yest apple asked me y am i unhappy lately? i tink probably i am gettin sick and tired over sth..
i reli hope we could have more "we-time" instead of "everyone-else time", but it is not working..
everything we planned jus dun come out as the end results.. this is not expectations, jus sudden disruptions.
makin me losing faith in the words he said - becoming "听听就好".
we communicated, he said noted, but i felt he stil dun get it. i could feel he felt tat i am getting more complicated wen i told him what i observed. tensions in the relationships.
i always asked him if there's anything to feedback - he said no, bcuz it's enough as long as i am by his side. yes, i am happy to be by him too, but there are always too many external factors affecting us, or rather me. there are so many tings i need to factor in wen we are doing tings, bcuz i noe tings wil not turn out the way we wan.
and sometimes wen tings are related to his close ones, it makes me even harder to “做人”. who am i to comment on this? i dun wan to hurt him, neither i wan to put him in a spot and lead him to frustrations.
my morale is fallin - i am a lousy gf/poor communicator/gal with lots of requests and etc.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Thursday, November 05, 2009
life-work imbalance
suffering from a serious problem of life-work imbalance.
Yes, i like new challenges and this new job is a good training ground for me, but i tink it is affecting my life quite badly. fell sick the 2nd week in the job, burning weekends and forsaking sleep to rush proposals which i never tried b4 (and amended it over and over again). putting my studies at stake where i got no time to touch on my notes at all (exams coming).. instead of goin to apple house for dinner, he has to dabao dinner from his home for me whenever i told him "sorry, dun tink i can finish my work by 8pm".
and recently, another medical problem came to me - 淋巴腺肿胀, doc say viral infection but some say its serious and mayb due to insufficient rest. nv had this prob in my life, at most 扁桃腺发炎 and lead to fever. i try to manage work cuz i cant afford to lose this job or my superior tellin me "mayb u r not suitable for this job". need the money for so many tings in my current life, if not probably i would not hv come out to work again amidst my "complicated" lifestyle.
reason y i stil got time to write this blog and play some facebook is i am reli too exhausted from writing the same proposal - for the 7th or more times. and i stil got so many other proposals and projects to concentrate on.
sometimes can see apple wan to help, oso duno how to help, and could only say "work is like that", or offered me to stay at his house on weekends wen he knew i hv to go back office to rush stuffs and it would be a hassle to travel here and there.
am i reli tat lousy? mayb i am. cuz i cant even handle my life well. sad arh.
Yes, i like new challenges and this new job is a good training ground for me, but i tink it is affecting my life quite badly. fell sick the 2nd week in the job, burning weekends and forsaking sleep to rush proposals which i never tried b4 (and amended it over and over again). putting my studies at stake where i got no time to touch on my notes at all (exams coming).. instead of goin to apple house for dinner, he has to dabao dinner from his home for me whenever i told him "sorry, dun tink i can finish my work by 8pm".
and recently, another medical problem came to me - 淋巴腺肿胀, doc say viral infection but some say its serious and mayb due to insufficient rest. nv had this prob in my life, at most 扁桃腺发炎 and lead to fever. i try to manage work cuz i cant afford to lose this job or my superior tellin me "mayb u r not suitable for this job". need the money for so many tings in my current life, if not probably i would not hv come out to work again amidst my "complicated" lifestyle.
reason y i stil got time to write this blog and play some facebook is i am reli too exhausted from writing the same proposal - for the 7th or more times. and i stil got so many other proposals and projects to concentrate on.
sometimes can see apple wan to help, oso duno how to help, and could only say "work is like that", or offered me to stay at his house on weekends wen he knew i hv to go back office to rush stuffs and it would be a hassle to travel here and there.
am i reli tat lousy? mayb i am. cuz i cant even handle my life well. sad arh.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Apple's Accident
started worryin wen i received a call from apple last nite. he told me his car scratched a police car accidentally.
i went to look for him last evening to clear some admin stuffs and it was quite late wen he sent me home. both of us were dead tired for me spending the whole day facing the pc and him clearing piles of work on/off site. normally i would receive his msg abt 40 mins after i got hm, but it was past the duration and i decided to drop him a msg. he called me and told me it's a small matter, jus some scratches but my instinct/my 多疑 character told me sth is wrong. he doesnt sound right in the call. i knew i couldnt go to slp jus like tat and esp wen he haven reach hm.
i was tryin to relax myself, but if u noe my pattern, how to relax? no details was given by him, i duno where is he or wat is he doin. at tat pt of time, a lot of thoughts passed thru my mind:
- if only i took a cab hm, den this wouldnt happen
- if i din insist on being perfect on writing tat article, i wun drag tat late
- how is he doin? how serious was the matter?
- wil the thing affect his application?
- police car leh? wil he be fined and given demerit pts?
- his beloved 'wife' is damaged and how is he feeling? shocked from the hit?
and many more.. i dislike myself for being like this, but tat's my 紧张大师 character. always like to tink of the worst.
at tat pt of time, i reli wished i was there with him. but i cant. i could only pray hard at hm that everything's ok, and sent him msgs to "cheer" him up, give him some moral support. the msgs i got later in the nite was "no injury involved", "ok u rest earli k", and "ok gal". and it was pourin heavily suddenly at 2am.. and he isnt hm yet.. finally at 2.38am, he got hm but i stil couldnt slp due to over-anxiety.
this mornin, i dropped him a msg to find out how is he.. seems like 小红受伤了, meaning no small deal.. he was on his way to make a police report, get the tow truck to garage and service the car and make another report on the accident.
the feeling of helplessness was too overwhelming.. together with the worry-ness abt him.. thk god he was unhurt, safe and sound. but 小红就惨了.
a lesson learnt - dun be too 固执 and insist on perfection for my works. and to drive safely.
老天爷，请保佑苹果和小红都无大碍 - apple to be freed from serious penalty and the car not to disfigure too much. 保佑，保佑。
i went to look for him last evening to clear some admin stuffs and it was quite late wen he sent me home. both of us were dead tired for me spending the whole day facing the pc and him clearing piles of work on/off site. normally i would receive his msg abt 40 mins after i got hm, but it was past the duration and i decided to drop him a msg. he called me and told me it's a small matter, jus some scratches but my instinct/my 多疑 character told me sth is wrong. he doesnt sound right in the call. i knew i couldnt go to slp jus like tat and esp wen he haven reach hm.
i was tryin to relax myself, but if u noe my pattern, how to relax? no details was given by him, i duno where is he or wat is he doin. at tat pt of time, a lot of thoughts passed thru my mind:
- if only i took a cab hm, den this wouldnt happen
- if i din insist on being perfect on writing tat article, i wun drag tat late
- how is he doin? how serious was the matter?
- wil the thing affect his application?
- police car leh? wil he be fined and given demerit pts?
- his beloved 'wife' is damaged and how is he feeling? shocked from the hit?
and many more.. i dislike myself for being like this, but tat's my 紧张大师 character. always like to tink of the worst.
at tat pt of time, i reli wished i was there with him. but i cant. i could only pray hard at hm that everything's ok, and sent him msgs to "cheer" him up, give him some moral support. the msgs i got later in the nite was "no injury involved", "ok u rest earli k", and "ok gal". and it was pourin heavily suddenly at 2am.. and he isnt hm yet.. finally at 2.38am, he got hm but i stil couldnt slp due to over-anxiety.
this mornin, i dropped him a msg to find out how is he.. seems like 小红受伤了, meaning no small deal.. he was on his way to make a police report, get the tow truck to garage and service the car and make another report on the accident.
the feeling of helplessness was too overwhelming.. together with the worry-ness abt him.. thk god he was unhurt, safe and sound. but 小红就惨了.
a lesson learnt - dun be too 固执 and insist on perfection for my works. and to drive safely.
老天爷，请保佑苹果和小红都无大碍 - apple to be freed from serious penalty and the car not to disfigure too much. 保佑，保佑。
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Poor memory
oh no, i tink i am startin to suffer from poor memory.. sighz..
had a short chat with mr. bear yest mornin, and he was askin me whether i got any surprise for my bday.. i tink tink and tink, stil cant remember wat did i do with apple the sat after my bday.. and also the prior/subsequent meetings.. guess partly bcuz i too lazy to jote down here too.. haha..
and this morning, i suddenly remember wat i did tat day and decide to jote it down in case i forget.. haha..
we supposed to meet at city hall mrt station, but i was late, so i asked him to wait for me at the bus stop at suntec convention centre. i could see how pek chey his face was while sittin at the steps (not bcuz of me, it's the sun and dust).. felt so bad to make him sit there and wasted additional 45 mins of date..
decided to go and watch UP cuz i heard it's very inspiring, so walked to GV at MS, but sad to say, the movie was not shown there.. was prayin hard that the movie has not terminated cuz it was first shown in late july.. we walked back to suntec EW and lucky, we got the tix! hehe..
i bought a bowl of "supreme" soup for him, cuz 难得 my bday, mus treat myself abit.. i dug out the goodies that I have kept since CNY, and cooked a "near-to-real" shark's fins soup for myself.. good tings are meant to share, so knowin my pattern, i sure wil reserve one portion for him.. haha.. can see how hungry he was wen he ate the ting, he didnt eat his lunch wen he came to meet me..
i reli loved crying.. i was crying nonstop throughout the movie.. thou inspiring, but very sad.. it's true that death is an inevitable ting, but stil very sad lor, esp the main characters are so loving despite having no children. and even thou i cried nonstop, i can stil laugh at apple wen i saw him cryin too.. 性情中人.. 会哭的男人，才是应该珍惜的.. my philosophy again..
after the movie, we slowly walked back to MS and had our dinner at hongkong cafe.. oh ya, he gave me a bday card with a "love" bookmark from precious thots.. with his "once-a-yr" 真情告白 written on it.. can sense his love for me is much more than last yr.. during the dinner, he got asked if the "celebration" was too plain, and did i blame him for not being with me on my actual day.. i told him no, and i was booked on the actual day too.. if i am happy with him, everyday is my bday.. no need fancy tings or arrangement for me..
at first i suggested goin back to take his car and roam ard the city, but i can see he's tired (actually i m tired too).. so we decided to head home.. and b4 we settle for the bill, his phone rang.. he needs to rush back to work, sth spoilt.. he asked whether i wan to go home, i asked if i can follow him.. he allowed me to.. yippee.. thou i noe i will be locked out at the carpark for hours.. haha.. we took the train back to his hm to take his car, and went all the way to changi again.. i spent my time readin magazines and enjoyin the breeze at the carpark, cuz there's security guard there, so i cant do anytin funny.. haha..
waited and waited and he was finally out.. and we were on the road again.. home sweet home..
had a short chat with mr. bear yest mornin, and he was askin me whether i got any surprise for my bday.. i tink tink and tink, stil cant remember wat did i do with apple the sat after my bday.. and also the prior/subsequent meetings.. guess partly bcuz i too lazy to jote down here too.. haha..
and this morning, i suddenly remember wat i did tat day and decide to jote it down in case i forget.. haha..
we supposed to meet at city hall mrt station, but i was late, so i asked him to wait for me at the bus stop at suntec convention centre. i could see how pek chey his face was while sittin at the steps (not bcuz of me, it's the sun and dust).. felt so bad to make him sit there and wasted additional 45 mins of date..
decided to go and watch UP cuz i heard it's very inspiring, so walked to GV at MS, but sad to say, the movie was not shown there.. was prayin hard that the movie has not terminated cuz it was first shown in late july.. we walked back to suntec EW and lucky, we got the tix! hehe..
i bought a bowl of "supreme" soup for him, cuz 难得 my bday, mus treat myself abit.. i dug out the goodies that I have kept since CNY, and cooked a "near-to-real" shark's fins soup for myself.. good tings are meant to share, so knowin my pattern, i sure wil reserve one portion for him.. haha.. can see how hungry he was wen he ate the ting, he didnt eat his lunch wen he came to meet me..
i reli loved crying.. i was crying nonstop throughout the movie.. thou inspiring, but very sad.. it's true that death is an inevitable ting, but stil very sad lor, esp the main characters are so loving despite having no children. and even thou i cried nonstop, i can stil laugh at apple wen i saw him cryin too.. 性情中人.. 会哭的男人，才是应该珍惜的.. my philosophy again..
after the movie, we slowly walked back to MS and had our dinner at hongkong cafe.. oh ya, he gave me a bday card with a "love" bookmark from precious thots.. with his "once-a-yr" 真情告白 written on it.. can sense his love for me is much more than last yr.. during the dinner, he got asked if the "celebration" was too plain, and did i blame him for not being with me on my actual day.. i told him no, and i was booked on the actual day too.. if i am happy with him, everyday is my bday.. no need fancy tings or arrangement for me..
at first i suggested goin back to take his car and roam ard the city, but i can see he's tired (actually i m tired too).. so we decided to head home.. and b4 we settle for the bill, his phone rang.. he needs to rush back to work, sth spoilt.. he asked whether i wan to go home, i asked if i can follow him.. he allowed me to.. yippee.. thou i noe i will be locked out at the carpark for hours.. haha.. we took the train back to his hm to take his car, and went all the way to changi again.. i spent my time readin magazines and enjoyin the breeze at the carpark, cuz there's security guard there, so i cant do anytin funny.. haha..
waited and waited and he was finally out.. and we were on the road again.. home sweet home..
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
农历生日
cant remember wen was the last time i celebrated my bday, probably many yrs ago cuz i dun hv the habit of celebrating it. and in recent yrs, i dun even celebrate it cuz i heard it's not gd to celebrate it in the seventh month (everytime i'm so unlucky, it falls on a seventh month on the day of my bday). in the end, i could only "celebrate" it on my lunar bday (which happen to be after the 7th month) by havin a bowl of mee sua..
this lunar bday i spent it with apple with a new experience. prawn fishing. went to farmart at cck area with his fren and wife. nice place, and felt like going back to the olden days. but din catch much of the prawns (miserably uh-hum), so decided not to go for such activity in future. rather use the money on other tings than the few prawns, thou it's the experience tat is included in the price package.
tink my previous post created a little misunderstanding.. but can say tat fren of mine always "kicked a SMALL fuss" over apple's presence. nvm..
life's stil great with apple, happy and blissful.. and may it continues.. =)
this lunar bday i spent it with apple with a new experience. prawn fishing. went to farmart at cck area with his fren and wife. nice place, and felt like going back to the olden days. but din catch much of the prawns (miserably uh-hum), so decided not to go for such activity in future. rather use the money on other tings than the few prawns, thou it's the experience tat is included in the price package.
tink my previous post created a little misunderstanding.. but can say tat fren of mine always "kicked a SMALL fuss" over apple's presence. nvm..
life's stil great with apple, happy and blissful.. and may it continues.. =)
Friday, August 28, 2009
1/4 of a century
感觉好老啊！四分之一个世纪了...
Had a quiet and peaceful day yest.. Was at hm in the morning, went to bugis to walk and proceeded to vivo for a quiet moment.. Vivo is reli a nice place to sit by the sea and enjoying the scenery in the surroundings.. and the cool breeze is so comfy that complement the whole experience.. And i tink i like the place cuz it's lomantic too, but not much chance to go there lomantic la.. =|
Some thoughts came to my mind, but i got them off quite quickly.. guess tat's the gd side of me.. remaining positive despite the situation faced.. Felt abit "noisy" in my heart though i am facing the calm sea..
Was abit bored, so i called my fren for a short chat, instead i got chiding from him when he got to noe that apple is not with me yest.. 心中起了一点浪，过后却平复了许多... yes, i admit that i do wish apple was with me yest, but does it reli matters tat much jus bcuz it's yest? we are arranging to go out tml and i have asked him to plan a gd one cuz i dun wan any present this yr.. hope it wil be a gd one.. jiayou wor, apple!! prove to me that 你是有心的！=)
Had a quiet and peaceful day yest.. Was at hm in the morning, went to bugis to walk and proceeded to vivo for a quiet moment.. Vivo is reli a nice place to sit by the sea and enjoying the scenery in the surroundings.. and the cool breeze is so comfy that complement the whole experience.. And i tink i like the place cuz it's lomantic too, but not much chance to go there lomantic la.. =|
Some thoughts came to my mind, but i got them off quite quickly.. guess tat's the gd side of me.. remaining positive despite the situation faced.. Felt abit "noisy" in my heart though i am facing the calm sea..
Was abit bored, so i called my fren for a short chat, instead i got chiding from him when he got to noe that apple is not with me yest.. 心中起了一点浪，过后却平复了许多... yes, i admit that i do wish apple was with me yest, but does it reli matters tat much jus bcuz it's yest? we are arranging to go out tml and i have asked him to plan a gd one cuz i dun wan any present this yr.. hope it wil be a gd one.. jiayou wor, apple!! prove to me that 你是有心的！=)
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
爱情与面包，天长地久与曾经拥有
爱情或面包？
显然的，我选择了爱情。我就是那种会为了爱情而做出许多奇奇怪怪的东西的人。
在我的词典里，面包失去了，可以重新再找，但失去了一段爱情，如果是坏了，还可以再爬起来。但如果失去的是一场刻苦铭心的爱情，可不是那么容易就可以在爬起来的。我十分珍惜我现在所拥有的这一段爱情，虽然不是完美的，但很多事情就是不完美，才显出它的完美。beautifully imperfections
天长地久或曾经拥有？
你一定会以为我会选择前者，但你错了，我选择了后者，但我有我自己的辩解。
如果一直想着天长地久的人，或许会有着“我们就这样继续恋爱、结婚、生子到终老”，而（也许）忽略了谈恋爱的重要性和意义。而选择曾经拥有，会把每一次的经验当做是第一次或最后一次，好好的回味与珍惜拥有的那一刻，即使有一天真的到了无法惋惜的地步，我所拥有的是无限的美好回忆，或许会很痛苦，但我无悔，因为我记得我们所做过的一切。保持这种心态，如果能够走到终老，这何尝不是天长地久了吗？
cherish every moment you have with your loved ones, and continue to walk the path till you have to leave.
显然的，我选择了爱情。我就是那种会为了爱情而做出许多奇奇怪怪的东西的人。
在我的词典里，面包失去了，可以重新再找，但失去了一段爱情，如果是坏了，还可以再爬起来。但如果失去的是一场刻苦铭心的爱情，可不是那么容易就可以在爬起来的。我十分珍惜我现在所拥有的这一段爱情，虽然不是完美的，但很多事情就是不完美，才显出它的完美。beautifully imperfections
天长地久或曾经拥有？
你一定会以为我会选择前者，但你错了，我选择了后者，但我有我自己的辩解。
如果一直想着天长地久的人，或许会有着“我们就这样继续恋爱、结婚、生子到终老”，而（也许）忽略了谈恋爱的重要性和意义。而选择曾经拥有，会把每一次的经验当做是第一次或最后一次，好好的回味与珍惜拥有的那一刻，即使有一天真的到了无法惋惜的地步，我所拥有的是无限的美好回忆，或许会很痛苦，但我无悔，因为我记得我们所做过的一切。保持这种心态，如果能够走到终老，这何尝不是天长地久了吗？
cherish every moment you have with your loved ones, and continue to walk the path till you have to leave.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Look, it's growing!!
Stil jobless, and facing another jobless guy at home too.. haiz.. money supply running very low, but no one calls me up for interview.. nvm, jobless doesnt mean it's the end of the world..
Though jobless, i treat this period as a gift to me.. at least i no need to fight for the toilet with my parents, hv abit more time to do some research for studies, and oso listen to my mum's "stories".. the other one at hm does not hv as much patience as me to listen to her.. only noe how to "attack" me wen my mom commented on his jobless-ness..
And another thing, i could feel that my r'ship with apple is growing.. cant reli describe y, but it's a feeling.. be it jobless/working, i think i am reli living for apple.. ya i noe, hopeless case, but he gave me much of my happiness nowadays.. my soulmate? 心灵寄托? maybe.. the love continues to grow day by day, and may it continue to grow..
went to west coast park for the first time last friday, and i would say it's one of the romantic and magnificent places that we hv been during our pak tor days.. shopping centres is not tat of my fav now.. parks and beaches, not a bad choice, if timing permits.. nice view.. and i get alot of pok poks.. wahaha.. *censored*
one of my fren went for fortune telling recently, said the fortune teller was super accurate abt everything abt her and told her she wil hv a gd life.. but she told me another thing that i got a shock.. tink her current bf would be her last, and i guess they are startin to plan for the wedding soon.. some time ago, she was tellin me she must get a ring abt 10k in value den she wil marry him.. and recently, she and her bf went ring hunting, and she saw another ring which she love it so much, and it cost 20k (her bf bought tat for her).. i was reli stunned, and i remembered her sayin that different rings for different purposes, as in engagement is one ring, wedding one ring, den duno wat one ring.. sighz.. mayb i 有眼不识泰山ba.. personally, i reli dun find the need to spend so much money on a ring.. yes, diamond is the hardest rock in the world which will last forever, thus the great significance in gettin a diamond ring.. to me, i jus felt tat it is jus a piece of rock on a piece of metal.. what reli matters is the love, which is priceless.. it shouldnt be measured by gettin such an expensive gift.. i dun mean gettin a cheapo ring in the future, but if needed and allowed, the best in the reasonable range - i dun wish apple to spend so much on tat pc of metal+rock..
nvm, dun get too agitated over this, i stil got a proj to rush.. jiayou ba!! and continue to 回味 my love with apple..
Though jobless, i treat this period as a gift to me.. at least i no need to fight for the toilet with my parents, hv abit more time to do some research for studies, and oso listen to my mum's "stories".. the other one at hm does not hv as much patience as me to listen to her.. only noe how to "attack" me wen my mom commented on his jobless-ness..
And another thing, i could feel that my r'ship with apple is growing.. cant reli describe y, but it's a feeling.. be it jobless/working, i think i am reli living for apple.. ya i noe, hopeless case, but he gave me much of my happiness nowadays.. my soulmate? 心灵寄托? maybe.. the love continues to grow day by day, and may it continue to grow..
went to west coast park for the first time last friday, and i would say it's one of the romantic and magnificent places that we hv been during our pak tor days.. shopping centres is not tat of my fav now.. parks and beaches, not a bad choice, if timing permits.. nice view.. and i get alot of pok poks.. wahaha.. *censored*
one of my fren went for fortune telling recently, said the fortune teller was super accurate abt everything abt her and told her she wil hv a gd life.. but she told me another thing that i got a shock.. tink her current bf would be her last, and i guess they are startin to plan for the wedding soon.. some time ago, she was tellin me she must get a ring abt 10k in value den she wil marry him.. and recently, she and her bf went ring hunting, and she saw another ring which she love it so much, and it cost 20k (her bf bought tat for her).. i was reli stunned, and i remembered her sayin that different rings for different purposes, as in engagement is one ring, wedding one ring, den duno wat one ring.. sighz.. mayb i 有眼不识泰山ba.. personally, i reli dun find the need to spend so much money on a ring.. yes, diamond is the hardest rock in the world which will last forever, thus the great significance in gettin a diamond ring.. to me, i jus felt tat it is jus a piece of rock on a piece of metal.. what reli matters is the love, which is priceless.. it shouldnt be measured by gettin such an expensive gift.. i dun mean gettin a cheapo ring in the future, but if needed and allowed, the best in the reasonable range - i dun wish apple to spend so much on tat pc of metal+rock..
nvm, dun get too agitated over this, i stil got a proj to rush.. jiayou ba!! and continue to 回味 my love with apple..
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
something. someone. somehow.
was tinkin abt something else, when someone else pop up in my mind.. someone whom once left a deep impact in my mind/heart.. but the gd ting is tat someone else have filled tat place and left a deeper impact at the same places..
lucky tat the thought of this someone did not manage to dig out any bad memories abt the past, or rather the bad memories was replaced and "diluted"..
kudos to me for conquerin my once worst nightmare.. haha..
lucky tat the thought of this someone did not manage to dig out any bad memories abt the past, or rather the bad memories was replaced and "diluted"..
kudos to me for conquerin my once worst nightmare.. haha..
romantic walk by the sea
supposed to blog earlier, but too lazy again..
had a great day of adventure with apple on aug 1, the day sprinkled with surprise..
met him at jur pt for a short walk and also to clear his bills.. then proceed hm to take a rest b4 goin to simei to pick up his colleague and wife to tampines to attend his malay colleague's weddin..
the weddin is super lavish lor.. thou at void deck, but machiam very high class, but sad to say tat 4 of us have to leave early as his colleague received a call from workplace, so apple offered help to send him there and to see wat's wrong.. as tat place is no entry for outsiders, me and his colleague's wife ended up chattin at a bus stop.. will not cover the detatils here..
after almost an hr, they are finally done and i tot it would be end of the day's prog cuz quite late liao.. but apple said, let's go to loyang pray or changi village to see pasar malam.. so happy.. thou the weather is super humid and hot, was quite elated to walk cuz happy ma.. den we went to the toilet after the walk, and i tot it would be the end cuz almost 12am.. den he said "u tink goin hm liao ar, no la, nan de come here, continue walk lor.." u can guess how super happy i was lor.. i had always wanted to come to changi beach, cuz lomantic ma.. under the dim lights and along the pavement by the beach.. how wonderful it is.. lo...man....tic... woh...
and it was 1+ wen i got hm.. memorable cuz this is the first time we went out so late together thou there was another time almost 4 yrs wen we were jus frens.. and without other people.. jus us..
had a great day of adventure with apple on aug 1, the day sprinkled with surprise..
met him at jur pt for a short walk and also to clear his bills.. then proceed hm to take a rest b4 goin to simei to pick up his colleague and wife to tampines to attend his malay colleague's weddin..
the weddin is super lavish lor.. thou at void deck, but machiam very high class, but sad to say tat 4 of us have to leave early as his colleague received a call from workplace, so apple offered help to send him there and to see wat's wrong.. as tat place is no entry for outsiders, me and his colleague's wife ended up chattin at a bus stop.. will not cover the detatils here..
after almost an hr, they are finally done and i tot it would be end of the day's prog cuz quite late liao.. but apple said, let's go to loyang pray or changi village to see pasar malam.. so happy.. thou the weather is super humid and hot, was quite elated to walk cuz happy ma.. den we went to the toilet after the walk, and i tot it would be the end cuz almost 12am.. den he said "u tink goin hm liao ar, no la, nan de come here, continue walk lor.." u can guess how super happy i was lor.. i had always wanted to come to changi beach, cuz lomantic ma.. under the dim lights and along the pavement by the beach.. how wonderful it is.. lo...man....tic... woh...
and it was 1+ wen i got hm.. memorable cuz this is the first time we went out so late together thou there was another time almost 4 yrs wen we were jus frens.. and without other people.. jus us..
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Happy Birthday to Apple!!
It's apple bday yest and we had alot of fun (with a small regret).. next yr he wil reach another start of a new age, so must make it more fun this yr.. initially my plan was only goin to eat swensen's. foot massage and sit ard esplanade for a romantic moment, but i decided to change at the last min..
Since i hv nth much to do nowadays, i first went to check out the prices and recce the location to see if plan A fails, what are plan B or C.. hehe.. Goin to zoo did cross my mind, but i was afraid tat it would be too tiring for him to travel ard.. but i stil decide to slot it into my schedule..
Tink i was kinda excited the nite b4, slept late and woke up early to prepare the stuffs.. bought a loaf of milk bread, spread kaya, butter and nutella on it (he loves chocolates), prepare honey water, doublecheck the bus schedules and routes online, take a sachet of coffee, pack porridge into the bag and set off to the mrt.. i remembered tat he din blow the candle on last sat, so went to four leaves to buy a slice of strawberry shortcake for him.. yummy..
I was practically fighting against time cuz i dun wan to reach the zoo too late, if not insufficient time to sightsee and walk walk.. i faster unpack everything at his home, somehow rushin him to dress up and pack our lunch (water and bread) and went to the mrt.. either our minds tink alike or he oredi knew wat i was up to, he was able to guess tat i was plannin to go to which station to change bus.. but we missed the bus jus 2 minutes.. need to wait another 25 mins under the hot sun.. but the gd ting was the sun wasnt scorchin hot, it was jus hot and abit stuffy.. haha..
And finally, we were at the zoo.. it had been more than 15 yrs since i last visited the zoo, i tink the same for apple too.. so excited.. was taking photos and walking ard the whole place.. saw so many animals tat i had nv seen in my life.. so cute and sweet.. haha.. but was hungry and thirsty cuz i only brought some bread and water along.. stil wil get abit dehydrated.. haha..
and it was time to leave the zoo, but it would be long b4 we could eat our dinner cuz i am bringing him to go for a foot and shoulder massage at esplanade first.. so we went to eat kfc to fill our stomach abit.. at least not so hungry ma.. haha.. we took the traveller's bus and i could see he was tired and he was dozing off.. haha.. like to see him slp, so cute.. haha.. we missed the bus to esplanade again, so hv to wait.. bt our tummy starts to grumble again.. haha.. could see he enjoyed the massage.. haha.. but it was oredi late, and hv to start lookin for dinner.. we remembered swensens cuz it gave a free firehouse ice-cream on the actual day of bday.. hehe.. but tat means we hv to walk back to marina sq and wait for food too.. sighz.. no more romantic at the rooftop or by the riverside.. abit disappointed.. cuz yest was a special day, thou it can be like any other day.. the meaning is slightly different.. and mayb bcuz we seldom come to town, usually in a crowd, so it felt even more different..
it was gettin late, yet the selfish side of me stil wished the time could be longer, but he have to work the next day and we hv to go to the mrt.. tink my expressions was too obvious of wat i wana do, yet couldnt do, apple said can always do it next time.. sighz.. end of apple's bday adventure..
Since i hv nth much to do nowadays, i first went to check out the prices and recce the location to see if plan A fails, what are plan B or C.. hehe.. Goin to zoo did cross my mind, but i was afraid tat it would be too tiring for him to travel ard.. but i stil decide to slot it into my schedule..
Tink i was kinda excited the nite b4, slept late and woke up early to prepare the stuffs.. bought a loaf of milk bread, spread kaya, butter and nutella on it (he loves chocolates), prepare honey water, doublecheck the bus schedules and routes online, take a sachet of coffee, pack porridge into the bag and set off to the mrt.. i remembered tat he din blow the candle on last sat, so went to four leaves to buy a slice of strawberry shortcake for him.. yummy..
I was practically fighting against time cuz i dun wan to reach the zoo too late, if not insufficient time to sightsee and walk walk.. i faster unpack everything at his home, somehow rushin him to dress up and pack our lunch (water and bread) and went to the mrt.. either our minds tink alike or he oredi knew wat i was up to, he was able to guess tat i was plannin to go to which station to change bus.. but we missed the bus jus 2 minutes.. need to wait another 25 mins under the hot sun.. but the gd ting was the sun wasnt scorchin hot, it was jus hot and abit stuffy.. haha..
And finally, we were at the zoo.. it had been more than 15 yrs since i last visited the zoo, i tink the same for apple too.. so excited.. was taking photos and walking ard the whole place.. saw so many animals tat i had nv seen in my life.. so cute and sweet.. haha.. but was hungry and thirsty cuz i only brought some bread and water along.. stil wil get abit dehydrated.. haha..
and it was time to leave the zoo, but it would be long b4 we could eat our dinner cuz i am bringing him to go for a foot and shoulder massage at esplanade first.. so we went to eat kfc to fill our stomach abit.. at least not so hungry ma.. haha.. we took the traveller's bus and i could see he was tired and he was dozing off.. haha.. like to see him slp, so cute.. haha.. we missed the bus to esplanade again, so hv to wait.. bt our tummy starts to grumble again.. haha.. could see he enjoyed the massage.. haha.. but it was oredi late, and hv to start lookin for dinner.. we remembered swensens cuz it gave a free firehouse ice-cream on the actual day of bday.. hehe.. but tat means we hv to walk back to marina sq and wait for food too.. sighz.. no more romantic at the rooftop or by the riverside.. abit disappointed.. cuz yest was a special day, thou it can be like any other day.. the meaning is slightly different.. and mayb bcuz we seldom come to town, usually in a crowd, so it felt even more different..
it was gettin late, yet the selfish side of me stil wished the time could be longer, but he have to work the next day and we hv to go to the mrt.. tink my expressions was too obvious of wat i wana do, yet couldnt do, apple said can always do it next time.. sighz.. end of apple's bday adventure..
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Pre-birthday family dinner
Today is the pre-birthday celebration for apple with his family.. B4 we went for the dinner, we made a trip down to my school to see laptops and collect study materials.. and it was raining when we left the building, so we were slightly drenched..
Went home to rest for awhile, as his sis would be coming over to pick all of us up to the location.. however, there was a slight hiccup in the middle.. his mom was slightly angry abt the location as it was far from jur, and was unhappy that she have to rush her tings.. and somehow it made apple unhappy too.. and me?? only can see the whole situation quietly.. sighz~
Finally his sis was here with the 2 nephews, and saw her mom was unhappy, so she tried to coax her by telling her that need to try new tings once in a while.. and I was stroking apple's back again (can see the flame is stil burning abit).. hehe.. and we got on the car together, but abit cramped cuz so many squeezin in thou it's a MPV..
During the ride, as we got nth to do, we were "fooling ard (again)".. haha.. so we played this "game" again.. by asking each other these qn - normally i would jus ask the first 2, the last one was jus "follow the sequence" and casually asked.. but was abit surprised with the reply for last qn.. hehe..
First Qn: 喜不喜欢我?
Ans: 一点点...
Second Qn: 有没有想我?
Ans: 一点点...
And i bucked up my "courage and shyness" to ask.... 有没有爱我吗?
Ans: 有... 一大点...!
I was slightly taken aback at this, cuz i was expecting the answer to be "little bit, so i started talking nonsense, like u missed and liked me little bit, how come the latter became one big bit? he said that cuz it accumulated, so the miss and like not so much liao ma.. but it jus felt "shiok" to hear tat deep in my heart.. mayb both parties shy ba.. we seldom say love out tat much.. normally is thru sms, but tink he is more reserved, he dun expressed himself much too..
And also, apple had a company dinner the previous day, and as usual, ppl were saying we got couple's look and askin when are we settling down.. he said not so soon, cuz there's alot of tings not settled yet and need time to raise money.. deep inside my heart, the angel and devil fighting again.. one hand i do wish to hv it earlier, but on the other hand, there are reli alot of tings tat need to be settled.. so no choice lor.. let nature takes its path and may the god of fortune comes.. haha.. but on the journey, he said he told them not so soon bcuz of some reasons (slightly forgotten), but it's better for me not to tink too much.. haha.. studies first.. stop daydreaming again..haha..
Sometimes he wil joke abt my size.. Initially when I knew him, I was not offended cuz I treated it as a joke, later abit offended when he said it more frequently, and now just treat it as our joke again.. haha.. sometimes i do felt abit low-esteem bcuz of my size, yet i am stil at square one.. haiz.. want to lose weight, yet lazy to go and do exercise.. no wonder my bro will keep using tat to "attack" me.. sighz.. back to the topic.. he was joking abt the topic, den i duno say wat, he said i got a 一颗漂亮的心, outer appearances doesnt matter.. actually he oso got a pretty heart, or rather in some areas, his heart is prettier than mine.. and ppl hv been sayin tat he is good looking too..
Time to go home.. thou abit relunctant, but stil hv to go home, esp he's not driving tat day, cannot delay his time abit.. and tat's the end of our adventure..
Went home to rest for awhile, as his sis would be coming over to pick all of us up to the location.. however, there was a slight hiccup in the middle.. his mom was slightly angry abt the location as it was far from jur, and was unhappy that she have to rush her tings.. and somehow it made apple unhappy too.. and me?? only can see the whole situation quietly.. sighz~
Finally his sis was here with the 2 nephews, and saw her mom was unhappy, so she tried to coax her by telling her that need to try new tings once in a while.. and I was stroking apple's back again (can see the flame is stil burning abit).. hehe.. and we got on the car together, but abit cramped cuz so many squeezin in thou it's a MPV..
During the ride, as we got nth to do, we were "fooling ard (again)".. haha.. so we played this "game" again.. by asking each other these qn - normally i would jus ask the first 2, the last one was jus "follow the sequence" and casually asked.. but was abit surprised with the reply for last qn.. hehe..
First Qn: 喜不喜欢我?
Ans: 一点点...
Second Qn: 有没有想我?
Ans: 一点点...
And i bucked up my "courage and shyness" to ask.... 有没有爱我吗?
Ans: 有... 一大点...!
I was slightly taken aback at this, cuz i was expecting the answer to be "little bit, so i started talking nonsense, like u missed and liked me little bit, how come the latter became one big bit? he said that cuz it accumulated, so the miss and like not so much liao ma.. but it jus felt "shiok" to hear tat deep in my heart.. mayb both parties shy ba.. we seldom say love out tat much.. normally is thru sms, but tink he is more reserved, he dun expressed himself much too..
And also, apple had a company dinner the previous day, and as usual, ppl were saying we got couple's look and askin when are we settling down.. he said not so soon, cuz there's alot of tings not settled yet and need time to raise money.. deep inside my heart, the angel and devil fighting again.. one hand i do wish to hv it earlier, but on the other hand, there are reli alot of tings tat need to be settled.. so no choice lor.. let nature takes its path and may the god of fortune comes.. haha.. but on the journey, he said he told them not so soon bcuz of some reasons (slightly forgotten), but it's better for me not to tink too much.. haha.. studies first.. stop daydreaming again..haha..
Sometimes he wil joke abt my size.. Initially when I knew him, I was not offended cuz I treated it as a joke, later abit offended when he said it more frequently, and now just treat it as our joke again.. haha.. sometimes i do felt abit low-esteem bcuz of my size, yet i am stil at square one.. haiz.. want to lose weight, yet lazy to go and do exercise.. no wonder my bro will keep using tat to "attack" me.. sighz.. back to the topic.. he was joking abt the topic, den i duno say wat, he said i got a 一颗漂亮的心, outer appearances doesnt matter.. actually he oso got a pretty heart, or rather in some areas, his heart is prettier than mine.. and ppl hv been sayin tat he is good looking too..
Time to go home.. thou abit relunctant, but stil hv to go home, esp he's not driving tat day, cannot delay his time abit.. and tat's the end of our adventure..
Sunday, July 05, 2009
Pre birthday gathering
Went to a pre-birthday gatherin with his frens last nite, cuz his bday is stil abit away from now.. was kinda uneasy initially as i was the extra one, i supposed they meant to be an "all-men" gatherin, yet i was there.. but the atmosphere became better when we proceed for ktv.. saw another 2 more army frens of his, and both liked singing.. sama sama as me.. haha.. they opened a bottle of chivas and i guessed it was their regular routine to play dice and drink wine.. thou i was "concentrating" at singing, my eyes tend to turn to look at them cuz i was worried abt apple.. some of the rounds were totally jus the alcohol without any mixer.. how "damaging" it was.. now i noe why guys dun reli liked gals to be ard, cuz the gal will feel heartache lookin at her bf lost and hv to drink.. haha.. lucky i got bring plain water.. apple's luck was better initially, at the later part, he seemed to have drank quite a few glasses.. and thanks to his buddy who helped to drink abit, if not i reli scare he wil vomit..
but very interesting to see him partially drunk, cuz his whole body was warm and red.. esp wen "time's up" (time for him to slp - body clock), he rest his head on my thigh, soooo cute.. haha.. everytime with him, the kind of feeling tt i duno how to describe jus came naturally and made me feel soooo in love with this apple.. mayb tat's the feelin of blissfulness ba.. hehe..
but very interesting to see him partially drunk, cuz his whole body was warm and red.. esp wen "time's up" (time for him to slp - body clock), he rest his head on my thigh, soooo cute.. haha.. everytime with him, the kind of feeling tt i duno how to describe jus came naturally and made me feel soooo in love with this apple.. mayb tat's the feelin of blissfulness ba.. hehe..
Saturday, July 04, 2009
angels and devils
been too lazy to blog thou i hv started to sit at hm for more than 2 wks.. cant say i enjoyed it, but jus treat it as a short break..
my daily routine is more like taking turns to use the pc, while the "old ones" went out to work.. poor them rite? the young ones sit at hm and rot, while the parents slogged hard at work.. haha *bitter smile* ok, dun tink i wil sit at hm too long, unlike someone else.. *being abit sarcastic* shld start earning some money to give my mom some allowances..
been fighting alot of "angels and devils" within me lately, one side tellin me do this, the other side askin me to do that.. sianz.. like my frens said, i am jus too kind.. wan to chase my frens back for some debts, oso duno how to tell them, only can ask them indirectly.. and when they said they got difficulties, it dragged on again.. it's not tat i see money very big (thou it is), but it's jus a matter of principle tingy..
gained a super valuable experience b4 i left co (pardon me if my paragraphs doesnt link, jus tryin to recall wat i would hv blogged if i haven been lazy), the TH show.. meetin ppl from MCS, learnin the ropes of tings and most of all, the fun-ness of such an event..
jus had an "unreasonable tiff" with apple a few days ago, duno wat's wrong with me, probably jus sayin my thoughts out to him, but the way i said it, sound reli ridiculous.. nvm, we hv solved the prob again.. sometimes i thought i would mind over certain tings, wen i said it out, i realised i didnt mind it at all, but i stil feel like sayin it.. and wenever my heart starts to "wiggle" abit, seein or thinkin of apple will heal all ailments.. duno is it bcuz of the tiff tat night, wen i saw apple yest, and after doin sth, a strong surge of emotions or feeling came to me, we truly loved one another.. jus tat both parties are too shy, thus seldom say the word out tat much..
the other "author"(zuo jia: sit at home) is up, next time den update liao..
my daily routine is more like taking turns to use the pc, while the "old ones" went out to work.. poor them rite? the young ones sit at hm and rot, while the parents slogged hard at work.. haha *bitter smile* ok, dun tink i wil sit at hm too long, unlike someone else.. *being abit sarcastic* shld start earning some money to give my mom some allowances..
been fighting alot of "angels and devils" within me lately, one side tellin me do this, the other side askin me to do that.. sianz.. like my frens said, i am jus too kind.. wan to chase my frens back for some debts, oso duno how to tell them, only can ask them indirectly.. and when they said they got difficulties, it dragged on again.. it's not tat i see money very big (thou it is), but it's jus a matter of principle tingy..
gained a super valuable experience b4 i left co (pardon me if my paragraphs doesnt link, jus tryin to recall wat i would hv blogged if i haven been lazy), the TH show.. meetin ppl from MCS, learnin the ropes of tings and most of all, the fun-ness of such an event..
jus had an "unreasonable tiff" with apple a few days ago, duno wat's wrong with me, probably jus sayin my thoughts out to him, but the way i said it, sound reli ridiculous.. nvm, we hv solved the prob again.. sometimes i thought i would mind over certain tings, wen i said it out, i realised i didnt mind it at all, but i stil feel like sayin it.. and wenever my heart starts to "wiggle" abit, seein or thinkin of apple will heal all ailments.. duno is it bcuz of the tiff tat night, wen i saw apple yest, and after doin sth, a strong surge of emotions or feeling came to me, we truly loved one another.. jus tat both parties are too shy, thus seldom say the word out tat much..
the other "author"(zuo jia: sit at home) is up, next time den update liao..
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
wrong timing
cant reli say i am counting down to the days i am leavin.. cuz it jus felt so sad to do so.. i will miss my lovable managers and colleagues.. for once, i felt tat i have made a 'disasterous' mistake..
today the new gal (replacin me) reported to work, and i ended up sitting at kum's desk cuz she's on course this wk, and oso bcuz it was toooo cramped.. imagined my cubi is so small.. whole morning was briefin her abt 30% of the work, and didnt manage to do any ting regarding TH. and spent the whole afternoon meeting without a sip of water.. nearly died of thirst..
and wen it is only left with 2 wks to go, sth pop up and the need of money is there.. and the first thought is can i stay until end july to get my bonus? i knew the answer is NO, bcuz wen cm tried to persuade me to stay, i gave him a firm NO. i have oredi gave up the oppt, not once but many times wen ppl asked me whether do i reli wan to leave? at tat pt of time, i jus felt like leavin so badly cuz i reli cant see any light.. it's so stressed to noe tat bro is sittin at hm for mths without a job, yet i am workin and studyin at the same time.. it's only after the exams den i felt a sigh of relief tat one big burden is down.. but news abt apple's possible laidoff is spreading.. and sth else.. i tot i could take a slower pace in findin a PT job and live by my savings.. but at this sudden moment i cant..
what am i going to do? spoke to kum jus now, i knew her answer and my answer are the same.. i had lost the golden oppt.. today is reli a bad day.. nth is goin my way.. wat's goin on? wat did i do wrong..? shld i put down my pride to approach cm again and tell him my request? but the new gal is here.. no budget for me to stay... and no projects tat can help me to extend my stay.. oh gosh..
today the new gal (replacin me) reported to work, and i ended up sitting at kum's desk cuz she's on course this wk, and oso bcuz it was toooo cramped.. imagined my cubi is so small.. whole morning was briefin her abt 30% of the work, and didnt manage to do any ting regarding TH. and spent the whole afternoon meeting without a sip of water.. nearly died of thirst..
and wen it is only left with 2 wks to go, sth pop up and the need of money is there.. and the first thought is can i stay until end july to get my bonus? i knew the answer is NO, bcuz wen cm tried to persuade me to stay, i gave him a firm NO. i have oredi gave up the oppt, not once but many times wen ppl asked me whether do i reli wan to leave? at tat pt of time, i jus felt like leavin so badly cuz i reli cant see any light.. it's so stressed to noe tat bro is sittin at hm for mths without a job, yet i am workin and studyin at the same time.. it's only after the exams den i felt a sigh of relief tat one big burden is down.. but news abt apple's possible laidoff is spreading.. and sth else.. i tot i could take a slower pace in findin a PT job and live by my savings.. but at this sudden moment i cant..
what am i going to do? spoke to kum jus now, i knew her answer and my answer are the same.. i had lost the golden oppt.. today is reli a bad day.. nth is goin my way.. wat's goin on? wat did i do wrong..? shld i put down my pride to approach cm again and tell him my request? but the new gal is here.. no budget for me to stay... and no projects tat can help me to extend my stay.. oh gosh..
Friday, May 08, 2009
communication
have jus communicated my main pts to him, and somehow he agreed that i shld do it tat way too.
1. my world shouldnt jus abt him, it's time i shld put him jus part of my world and not my entire world.. he said he used to treat his ex as his world, but he realised tat it's super painful wen tat person is not ard.. tink it would be a long process for me, but the first step is: start to love myself abit more..
2. lifestyle - he said we can compromise on this in future, not necessary tat i hv to accomodate him.. hmm.. we shall see ba..
try ba.. hopefully it wun be tat confusin again..
1. my world shouldnt jus abt him, it's time i shld put him jus part of my world and not my entire world.. he said he used to treat his ex as his world, but he realised tat it's super painful wen tat person is not ard.. tink it would be a long process for me, but the first step is: start to love myself abit more..
2. lifestyle - he said we can compromise on this in future, not necessary tat i hv to accomodate him.. hmm.. we shall see ba..
try ba.. hopefully it wun be tat confusin again..
Thursday, May 07, 2009
confused
submitted my letter and would be leavin in mid june after the major event..
it's a big risk bcuz my bro is retrenched & jobless since Feb, yet i chose to leave at this time..
family income would be super low, and i stil got my liabilities (studies, insurance) to be cleared..
mayb i reli not suitable for the job, i tried likin it, yet until now i stil cant find the interest and passion to continue..
mayb i need to find another piece of land where i might be able to find some interest and passion..
ppl age everyday and in the process, we start to get some enlightenment over some tings..
and again, i start to ponder abt my r'ship with apple..
somehow i felt tat i am losin faith and confidence in myself, i duno if i can sustain..
it's not tat we dun love each other, or havin any prob with one another, it's jus tat i doesnt seem to be able to convince myself tat i can live with tat kind of lifestyle in future..
mayb i shld start to like/love myself more, and not jus devote the love to him only..
there are many areas of concern that i wished i could tell him, but wenever i see him, i jus felt 'melted' and forgot/duno how to tell him.. we did communicate on several areas, but sometimes i dun tink he catch wat i reli meant..
i am confused..
it's a big risk bcuz my bro is retrenched & jobless since Feb, yet i chose to leave at this time..
family income would be super low, and i stil got my liabilities (studies, insurance) to be cleared..
mayb i reli not suitable for the job, i tried likin it, yet until now i stil cant find the interest and passion to continue..
mayb i need to find another piece of land where i might be able to find some interest and passion..
ppl age everyday and in the process, we start to get some enlightenment over some tings..
and again, i start to ponder abt my r'ship with apple..
somehow i felt tat i am losin faith and confidence in myself, i duno if i can sustain..
it's not tat we dun love each other, or havin any prob with one another, it's jus tat i doesnt seem to be able to convince myself tat i can live with tat kind of lifestyle in future..
mayb i shld start to like/love myself more, and not jus devote the love to him only..
there are many areas of concern that i wished i could tell him, but wenever i see him, i jus felt 'melted' and forgot/duno how to tell him.. we did communicate on several areas, but sometimes i dun tink he catch wat i reli meant..
i am confused..
Saturday, April 25, 2009
love-hate r'ship with apple
for the sensitivity of an action, certain word would be changed to "pok pok".. haha..
nowadays, my greatest happiness come from seeing apple and getting pok pok.. and yest is one day i get to see him and pok pok.. oh no, i'm so addicted to him.. cant imagine the withdrawal symptoms if we cant meet for a longer time than usual.. hehe..
hmm.. i reli loved the way apple pok pok me, and each time i wished it could be longer.. it's an enjoyment to be pok pok by someone i truly loved.. and pok pok was one ting i disliked, felt so disgusted back then, and suffering from a short period of nightmare.. mayb i shouldnt be sayin this again, cuz it shouldnt be.. but my greatest relief was that i din drag and carry on with 77, or i tink i wouldnt be with apple or another guy now..
back to the pok pok part.. i always looked forward to it, duno y.. it jus got me so high and excited.. the electrocuted feeling.. so immersed in the environment until he stops.. but man are greedy.. hoping to be a little bit more.. i was telling apple yest tat if i stil got the electrocuted feeling, means i stil liked u alot, if not, means i dun like u.. this was wat happened back then.. i only got a few short excited moments back then, and the subsequent few were fearful - i even thought it was bcuz i dun hv experience in it, now i know why..
though i had been repeating this, it's a great experience to be apple, deeply fond of him.. even though sometimes the tings he does can be very "the", this is where the 'hate' part.. he is so cute and yet so 'the' at the same time.. but i stil like him many many.. hehe.. beautifully imperfect.. our imperfectness complement one another to form perfectness..
*ohh~ stil cant forget the pok pok moment til now.. beautiful and sweet..
nowadays, my greatest happiness come from seeing apple and getting pok pok.. and yest is one day i get to see him and pok pok.. oh no, i'm so addicted to him.. cant imagine the withdrawal symptoms if we cant meet for a longer time than usual.. hehe..
hmm.. i reli loved the way apple pok pok me, and each time i wished it could be longer.. it's an enjoyment to be pok pok by someone i truly loved.. and pok pok was one ting i disliked, felt so disgusted back then, and suffering from a short period of nightmare.. mayb i shouldnt be sayin this again, cuz it shouldnt be.. but my greatest relief was that i din drag and carry on with 77, or i tink i wouldnt be with apple or another guy now..
back to the pok pok part.. i always looked forward to it, duno y.. it jus got me so high and excited.. the electrocuted feeling.. so immersed in the environment until he stops.. but man are greedy.. hoping to be a little bit more.. i was telling apple yest tat if i stil got the electrocuted feeling, means i stil liked u alot, if not, means i dun like u.. this was wat happened back then.. i only got a few short excited moments back then, and the subsequent few were fearful - i even thought it was bcuz i dun hv experience in it, now i know why..
though i had been repeating this, it's a great experience to be apple, deeply fond of him.. even though sometimes the tings he does can be very "the", this is where the 'hate' part.. he is so cute and yet so 'the' at the same time.. but i stil like him many many.. hehe.. beautifully imperfect.. our imperfectness complement one another to form perfectness..
*ohh~ stil cant forget the pok pok moment til now.. beautiful and sweet..
Monday, April 20, 2009
first week back at work
basically a terrible week..
saw the darkest side of human..
fell sick again, but dare not take mc again..
was super pissed wen i heard some comments..
felt tat i shld leave, i mus leave this sickening place..
mayb i haven seen enough, but this is the worst form of 'politics' tat i had seen..
it's not abt 'jus do ur work, n dun care abt some other tings'..
sometimes it's none of ur biz, yet u were being dragged into the situation..
mayb i shldnt come to this place in the first place, cuz it's a big mismatch..
yet i shld be glad tat i came here, to see how scary tings can be..
stil waiting for my patience and tolerance to reach its limit..
i wun hesitate even i noe i'm on big losing end and given wat's goin on ard me..
saw the darkest side of human..
fell sick again, but dare not take mc again..
was super pissed wen i heard some comments..
felt tat i shld leave, i mus leave this sickening place..
mayb i haven seen enough, but this is the worst form of 'politics' tat i had seen..
it's not abt 'jus do ur work, n dun care abt some other tings'..
sometimes it's none of ur biz, yet u were being dragged into the situation..
mayb i shldnt come to this place in the first place, cuz it's a big mismatch..
yet i shld be glad tat i came here, to see how scary tings can be..
stil waiting for my patience and tolerance to reach its limit..
i wun hesitate even i noe i'm on big losing end and given wat's goin on ard me..
Monday, April 06, 2009
Takin a break
Takin a 10mins break from doin projs now, so thot of bloggin..
Went to visit my sick apple yest illegally again..
It reli ached alot to see him suffer for the past week..
I was so worried wen he didnt reply/send me a msg as usual (suspect sth was wrong)..
I couldnt slp at all despite doin my proj until dawn on fri..
My instinct told me tat he had went to hospital..
I waited until noon time den i gave him a call..
He sounded so blur tat I almost couldnt figure out wat was he sayin..
And unknowingly, there was a fear of losing him (stupid rite?)
I had never liked a guy as much as i do now, and mayb tat's y i have tat feeling..
He is like a family to me, or even closer than my own family, my world spins around me..
Think i am too madly in love with this apple liao..
Went to visit my sick apple yest illegally again..
It reli ached alot to see him suffer for the past week..
I was so worried wen he didnt reply/send me a msg as usual (suspect sth was wrong)..
I couldnt slp at all despite doin my proj until dawn on fri..
My instinct told me tat he had went to hospital..
I waited until noon time den i gave him a call..
He sounded so blur tat I almost couldnt figure out wat was he sayin..
And unknowingly, there was a fear of losing him (stupid rite?)
I had never liked a guy as much as i do now, and mayb tat's y i have tat feeling..
He is like a family to me, or even closer than my own family, my world spins around me..
Think i am too madly in love with this apple liao..
Thursday, April 02, 2009
sick apple
apple is sick again..
coughin non-stop the last time i went to visit him..
it hurts me to see him like tat..
and being sick made him even more quick-tempered..
hope he will get completely well soon..
missed him pinchin my nose and makin fun of me..
and i reli shouldnt have played tat prank on him..
i am tryin hard not to tink too much abt him, but the more i dun tink, the more i'm tinkin..
he asked me not to worry, yet i am stil worryin..
though i am not a devoted buddhist, pls pls pls bao you apple to recover fully..
i wan my cheerful and healthy apple back..
coughin non-stop the last time i went to visit him..
it hurts me to see him like tat..
and being sick made him even more quick-tempered..
hope he will get completely well soon..
missed him pinchin my nose and makin fun of me..
and i reli shouldnt have played tat prank on him..
i am tryin hard not to tink too much abt him, but the more i dun tink, the more i'm tinkin..
he asked me not to worry, yet i am stil worryin..
though i am not a devoted buddhist, pls pls pls bao you apple to recover fully..
i wan my cheerful and healthy apple back..
Saturday, March 28, 2009
happy and sad
apple gave me a surprise yest by coming to visit me after he booked out from his camp.. was reli happy to see him bcuz i cant go out at all due to my chicken pox.. he didnt stay long bcuz i was doin my online test at tat time, but i was on the verge of crying wen he gave me pecks on my hands outside my gate - too touched/emotional/or simply missed him too much again..?? another happy ting was i scored full marks for my quiz.. though it doesnt constitute much to my final score, but this is one big achievement as it had been a long time since i scored such a score.. mayb apple brought me luck..?? or i was too happy to see him, thus i was in the mood to tink and answer carefully..??
but the sad ting was.. i cant get out of my house.. i noe it's for my own gd that i stayed at hm, but the doc says i can go out and walk walk, jus tat i cant go work only ma (as long as my scabs stil haven fallen off).. how i wished apple can bring me out to walk, but he declined.. so sad.. haiz..
another ting is i reli got super sick and tired of my work liao.. this is a wrong career switch for me.. i am reli not suitable for such a job.. and i dun wan to waste my youth continuing this.. i stil missed the old environment, but not the retail hours.. where all of us sweat, cry, curse and swear together.. everyone is like a big family, but here, i jus cant feel it.. i missed my buddies or rather tat kind of work environment.. how i wished i could turn back time.. *wake up!!
but the sad ting was.. i cant get out of my house.. i noe it's for my own gd that i stayed at hm, but the doc says i can go out and walk walk, jus tat i cant go work only ma (as long as my scabs stil haven fallen off).. how i wished apple can bring me out to walk, but he declined.. so sad.. haiz..
another ting is i reli got super sick and tired of my work liao.. this is a wrong career switch for me.. i am reli not suitable for such a job.. and i dun wan to waste my youth continuing this.. i stil missed the old environment, but not the retail hours.. where all of us sweat, cry, curse and swear together.. everyone is like a big family, but here, i jus cant feel it.. i missed my buddies or rather tat kind of work environment.. how i wished i could turn back time.. *wake up!!
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Flashback of memory..
was sittin at the dining table this morning, munchin into a pc of butter roll and drinkin tasteless milo when i started to stone.. stone.. stone.. and many images just came alive on the blank wall in front of me.. all the flashback of the past.. got good and bad ones..
wun talk abt the bad one, cuz since it's bad, no pt talkin abt it..
as for the good ones, as usual, it's abt apple.. ever since we were together, there were times that i would tink abt how we met and the times we were together. but this flashback is slightly different.. it brought me back to the inner me at those pts of times.. wat was i feeling and tinkin.. which gave me a feeling that tings are reli miraculous.. it's reli hard to explain how fate/"coincidence" allows two ppl to meet, make frens and falls in love.. nv would i thought that my best online fren is my apple now, except for times tat i was secretly admiring him and fantacising.. getting to hold his hands, getting his little 'shocks' everytime.. all these jus felt fantastic.. all the 'impossibles' that i once thought became reality.. tinkin abt the days we were hangin outside, the days we were of 'unknown' status, the days we were jus plain frens.. i could only say: 无限的感动尽在不言中.. trying to preserve all these memories as much as possible, bcuz time might distort them..
duno y, recently kept having this thought of something, but out of a sudden jus cant put them into words.. nvm.. wish everyone have a healthy and long life ba..
wun talk abt the bad one, cuz since it's bad, no pt talkin abt it..
as for the good ones, as usual, it's abt apple.. ever since we were together, there were times that i would tink abt how we met and the times we were together. but this flashback is slightly different.. it brought me back to the inner me at those pts of times.. wat was i feeling and tinkin.. which gave me a feeling that tings are reli miraculous.. it's reli hard to explain how fate/"coincidence" allows two ppl to meet, make frens and falls in love.. nv would i thought that my best online fren is my apple now, except for times tat i was secretly admiring him and fantacising.. getting to hold his hands, getting his little 'shocks' everytime.. all these jus felt fantastic.. all the 'impossibles' that i once thought became reality.. tinkin abt the days we were hangin outside, the days we were of 'unknown' status, the days we were jus plain frens.. i could only say: 无限的感动尽在不言中.. trying to preserve all these memories as much as possible, bcuz time might distort them..
duno y, recently kept having this thought of something, but out of a sudden jus cant put them into words.. nvm.. wish everyone have a healthy and long life ba..
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
思念是一种很玄的东西
Was tinkin abt apple jus now while drying my hair, and he called me.. coincidence again (or pre-destined)?
While listening to him, i duno y, jus felt overwhelmed again and started tearin after i put down the phone.. i reli missed him alot.. esp now i'm down with chicken pox.. and mayb after wat he did on sat..?
this reminds me of the first sentence of this song.. and the whole song..
While listening to him, i duno y, jus felt overwhelmed again and started tearin after i put down the phone.. i reli missed him alot.. esp now i'm down with chicken pox.. and mayb after wat he did on sat..?
this reminds me of the first sentence of this song.. and the whole song..
我愿意 - 王菲
思念是一种很玄的东西
如影~随形
无声又无息出没在心底
转眼~吞没我在寂默里
我无力抗拒 特别是夜里 喔~
想你到无法呼吸
恨不能立即 朝你狂奔去
大声的告诉你~
愿意为你 我愿意为你
我愿意为你 忘记我姓名
就算多一秒 停留在你怀里
失去世界也不可惜
我愿意为你 我愿意为你
我愿意为你 被放逐天际
只要你真心 拿爱与我回应
什么都愿意
什么都愿意 为你
我无力抗拒 特别是夜里 喔~
想你到无法呼吸
恨不能立即 朝你狂奔去
大声的告诉你~
愿意为你 我愿意为你
我愿意为你 忘记我姓名
就算多一秒 停留在你怀里
失去世界也不可惜
我愿意为你 我愿意为你
我愿意为你 被放逐天际
只要你真心 拿爱与我回应
什么都愿意
什么都愿意 为你
我什么都愿意
什么都愿意 为你
如影~随形
无声又无息出没在心底
转眼~吞没我在寂默里
我无力抗拒 特别是夜里 喔~
想你到无法呼吸
恨不能立即 朝你狂奔去
大声的告诉你~
愿意为你 我愿意为你
我愿意为你 忘记我姓名
就算多一秒 停留在你怀里
失去世界也不可惜
我愿意为你 我愿意为你
我愿意为你 被放逐天际
只要你真心 拿爱与我回应
什么都愿意
什么都愿意 为你
我无力抗拒 特别是夜里 喔~
想你到无法呼吸
恨不能立即 朝你狂奔去
大声的告诉你~
愿意为你 我愿意为你
我愿意为你 忘记我姓名
就算多一秒 停留在你怀里
失去世界也不可惜
我愿意为你 我愿意为你
我愿意为你 被放逐天际
只要你真心 拿爱与我回应
什么都愿意
什么都愿意 为你
我什么都愿意
什么都愿意 为你
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Chicken Pox vs Lovesick
Was down with chicken pox and lovesick the same day..
It was a total miserable experience for an adult like me to go thru the pain and torture of having chicken pox, bcuz i looked like a freak and the spots are super itchy.. at the same time, i'm worryin abt my classes cuz i cant attend sch and mayb would not be able to catch up on time.. and oso hopefully i need not have to clear all the loads wen i am back, by then tink i will fall sick again..
On the other hand, apple is away for his reservist. Though this may not sound like a big thing cuz in the first place i will stil get to see him today and tml if i am workin at GAH! roadshow at jur pt. but i guess it's stil enough for me to be lovesick liao..
But the surprise is he came to visit me at my hse today!! was super surprised and happy thou he did say tat he wan to make a trip down, i was tellin him not to as i am stil super contagious and ugly.. and when he was scoopin the coconut flesh and water, i was reli touched.. how i wished i can give him a hug or kiss, but i cant.. i was afraid that he wil catch the virus for the second time..
oh.. i reli missed him alot..
It was a total miserable experience for an adult like me to go thru the pain and torture of having chicken pox, bcuz i looked like a freak and the spots are super itchy.. at the same time, i'm worryin abt my classes cuz i cant attend sch and mayb would not be able to catch up on time.. and oso hopefully i need not have to clear all the loads wen i am back, by then tink i will fall sick again..
On the other hand, apple is away for his reservist. Though this may not sound like a big thing cuz in the first place i will stil get to see him today and tml if i am workin at GAH! roadshow at jur pt. but i guess it's stil enough for me to be lovesick liao..
But the surprise is he came to visit me at my hse today!! was super surprised and happy thou he did say tat he wan to make a trip down, i was tellin him not to as i am stil super contagious and ugly.. and when he was scoopin the coconut flesh and water, i was reli touched.. how i wished i can give him a hug or kiss, but i cant.. i was afraid that he wil catch the virus for the second time..
oh.. i reli missed him alot..
Sunday, March 08, 2009
These 14 days...
For the past 14 days, it can be considered as one of the hardest part of my study life and the most emotional part of my r'ship.
In doing things, I am either a 'first-min' or 'last-min' person - I can do it very fast or I will drag it until the thing is so urgent for me to do.. And this time round, I am a 'last-min' person again in doin my work proj.. It was so miserable to slp only a few hrs a day, juggling between work and studies everyday.. Unlike those days where I would only have to concentrate on one thing - studies..
This proj was a tough one bcuz I could hardly find sufficient references to support my argument, and I was panicking when I realised some of my points were wrong after attending the last tutorial, which was 2 days b4 the deadline.. oh gosh.. but with that level of 'alertness', I could only try my best to concentrate on the main points.. Hopefully stil can get a good grade.. *cross my fingers*
And finally it was sat, and I was going for a double date and ktv session (I love ktv~).. That was my first double date (i suppose so) and I was lookin forward to it.. But before the actual meeting, I would need to meet my apple first.. The last time I saw apple for more than a week ago, can imagine how much I reli missed him.. He was having a bad cough after working under the rain and hot sun during the week.. was kinda heartache to see him like that.. We went to pray pray first before heading to our next destination - orchard. Tink it had been too long since I went for a gd walk, cuz I felt as if I was like a bird who jus got released out of the cage.. haha.. Everyday jus shuffling between work and home, nearly driving me crazy.. Orchard is not a common place for apple and me, cuz it was always crowded and mayb too 'hyped' for us - not much tings that we are interested to see.. hehe..
Sidetrack again.. prior to this meeting, I had posted a blog entry abt us, and apple saw it.. There were some action plans mentioned, but I felt sooo bad that I told him 'jus be the normal apple'.. Mayb I shouldnt hv written tat blog, cuz I didnt wan him to do anything, but on the other hand, if i didnt write tat blog, I wouldnt noe I didnt wan change.. Got both sides to look at this matter.. But it made me realised one thing, and I will elaborate later..
Back to the 'story'.. During the singing session, apple couldnt sing much due to his bad cough, so most of the singing was done by me.. And when it was not my turn to sing, I was back to my usual silly routine, looking at apple again.. everytime i see his face, it jus made me realised how much i love him and dun wan him to leave me.. Love reli grows over time.. it had grew so big that i dun wan to let go/feared to lose him.. Apple is not a fantastic singer (esp wen he is sick), but hearing him sing (when others were singing) was the sweetest thing at tat moment (+ leaning beside him)..
The four of us went for dinner after the session and we parted ways after that.. It was raining again.. And strange to say, almost all my dates with apple were 'rain-free', we seldom get caught in the rain.. After a brief walk, we decided to head for home and another memorable moment came.. *slips it into my memory pocket*
It was raining very heavily when we got to the bus stop near my house, but it was almost impossible to walk home in the rain as it was quite a distance away.. So we loitered around the blocks near the bus stop, hoping the rain will be lighter wen we walked back.. actually hor, i didnt wan to go back so early too (selfish side of me), jus wished this moment can be longer and forever, bcuz too long din see him liao.. walking by the rain (at the corridor) felt so romantic at tat moment.. hehe.. we took the lift up to the highest level and took a view of the raining city, it's so beautiful.. wah~ And we walked back to the bus stop to 'look' at the street and rain.. he was standing one step above me, so i got the chance to hug him (*evil grin) and it was reli very comfy.. I was totally immersed so much tat for tat short while, it jus felt the world belonged to us only.. or i am simply "被爱冲昏了头", too overly in love..?
It was getting late, and his cough seemed to get worse, so we decided to brave the rain and walked back to my block.. As usual (if he din drive), we would take the lift to my level, 'admire the scenary a little bit more' and kiss goodbye.. hehe.. hmm.. duno y, till now, everytime he kissed me, i would stil hv the 'electrocuted' feeling and my heart would beat super fast.. 这次也不例外.. We had a good and nice one, but i started crying after tat.. oh no, wat's wrong with me..? and the funniest part was, everytime i saw him cried while watching movies, I would laugh, so this time round, when he saw me crying, he was also laughin and he took out his camera to take shots of me (lucky i covered my face).. but reli strange, i duno y i cried.. was it too long tat i didnt see him and missed him too much..? or i felt so bad abt seeing him sick..? or I was sorry and wrong abt myself in writing tat blog..? or we had a great day..? I reli dun hv an answer to this at all.. mayb the first one, cuz i remembered i kept sayin i reli missed him alot..
As it was still raining, I passed him an umbrella and I walked him to the traffic lights.. usually he wun let me do so, but i tink he noes i wanted to see him longer.. tat's the end of our saturday adventure..
He did not report for work on monday bcuz he was sick, and I was actually tinkin of droppin some food and takin a short glance of him during lunchtime, but he refused to let me do so.. but in the end, I went after work cuz jus cant put my heart down knowin that he's sick.. before i went to see him, i sent him a msg to ask how was he and lied tat i was goin to see a fren.. and before he replied, i oredi popped up at his gate.. upon seeing him, i could only described the feeling as "melted" cuz he looked so haggard and my heart ached for him again.. *jus wondering, how come my heart ached so easily after i got into a bgr..?* I sat at his hse for abt 2 hrs and it's time to go hm.. He walked me to the shelter near the traffic lights, and i was again draggin my time abit more.. but i got emotional again.. the urge of crying was there again.. faster ciaoz beta b4 i *hua-la-la*..
fast forward abit.. i met him up fri for dinner at his hse and walk walk at jur pt, tryin to look for bday presents for ppl.. and home sweet home after tat..
sat is here again.. I met him at simei, ate our lunch there, and bought a present for his fren.. he asked me along to ktv later in the evening with his army frens.. at first i wanted to bring my fren along, but she got something on, so i was tinkin not very convenient as all guys ma.. but he said it's ok.. we went to pray pray at the loyang tua pek gong temple after that.. that was the first time I went there and we passed by the place he worked.. hehe.. the sun was scorching hot wen we got to tat place.. the place was huge and magnificient.. for me, i had always been a half-past six, never a religious person though i hv a religion.. but i will stil go pray pray, but duno the proper procedures involved la.. hehe.. i followed what apple does, and prayed for everything that i can think of.. when we came out, the sky was dark and along the way to loyang point, it started to drizzle and it was pouring heavily wen we were inside.. phew~ lucky.. I got another turtle/tortoise in my collection again.. haha.. after that we proceed to my house, where he parked his car there.. we rested awhile at my hse while i freshen myself up abit..
Den we went to kbox marina for singing and that was where i saw the real apple.. tink bcuz he was recovering from his cough and flu, he became more active liao.. saw the 'crazy' side of him and got to hear alot more songs.. wahaha.. near the end of the session, i dedicated a song to him cuz found the lyrics quite similar to us.. hehe.. and of cuz it's time to go hm again.. as usual, i wil try to drag a little bit more la, but to a certain extent only.. he had spent almost half a day with me, i should be contented liao.. haha.. we walked back to his car, and under unprepared circumstances, i was kissed.. the 'electrocution' started again and my heart was beating so fast.. frankly speakin, i like tat feeling.. ur heart was pumping fast, and sth like a electricity was circulating in between the heart and stomach.. cant reli describe it.. hmm.. but i seemed to get addicted to it, and hope it would be longer everytime.. haha.. he started his car engine, and i thought no more liao.. but b4 he reli sat in his seat, i got another good and nice experience again.. haha.. but i duno y again.. i felt like crying.. kena electrocuted too much..?
oh, backtrack abit.. i liked a new term used by him, though he gave me a new nickname yest.. guinea pig.. hurh! anyway, i was sayin tat i lied to him on monday wen i went to visit him.. den he asked me which fren, i said boyfren oso fren ma.. he said that he is "more than bf", and i kept on probing, den wat does "more than bf" means? he came up with the term "honey" after a few probes.. though we were jokingly and fooling ard, i liked wat he said abt "more than bf", and i can name him honey apple instead of jus apple.. it sounds logical and reasonable too.. but i shall kept the term within us.. cuz too mushy for u all.. haha.. now looking forward to our 'rendevous' next week.. hehe..
In doing things, I am either a 'first-min' or 'last-min' person - I can do it very fast or I will drag it until the thing is so urgent for me to do.. And this time round, I am a 'last-min' person again in doin my work proj.. It was so miserable to slp only a few hrs a day, juggling between work and studies everyday.. Unlike those days where I would only have to concentrate on one thing - studies..
This proj was a tough one bcuz I could hardly find sufficient references to support my argument, and I was panicking when I realised some of my points were wrong after attending the last tutorial, which was 2 days b4 the deadline.. oh gosh.. but with that level of 'alertness', I could only try my best to concentrate on the main points.. Hopefully stil can get a good grade.. *cross my fingers*
And finally it was sat, and I was going for a double date and ktv session (I love ktv~).. That was my first double date (i suppose so) and I was lookin forward to it.. But before the actual meeting, I would need to meet my apple first.. The last time I saw apple for more than a week ago, can imagine how much I reli missed him.. He was having a bad cough after working under the rain and hot sun during the week.. was kinda heartache to see him like that.. We went to pray pray first before heading to our next destination - orchard. Tink it had been too long since I went for a gd walk, cuz I felt as if I was like a bird who jus got released out of the cage.. haha.. Everyday jus shuffling between work and home, nearly driving me crazy.. Orchard is not a common place for apple and me, cuz it was always crowded and mayb too 'hyped' for us - not much tings that we are interested to see.. hehe..
Sidetrack again.. prior to this meeting, I had posted a blog entry abt us, and apple saw it.. There were some action plans mentioned, but I felt sooo bad that I told him 'jus be the normal apple'.. Mayb I shouldnt hv written tat blog, cuz I didnt wan him to do anything, but on the other hand, if i didnt write tat blog, I wouldnt noe I didnt wan change.. Got both sides to look at this matter.. But it made me realised one thing, and I will elaborate later..
Back to the 'story'.. During the singing session, apple couldnt sing much due to his bad cough, so most of the singing was done by me.. And when it was not my turn to sing, I was back to my usual silly routine, looking at apple again.. everytime i see his face, it jus made me realised how much i love him and dun wan him to leave me.. Love reli grows over time.. it had grew so big that i dun wan to let go/feared to lose him.. Apple is not a fantastic singer (esp wen he is sick), but hearing him sing (when others were singing) was the sweetest thing at tat moment (+ leaning beside him)..
The four of us went for dinner after the session and we parted ways after that.. It was raining again.. And strange to say, almost all my dates with apple were 'rain-free', we seldom get caught in the rain.. After a brief walk, we decided to head for home and another memorable moment came.. *slips it into my memory pocket*
It was raining very heavily when we got to the bus stop near my house, but it was almost impossible to walk home in the rain as it was quite a distance away.. So we loitered around the blocks near the bus stop, hoping the rain will be lighter wen we walked back.. actually hor, i didnt wan to go back so early too (selfish side of me), jus wished this moment can be longer and forever, bcuz too long din see him liao.. walking by the rain (at the corridor) felt so romantic at tat moment.. hehe.. we took the lift up to the highest level and took a view of the raining city, it's so beautiful.. wah~ And we walked back to the bus stop to 'look' at the street and rain.. he was standing one step above me, so i got the chance to hug him (*evil grin) and it was reli very comfy.. I was totally immersed so much tat for tat short while, it jus felt the world belonged to us only.. or i am simply "被爱冲昏了头", too overly in love..?
It was getting late, and his cough seemed to get worse, so we decided to brave the rain and walked back to my block.. As usual (if he din drive), we would take the lift to my level, 'admire the scenary a little bit more' and kiss goodbye.. hehe.. hmm.. duno y, till now, everytime he kissed me, i would stil hv the 'electrocuted' feeling and my heart would beat super fast.. 这次也不例外.. We had a good and nice one, but i started crying after tat.. oh no, wat's wrong with me..? and the funniest part was, everytime i saw him cried while watching movies, I would laugh, so this time round, when he saw me crying, he was also laughin and he took out his camera to take shots of me (lucky i covered my face).. but reli strange, i duno y i cried.. was it too long tat i didnt see him and missed him too much..? or i felt so bad abt seeing him sick..? or I was sorry and wrong abt myself in writing tat blog..? or we had a great day..? I reli dun hv an answer to this at all.. mayb the first one, cuz i remembered i kept sayin i reli missed him alot..
As it was still raining, I passed him an umbrella and I walked him to the traffic lights.. usually he wun let me do so, but i tink he noes i wanted to see him longer.. tat's the end of our saturday adventure..
He did not report for work on monday bcuz he was sick, and I was actually tinkin of droppin some food and takin a short glance of him during lunchtime, but he refused to let me do so.. but in the end, I went after work cuz jus cant put my heart down knowin that he's sick.. before i went to see him, i sent him a msg to ask how was he and lied tat i was goin to see a fren.. and before he replied, i oredi popped up at his gate.. upon seeing him, i could only described the feeling as "melted" cuz he looked so haggard and my heart ached for him again.. *jus wondering, how come my heart ached so easily after i got into a bgr..?* I sat at his hse for abt 2 hrs and it's time to go hm.. He walked me to the shelter near the traffic lights, and i was again draggin my time abit more.. but i got emotional again.. the urge of crying was there again.. faster ciaoz beta b4 i *hua-la-la*..
fast forward abit.. i met him up fri for dinner at his hse and walk walk at jur pt, tryin to look for bday presents for ppl.. and home sweet home after tat..
sat is here again.. I met him at simei, ate our lunch there, and bought a present for his fren.. he asked me along to ktv later in the evening with his army frens.. at first i wanted to bring my fren along, but she got something on, so i was tinkin not very convenient as all guys ma.. but he said it's ok.. we went to pray pray at the loyang tua pek gong temple after that.. that was the first time I went there and we passed by the place he worked.. hehe.. the sun was scorching hot wen we got to tat place.. the place was huge and magnificient.. for me, i had always been a half-past six, never a religious person though i hv a religion.. but i will stil go pray pray, but duno the proper procedures involved la.. hehe.. i followed what apple does, and prayed for everything that i can think of.. when we came out, the sky was dark and along the way to loyang point, it started to drizzle and it was pouring heavily wen we were inside.. phew~ lucky.. I got another turtle/tortoise in my collection again.. haha.. after that we proceed to my house, where he parked his car there.. we rested awhile at my hse while i freshen myself up abit..
Den we went to kbox marina for singing and that was where i saw the real apple.. tink bcuz he was recovering from his cough and flu, he became more active liao.. saw the 'crazy' side of him and got to hear alot more songs.. wahaha.. near the end of the session, i dedicated a song to him cuz found the lyrics quite similar to us.. hehe.. and of cuz it's time to go hm again.. as usual, i wil try to drag a little bit more la, but to a certain extent only.. he had spent almost half a day with me, i should be contented liao.. haha.. we walked back to his car, and under unprepared circumstances, i was kissed.. the 'electrocution' started again and my heart was beating so fast.. frankly speakin, i like tat feeling.. ur heart was pumping fast, and sth like a electricity was circulating in between the heart and stomach.. cant reli describe it.. hmm.. but i seemed to get addicted to it, and hope it would be longer everytime.. haha.. he started his car engine, and i thought no more liao.. but b4 he reli sat in his seat, i got another good and nice experience again.. haha.. but i duno y again.. i felt like crying.. kena electrocuted too much..?
oh, backtrack abit.. i liked a new term used by him, though he gave me a new nickname yest.. guinea pig.. hurh! anyway, i was sayin tat i lied to him on monday wen i went to visit him.. den he asked me which fren, i said boyfren oso fren ma.. he said that he is "more than bf", and i kept on probing, den wat does "more than bf" means? he came up with the term "honey" after a few probes.. though we were jokingly and fooling ard, i liked wat he said abt "more than bf", and i can name him honey apple instead of jus apple.. it sounds logical and reasonable too.. but i shall kept the term within us.. cuz too mushy for u all.. haha.. now looking forward to our 'rendevous' next week.. hehe..
Sunday, February 22, 2009
doubts and accepting
hmm.. wanted to write this some time ago, but jus too lazy to do it until an online chat with mr bear today.. my r'ship with apple had always been a "controversial" topic.. haha..
mr bear is definitely not the first one who commented on my r'ship, and he is like someone else, who doesnt seemed to be able to accept my way of doin tings in my r'ship.. i have been too accepting over some tings.. and tings tat i am doin now are supposedly to be done by a guy..
to cut tings short.. i dun deny that i do hv my desires and "cravings" for the tings tat most couples are doing.. and sometimes till the extent of envying them.. i could only say, this is the decision tat i had chosen and i wun regret it..
i had mentioned earlier in one of my blogs that fantasy and reality seldom coincide, and if i were to base my fantasy to look for a bf, me and apple will definitely not come to this stage today.. i belonged to those active type - who enjoys sitting on long bus journeys and explore fresh areas, dun like to stay at hm and rest, sitting by a quiet/nice site to admire the scenery.. whereas apple is my total opposite.. he doesnt like long journeys, crowded places, goin out late at nite, and prefers to stay at hm and rest.. to put it in a bad way, "i had been accomodating myself to suit his lifestyle.." and for the tings tat i had done, "i dun hv to do for him, instead he should be doin them.." or "both of us should be contributing equal efforts to the r'ship.." and "is he takin advantage of me bcuz i loved him too much tat i wun leave him..?" "dun be too gullible, naive, silly, foolish to continue to do such tings for him, as it will hurt me more wen he dun do enough back for me.."
hmm.. long before i got together with apple, i knew wat are the tings/lifestyle tat i would be facing.. it was kind of a difficult decision at one pt of time, bcuz i had been askin myself, will i be able to accept it? even so, can i bear with it for long-term..? all the tings tat i had wanted to accomplish with my loved one would probably not fulfilled at all.. i could hv done those tings alone or with friends, but the significance would definitely be different.. am i willing to do so..? my family feared that i would be cheated as i hv zero (minimal) experience in this aspects.. my friends scared i would be hurt again.. frankly speaking, i oso scared i would be hurt again.. esp wen i started to realise that both of them shared similarities in some aspects..
but i need to make a decision to step in or out, so as not sink myself too deep or waste our time.. though i encounter many self-questioning over the past 1+ year , i am stil glad to say tat i took a right move.. lookin apart from his lifestyle and minor personality clashes, he was the guy tat i knew i need to have.. someone who loves his family, empathetic, and with a kind heart.. and he had been with me most of the time wen i needed him most..
back to the lifestyle part.. tings wasnt so smooth-sailing for me, bcuz i need to adapt to some tings tat i used to dislike and nv thought i would face.. in the initial stage, everything is stil fresh, so stil can accept them, but as time goes by.. abit hard to continue.. i am started to get abit sick to hang ard in the west.. or spending time at his hse.. and i started to develop doubts in my decision, whether can i continue like tat? or is he reli the guy tat i wan to spend my remaining years with? and it can get scary, cuz all the negative tings jus popped out from nowhere.. in addition, comments from ppl ard started comin in, and i did waver abit over my decision.. esp the part where they always like to ask, "where am i in his heart?", "what has he done specially for me?" and so on.. wen i told them the list of tings he had done, i kena arrowed more cuz all those tings were either those wat he should have done (nth special at all) or i had requested from him.. the requested ones reli got my frens who are in r'ships hot and utterly disappointed in me.. haha.. and their advice would be, love urself more or talk to him abt this and see whether would he do anything to it, if not letting go might be a better option..
when tings like this happens, this is where i would try to tink of our happier times, the reasons i fell for him and so on.. and when all these tings doesnt help, i would call him to hear his voice.. his voice always gave me a form of assurance of my decision.. but i din tell him the full story of wat i hear, cuz i dun wan to hurt his feelings.. i jus hate to hurt someone's feelings; i rather absorb wat i can absorb and digest them away.. i confessed tat sometimes wat i said doesnt mean wat i am tinkin.. bcuz at the end of the day, i am stil a gal..... *din wan to elaborate more..
recently, i have been more open in sharin my thoughts with apple, and be it positive or negative, i jus let him noe.. actually, tellin him those tings doesnt mean i wan him to do something, cuz i nv like ppl to do tings for the sake of doin tings.. if no action taken, i wun get offended, but if something is done, i would take it as a bonus.. to me, all those tings tat other ppl doin are "wants", it is not a necessity but good to have.. instead i would like to focus more on my needs.. one ting for sure, i need apple to be my side, other tings are secondary or bonus..
in all my life, i had been puttin other ppl's feelin as my main concerns, and mayb like wat mr bear said, i am not loving myself at all and neglectin my desires and real needs.. but love is selfless... u lose some in order to gain some.. for me, i knew he had been a "plain jane" all along, but i oso knew i dun wan my r'ship to be always so plain everytime (simple and plain are different), cuz lost time is never recoverable.. thus i will need to tink of ways to create beautiful memories.. wenever i see him happy with my little gifts, it makes me happy too.. at least i noe my efforts doesnt gone to drain entirely.. the small little disappointment would be probably be he likes to keep tings and cant bear to use them, so i started not giving him tings to use, jus for seeing.. by now, u may be wondering, so where is his efforts in this r'ship..? i wun list them out cuz i noe i sure kena suan again.. but one of the efforts would definitely be the time he spent with me.. every sec with him is very precious, esp wen we dun get to meet everyday.. but i am stil contented with such arrangment, at least for the time being as the future lies an unknown..
sidetrack abit.. apple once asked me why i liked him so much..? at first, i oso duno the answer, and thought probably bcuz he is always there for me and so on.. then one day, while daydreamin again, i found the answer.. i liked him so much bcuz i realised he is always holdin my hands wherever we are.. cant reli explain wat's so great abt holdin hands, but it gave me a sense of security and i felt i was safe.. and mayb bcuz of his blockhead-ness.. i could see tat though he dun express himself well, it doesnt mean he dun care.. he jus duno how to express it la.. haha.. sometimes wen i heard him sayin tat "i am a lousy bf", it does hurts me a little to hear tat.. ya, he may not be like the other bfs out there, but i had never thought he is lousy, he jus too used to his own ways of doin tings and he dun like change..
there is no doubt tat there are better apples out there, but i hv a strong feeling tat i wun be happier without my 'woody' apple..
*i tink most of u would be shakin ur head and say, "haiz, hopeless case.. i washed my hands off u.. u like to do wat is ur biz.. as long as u r happy can liao.." haha.. see, i can agar predict the response.. i'm not blind, i am jus using my way to love someone.. 不在乎天长地久，只在乎曾经拥有.. and i still 拥有-ing..
mr bear is definitely not the first one who commented on my r'ship, and he is like someone else, who doesnt seemed to be able to accept my way of doin tings in my r'ship.. i have been too accepting over some tings.. and tings tat i am doin now are supposedly to be done by a guy..
to cut tings short.. i dun deny that i do hv my desires and "cravings" for the tings tat most couples are doing.. and sometimes till the extent of envying them.. i could only say, this is the decision tat i had chosen and i wun regret it..
i had mentioned earlier in one of my blogs that fantasy and reality seldom coincide, and if i were to base my fantasy to look for a bf, me and apple will definitely not come to this stage today.. i belonged to those active type - who enjoys sitting on long bus journeys and explore fresh areas, dun like to stay at hm and rest, sitting by a quiet/nice site to admire the scenery.. whereas apple is my total opposite.. he doesnt like long journeys, crowded places, goin out late at nite, and prefers to stay at hm and rest.. to put it in a bad way, "i had been accomodating myself to suit his lifestyle.." and for the tings tat i had done, "i dun hv to do for him, instead he should be doin them.." or "both of us should be contributing equal efforts to the r'ship.." and "is he takin advantage of me bcuz i loved him too much tat i wun leave him..?" "dun be too gullible, naive, silly, foolish to continue to do such tings for him, as it will hurt me more wen he dun do enough back for me.."
hmm.. long before i got together with apple, i knew wat are the tings/lifestyle tat i would be facing.. it was kind of a difficult decision at one pt of time, bcuz i had been askin myself, will i be able to accept it? even so, can i bear with it for long-term..? all the tings tat i had wanted to accomplish with my loved one would probably not fulfilled at all.. i could hv done those tings alone or with friends, but the significance would definitely be different.. am i willing to do so..? my family feared that i would be cheated as i hv zero (minimal) experience in this aspects.. my friends scared i would be hurt again.. frankly speaking, i oso scared i would be hurt again.. esp wen i started to realise that both of them shared similarities in some aspects..
but i need to make a decision to step in or out, so as not sink myself too deep or waste our time.. though i encounter many self-questioning over the past 1+ year , i am stil glad to say tat i took a right move.. lookin apart from his lifestyle and minor personality clashes, he was the guy tat i knew i need to have.. someone who loves his family, empathetic, and with a kind heart.. and he had been with me most of the time wen i needed him most..
back to the lifestyle part.. tings wasnt so smooth-sailing for me, bcuz i need to adapt to some tings tat i used to dislike and nv thought i would face.. in the initial stage, everything is stil fresh, so stil can accept them, but as time goes by.. abit hard to continue.. i am started to get abit sick to hang ard in the west.. or spending time at his hse.. and i started to develop doubts in my decision, whether can i continue like tat? or is he reli the guy tat i wan to spend my remaining years with? and it can get scary, cuz all the negative tings jus popped out from nowhere.. in addition, comments from ppl ard started comin in, and i did waver abit over my decision.. esp the part where they always like to ask, "where am i in his heart?", "what has he done specially for me?" and so on.. wen i told them the list of tings he had done, i kena arrowed more cuz all those tings were either those wat he should have done (nth special at all) or i had requested from him.. the requested ones reli got my frens who are in r'ships hot and utterly disappointed in me.. haha.. and their advice would be, love urself more or talk to him abt this and see whether would he do anything to it, if not letting go might be a better option..
when tings like this happens, this is where i would try to tink of our happier times, the reasons i fell for him and so on.. and when all these tings doesnt help, i would call him to hear his voice.. his voice always gave me a form of assurance of my decision.. but i din tell him the full story of wat i hear, cuz i dun wan to hurt his feelings.. i jus hate to hurt someone's feelings; i rather absorb wat i can absorb and digest them away.. i confessed tat sometimes wat i said doesnt mean wat i am tinkin.. bcuz at the end of the day, i am stil a gal..... *din wan to elaborate more..
recently, i have been more open in sharin my thoughts with apple, and be it positive or negative, i jus let him noe.. actually, tellin him those tings doesnt mean i wan him to do something, cuz i nv like ppl to do tings for the sake of doin tings.. if no action taken, i wun get offended, but if something is done, i would take it as a bonus.. to me, all those tings tat other ppl doin are "wants", it is not a necessity but good to have.. instead i would like to focus more on my needs.. one ting for sure, i need apple to be my side, other tings are secondary or bonus..
in all my life, i had been puttin other ppl's feelin as my main concerns, and mayb like wat mr bear said, i am not loving myself at all and neglectin my desires and real needs.. but love is selfless... u lose some in order to gain some.. for me, i knew he had been a "plain jane" all along, but i oso knew i dun wan my r'ship to be always so plain everytime (simple and plain are different), cuz lost time is never recoverable.. thus i will need to tink of ways to create beautiful memories.. wenever i see him happy with my little gifts, it makes me happy too.. at least i noe my efforts doesnt gone to drain entirely.. the small little disappointment would be probably be he likes to keep tings and cant bear to use them, so i started not giving him tings to use, jus for seeing.. by now, u may be wondering, so where is his efforts in this r'ship..? i wun list them out cuz i noe i sure kena suan again.. but one of the efforts would definitely be the time he spent with me.. every sec with him is very precious, esp wen we dun get to meet everyday.. but i am stil contented with such arrangment, at least for the time being as the future lies an unknown..
sidetrack abit.. apple once asked me why i liked him so much..? at first, i oso duno the answer, and thought probably bcuz he is always there for me and so on.. then one day, while daydreamin again, i found the answer.. i liked him so much bcuz i realised he is always holdin my hands wherever we are.. cant reli explain wat's so great abt holdin hands, but it gave me a sense of security and i felt i was safe.. and mayb bcuz of his blockhead-ness.. i could see tat though he dun express himself well, it doesnt mean he dun care.. he jus duno how to express it la.. haha.. sometimes wen i heard him sayin tat "i am a lousy bf", it does hurts me a little to hear tat.. ya, he may not be like the other bfs out there, but i had never thought he is lousy, he jus too used to his own ways of doin tings and he dun like change..
there is no doubt tat there are better apples out there, but i hv a strong feeling tat i wun be happier without my 'woody' apple..
*i tink most of u would be shakin ur head and say, "haiz, hopeless case.. i washed my hands off u.. u like to do wat is ur biz.. as long as u r happy can liao.." haha.. see, i can agar predict the response.. i'm not blind, i am jus using my way to love someone.. 不在乎天长地久，只在乎曾经拥有.. and i still 拥有-ing..
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Feb 13, 2009 - "black friday"
This year vday falls on a saturday, which means friday is on the 13th, which commonly referred as "black friday"..
On this friday, I attended a company dinner of apple at fullerton hotel.. This is not the first time I went to a place related to fullerton with apple.. The first time was back in almost 3.5 yrs ago, wen I was being "invited" to drink red wine with him and his fren at ONE fullerton, but this time is special.. bcuz it is a dream that I had always wanted to fulfill..
As a fantasy-filled gal, I had always yearned to come to that area with my loved one, for a romantic walk, tat would be a great thing.. And I had my wish fulfilled.. After being with apple for years, I agar agar noe wat his likings are, and I usually wun try my luck in askin for tings tat have a low possibility of happening.. apple have a short memory, so he might agreed to my requests wen i asked him, but after tat he might forget liao, and i dun like to remind him on those request, but on the other hand, I knew I was disappointed.. so as time goes by, I try not to raise any requests to avoid disappointments, and it reduces expectations too.. (except for reli special ones)
Frankly speaking, there are soooo many tings tat I wished I could have, but I cant be selfish and greedy, and made him to do wat i wished for the sake of doin.. yes, it would have made me happy, but at the same time, i will feel bad bcuz the real meaning of doing it is not there.. sometimes things have to be done voluntarily, and not by frequent requests.. And especially, I have a "feel bad" heart, i wil feel bad at the slightest ting tat I felt had direct/indirect affect the ppl ard me, and wil try to make up for them..
Back to the topic, fullerton/boat quay/clarke quay is one of the areas tt i thought "how nice/great it would be" if i could come here and have a stroll with my loved one.. After dinner, we had a short stroll along the river and came to another "romantic" place but was kinda disappointed.. the clarke quay tat i saw last time was so romantic, but now it was too crowded to be considered romantic.. but at least the walk was a fulfilling one.. *slip it in one of the slots of precious memories*
Actually wanted to slowly walk home from there, but apple was dead tired, it's beta to get going early.. i managed to pass my small token - cornflakes cookies to him.. it was a total crash course and sudden decision to do the cookies as time is not on my side.. i had told him tat i wun be givin him anythin, but i stil feel tat sth has to be given and with a gd meaning.. i had no time to shop for meaningful gift, and i dun wan to spend alot of $$ cuz i had been tellin him to have cheap dates - save the money to clear our future debts.. it's the thought and significance tat counts.. even the simplest cookie doesnt prove to be easy, my hands were slightly steamed by the heating process..
While chasin for the bus, apple accidentally bumped onto a metal bar, and i could see tat it hurts.. a short journey on the bus let me see alot of tings.. his tired look, painful reaction, the lines on his face and the white hairs on his head.. duno whether is it bcuz of the red wine or the effects of being in love, it jus made me felt bad to see these.. must always keep him in happy mode, so tat he wun tink so much and age faster.. hehe..
ok.. here comes the end of the day.. it's at my lift lobby and the time to part again (i have always hated this), and i tink it's time to tell him a "shy" secret.. hmm.... normally we wil bade goodbye with a kiss, but it's always a short one.. and though it is a short one, my heart will always beat very fast and have tat kind of "electrocuted" feeling which i wished the kiss could be longer abit more.. but i dare not say, cuz i'm quite reserved in this aspect to talk abt such tings.. so i managed plucked up my courage and told him this secret.. and i got another of my wish fulfilled - i had a gd and nice experience.. hehe.. felt so contented and wonderful.. great memories for this yr vday though it's a real simple one..
*afternote: i hv the tendency to dream of apple, and i had another long and continuous dream abt us again.. hmm.. tink i had reli sunk too deep inside of apple..
On this friday, I attended a company dinner of apple at fullerton hotel.. This is not the first time I went to a place related to fullerton with apple.. The first time was back in almost 3.5 yrs ago, wen I was being "invited" to drink red wine with him and his fren at ONE fullerton, but this time is special.. bcuz it is a dream that I had always wanted to fulfill..
As a fantasy-filled gal, I had always yearned to come to that area with my loved one, for a romantic walk, tat would be a great thing.. And I had my wish fulfilled.. After being with apple for years, I agar agar noe wat his likings are, and I usually wun try my luck in askin for tings tat have a low possibility of happening.. apple have a short memory, so he might agreed to my requests wen i asked him, but after tat he might forget liao, and i dun like to remind him on those request, but on the other hand, I knew I was disappointed.. so as time goes by, I try not to raise any requests to avoid disappointments, and it reduces expectations too.. (except for reli special ones)
Frankly speaking, there are soooo many tings tat I wished I could have, but I cant be selfish and greedy, and made him to do wat i wished for the sake of doin.. yes, it would have made me happy, but at the same time, i will feel bad bcuz the real meaning of doing it is not there.. sometimes things have to be done voluntarily, and not by frequent requests.. And especially, I have a "feel bad" heart, i wil feel bad at the slightest ting tat I felt had direct/indirect affect the ppl ard me, and wil try to make up for them..
Back to the topic, fullerton/boat quay/clarke quay is one of the areas tt i thought "how nice/great it would be" if i could come here and have a stroll with my loved one.. After dinner, we had a short stroll along the river and came to another "romantic" place but was kinda disappointed.. the clarke quay tat i saw last time was so romantic, but now it was too crowded to be considered romantic.. but at least the walk was a fulfilling one.. *slip it in one of the slots of precious memories*
Actually wanted to slowly walk home from there, but apple was dead tired, it's beta to get going early.. i managed to pass my small token - cornflakes cookies to him.. it was a total crash course and sudden decision to do the cookies as time is not on my side.. i had told him tat i wun be givin him anythin, but i stil feel tat sth has to be given and with a gd meaning.. i had no time to shop for meaningful gift, and i dun wan to spend alot of $$ cuz i had been tellin him to have cheap dates - save the money to clear our future debts.. it's the thought and significance tat counts.. even the simplest cookie doesnt prove to be easy, my hands were slightly steamed by the heating process..
While chasin for the bus, apple accidentally bumped onto a metal bar, and i could see tat it hurts.. a short journey on the bus let me see alot of tings.. his tired look, painful reaction, the lines on his face and the white hairs on his head.. duno whether is it bcuz of the red wine or the effects of being in love, it jus made me felt bad to see these.. must always keep him in happy mode, so tat he wun tink so much and age faster.. hehe..
ok.. here comes the end of the day.. it's at my lift lobby and the time to part again (i have always hated this), and i tink it's time to tell him a "shy" secret.. hmm.... normally we wil bade goodbye with a kiss, but it's always a short one.. and though it is a short one, my heart will always beat very fast and have tat kind of "electrocuted" feeling which i wished the kiss could be longer abit more.. but i dare not say, cuz i'm quite reserved in this aspect to talk abt such tings.. so i managed plucked up my courage and told him this secret.. and i got another of my wish fulfilled - i had a gd and nice experience.. hehe.. felt so contented and wonderful.. great memories for this yr vday though it's a real simple one..
*afternote: i hv the tendency to dream of apple, and i had another long and continuous dream abt us again.. hmm.. tink i had reli sunk too deep inside of apple..
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Sensitive topic..
Still in the process of the digesting the words that were said yest.. but felt like releasing abit out by blogging..
As usual, I went to apple's house to meet him and have dinner yest.. just b4 he took his bath and eating our dinner, he said something to me: "my mum asked us to apply a flat together.." I was definitely taken aback by his words and thought it was a joke, cuz according to wat i heard from my frens, tat's one of the lousiest way of saying: "let's get married.." after getting together with apple for almost a yr, i realised he is someone who wun do tings without planning and concurrently - which means one time only can do one ting, so i guessed it cant be real.. BUT on the other hand, these words sparks off abit of my hope and expectation unknowingly..
*will skip the middle part where we were shoppin at jur pt*
During the ride home, i asked or rather, i verified with him on whether he meant the words he said earlier.. He said ya, *stop for a sec*, but need to plan and start saving money first.. den he continued by starting to mention abt marriage.. as usual, i was shocked for a sec, but back to normal wen he continued.. he said now govt got increase the 'rebate' for buyin a new hse, and moreover he wan to stay near parents, so can get more rebate too.. den he said wait for me to finish my studies, and we will proceed with the next step in rabbit or dragon yr.. i kept quiet for awhile and said that i will grad next yr, and he said that mayb i wan to change job, den need time to settle down, so rabbit or dragon is better.. i duno wat to say to most of his words, so i only replied "ok".. wen it was abt to reach my place, he was mumbling abt sth, seemed like he is counting his age.. den i got hm and it's time to say goodbye to him again..
*afterwords*
the words had been hovering my mind for a day again.. and it was such a coincidence tat my colleagues were talkin me and marriage the day b4.. weird.. hmm.. kinda difficult to describe how i felt now, but i guessed i can be okay again.. maybe it's my problem.. or i had been tinkin too gd abt tings and started to become a little bit selfish.. or tinkin too much esp wen the r'ship between us have been quite stable now.. so i started to tink abt the next stage of life at times.. but fantasy and reality are 2 different matters, yet i always like to mix them together bcuz reality is very hurting.. i always tink of the fantasy side wen tings goes wrong.. i dun deny tat i was abit disappointed initially to hear tat it would be another 2 or 3 yrs.. it made me felt it's very far though time flies fast.. apple is growing older by the day, and so do i.. i would be 27 or 28 by then.. and it oso take some time to expand the family - it's not as if u wan den u wil get de.. the thought of it sianz me abit.. i am not desperate to get married off, and i wun do anythin to tell apple anytin.. it's his choice and i told him i will let him decide..
but after tinkin for awhile, some tings jus cant be rushed.. mayb we would be at a better position to do tings.. marriage is a lifetime ting, if we wan it to be memorable, alot of effort would have to be put it to make it happen.. though no one can determine anythin might happen this few years, as long as we believe in one another, tings will definitely turn out right.. apple is mine now, and i will make him mine always (abit too greedy hor..?)
As usual, I went to apple's house to meet him and have dinner yest.. just b4 he took his bath and eating our dinner, he said something to me: "my mum asked us to apply a flat together.." I was definitely taken aback by his words and thought it was a joke, cuz according to wat i heard from my frens, tat's one of the lousiest way of saying: "let's get married.." after getting together with apple for almost a yr, i realised he is someone who wun do tings without planning and concurrently - which means one time only can do one ting, so i guessed it cant be real.. BUT on the other hand, these words sparks off abit of my hope and expectation unknowingly..
*will skip the middle part where we were shoppin at jur pt*
During the ride home, i asked or rather, i verified with him on whether he meant the words he said earlier.. He said ya, *stop for a sec*, but need to plan and start saving money first.. den he continued by starting to mention abt marriage.. as usual, i was shocked for a sec, but back to normal wen he continued.. he said now govt got increase the 'rebate' for buyin a new hse, and moreover he wan to stay near parents, so can get more rebate too.. den he said wait for me to finish my studies, and we will proceed with the next step in rabbit or dragon yr.. i kept quiet for awhile and said that i will grad next yr, and he said that mayb i wan to change job, den need time to settle down, so rabbit or dragon is better.. i duno wat to say to most of his words, so i only replied "ok".. wen it was abt to reach my place, he was mumbling abt sth, seemed like he is counting his age.. den i got hm and it's time to say goodbye to him again..
*afterwords*
the words had been hovering my mind for a day again.. and it was such a coincidence tat my colleagues were talkin me and marriage the day b4.. weird.. hmm.. kinda difficult to describe how i felt now, but i guessed i can be okay again.. maybe it's my problem.. or i had been tinkin too gd abt tings and started to become a little bit selfish.. or tinkin too much esp wen the r'ship between us have been quite stable now.. so i started to tink abt the next stage of life at times.. but fantasy and reality are 2 different matters, yet i always like to mix them together bcuz reality is very hurting.. i always tink of the fantasy side wen tings goes wrong.. i dun deny tat i was abit disappointed initially to hear tat it would be another 2 or 3 yrs.. it made me felt it's very far though time flies fast.. apple is growing older by the day, and so do i.. i would be 27 or 28 by then.. and it oso take some time to expand the family - it's not as if u wan den u wil get de.. the thought of it sianz me abit.. i am not desperate to get married off, and i wun do anythin to tell apple anytin.. it's his choice and i told him i will let him decide..
but after tinkin for awhile, some tings jus cant be rushed.. mayb we would be at a better position to do tings.. marriage is a lifetime ting, if we wan it to be memorable, alot of effort would have to be put it to make it happen.. though no one can determine anythin might happen this few years, as long as we believe in one another, tings will definitely turn out right.. apple is mine now, and i will make him mine always (abit too greedy hor..?)
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