him slp.. happy holdin his hands.. happy being kissed.. happy leaning on his arms.. happy hearin his voice.. happy being felt treasured/protected.. happy being maria or "little woman" for him..

as i had told my peers recently, we are a happy couple now.. and i had given my promise in a form of IOU, to stick to him like a superglue until he get sick of me.. hehe.. it felt reli great to stick to him, and he doesnt mind (i tink so).. but in terms of gettin married, i wil only say let nature takes its course, bcuz it's beta not to start havin expectations as it might strain the r'ship.. wait till he is comfortable with it, den we proceed on to the next stage of life.. dun marry bcuz ppl wans u to marry; marry only wen u r ready to do so..

heard this song in his car today, and found it to be quite relevant..

信乐团 - 因为有你

作词: 信乐团 作曲: Keith Stuart

woh! 我的世界从此停止了寻觅

woh! 我的世界从此多了点担心

我听到海的呼吸 我听到你甜蜜的怀疑

我掉入一个陷阱 我愿意 不想逃离

没有太多的剧情 只相信一瞬间的感应

真心结束了游戏 想问你 愿不愿意

我知道你全部的犹豫

我曾经也认不出自己从未忘记

今生和你的约定

woh! 我的世界从此停止了寻觅
woh! 我的世界从此多了点担心

因为有你 因为有你

(不再犹豫 因为有你)

我用尽所有的力气 再苦也能继续

你的笑给了我勇气 我会永远珍惜