Love is in the Air~

Had a super busy week as the financial year is closing.. imagine workin alone in the office on a sat.. haiz.. but wat to do? this is my job, i shouldnt be grumbling too much.. hehe..

Had a short conversation with Apple jus now.. stil recoverin from the "heatiness" tat he caused me - i blushes very easily wen he said sth interesting.. haha..

Jus a short recap of wat r the tings tat happened over the past few weeks..

1. had a meeting with him, but spent most of the time at his house watchin tv.. haha.. thou it can get a little bored at his house, cuz got nth much to do, but i told myself i cant "hiam", cuz at the very least, he was with me.. hehe.. my frens felt tat my dates sounded so boring, cuz i always hang ard his area, but i find them quite interesting, bcuz i enjoyed listenin to his unusual "craps" or explanations.. haha.. sometimes i felt contented/happy enough that he brought me ard the neighbourhood areas to walk walk, cuz those were the areas tat i had always miss.. "as long as you are with the rite person, anywhere you go wil be the best place, even if tat place is the most terrible place" ~ sAn's philosophy..

2. he sent me hm after tat, n we were chattin at my lift lobby.. n wen he was givin me a gdbye kiss, sth bad struck my mind, rather some bad memories came back.. mayb bcuz it's the way he kissed me tat my fear came back.. i couldnt slp well tat nite, cuz i started to tink wat might happen.. but after much tinkin, i felt tat i shld walk out of tat fear, bcuz the guy is not 77, but apple - the one who helped me walked out of my fear, n he is not someone like 77.. i felt so bad towards apple, bcuz i let the past bothers me.. but upon seeing wat apple wrote "dun tink too much of the past, wat matters is the future.." i was touched.. this made me realised tat i had found a great guy..

3. the day b4 he went for his cruise, i went down to his workin place again.. first intention was jus to put the tings down n left/take a peek of him fr far, cuz i dun wan him to send me to bus stop as i felt kinda bad to disturb his work always.. but the moment i saw him fr afar while talkin to him, i couldnt control wat my mind was tinkin.. i wanted to take a longer peek, but i gave myself away again.. he walked me to the bus stop bcuz i was reli tired, and it was a slow walk cuz i dun wan to reach the junction so fast.. *contented* hehe..

4. while he's on the ship, he gave me a call.. surprise..! hehe.. we talked for awhile, den he suddenly asked me whether i got missed him.. *stunned* where got guy so direct de..? haha.. as usual, heatiness came.. haha.. i din reli reply his qn, n continued talkin.. den b4 he said he wan to hang up, i told him tat i got one more ting to tell him.. n tat is ~ "i got missed u la".. in the end, he din hang up the phone n continued to talk til i got home.. n b4 he hung up finally, he said he oso wil miss me.. hehe.. *so sweet*

5. had a few dreams for 2 days - abt us again.. haha.. it was a dream tat was abt a ting tat i was tinkin how to do in real life, cuz i reli got no idea how.. but in the dream, the whole ting appeared to be so easy n realistic.. is it a premonition that this wil happen? cuz the last time i dreamt abt holdin his hands, n i could feel the texture very clearly.. n back in real life, the feel is the same..

conclusion: till now, i am stil happily attached and i hope this wil continue for a very very very long time.. n wat my fren said the last time came true: 下一个会更好.. he may not be the best, but he is the rite one for me..

爱*转角

The chorus of this song is the ringtone for apple whenever he calls.. Find the lyrics quite interesting..

我伪装着 不露痕迹的 想在你身边

静静的陪着看着天边 骑着单车 往前行进着

某个路口 爱在等着 你往前走 不回头看了

记忆的笑脸 缓缓的敲着我的琴键 我不舍得

让你孤单单的 我爱你的 心牵挂着

心不再拼命躲 不去害怕结果 假设有个以后

你会怎么说 一直想跟你说 幸福不再溜走

下个路口 你会看见爱 有美丽笑容

爱转角遇见了谁 是否有爱情的美

爱转角以后的街 能不能有我来陪

爱转角遇见了谁 是否不让你流泪

也许陌生到了解 让我来当你的谁

我不让爱掉眼泪 不让你掉眼泪

现在永远 你就是我 就是我的美

心不再拼命躲 不去害怕结果 假设有个以后

你会怎么说 一直想跟你说 幸福不再溜走

下个路口 你会看见爱 有美丽笑容

爱转角遇见了谁 是否有爱情的美

爱转角以后的街 能不能有我来陪

爱转角遇见了谁 是否不让你流泪

也许陌生到了解 让我来当你的谁

我不让爱掉眼泪 不让你掉眼泪

现在永远 你就是我 就是我的美

爱转角遇见了谁 是否有爱情的美

爱转角以后的街 能不能有我来陪

爱转角遇见了谁 是否不让你流泪

也许陌生到了解 让我来当你的谁

我不让爱掉眼泪 不让你掉眼泪

现在永远 你就是我 就是我的美

Reli a nice and sweet song~ Hehe..

《幸福病》 - web version

一种很严重，但不会导致死亡的病。。。
一种无药可救，但却能治愈的病。。。
一种发病时，让患者不知所措的病。。。

~ 那就是《幸福病》

不幸中的大幸，我就是得这种病的人。
至于我是不是唯一一个得这种病的人，那就得见仁见智了。
不过得了这种病的人会不希望能够完全痊愈，因为他会希望就这样的幸福下去。

也许是我想得太多，才会想出这种词汇。
也许是我从来没有真正地得到过幸福，所以才会有这样的反应。
也许是我接触的人与事还不够多，所以才会乱了阵脚。

自从那天写了一大堆东西给他后，我才发现我会这样做的原因有几个：
- 我产生了不安全感，因为一切来得太突然，而我一时无法招架得住。
- 现在的情况太“晴朗”了，才会害怕有一天会失去一切，或者这只是我所作的一场梦。。？

（所以现在我尽量想尽办法安抚自己的心，告诉自己这是正常的。）

对有些人而言，他所做的一切只不过是很平常的事，但对我而言，他所做的任何小细节，都像是天底下最好的事，因为我遇见了他。

认识他，差不多也有三年了吧~
从一个当初我只把他当作是大哥哥来倾诉的男生，到现在成为我的男朋友，这间中的过程说来还真得有点让人难以相信（曲折离奇？），因为他让我一直徘徊着予喜欢与不喜欢的挣扎中。

第一次对他有好感时，可以说是我还有点不懂事，可是当时的我是拼命地告诉自己我只能把他当大哥哥而已，不可以有任何非分之想，毕竟他大我4岁，所以他应该是只当我是他的小妹罢了。（想了一大堆理由来努力说服自己。 ）

第二次对他有好感而喜欢他时，刚好是在我最脆弱和彷徨无助的时候，我几乎对我身边的男生都产生了恐惧感，他也不例外，但就是不知为何，我却把他当成是最好的依靠。。但随着时间一天天的流逝，我对他的好感越变越深，我又在告诉自己，我不能把他当成替代品，因为这对他很不公平。。虽然又想过他也许也对我有好感，可是在一次的试探后，他的答案让我觉得好像是我错了，所以我想应该只是我的一厢情愿罢了。。幸好当时的工作量增加了，可以让我暂时把自己麻木于工作，同时我也跟他保持了一定的距离，因为不希望越陷越深。。后来听到朋友的建议，说去英国可以给我有发展的机会，想了一想，既然我并没有想要去谈一场恋爱和有点厌倦了自己的生活，也许出去看一看世界也是不错的。。

第三次喜欢他时，是因为我发现了他一路以来好像对我也是有好感的，我才决定开始敞开胸怀，放下之前的顾虑，慢慢地观察这个男生的行动。 虽然间中的那种不明关系持续的一段时间，但也让我的思想成熟了好多，因为我发现我对我身边朋友所说的话都不受影响。我是很固执的，因为我只相信我自己的判断和感觉。还有，我要看看是否这个男生是真的值得我为他而留下来。。

结论是：到现在为止是值得的。

他也许不是最好的，但没有人是完美的，我们也一样。
就是他的那种无法以言语或字句可以形容的吸引力，感动了我，也让我深深地喜欢上他。
可是就是越在乎他，越是害怕失去他。

为了要安抚我的心，我也必须安抚他的心，就因为我害怕失去。
虽然我不是很了解以前的他和他的前任女朋友的恋情，但根据我所知道的，以前的那个女生喜欢上了另一个男生，而向他提出了分手。
他们好像在一起很久，最后还是分手了，所以多多少少我会有一点心理压力，因为我不知道我们可以这样的继续走下去吗，虽然那是我最大的愿望。
有很多事情，我也许是带着“三分钟热度”的态度，但对于感情这件事，这可不是儿戏，哪可以说不喜欢就不喜欢？好在我有点笨笨傻傻的，不喜欢太复杂的东西，所以在这方面，我可以大声地说我是很专一的。（傻人有傻福？）开玩笑的啦，我只不过是想要寻找我那简单的幸福，而庆幸的是，我找到了一个跟我有着相同思想的男生。

话说回来，对感情的事来说，我还真的是一个新手，因为我还没真正地谈过一场恋爱，而之前的遭遇又不是很好，所以我变得非常地谨慎与小心，尽量不要谈到敏感的话题。
感情这种事，也许说变就可能会变，但只要双方都尽了力，和回头想一想，是否这些日子为对方所付出的一切值得吗 - 答案如果是“值得的”，就不应该有任何一丝的埋怨和后悔。
也许现在的我们还在“甜蜜期”，所以我所写的一切也许有点肉麻，但这都是我的肺腑之言。

24岁了，才让我真正的尝试到在乎与被在乎的感觉，是否会有点太迟了吗？
不会呀，因为我变成熟了，渐渐学会和懂得处理这种事，还有在他的身上体会到不同阶段的喜欢，看来现在的我，还真的是爱上了他了。

我一定要幸福，因为我得了属于我的《幸福病》。。。

《幸福病》 - diary version

this is the diary version of the above title, wil be posting the web version (which is a longer one) later.. on the general, both contents are the same, jus tat this one is i wrote it in my personal diary, and the other one is i wrote it while i'm in office (thus more detailed)..

我得了一种很严重的病，叫做《幸福病》。

一个我从未得过的病，或许曾经有过，但是很轻微的。。

它的症状包括了坐立不安，胡思乱想，和许多。。

他的启发源自于一位男生~慧杰，那就是在下的男朋友。。

因为这个病，我变得好像多了更多种的病，例如：“相思病”，“恋爱快乐病”和“心满意足病”。。

也许我从未有过这种感觉，因为我没有真正体会到被爱的滋味，被在乎的感觉和不相信自己。。

就是因为找到了他，就变得没有没有安全感，因为害怕有一天，这一切都会变成一场梦罢了。。

也许他所作的一切，只不过是一些很平常的事，可是对我而言，它们却是上天所赐给我的快乐与幸福。。

从这一刻起，我一定要学会克服这个病，不然那只会对大家造成一种无形的压力。。

就是因为他喜欢我，我才会这么的喜欢他而不想去计较些什么。。

就让我们这么地幸福下去吧！

Insecurity..?

duno wat came over me, i sms apple lots of serious stuffs.. mayb been hearin too much of "rubbish" recently.. but to tink of it clearly now, i guessed this is due to the insecurity that I have in myself.. mayb i tink too deep in some tings and being too pessimistic in such tings.. i only can say tat i'm afraid to lose the good tings, and tend to tink of the bad side.. like wat if all these are jus dreams and fantasies to me..?

can say tat i am stil in the mood of happy-ness til now, but being a pessimist, wen a person climbs higher, the harder the person wil fall wen he loses his grip (the higher the hopes are, the greater the disappointment wil be).. and this sentence did somehow came true in my life before, thus i've learnt to change my perspective now.. wen me and apple were stil an unknown pair, there were times tat he mentioned to meet, but in the end he had forgotten, and i was kinda unhappy abt it bcuz i waited the whole day long for his msg.. this made me felt very confused abt his feelings towards me (tat was b4 i asked him "you like me ar..?), so i was scared too.. okok, i admitted tat i did get angry the third time, but tat was where i finally understand tat i pinned too high hopes on tings..

the next day after i got up, i realised tat i shouldnt get angry over so minor tings.. bcuz i was oso at fault for not re-confirming the meetings the day before and assumed that he would remember all the meetings.. all ppl have different priorities, i cant be askin him to put me as his first priority when i was not even his gf back then..? tat was where i started to take this kind of things lighter, whereby i told myself tat mayb i shouldnt hv expectations for tings, den i wun hv disappointments.. hehe.. thus i am treatin every meetin as first date, cuz like tat wun expect too high ma..

but in last nite's msg, i did told him tat he got put me aeroplane b4, but i jus let it off liao, cuz i noe no pt grudgin over it.. but stil hope there wun be anymore aeroplane again.. haha..

after a thorough tinkin last nite, i guess my insecurity wil be gone soon, cuz i had sorted my thoughts out liao.. tat is - where is there to scare of? what will happen, will happen; what wun happen, no pt tinkin so much.. wat i should worry now is not insecurity, but is on how to be a good gf, cuz i duno am i being one now.. hehe.. but it reli feels great to hv someone to "bully", as in u can share ur everything with him.. tat's the gd part of being in a r'ship..

I believe the road down for us will be a long one, as long as we r truthful and open to one another, and to complement on each other strengths and weaknesses.. hope he wun mind me being too sticky too him.. haha..

March 1st..

a remarkable day.. bcuz i told myself tat i must pluck up my courage to hold his hands n give him a kiss (not a peck ar).. *lame~* haha..

we arranged to meet at suntec to go to the careerfair together.. durin our walk there, we happened to meet aloy.. (this is the first time he met any of my frens..) but the careerfair was a total disappointment, as there wasn't much for us to walk abt.. sianz~

den we proceed to hv our lunch at marina sq.. and his 3 female frens came to join us.. and they were askin this n that, n our story la.. haha.. this time let him say, i jus kept quiet.. haha.. his frens are very friendly, so at least not so awkward.. i shy ma.. hehe..

his frens said tat they wana go to funan centre, so we took the same underpath (citilink) together.. after we reached the mrt station, his frens mentioned sth interesting, 'is it bcuz of our presence, tat's y u two din hold hands?' den i was tinkin, 'not we dun wan to hold hands, it's bcuz we haven hold yet..' haha.. den one of his frens dragged me to one side, and asked me abt my hair, while the other 2 frens were talkin to him.. i wondered what did they say..? haha..

if only his frens din say tat, den i might feel beta.. bcuz like i mentioned earlier, i always have the temptations to hold his hands, but duno y, i jus cant bring myself to do it.. after hearin wat his frens said, the whole feelin got worse, cuz i was practically aiming his hands while we were at jur pt and on the way back to his house..

sidetrack abit.. i was in the room to look after his nephews who were playin games wen the younger one started to lean his head on me (he was not feelin well too), den i felt very 'sweet' cuz mayb i love kids ba.. haha.. and one more ting, i tink i'm reli scared of his temper, cuz he got angry at his nephews as they were abit naughty and mischievous.. hmm.. tink i must try to tame him down.. not gd in long term..

back to the dining table, he said sth tat got me tinkin (i am a typical tink too much gal).. he asked me to buy a few more of the monkeys tat i gave him for vday, den i told him to use the one i gave him, he said he cant bear to use thou the cover was dented, n was sayin nth is perfect, includin him.. i agreed with his pt n said tat neither am i perfect, but in my heart i started to ponder over his words..

he was showin me some photos of his trip to hk the other time, before we made a move.. in his car, he started to mention abt wat his frens said in the afternoon tat how come we din hold hands, n he asked for my hand.. i was so tensed up and nervous wen he held my hand.. haha.. and cant reli concentrate well while he's driving and talkin.. but we talked abt some tings tat i guessed we din reli raised up before we got together, and i guess it was beta to raise it up now.. jus like the part tat i told him i once thought tat we wun land up together, tat was sth tat i knew tat i wun say if we haven got together..

can say it's due to insecurity at tat pt of time, cuz i had doubts abt us, n due to the uncertainties then, i can only rely on my instincts and beliefs to do tings.. and oso bcuz of the bad experience tat i once had.. but i'm relieved to say tat i had survived tat stage, if not i wun be his gf.. like i say always.. i'm grateful to wat i am now, and i am cherishing every moment, if not i wun be bloggin every bit of my beautiful memories..

back to the pt.. i told him to wait for me awhile as i need to pass him sth, so he accompanied me to walk me up to my lift lobby, den he held my hand again while we walked towards the lift.. as usual, i shy n blushed again.. after gettin his tings, i walked back with him to the car, cuz there's sth i haven give him, thus it's beta to do it there.. *hiak hiak* i was plannin to play a small prank on him first, but in the end, nth was done, cuz he took the initiative again n kissed me.. *stunned again.. cuz while i was walkin back to the lift, i kept on askin myself repeatedly, "did i do tat..?" haha.. hmm.. i felt as if that was my first time.. but indeed can say tat ma, cuz like wat he said, the previous time was probably my one-sided love only..

afterwords.. some tings are jus unexplainable, jus like the ones tat i'm goin to describe.. wen i was touchin his palm in the afternoon and holdin his hand, the feelin was almost exactly the same as how i felt in my dreams - the same texture, the same touch (a strange ting indeed) and the second ting was wen he held my hand and kissed me, i had a very strong feeling within me tat was tellin me tat "He is the One".. bcuz like wat i told aloy before, wen i was with the previous one, the feelin jus felt very weird wen he kissed me or held my hands, yet i cant explain y and tot it was normal cuz first time ma.. but aloy said tat probably it was bcuz he was not the one for me, thus i felt it was not rite.. but now i finally understood wat aloy meant.. bcuz only wen the "chosen one" came, den the feeling wil become rite.. haha.. and the last ting was, i always got so nervous durin some of the times tat i'm with him, esp i got temptations to do sth, the feelin jus got worse.. mayb bcuz i reli liked him ba.. den he always caught me by surprise with his "stunts? hehe..

anyway, it seems like i'm startin to see the rainbow after the rain finally.. let's jiayou together..!

(by the way, i had changed the title of my blog, so u shld noe the name of apple now..)

Dreaming..

Been havin lots of dreams lately, n made me quite tired, cuz a dreamy slp means a tired slp.. but the gd ting abt the dreams were that most of them are related to apple, which i felt tat i must have missed him too much to have so many dreams, i got even 3 consecutive dreams of him one nite.. haha..

in the dreams, we were oredi together and we were havin alot of fun.. here comes the weird part.. all the dreams were so realistic tat i can even feel the texture of his hands, bcuz i managed to hold his hands in one of the dreams.. hehe.. i must reli test the texture one day (tested)..

Hope to have more dreams in future.. hehe..