Monday, December 31, 2007

其实幸福(可以)很简单。。

Met up with Kel a few days ago to share our stories.. Was sitting at the viewing gallery at Changi Airport, seeing the planes taking off.. Duno y, we will make it a pt to go to the airport to sit n talk in most of our meetings, probably it's reli calm our nerves/put our guards down..

Kel is one fortunate n blissful man now.. He managed to find the one he loves finally, and it's reli happy to see him now as he was totally different person in the past.. He was someone who worked (almost) non stop everyday, n was abit stingy(..?) wen it comes to spending money while going out, but yearned for a gf..

I knew him long long time ago, but it was only recent years tat i got contact with him again.. On one occasion, we were talkin abt bgr matters again, n i gave my point of view towards his lifestyle.. I remembered telling him tat 钱是永远赚不完的, and u yearned to find a gf, yet u r not willing to forgo any time to earn money to spend for "her"..? I din expect my words (mayb a few other ppl) was able to change his perceptive towards money n time..

I could see his change these mths.. his life is not so packed as before.. found the love of his life.. doing romantic tings tat i wil never imagine him doin.. and oso planning his future with her included..

Back to the topic.. I was very anxious to find out wat did he do for his gf this time, bcuz he is someone always full of romantic surprises, such as bakin a cake for her bday, cooking for her.. This time round is another happening.. he bought a bouquet of flowers while takin her on citytour bus, n got the tour guide to help him.. he got a round of loud applause from fellow tourists and after hearing, i was like.. "so sweet of him.." Now he had brought the gal back to see his family, next is he will follow her back to her country to see her parents.. and tink they will be stepping into the red carpet in no time.. Jus like any fairytale like story.. Lived happily ever after..

He gave me see some of his sms exchange with his gf, n i realised tat they both cherished one another.. Den it was my turn to share my story.. Thou envious of his romantic story, I was not tempted to look forward to it, cuz I discovered my story is an unique one, or rather, all love stories are different from each other.. thus I derived the following phrase to describe mine..

其实幸福(可以)很简单。。

A love story need not to be very complicated, like goin for expensive places for special occasion, or have to do romantic tings for the other party.. i stil believe tat if u reli like someone, u wil noe wat to do for the other party automatically.. simplicity is happiness.. 简单就是幸福!

Friday, December 28, 2007

暗恋 vs. 喜欢 vs. 爱

3 different stages of love..

暗恋是。。。You get to know someone, and mayb as time goes by, you two became good frens, but you know nothin much about the other party, such as his habits/lifestyle/characteristics and so on.. You slowly developed a form of admiration towards him, bcuz you felt attracted to him (to his outer characteristics..?) 暗恋是最纯的一种,间中带有一点苦涩。。。

喜欢是。。。the next stage of admiration..? This is where you get to know more about the lifestyle/habits/hobbies/characteristics of the person bcuz he give you the chance to see those things you are unaware of all along.. The transition (from admiration) came when you realised that you are still attracted to him even after knowing wat kind of person he is.. 喜欢可以是甜蜜的,但也可以是痛苦的。。。

爱是。。。 probably the last stage.. this is a stage where you reli love someone without any valid reason.. 爱一个人是不需要任何理由的。。。

This post is sth significant to me as I've been thru the 1st stage many times, 2nd stage a few times, and as for the 3rd stage - I suppose soon-to-be..

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Updates after Missing in Action..

Dear readers, got miss me? Hehe.. (Provided I have readers to my blog..) It had been a long time since I updated my blog, at most only drop some articles that I found on net.. It's time for me to update as the year is coming to an end soon..

Year 2007 had been an eventful year for me bcuz some changes came to my life and I made some changes too..

I ended my 29 months in fairprice, rotted for abt 2.5 mths before I engaged myself in a new work environment (Community Chest under National Council of Social Service).. Though I have joined the company for almost a mth, I'm still in the stage of getting used to everything as it's reli a totally different environment.. There used to be so many staff under me, now I'm the lowest among the others.. Felt abit small initially bcuz ppl of my age who got the qualifications are of a higher post than me, n moreover I'm doing alot of admin work - kind of no challenge at all.. BUT I believed, given my capabilities, I will be able to handle more impt projects in the near future..

It's kinda 舍不得 to leave fairprice, afterall I have spent my "growing up" years there, n there are so many beautiful memories tat I had left behind, getting to know so many people from all walks of life and background, but I really have to go bcuz we should always look ahead, n I stil have a long road ahead of me.. It's time for me to get interacted with different types of environment and ppl.. Next is I'm a little bit sick of tat kind of lifestyle, having to forfeit PH/offdays (thou it can be very fun during these days), mayb it's time to look for a stable job.. "Putting Down the Past, and Moving On to the Future.."

Another thing to update is probably abt things between me and apple.. I am "honored" to say tat things have been progressing well till now, especially during this month.. I wun touch on the story between us, bcuz it will be super long-winded and will sound abit too dramatic.. Thou we are stil of "unknown" status, but I can say tat we are "somewhere there" to the next stage.. Til now, I stil find it abit hard to digest the fact tat both of us will land up together, bcuz this is sth tat I never given a thought before, probably jus fantacising abt having a guy like him.. (Mayb it's fated tat we will meet in our lifetime..?)

From being jus a big bro to me when I first knew him, to a pillar to lean on when I needed most, and to someone whom I cared for now, this series of events is something tat I would never dream of.. I hv absolute no answer to when he started to have feelings for me, neither do I noe when I started to hv feelings for him too.. (interesting, rite?) Mayb like wat he said tat day, the feeling jus grew gradually..

For the past 6 mths, it can be considered as the most "obvious' period, whereby we could see something is going on, but it is oso a period full of uncertainties and confirmations for me.. Mayb bcuz of prev. experience, I'm tend to be more careful this time round, n consulted alot of guy frens for their opinions n analysis.. I heard both pros n cons from my frens, which at one pt of time, I was tinkin tat wil history repeats itself bcuz thou I might appear strong on the outside, I'm rather weak when it comes to matters of the heart as I am scared of being hurt again.. If tings doesnt turn out well this time, I'm afraid tat I wil totally lose hope in bgr..

Was reading thru my calender in my hp, where I wrote lots of notes b4 I went to slp each nite, and I realised tat I am reli a "tink too much" person, yet I jus cant kick away my habit.. There are many sweet memories written in it, n everytime I read, it jus refreshes my mind and bring me back to the day tat the event happened.. There was a period of time where I felt like givin up on the "unknown" status, as it looked very stagnant, n due to the reason tat we r both "shy", we din touch on much topics abt ourselves.. And some frens ard me were tellin me to give up/learnt to love myself more/stop wasting ur youth waiting & alot more.. But I jus one ear go in and let it digest in my mind.. Thou I can be abit conflicting in my words n actions, I stil understand myself beta than others.. I noe tat if I were to step in further, I will scare of being hurt, if I step out, I will not bear to give up on tat r'ship.. In the end, I chose to listen to my heart n follow wat I feel rite to do..

Luckily and fortunately, I did not do anything silly, n proved that my waiting din come to a waste.. Thou I stil dun reli understand of the sudden progress between us this month, but I can sense that it is a gd start.. I could see him puttin more efforts in, such as bringing me to more places around his place rather than jus the regular ones.. Especially the trip to the temple on xmas day which I realised one ting tat I am attracted to him.. It's tat kind of seriousness/devotion in something tat I saw his "charming" side.. Other than tat, we can be considered as the "cute" gang, cuz we find each other cute in some ways.. I personally tink tat I'm cute in my silly-ness n stupid-ness.. Haha.. As for him, he is cute in his ways which have too many to describe..

It might sound as if I'm sayin aloud tat I have found my Prince Charming finally, but in fact it's not the case, as this r'ship is actually a surprise one, something tat I din expect.. One more thing, no one is perfect, and this applies to the both of us.. Our story behind is similar to a fairytale, yet realistic enough to happen in real life.. I duno wat lies ahead for the both of us, but I noe it will take alot of efforts and barriers for the both of us to overcome in the near future, given tat each of us have different personalities n characteristics..

Last paragraph is meant for Mr. Bear if u happen to see this.. I noe it's best to love myself more so that I can love others, but I got my own definition from this phrase.. the way tat I love myself is by listening to what my heart says, in this case, I chose to love someone.. I saw ur blog, and this is my two cents' worth of comment.. Listen to wat ur heart tells u to do/follow.. Dun purposely suppress ur feelings towards the gal u mentioned in the blog.. wat for making ur conscious and sub-conscious mind fighting each other? why make urself feel so difficult in the situation.. I may not be able understand from ur plight as every one has a different story behind.. Jiayou my fren..

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

當我老了

當我老了 , 不再是原來的我 .
請理解我 , 對我有一點耐心 .
當我把菜湯洒到的衣服上時 , 當我忘記怎樣系鞋帶時 ,
請想一想當初我是如何牽著你的手教你 .

當我一遍又一遍的重复你早已聽膩的話語 ,
請耐心的聽我說 , 不要打斷我 .
你從小的時候 , 我不得不重复那個我講過千百遍的故事 , 直到你進入夢鄉 .

當我需要你幫我洗澡時 , 請不要責备我 . 還記得小時候我千方百計哄你洗澡的情形嗎 ?

當我對新科技和新事物不知所措時 , 請不要嘲笑我 . 想一想當初我怎樣耐心地去回答你每一個 ” 為什麼 ” .

當我由于双脚疲勞而無法行走時 ,
請伸出你年輕有力的手攙扶我 .
就像你小時候學習走路時 , 我扶你那樣 .

當我忽然忘記我們談話的主題 , 請給我一些時間去回想 . 其實對我來說 , 談論什麼并不重要 , 只要你能在一旁聽我說 , 我就很滿足了 .

當你看著老去的我 , 請不要悲傷 .
理解我 , 支持我 , 就像你剛開始學習如何生活時我對你那樣 .

當初我引導你走上人生的路 ,
如今請陪我走完最後的路 , 給我你的愛和耐心 , 我會報以感激的微笑 .
這微笑中凝結著我對你無限的愛 .

Friday, November 09, 2007

Inspiring Notes..

Notes #1
This teenager lived alone with his mother, and the two of them had a very special relationship. Even though theson was always on the bench, his mother was always in the stands cheering. She never missed a game. This young man was still the smallest of the class when he entered high school. But his mother continued to encourage him but also made it very clear that he did not have to play football if he didn't want to.

But the young man loved football and decided to hang in there. He was determined to try his best at every practice, and perhaps he'd get to play when he became a senior.

All through high school he never missed a practice nor a game, but remained a bench warmer all four years.His faithful mother was always in the stands, always with words of encouragement for him. When the young man went to college, he decided to try out for the football team as a "walk-on." Everyone was sure he could never make the cut, but he did. The coach admitted that he kept him on the roster because he always puts his heart and soul into every practice, and at the same time, provided the other members with the spirit and hustle they badly needed.

The news that he had survived the cut thrilled him so much that he rushed to the nearest phone and called his mother. His mother shared his excitement and was sent season tickets for all the college games. This persistent young athlete never missed practice during his four years at college, but he never got to play in the game. It was the end of his senior football season, and as he trotted onto the practice field shortly before the big playoff game, the coach met him with a telegram.

The young man read the telegram and he became deathly silent.

Swall owing hard, he mumbled to the coach, "My mother died this morning. Isit all right if I miss practice today?" The coach put his arm gentlyaround his shoulder and said, "Take the rest of the week off, son. And don't even plan to come back to the game on Saturday. Saturday arrived, and the game was not going well. In the third quarter, when the team was ten points behind, a silent young man quietly slipped into the empty locker room and put on his football gear.

As he ran onto the sidelines, the coach and his players were astounded to see their faithful teammate back so soon. "Coach, please let me play. I've just got to play today," said theyoung man. The coach pretended not to hear him.There was no way he wanted his worst player in this close playoff game.

But the young man persisted, and finally feeling sorry for the kid, the coach gave in."All right," he said. "You can go in." Before long, the coach, the players and everyone in the stands could not believe their eyes. This little unknown, who had never played before was doing everything right. The opposing team could not stop him. He ran, blocked and tackled like a star. His team began to triumph. The score was soon tied. In the closing seconds of the game, this kid intercepted a pass and ran all the way for the winning touchdown. The fans broke loose. His teammates hoisted him onto their shoulders. Such cheering you've never heard!

Finally, after the stands had emptied and the team had showered and left the locker room, the coach noticed that the young man was sitting quietly in the corner all alone. The coach came to him and said, "Kid, I can't believe it. You were fantastic! Tell me what got into you?How did you do it?" He looked at the coach, with tears in his eyes, and said, "Well, you knew my mom died, but did you know that my mom was blind?" The young man swallowed hard and forced a smile, "Mom came to all my games, but today was the first time she could see me play, and I wanted to show her I could do it!"

Notes #2
Dear Friends,
Have you ever loved someone and they had absolutely no idea whatsoever?
Or fell for you're best friend in the entire world, and then sat around and watched him/her fall for someone else?
Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle?
We tell lies when we are afraid....afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us.
But every time we tell a lie...the thing we fear grows stronger.
Have you ever noticed that the worst way to miss someone is when they are right beside you and yet you can never have them...when the moment you can't feel them under your fingertips you miss them?
Have you ever wondered which hurts the most; saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing and wishing you had?
I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say. Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them.
If you do, they might break your heart ... but if you don't, you might break theirs.
Have you ever decided not to become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person?
Your heart decides who it likes and who it doesn't.
You can't tell your heart what to do.
It does it on its own...when you least suspect it, or even when you don't want it to.
Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you?
Too many of us stay walled because we are too afraid tocare too much...for fear that the other person does not care as much, or that all Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump.
Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have, or could have had.
No one waits forever...
When the tears just won't Stop falling down*
I'll be there*
So you see I'll be there until the end*
T his is a promise I can make*
If you ever need me*
Just give me a call and.*
I'll be there...*

Notes#3
If a girl cries in front of you, it means that she couldn't take it anymore...
If you take her hand, she would stay with you for the rest of your life; if you let her go, she couldn't go back to being herself anymore...(VERY TRUE!!!)
A girl wont cry easily, Except infront of the person who she love the most, she becomes weak..(VERY TRUE!!!)
A girl wont cry easily, only when she loves you the most, she put down her ego.
Guys, if a girl cries bcoz of you, please hold her hands firmly, she's the one who would stay with you for the rest of your life.
Guys, if a girl cries bcoz of you, please dont give her up, maybe bcoz of your decision, you ruin her life.
When she cry rite in front of you, when she cry bcoz of you, Look into her eyes, Can u see n feel the pain n hurt she's feeling?
Think....Which other girl have cried wif pure sincerity, In front of you, And becoz ofyou?
She cry not because she is weak, She cry not bcoz she wan sympathy or pity, She cry, Because crying silently is no longer possible, the pain, hurt, n agony have become too big a burden to be kept inside...
Guys, Think about it...If a girl cry her heart out 2 you, And all because of you, Its time to look back on wat u have done, Only you will know the answer to it.
Do consider it. Coz one day....It may be too late for regrets, It may be too late to say "im sorry".
To my friends...Ponder this message seriously.
Do not do dis to a girl, You may regret for the rest of your life.
Maybe in your life, she's the only one that love YOU the most.
Girls.. If u eva cry 4 a guy u love alot..
Guys.. If u hav a gal who cry 4 u..think wat u should do straight away

Friday, October 12, 2007

He & Her

巨蟹座的男人

  我不知道你遇见的是个什么样的巨蟹座,单就外在给人的感觉,他们基本上分为两大类:一是温和亲切,丝毫不给人压迫感,另一种则别扭挑剔,让人觉得很“难搞”的样子。

  但是不论他是属于哪一类,当你们真的深入交往之后,你都会觉得他的个性阴晴不定,难以捉摸。他有时侯温柔体贴,有时冷漠,有时仁慈善良,有时严苛得不近人情。但是,只要他是个巨蟹座的男子,他必定有一颗温柔而敏感的心。他的多变,并不是个性如此,而是他的情绪太容易受外界事物的影响,想要真的了解他并不是件容易的事。

  保护自己是巨蟹座的本能。他很少会一下子让你了解他太多,他很少会把自己的情绪或感情赤裸的表白。他本能的保护着自的脆弱多情的心,你要给他很多安全感。大多数的巨蟹男子都很害羞,很害怕自己被拒绝。就算他在追求你的时侯,他也尽量做到好象不是在追求你的样子。

  当他电话来约你的时侯,几乎很少会立刻切入主题,他总是会在跟你聊了半天,绕了好几个圈子之后,才说:“听说有一家新开的意大利菜不错,我们要不要一起去吃吃看?”

  巨蟹座的追求方式是不具有攻击性的,他的态度始终很和缓。可是,如果你真的有事不能去,或是你那天不想出门的话。你拒绝他的方式可千万要很委婉,否则,你很可能因此伤害到他。当他不安的时侯,可能有两种反应,一种是像寄居蟹似的躲进壳里去,另一种则是像大螃蟹一样用钳子乱咬人。

  巨蟹座的男人很在意别人对他的尊重。如果你是个粗心大意的女生,你可能常常弄不懂他为什么突然扳着一张脸,他太敏感了,你的一个轻蔑的眼神,或是一句玩笑话,都可能让那个好不容易提起勇气的巨蟹情人,马上躲进壳子里去。想要让他再勇敢的走出来,恐怕得下好一番功夫啰。

  如果你是个急性子的女孩,那么巨蟹座的追求方式,可能会让你有些不耐烦。他可能一天跟你打了好几通电话,晚上陪你吃饭,饭后跟你散步,然后带你到他家,把他从小到大的奖状、照片、收集,全搬出来给你看,全部看完了之后,你回家的时间也就到了。如果你也是个害羞含蓄的人,那你们恐怕得重复这样的节目无数次。我诚恳的建议你,如果你真的喜欢他,不妨稍微主动一点,给他一点“明显”的暗示(真的要很“明显”,否则害羞的巨蟹男子,还是会觉得没把握)。你们之间的交往会进展的很快。马上就会看到他热情缠绵的一面了。

  跟敏感而且情绪化的巨蟹座男人相处,温柔的对他是唯一的方式。

  当你们的感情进展到一个阶段之后,当他对你的感情愈来愈深的时侯,他会感觉不安。他会一再的试探你,他喜欢你不断的证明自己对他的感情。不要不耐烦,这一切都表示他真的在乎你。在他觉安全的情况下,他是个最细心,最体贴的男人。

  当你们闹别扭的时侯,“哭”跟“撒娇”是比较好的方式,很少有一个巨蟹座的男人能够对着一双泪汪汪的眼睛发脾气。你们马上就可以和解了,而且往往是不战而胜。

  千万不要凶着一张脸对他大吼大叫,这样一来造成的伤害往往比原先的意见不合更严重。他会觉得你不尊重他,不爱他了,你从原告变成被告的情况,可能常会发生。巨蟹座男人生气的时侯是很难取悦的,请不要自找麻烦。

  嫁给巨蟹座的老公,是件轻松愉快的事,第一,他是个喜欢做家事的居家男人,但是千万别在他做家事的时侯,跷个腿在客厅里看电视,那太伤他的心了,请在他身边用温柔感谢的眼光看着他,他会做得非常起劲。他很有金钱观念,多数巨蟹座的男人对赚钱的兴趣比花钱高得多,因为金钱往往会给他安全感,他并不吝啬,但是,他不会喜欢你花钱去买一些没“价值”的东西。如果你花了很多钱去买流行的饰品,他会觉得有点浪费。他宁愿帮你买一颗钻石,因为钻石起码可以“保值”。对他而言,“价值感”是很重要的,你最好培养自己正确的花钱观念。

  对了!千万不要随便丢他的旧东西,对怀旧的巨蟹座来说,一本旧书,或是一个破闹钟,都可能是他的无价之宝。我认识很多巨蟹座的男人都有收集的嗜好,有的收藏古董、还有的收集火柴盒。

  对人讲述他的收集品的来源,对他来说是一大乐事,你最好能分享他的嗜好,如果你实在没兴趣,至少不要在他重复地把那些“旧东西”搬出来欣赏的时侯,唠唠叨叨的数落个没完。

  缅怀过去的人、事、物,对他是种享受,也是一辈子改不了的习惯。其实,你应该很高兴。对怀旧的他来说你可能也是愈老愈值钱呢!很多巨蟹座男人对母亲有着依恋的情感。温柔的母亲可能是他成长过程中最大的依赖,在你们的交往过程中,你可能不时的听到他提起:“我妈妈…”。

  不要没道理的吃醋,不要故意唱反调。聪明的你,最好不要制造婆媳问题,你要尊重你的婆婆,让他教你怎么照顾你的螃蟹,那不就是化阻力为助力了吗?偶尔你可能会觉得缺乏成就感,因为巨蟹座的男人通常都把自己照顾得太好了。我认识的每一个蟹座男人,几乎都是皮鞋擦得雪亮,衬衫和西裤上的线条烫得平平整整的,他们做家事的本领常常比太太高明。如果你热心的帮他做这些事,他可能会嫌你做得不够快,不够好呢。不要生气,你应该乐得轻松才对啊!不过还是要记得常常夸奖他的能干,常常表示出乐于为他服务的样子,你会过得既轻松,又愉快。

  永远记得“温柔”就是你最有力的武器。

  巨蟹座的男人与“性”

  巨蟹座的男人在“性”的方面,仍然保持了一贯的腼腆,因此他很少会有粗暴的表现,也很难有大胆的调情。但是他始终很进入情况,如果你要求的是非常“完整”而且激情的性爱,你应该居于主导的地位:让他感觉到你对他的渴望,将会是莫大的鼓舞。如果他真的爱你,巨蟹座的男人在这一方面是非常忠实的。

  巨蟹座的爸爸

  他对孩子的照顾可以说是无微不至,他的细心和关怀,让孩子很清楚的感觉到无限的爱。

  他对孩子的耐性可能还远超过你。很少男人能像蟹座的男人,在孩子身上花那么多的时间,正因为如此,当孩子渐渐长大不再那么需要他的时侯,他会觉得难过,甚至不愿面对这样的事实。

  孩子可能会开始埋怨他给他们的限制太多了,你应该从一开始就尽量开导他,避免这样的情况发生,而且你要不断的提醒他,就算有一天孩子长大了,离开了,你还是会永远陪在他身边的。
处女座的女人

  你想拥有一个处女座的女子吗?首先,请把肩膀上的头皮拍一拍,头发梳梳整齐,指甲剪干净,换一套清清爽爽(还带点洗衣粉香味)的衣服。然后你再慢慢的走近她。处女座的女子虽不见得个个貌美如花,但她百分之百是干净、清爽的。而且,她会要求你同样合乎她的标准。

  很多人对处女座的女人有着传统、纯洁、保守的印象。就像古时侯养在深宅大院的黄花大闺女。关于这一点我们可得要修正一下。

  处女座的女性比较含蓄害羞是没错的,你几乎无法看到一个处女座的女人在大庭广众大声喧哗,或是作出夸张的粗俗的动作。他们很细致,很像个大家闺秀的样子。至于是否纯洁、传统、保守,那就得看你对这些形容词如何解释了。

  处女座的女人虽然不会是女性运动的发启者,但也绝不会传统盲目的接受一些不合理的安排。她虽然很少大声疾呼,但内心却很有自已的主张,而且固执的很呢!对于爱情、婚姻,她当然十分尊重,同时她也会尽心尽力的付出。但是当认定了这是一段不值得眷恋的感情之后,她会义无反顾的转身而去。平时的她,看起来总有一种宁静安详的气质,但请不要因此而忽略她绝顶冷静、实际的头脑。

  处女座的女子往往会传达出一股自我压抑的气氛。这对许多男性来说,反到是一种特殊的吸引力。不过你千万不要用过度热情的方式追求她,粗俗的求爱行动会把她吓跑的。处女座的女人的确会压抑自已的情绪,但是她绝对不是没有情绪。只是你必须要有耐性罢了。寻找到理想中爱情的处女座女子,是非常热情而且浪漫的。这一点肯定值得你期待。

  你一定听说过,她是个完美主义者,一切事情都要求尽善尽美。处女座的女人实在很难忍受一个粗心大意笨手笨脚的人。还好她不是个喜欢要求别人帮忙的人,多数的时侯,她都会把自已的事情打理的妥妥贴贴,只是拜托你不要鸡婆的去打扰她就行了。

  而至于你所做的事情,如果你要请教她意见的话,最好先有一点心理准备。处女座的女人总能在你认为一切完美的情况下挑出一大堆毛病来。真的,她们往往有着与生俱来的分析与批评能力。我认识一对夫妻,太太是处女座的,她的老公有一次告诉我说:“我们结婚快十年了,好象从来没有做过任何事情是完全符合她的标准的。她总会在我刚打扫完的浴室里找出一大堆头发。我刚洗过的碗上面发现油渍。我刚记完的帐上挑出错误。我学聪明了,这些事儿干脆全拜托她了,省得自已呕!”这一招倒是挺管用的,也正因为如此,处女座的女人往往给人一种辛勤工作的印象,反正,能者多劳嘛!

  不过,你最好要记得,不要随便批评一个处女座女人。关于这一点她们的确是比较缺乏雅量的。在任何情况下,要她低头认错都是很困难的。或许你会觉得不公平,但是请你了解她严苛的自我要求已经对自已造成很大的压力了,别人的批评她自然会受不了!其实她嘴上不承认,心里可明白的很!

  不要对你的处女座情人诉说一大堆遥不可及的梦想,她要的可是真真实实的人生。你那些不够实际的计划,会被她批评的漏洞百出。结果只是你自已讨没趣而已。但凭良心说,当你真的遇到问题的时侯,处女座的女人是非常好的谈话对象。她会非常乐意为你分忧解劳。同时,以她冷静清晰的头脑,帮你理出事情的头绪。处女座的女人总是能以理性而且温和的态度,扮演好一个贤内助的角色。

  你们的家会很干净,但也可能太干净了一些。我有个朋友说他最害怕请朋友到家里去了,因为他那位处女座的太太总是五分钟倒一次烟灰缸。要不就是把客人喝了还剩小半杯的咖啡,以迅雷不及掩耳的速度收走。只要是有人用过洗手间,她一定赶快进去清理一遍。弄得大家都十分的尴尬。当然,你的那位处女座小姐应该不至于那么离谱。不过,你还是要有心理准备。她可能每天得花一两个小时在浴室里,从头洗到脚,她可是一丝不苟,而且,她讨厌你催她。

  不要打乱她的生活秩序,处女座的女孩喜欢生活按部就班,如果你迟到、爽约,把她的时刻表弄得一团糟,她会非常生气。当一个处女座女子生气的时侯,她虽然不会张牙舞爪,但是她会一条条的数落你的罪状,遣辞用句精准有力。而你唯一的办法就是诚心认错,别做无谓的辩驳。

  娶了她,你就有了一个一流的会计师。你的帐本会清清楚楚,分毫不差。她不会喜欢闹情绪。她会把自已打理的整整齐齐,不让自已变成黄脸婆。你每天下班回家,都会有热腾腾的晚餐。至于你的一切烦脑,她都会乐于分担,他会耐心的听你诉苦、冷静的为你分析。你知道她是个完美主义者,她会努力地做一个完美的妻子。

  因此,对于她那点吹毛求疵的毛病。和她要求你每天一定要洗澡的要求,你当然应该“欣然”的接受啦!

  处女座的女人与“性”

  顾名思义,处女座的女子在性方面是内向而害羞的。虽然她内心对这一件事情有着无比的渴望与好奇,但实际付诸行动仍要耗费许多时间和努力。

  同时,许多处女座的女性在性方面有着洁僻的倾向。过度的调情会让她心生恐惧。明亮的场所,大胆的动作,她都很排斥。但本身器官的感应度十分敏锐。对异性来说反而有另一种型态的性感。

  处女座的女人与十二个星座的男人

  1 白羊座:虽然属向不合,却常有配对的可能。彼此之间有着特殊的吸引力。

  2 金牛座:他的稳重踏实,是你欣赏的特质。而你的含蓄内敛,正是他所追求的女性典型。

  3 双子座:你们彼此都欣赏对方冷静机智的头脑。但做事的方法却有很大的差异。

  4 巨蟹座:他谨慎含蓄的态度,让你觉得与他相处是一件愉快的事。不过你们都应该学习避免挑剔对方的毛病。

  5 狮子座:你或许不太能接受他有些夸耀的态度。而你的爱的方式,或许对他来说不够热情。

  6 处女座:过多相同的时侯,会让你们一起工作时得到共鸣,但失去创意。至于“来电”的感觉,恐怕有待努力。

  7 天秤座:在许多方面你们都能配合的很好。至于实际的生活,天秤座的男人讲求的是“大原则”,而处女座的你可就太注重细节了。

  8 天蝎座:你们之间的距离可以拉得很近,天蝎座的男人有能力激发出你原本压抑的热情。

  9 射手座:虽然他的粗心急躁跟你的谨慎保守完全不同,但这样的男人却很容易成为你牵肠挂肚的对向。

  10 摩羯座:你们相处在一起的气氛可能有点沉闷,但彼此却是可以了解与配合的对象。

  11 水瓶座:你们的思想方式有很大的差距。所幸彼此都不是很有支配欲的人,因此和平相处的问题不大。

  12 双鱼座:虽然彼此都很乐于分担对方的喜乐忧伤,但是,基本上双鱼座的浪漫和处女座的实际却有着很大的冲突。

Saturday, September 22, 2007

One definite answer..

i always have the habit of keeping msn conversation history, so tat i can flip back to see wat had i written these yrs.. i was extracting my old msn history fr my laptop as it had spoilt, i wana keep it before it's being thrown away.. it happened tat i was viewin the conversation between me n apple.. i realised tat i had reli changed from a "green & ignorant" gal to a slightly beta gal over these 2+ yrs.. many tings had happened within the short 2.5 yrs n lots of changes were being seen too.. n i'm rather confirmed with wat kind of answer tat i will be givin, unless something happen tat changes my mind..

Friday, September 14, 2007

..sadded..

Today is a day where all emotions came to overcome me, n alot of thoughts came into my mind, which pushes me to write this blog.. Have an urge to cry, but I didnt.. In the end, I guess I didnt have the courage to let apple noe abt this verbally..

.....my last day in fp

I didnt shed a single tear today, bcuz I didnt wan them to see me cry.. I came here happily, thus I wana leave here happily too.. I was very upset, bcuz I had gained many knowledge, frens n experience there.. many gd n bad memories there.. we are just like one big family.. I loved them as my family..

.....inferiority strikes me again..

I was told tat my grandma was diagnosed with diabetes last nite.. upon hearin, I was kinda accepting, but I knew the same old prob wil come back again.. the internal affairs.. something I always hated.. something I am very sick of.. something tat I had always kept a blind eye to it.. money issue within e family.. as my grandma wil require medicine n treatment, takin care of her n money became an issue.. someone suggested hirin a maid to take care of her, bt my uncle actually said this: who dare to hire maid, den tat family hv to take her home, bcuz everyone treated her as a "trouble".. now they r suggestin to send her to a daycare centre or old folk's home, n e siblings wil hv to share.. n I knew they sure r calculative abt the money.. everyone started to list out their difficulties n blah blah blah, tryin to siam..

there are so much more to be touched on, but I'm not in the mood to continue..

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Apple?

I had done an interesting ting last nite.. I sent a sms to apple, tellin him sth tat i nv reli told him b4, cuz it had been in my mind for the last 3 nites.. e reason tat i sent out tat sms is i was reli moved by his actions.. it might be a small minor ting, bt it had meant alot to me, n i told myself, i need to let him noe this.. i took almost 30 mins b4 sendin out e sms, cuz no words can reli express wat i wana say.. bt i was afraid to see e reply, so i went to slp ( i was tired too..) wen i got up in e morn, i saw the reply, quite a relief cuz it warms my heart.. i nv had a heart warmin feelin b4, even wen i was with 77 back then.. at most only silly smile for some time.. but these times with apple, upon seein his sms or tinkin abt the tings, e heart jus warm up by itself, n of cuz e silly smiles..

back to e topic, wat makes me hv e courage to reli send out tat sms ( i was shy hor..) hmm, can say it's e present tat i received 3 days back.. my bday was over so long, n i told him not to get me a present since he oredi went out with me on my bday.. i nv told him wat i liked, cuz i dun reli like to accept presents thou i like to give.. bt i was reli surprised n touched wen he passed me tat gift.. tat ting is so similar to me.. turtle.. i was reli reli lost for words, wat i did was holdin to tat present tightly.. i'm reli not a gd talker wen it comes to such tings..

i had touched on other tings in my other smses to him, but i felt reli shy, n i was blushin wen he replied back, askin wat i wana ask him.. bt e details i wun touch on now, cuz it's a story.. mayb a so-called my fairytale story..? bt i was kinda worried, am i too hasty to say sth out.. hope i din give him a fright.. haha.. bt now i reli duno how to ........ hahaha..

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Past week..

Had a generally simple n happy bday on mon, thou short, yet fulfilling.. except for the nite part whereby my bro spoilt the entire mood.. until now i stil cant figure out is it reli my fault, but i jus forget it.. no pt in arguing with him, wen he likes to be in the rite.. bt it always land me in tears everytime such case happen.. i hate it.. he is my greatest weakest pt to the contrast of the strong me outside..

as usual, jus as i expected, my bday sabotage was missed again.. bt it can be a gd or bad ting, dependin on how i view it.. gd is i wun get sabo, bad is tat's e last one this yr.. forget it la.. wat for broodin over such a small matter.. bday can be a big or small ting.. big is u only celebrate it once a yr, small is it is jus like any other days.. (i always like to see tings in different views, as to minimise the disappointment or expectation) kan kai yi dian ba.. life oredi so stressed, dun get bothered le la.. (seemed like talkin abt myself..haha..)

Hmm..overall..stil considered happy ba..i prefer happiness over sadness thou i'm kinda moody over the past wk over my bro matter, but i noe wat wil make me happy..hehe..sometimes small actions or words tat one may felt insignificant, it may mean alot to the other party..i was being cheered up by simple words written, n my moodiness went off wenever i read those words..one gd ting afterall.. isnt it?

Live life simply, thou said is easier than done, but it's all in e mind.. control ur life, not life control u..

Monday, August 27, 2007

.23.

I am 23 today le.. haiz.. older by another yr le.. but this oso means a new chapter to my life.. time to grow up a little bit more.. was doin some reflections over the past few days, n made some decisions n tinkin.. first of all, i have decided to delete all blogs with regards to 77 (but it wil take some time as there's quite alot to clear).. it made me realised tat by writin all those blogs only tells me one ting, i cant let go of the whole matter.. anyway, 1 full yr had passed, n i'm fortunate to have Apple all these along, thou it's only recently den i found out a secret abt him.. haha.. no matter wat physical or mental "damages" tat i had incurred, it's reli time to let go, so tat i can carry on with my life.. one final conclusion tat i can say abt him is he doesnt know of one word - "CHERISH".. i'm alrite with anythin bcuz i respect the other party, but tat doesnt mean u can do anythin to me n take me for granted..

I had a great and wonderful day today, bcuz I had fulfilled my little wish of spending my bday with someone i like - apple.. It's a short and brief meeting, but it's rather fulfilling as I managed to see the "emotional/sentimental" side of him.. Thou I didnt manage to get my bday wish of goin to the zoo this year, I believe I wil get the chance as he promised me.. hehe..

As usual, we met up at jur pt which is near his house as he jus finished a run yest, thus his legs were kinda jelly.. it was kinda amusing to see him walkin this way, but it's not good to laugh at others.. haha.. Had a short walk ard the premises before we proceeded for our lunch at billy bombers.. Either the serving was too large, or I was not hungry (as I'm able to have him with me on my bday), I had leftover for my serving, and he "helped" me to clear.. haha.. startin to get used to accepting food fr guys - he was the one who started it.. I passed him some of the stuffs that I got for him wen I was at Genting over the past few days, and he prepared a birthday card for me (but he got it last min, so he was rushin to write out the contents..)

I started to wonder whether we got telepathy (心有灵犀) everytime, bcuz I was tinkin of watchin the movie 《881》 before I came to meet him.. and before I told him abt the movie, he said that he had bought the tickets.. We went to catch the show after our lunch, and something interesting happened due to my "silly-ness".. Usually wen I catch a movie with my frens, we have the tendency to tear the tickets and distribute to the person who was sitting on that seat, so....I just tore the tickets accordingly and pass his ticket to him, and that was where I realised I did sth wrong.. His reaction was so comical.. Guessed he was surprised to see me tearin the tickets, and I got surprised abt his reaction too bcuz I knew I did sth wrong liao.. Our conversation was like:
“你撕了啊?”
Huh,不能撕啊?”
Then,你就收着它吧。”

It was only later den I know that the movie tickets meant something.. Normally ppl will keep the tickets attached bcuz it means that a couple wil not split up.. But cant blame me ma, how would I know abt such tings..? In the end, I went home to stick the 2 tickets back-to-back, using double-sided tape.. Haha..

Back to the movie.. There were some parts in the movie that was very touchin.. and me, being an emotional gal, of cuz cried la.. but wat I din expect was that I saw him cryin too.. My first reaction was like: "How come a guy like him, cried too..?" (cuz I have nv seen a guy cried while watchin a movie, normally they are like "cold-blooded" animals) But after a few seconds, I realised that it was the sentimental side of him.. Frankly speakin, his tears touched my heart cuz it's very rare to find a guy who wil cry like this, and it oso meant other tings too..

After the movie, we walked for abit more b4 he sent me to the MRT station and tat's was the end of my 23rd birthday.. the very first time I celebrated my birthday with a guy.. hehe..

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Personality Test

Summary
Tan Sandy, your responses indicate that you are an intensely persuasive and determined person. You delegate details and obtain technical support whenever it is possible. Your inclination is to deal with a project's key elements rather than its specifics. Too much definite structure and regulation affects your level of comfort. Since you are a very likeable person who takes time to listen to people, it is probable that you have many acquaintances and friends.


Communication Style
Tan Sandy, you have strong social skills and are excellent at quickly establishing rapport. You enjoy talking to people and do so with enthusiasm and spontaneity. Your style of fast, lively expression is both engaging and effective. You are a fluent speaker who expresses thoughts quickly, optimistically, and persuasively.

Also, Tan Sandy, you respond to people with flexibility and open-mindedness. You relay a tone that is uninhibited, creative, and, at times, quite independent.

You enjoy talking and can put people at ease. You use a fun, indirect style of communication. You are people-oriented and can easily relate with another person's point of view.

Tan Sandy, you are a natural team player. You readily delegate authority, and you embrace training. You do not care to be involved with too many technical details. You let others set game plans, priorities and time frames.

You function well when you are allowed a lot of people-interaction. You would rather talk about details than write them down. You enjoy being the focus of attention.

Leadership Style
Leadership Style: Persuasive
You perform your leadership role by using your excellent ability to interpret people's actions and dialogue, and then by persuading them to do things your way. You like a leadership role, function in a manner suitable to your environment, and support teamwork. You develop your people with enthusiasm. You delegate details freely and may be disinclined to delegate authority. You actively promote change and look for new ways of reaching goals.

Conscientiousness
You may tend to work more diligently at those tasks that are most interesting to you. You may place more emphasis on satisfying your personal needs than on achieving traditional goals and accomplishments. It is possible that personal anxieties or emotions may have a negative impact on your work. You may prefer to work at your own pace, rather than follow someone else's fixed schedule.

Motivational Needs
Tan Sandy, you tend to be motivated by a great deal of interaction with people, and by identifying with a prestigious organization with a good public image. You desire opportunities to make more money for yourself, or to improve your status within the organization. You are motivated by praise, public recognition, and by acceptance. You are most productive when working as a team player, and when you are liked by others.

You tend to be demotivated if your territory or opportunity is reduced in size, or if you are not allowed a significant amount of people-interaction or teamwork. Insufficient recognition from management and/or peers can also affect your motivation. You can be demotivated by a perception of not being personally liked, and by not being invited to meetings with peers.

Primary Motivators
• A lot of interaction with people.
• Meeting new people and making friends.
• Opportunities to make more money and improve status.
• Being a team player within the organization.
• Praise and public recognition.
• Identifying with an organization that has prestige and a good public image.
• Awareness of what is going on in the organization.
• Acceptance and being liked by others.

Primary Demotivators
• You perceive you are not liked.
• You are not invited into meetings with your peers.
• Your territory, (opportunity) is reduced in size.
• You feel you are not part of the team.
• You do not have enough people contact.

Emotional Intelligence
Tan Sandy, your responses indicate that you tend to understand the emotional makeup of others, and to accurately sense what other people are feeling. In addition, you are able to attune your own style to the emotional reactions of others. Because you find it easy to see the world from another person's perspective, it is likely that you associate with a diverse group of people.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

No More 'L' Plate Driver...!!

I'm a qualified driver as from yest le...Yippee...Hooray...Haha.. Finally passed on my 3rd attempt, i thought i wil fail again, bcuz my drivin is stil quite shaky before the test... lucky the tester let me pass after beggin him, bcuz i made a small mistake yet big enough to fail.. I reli prayed very hard b4 the test, cuz i desperately wan to pass... the reason to pass is not bcuz of the license, but to be able to drive my mom around in a car - tat's my main motive to learn drivin.. n next is someone told me tat i could drive his "wife" if i pass, which gave me another punch... n oso the cute mango who told me this, "dun pass, mango wil not talk to orange, u dare u fail lor.."

before the test, while sittin in the room, i was holdin on to the turtle tat apple gave me, tellin it tat it must let me pass.. n it did.. i was reli shakin after the event... but heaved a gigantic sigh of relief, imagine 3 times liao.. very stressed de leh, n everyone is there to cheer n encourage me to pass..

i have oredi fulfilled my wish of gettin my license b4 my bday, n to leave fp after i get my next mth bonus so tat i can fly... next on wil be my wish to go to the zoo.. hope to fulfil it.. jiayou!!

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Confession Part 2 - *Present*

For the second part of my confession, I shall cover the present of my status… Actually I duno is it a rite move to write this out, but since I dun hv the courage to say it out to the person directly, I guess this is the best alternative way tat I can express my tinkin n feelings out… I noe wat r the consequences for being frank, but this ting had been in my mind for some time, n with the “motivation” of my frens, I tink it’s beta tat I wrote it out n carry on with my life… Gambatte!!

The someone tat I wil cover in this part of the confession is someone tat I considered as my close (special) fren, though we had knew each other for merely more than 2 yrs, but I owed some tings to him, which I’l like to express my gratitude to him here too…

Stil tinkin where to start from, mayb start from how we actually got acquainted n became frens… My first “alien” fren, bcuz I did not get to know him thru work or studies, instead I got to know him thru Friendster…

3rd May 2005, while loggin on Friendster to check on daily updates, I received a msg from a guy tat I dun even noe at all… Wat reli caught my attention was his msg, which was telling me tat I had a nice smile, n I was like…??? But I stil replied his msg, cuz I felt tat there’s no harm makin a new fren…

14th May, we officially became frens bcuz I had added him in my msn contacts… We doesn’t seemed to be ppl who chatted for the very first time, we were simply crapping all the conversation, guessed it helped a lot in breakin the ice tat most ppl had when they first chatted with unfamiliar ppl… n from then, we wil exchanged sms of craps, n sometimes I wil ask him to chat online too… It was reli nice n pleasant to noe someone who I was skeptical to noe in the first place, as most ppl/parents will say, dun ever get to noe ppl from the net, they r no gd ppl…

At tat pt of time, I was rather curious to noe how he looked like, cuz I was only being shown a photo with his sunglasses on… To me, he was a mysterious person (or to my kind of mindset then?) Therefore after I came back from my China trip, I started contactin him again, n here comes the chance…

8th June 2005, I happened to noe tat he’s not driving to work, instead he was traveling on train, thus I “grabbed” this oppt to have a first meeting with him at Bedok interchange after my training session… Tat meetin reli left a deep impression in my mind bcuz wat he described abt him reli fits perfectly… Got a slight shock wen I saw him for the very first time… He described himself as an ah beng, no matter is it comes to talking, walking n looked like one… But appearances doesn’t matter wen it comes to knowing someone, bcuz wat reli matters was the person sincerely in making frens with u?

Mayb I was stil naïve n silly, or is it bcuz of my curious/kpo character, I loved to ask a lot of questions from my frens, n he was one of them who I asked a lot of stupid questions, which I felt so bad abt some of the tings tat I had asked then, esp it’s with regards to bgr matters… I was unaware n insensitive to y he somehow avoided those issues…

He is a very gentlemen-liked person, which I couldn’t accept his “actions” n his kind of sharing his concern to his frens… I stil remembered the first time he offered to send me home, I was like, dun need la, my house very near n I dun need a guy to send me home, it’s not as if I’m tat type of pretty n demure gals who need guys to send me home… Since young, I was the kind of tomboyish person, n I was near to a butch, lucky I didn’t become one, so I reli accept tis kind of kindness back then…

But it’s oso bcuz of his way of sharing and caring, changed my perspective towards tings… I started to accept this kind of kindness, n I oso started sending such messages to my fellow frens, n started accepting the fact tat it’s a form of courtesy for a guy to send a gal home safely… n at least I’m not as tomboy-ish as compared to before…


*if u r a careful reader, u wil be able to see tat this blog is written at different period of the yr…*

As time goes by, the frenship gradually changes… fr a net fren to normal fren to gd fren to close fren, n now, I will consider him as a very special fren, bcuz of his actions n words over these 2 yrs… n I wil touch on the last part y is it tat I chose to give up continue writing in the first place, n now I decided to write again…

It seemed like I’m full of praises of him, n describing him until he’s like very noble… but the actual fact is no one is noble, I’m jus stating the facts only… sometimes a small action to u might mean a big meaning to others… it all depends on the situation tat u r in… no one is perfect in this world, neither is he or me… no one has the right to criticize another unless he or she is perfect… so wat I’m sayin here is thou I’ve been sayin his positive pts, he does have his negative pts, but not tat much for me to touch on…

Hmmm… thru out the 2+ yrs, we had met up for a couple of times – lunches at simei, “window-cleaning” shoppin at jur pt, n a few times at the city… but to talk abt the more memorable events with him, wil be the lunches at simei, meetin him up near his house, n the meetings “re”-started in July… but before all these, I wil like to touch on the part tat I started to realize tat I might have a kind of special feelin towards him…

Duno is it bcuz we knew each other thru other sources, which made us has no link at all (such as thru work or study), I had cultivated a habit to tell him almost everything, whether is it crap or serious one… there are some of the tings tat I had never tell anyone else before… but there is one tat I took some hesitation before I told him, I oso duno y… tat is – my r’ship with 77… bt b4 I actually told him tat matter, something tat we conversed on msn left me a deep impression, until now I stil cant figure out whether is it real or false…

I stil remembered tat we were crapping as usual on msn last July, n I cant remembered y we started talking abt some bgr issue… den he made a sentence (probably jus a casual remark), “if I did not have any commitments now, I will go after u…” (I can’t remember the actual sentence, but this is the rough one)… strange to say, my first tinkin n reaction was, “y didn’t he say it earlier?”, but bcuz I was with 77, so I jus brush off the thoughts cuz he might be jokin…

I was reli grateful to him for the days he was with me, physically or mentally, esp durin the days after I went separate ways with 77… I was somehow very dependent on him, bcuz I duno who else can I turn to except my best fren, but she had her problems then… He was there to help me to walk the painful path, but to tink of it now, I reli felt very bad… bcuz I hoped I did not treat him as a substitute back then…

Our meetings became more frequent this yr, thou only for a short while, but I was contented enough to have accompaniment… I took a short 1 wk break in Jan, n I was almost meeting him up for lunch everyday at simei, n tat was the time tat the special feelin became very strong til I almost got an urge to blurt it out, but luckily I controlled it… but tat was where I started to accept a new action of his… givin his food to me… I stil remembered the first time he passed the food to me, I was totally shocked, cuz I have never experienced tat, neither did I have the habit of givin my food to others, cuz they might be receptive towards it… but now, used to it le la… hahaha…

I went to his house abt 3 or 4 times le… n I tink I was reli shy by nature ba… the first time I went to his house, I stil remembered I was blushin n I did not say anything much while eatin, bt I somehow sensed eyes were lookin at me… (mayb I tink too much?) The second time was durin the CNY period, n it was a few days after I asked him out on Vday… (I was rather surprised tat I managed to ask a guy out on vday, which most guys dun… he gave me a very cute turtle hp accessory, n I gave him a four leaf clover key chain…) Back to the pt, tat was the first time I went to a fren’s house for CNY… the third time was a very brief one, he wanted to get something fr his house, so I went up to wait for awhile… the fourth time to his house is the start of the determining factor tat I started to write this blog entry again…

Backtrack abit… I was sayin earlier tat I nearly blurted out tings, which I didn’t… His care n concern then was there to fill in the holes tat I had, which makes the special feelings grew… but I dun hv the courage to say it out, so my fren was telling to drop a hint… So the time came, we were conversing in msn as usual, n I duno wat came into me, I said something like this, “if I have a bf like u, it would be good…” but the reply was, “rubbish…” I was kinda aback by the reply, bt tat made me realized tat he might have always treated me as a gd fren only… from there on, I took a step back, n decided not to tink into it anymore… but I was stil abit vulnerable, esp seein 77 again, n hearin his tings again, which brought the memories back… but I didn’t slip myself into it too much…

There comes the day tat my fren suggested to me to go UK to meet up with her, n I thought it’s a gd idea oso… bcuz tat is not the time to tink abt bgr, n I’m sick of my work too, mayb goin to a new environment wil be beta… bt I kept on bearin tis tiny hope of mine which I tink it’s time to give up tat hope too… tat is – tat special someone is to appear n make me stay… tat is one of the reason tat I haven book the ticket til now, besides waitin for my bonus to come…

I told him my decision to go UK to work durin one of our meetings, n tat night I got another surprise, I got a ride home in his car… cuz normally he will walk me to the MRT station, den I wil take the train home n probably send him a sms wen I got home… it was reli thrilling n exciting to get a ride home… I’m too easily contented hor…? N on another occasion, I managed to bring him to Mustafa, which we agreed on last yr, tat he bring me to zoo, I bring him to Mustafa… Here comes the story… of me meeting up with him in July this yr… which till now I’m stil in the midst of happy-ness…

Ever since I resumed work after my leave in march, I have been quite busy as I was being transferred to grocery, something tat I have not much knowledge in… as time goes by, the time with my peers reduced greatly, except meeting aloy, whose office is located nearby… n shun bian can send me home in his van… haha…

On 7th July, it was my offday, n I was out for lunch with aloy, den he was sayin he had a dinner appt with someone else at 6pm, so he asked me where do I wana go… I didn’t wan to go back home so soon, cuz it had been a long time since I came out on my offday, so since he is goin towards jurong area, jus drop me there… something struck me wen I told him to send me to jurong area… as I was rather busy earlier, it had been some time since I met up with him, n durin one of our casual sms conversation, (if I din remember wrongly) he was sayin tat it had been a long time since we met up, den a sudden surge of guilt came up, n the tot of finding him pop up too… I was practically tryin my luck cuz it’s a sat evening, not many ppl wil be at home at tat time, except ppl like my bro… haha…

Back to the pt, I called him up n asked whether is he at home or outside, n wana meet up, but if he is not free, den it’s ok… he was at home, n told me tat his twin nephews were at his house, n asked me whether I wana come over… i’m always very interested in the twins, n naturally I was excited n agreed to it… when I reached his house, n saw the twins, I was very happy, but here comes the question, who is who…? (til now I stil duno how to differentiate, only can see tat the older one has a stronger personality, n the younger one is more easy going…) as a big kid myself, I loved seein kids, my eyes were practically following them, seein their moves n actions, even wen I was eating…

We left for jurong pt after dinner, n he was askin me whether wil I be free the following sat, he wana ask me out for dinner… I told him I wil be on noon shift tat day, but fri wil be my offday… in my mind, I knew his bday is comin n wanted to ask him the day b4 (bcuz I assumed tat he wil wan to spend it with his family n frens on actual day), but tat moment, it jus din strike my mind tat he is askin me out on his bday, n it was abt the end of the “tour”, den I realized the date he asked me was the actual date (how retarded I am, rite?) I knew in my mind tat I die die have to change my shift, bcuz it’s his bday leh… as usual I thot he wil send me to the mrt, n I take the train home as it wasn’t very late tat day, so wen he said he wil drive me home, I was surprised (again), but I was always very excited to sit in his car as compared to other ppl, duno y… I told him I wil get back to him regardin my shift asap before I got off his car… but tat was the start of my happy-ness, or rather I was easily contented? Thou it was only a few hrs meeting, he reli made my day + seein his twins too… hehe…

Here comes the day… thou I went back on time, I was caught up in a terrible jam, n in the end I was late… I stil remembered seein his surprised face wen I passed him his present… (I went to get him an Adidas tee the previous day which was my offday…) I guessed he did not expect me to remember tat day was his bday n got him a present ba… wen he told me tat we wil be eating with his whole family, I din react much bcuz I tink I somehow expected it, but I thought he would have asked some other frens along… as usual, I was soooo shy n I could feel my face was blushin… n I kept on lookin at the twins… but havin the honor to celebrate his bday with him n his family, I felt reli blessed n fortunate… tat was the first time I ate with a fren’s family… n I could reli sense the strong bond n family warmth tat I have been lookin forward too… for a very short moment, my mind went a little out, but I dragged it back fast cuz I was tinkin it was impossible tat he…

After the dinner, we went for a brief walk before he sent me home, n his parents followed his sis’ car back home… on the way back, we chattin quite abit, talking abt his work n so on… den he was touchin on the present tat I got him, sayin tat I’m the 4th person who gave him a t-shirt after his mom, sis n ex… den out of a sudden, I duno y my mind ran wild n thought of this, “if only I’m his present..” but I jus shrugged off the thought immediately… tat day is a very very very happy day, bcuz I never experienced tat before…

I met him up again for lunch n dinner separately the day of stocktake n right after stocktake, n durin the dinner meeting, he brought me to the heartland areas near where he lived, somewhere I never been to, n not exactly found in my neighborhood (little India?)… can say thou first time there, I quite like the heartland bcuz it felt close to heart as compared to those high-class areas… like those 1980s or 1990s days… after dinner, it’s time to go home again… n was lookin forward to e next meetin on tat coming sun, bcuz he was the one who initiated it, which he seldom, bcuz normally I was the one who asked him out… haha… so at tat pt of time, I reli felt very fortunate to have known such a fren like him n maintain the kind of frenship til so long, n tinkin tat he had treated me as a gd fren only… until the next day, someone told me something…

During a casual chat, I told someone my recent updates, n I told him everything cuz there’s nth to hide ma, n he was sayin this to me tat this guy might be interested in me, I was like “Impossible!! How would he be interested in me? He treats me like a very gd fren only, isnt it?” but he was telling me this, a guy wil not anyhow bring a gal home, unless is doin proj or in a big group… for one moment, I was stunned… bcuz to me, I had always thought it was perfectly normal for a guy or gal to bring an opposite gender home casually or wat, but I stil try to calm myself down by telling myself wat if he’s reli the odd one out, n tink nth abt bringin a gal home casually as his house is so near the mrt station?

I didn’t reli slp well tat nite, n I went on to ask a couple of guys the next day, n most of them told me the same ans, a guy will not anyhow bring a gal home unless she’s someone he is interested in, bcuz tat is the gal he wan to show to the parents for approval, before takin the next step… I was like “huh… it’s reli like tat meh? How come I’m so stupid as to not realizing it, wen I was the one who always taught guys how to woo gals…?” bt no matter wat, I have to pull myself back to the logical side, bcuz wat if tings weren’t like wat the guys analysed? It wil only become a bigger disappointment… so I tell myself, whether is it real or not, I wil treat it as normal, let everything take its place, wat wil be, wil be; wat wil not be, wil not be (basically rubbish la)… but after hearin all those, I tink my level of observation n alertness increased…

The long awaited Sunday came… wun reli touch on the details cuz I felt tat I’m SUPER long-winded in the details earlier, but it’s a story ma, so must write longer n I can remember if I ever forget… I had a happy day jus by sharing our jokes n nonsense, even b4 the meetin, tat call fr him was enough to make me laugh til stomach pain… hahaha… towards the end of the meeting, something tat he did alerted me… my sixth sense sensed something, but mayb I’m wrong la… something tat I wil shun away if some other ppl did tat… (dun tink dirty ar…) mayb it’s jus a form of courtesy, or his way of doin tings, I duno n there’s no way I can find out the answer… jus treat it normal lor…

If u wan to noe wat happened later, watch out for my updates…

Something true abt me...

肖鼠处女座解密 处女座/肖鼠

处女肖鼠者是精神奕奕而善于分析的人,肖鼠者的进取心加上处女座的经营才智,使他们从不对任何事疯狂或愚昧地深陷那其中——爱情除外。

处女肖鼠者与众不同之处在于他们完全不受外来的压力干扰。他们做他们认为必须做的事,而不被同事或对手催逼困迫。“等一下!”,处女肖鼠者会在一项重要的会议中举起手“让我想想。”如果他需要那样多的时间自脑海中搜出资料,他会不计时间的反复思考。他们最适合单独工作。

正因处女肖鼠者兴味盎然地钻入自己的知识领域里,斟研事情,有时他们很难倾听或采用他人的意见,当他人陈述意见时,他们似乎显得异常专注完全吸收,然而令人惊奇地——事后他们并未消化任何别人所提供的意见。他们可能只将某些事实存入他们私人的知识系统中。

当然,处女肖鼠者也有另一面过分情绪化而容易冲动的人,能从处女肖鼠者身上得到协助。他们常能自不同的角度来考虑事情。如果你向处女肖鼠座者哭诉难以处理的麻烦,你注意,他们会说“坐下来,宽宽心,好好想一想,这次又是是什么事?”当你自泪湿的手帕中抬头上望时,处女肖鼠者已站在电话旁。通常他在你喘第一口气之前,就已着手打电话给你的敌人。他无需听完所有的细节,而能立刻汰杂存著抓住要点,瞧!他已经与那个家伙谈上了。

处女肖鼠者对亲属与朋友的关系非常认真。他们从不会忘记老友,在你需要帮助时,他们绝对会助一臂之力。

爱情

虽然处女肖鼠者在审度别人的事情时技高一筹,但一遇到自己的事,他就丝毫不能客观。他热爱有着疯狂热情的人。也将他们理想化。处女肖鼠者个性憨直,以为其他的人都如他一般直来直往而公正无私,也因此他们在爱情中有最糟的运气,因为他们无法看到树外的森林。在情感事件中,人们总在处女肖鼠者的眼前布下多层烟雾。

然而,处女肖鼠者一旦深陷爱情就无法自拔,且不惜为了爱情,旅行远方重新落脚,只为了与所爱的人共处。

适合共处的对象

你会对肖牛、猴或龙的金牛、巨蟹、天蝎或磨揭座者着迷,肖龙的天蝎座者则难说,肖马或兔的双子、天秤、射手和双鱼座者则不合。

职业

处女座肖鼠者是天生的分析家,他的天赋在于需有研究与系统知识的工作。他们能很快行动,但不喜欢做迅速而草率的决定。他们最擅长于择机协助他人获得成功的职业。

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

2007年7月

7/7/07
再次的相见竟改变了故事的发展...难道一切真的都是注定的...?

14/7/07
Is he the Fated One for me? I wish he is.. Fate is something unexplainable..

26/7/07
I finally realised that there is a possibility that he might have liked me.. After doing so many things and events.. How stupid of me to tink that it's impossible..?

29/7/07
I'm very happy today.. Hope to be so happy everytime I'm with him..

31/7/07
希望有一天我能成为小红的主人...会成真吗,还是只是我的一厢情愿罢了..?

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Happy-ness..Continued

Nth to blog.. bt stil feel like bloggin.. hehe..

stil feeling happy.. somehow noe y, yet somehow duno y.. mayb i'm slightly slower in figurin out tings ba.. bt this is where i'm cute ma.. hehe..

reli enjoyed this kind of mood.. bt gd tings dun last forever thou i wish it would.. bt y bother so much abt the day tat gd tings is goin to end.. since i'm happy with the series of events tat is happening now, den let me continue to stay happy.. happy-ness is definitely so much beta than sad-ness..

whether my happy-ness wil be continued.. watch out for my blog.. hehe.. gd nites..

One more ting, I am currently in the midst of writin a long story blog, but whether wil i publish it anot, it hv to depend on fate.. can say i'm stil monitorin the whole situation ba.. let everythin takes its place, n let nature takes its course.. )

xiao nu ren, jiayou!!

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Happy-ness

Been in a happy mood these few days.. Ever since tat particular day which made me felt I was special.. But beta dun tink too much, wat if tings aren't like wat i tink to be..?

A series of tings happened recently which helped me changed my emotions, perspective and mood.. it's like an invisible ting tat is helpin to carry these series of events..

Me seeing 77 again..knowin he got a gf, yet I wasnt upset anymore..
Me meeting "bear", whom helped me get over e whole past n got wat I wished for..
Me going to e dinner, which I..(stay tuned for the episode which wil aired on xx/09/07)

Mayb next step is waiting ba.. 2 mths to fly n counting.. wil he appear or has he appeared, jus tat he's too shy to say it out.. (*a hit on my head to ask me stop dreaming)

Actually my main source of happy-ness came fr something tat is very "insignificant", yet it is more meaningful than other tings else.. even more than receivin flowers or dates.. bcuz this kind of happy-ness is comin from something tat is not monetary.. mayb fr sincerity?

Happy..Happy..Happy.. :)

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Dreams...Fantasies...Desires...

This post is inspired by someone who wrote abt his dreams in his blog, n it triggered me to tink abt the dreams tat I had since young...

My dream of.....being a ballet dancer..
Though I'm big in size, I have very flexible bones n joint since young.. when other ppl cant touch the ground with both palms while bending down, I can.. when other ppl cant do a split, I can.. It's kind of a regret tat I din get a chance to learn ballet due to my background..

My dream of.....being a singer..
I loved singing, but my singing isnt as gd as they said.. I stil remember wen I was young, I liked to stand on my dad's bed, lookin out of the window, singing loudly.. Lucky I lived high, if not all the rotten eggs wil be thrown to me..

My dream of.....being a radio DJ/part of media
I liked media, thus I only read news abt entertainment industry first in newspapers.. It had been one of my dream to be part of media since young, thou it had never come true till now.. I was not photogenic, thus I wanted to be part of the 'behind-the-stage' ppl, but too bad I failed the interview back in 2+ yrs ago at mediacorp.. I wanted to be a DJ too, bcuz I tink it's nearer to the radio listener to portray urself, it's more natural.. But..too bad..sent in application so long, stil no news..

Before I grad fr poly, I ever thought of goin to Taiwan to work in the entertainment industry, bcuz it is somewhere I can communicate as compared to HK or China.. The culture is similar to SG too.. Tat time the silly me told my frens; if I ever work there, the first person I wana meet is Wilber Pan or Zax Wang/Shanwei, bcuz I was watchin their show almost everyday back then..

If now given a chance to work there, I hope to meet Nicholas Teo in person, cuz I liked his songs very much, can say he's my idol now.. n he has a nickname of 'Prince of Smiles', which is very suitable for him.. he is oso one of the pride of M'sia, besides Guang Liang & Gary Chaw, who is able to survive in the competitive music industry..

My fantasy of.....falling in love
Born romantic-minded, I wil yearn for a romantic type of bgr, but as I grew up, I realised tat reality and fiction are totally different tings.. I wil stil go for the realistic type of bgr, regardless how many types of fantasies tat I had towards bgr.. wat reli matters is two hearts are together, and with that, u can reli create alot of ur own stories.. meaningful and romantic..

My fantasy of.....him being my bf(??)
Among all of my part-time bfs, there's one particular guy that I have a soft spot for him, rather should I say, I felt the most comfortable wen i'm with him.. He cracked me up with his extraordinary lame-ness and jokes, which reli brings a smile to me wenever I'm down.. Mayb lack of confidence or bcuz of the tings he said, I have to tell myself to stop having this kind of daydream or fantasy.. Seems like I dun have the luck to become the "co-owner" of tat red car liao.. *stop fantacising la..

My desire of.....havin that kind of family warmth

The same guy tat I mentioned above have a close-knitted family, which I'm always full of envy wen I heard/see abt his family.. my family is not as close-knitted as theirs, so I often felt very inferior to other ppl (+ my size).. In addition, the "teachings" tat I had were totally different, as in we are asked not to believe/trust in others.. Since young, I desired to hv such a family, but as time goes by, I realised that the bigger possibility is to find a bf with such a family..

to be continued..

Sunday, July 08, 2007

2nd Date..

Jus came back fr a so-called 2nd date (with the same guy whom I went out with last week) not long ago.. Went to watch Die Hard 4.0.. Not a bad show.. It had been a long time since I watched 2 movies for 2 consecutive wks.. But lucky this time round, it's free as I have tickets to it.. Hehe..

After thoughts... Thou knowing him for less than 2 wks, but he let me realised alot of tings... n I was tellin him straight on my way home... If back in the past, if we were to continue goin out like this, i might fell for him, bcuz he can be quite thoughtful... But too bad, after goin thru & seein the same ting again, jus made me realised tat I wun be tat silly to fall for a guy jus like tat.. I'm referring to my past exp with 77.. I fell for him too easily back in those days liao... not to mention wat tactics he used.. One more ting tat I'm glad with this fren is, we r rational n open enough to accept all kinds of rumors, as long as it is not too over.. or else we simply heck care.. haha.. Wat's wrong with going out with guys rite? I jus went out with another 2 of them yest, n got free rides.. *evil grin.. Haha..

This fren of mine came at the rite time, at least I tink tat is the case... To help me to sort out part of my confused thoughts, jus like my another fren.. I believe in one ting, some ppl simply jus appeared at the right place n right time to help u, thou wat they did was jus very minor tings, it may meant alot to the other party bcuz tings jus happen with a reason, n there's no need to ask y...

I was sharin another silly dream of mine with him jus now, with regards to my UK trip.. I was tellin him tat I'm stil hopin for some kind of "miracle" to happen, whereby someone appears in my life within the next 2 mths or so; someone who is able to love me, bcuz I had never be loved in a relationship-wise... I wanted to try tat, to experience the feeling of being loved by a guy truthfully... whereby the guy reli noe where to place u in his heart, n the significance of u in his life... A dream is stil a dream, or rather it is jus a foolish fantasy of mine, thou it's like lying to myself, I noe where is the limit... If the time reli comes for me to leave for UK, n tat special someone did not appear, I will accept the fact and leave... This is wat I had prepared myself for for the past few mths... But the above scenario wil be based on a case by case scenario, not any ah cat or ah dog comes by, I wil jus stay like tat.. (my airfare wil be gone jus like tat, I'm not tat stupid la..) I believe if the person is destined to appear, he wil definitely appear.. Enough of my stupid dream...

Recently alot of my frens celebrated their bday, tat reminds me of the pranks tat we had in our branch for our fellow colleagues.. Kinda envious of them.. bcuz my bday was always the "quietest" one... My 21st bday was celebrated very simply, givin some of them a treat at Suntec, den went to Boat Quay there, have a short drink n went back home.. on my 22nd, quite sad, but duno how to say.. Mayb my bday is always the last in the team, so it's very easy to be forgotten... Not tat I'm desperate to celebrate my bdays, instead I never have the habit of celebrating it, but frankly speaking, I am very envious when we were celebrating for the others... In the past, wen I was younger, I always wan to show off n let ppl noe my birthday, but it led to e dislike of me in them.. As time goes by, I jus kept quiet n act as normal, bcuz i dun see the pt of sayin it so loud tat it's my bday, but deep in my heart, I stil hope tat they wil remember it.. For those who remembered it, I reli very grateful n appreciate it bcuz I did not say it out, yet u all remember.. THANKS!! Back to the pt, probably this bday would be my last b4 I leave, thus another small dream of mine branches out... wil I be able to get the most memorable bday? this wil remain as a ??? til my bday.. Let's shall see abt it..

Time for me to continue my fantasy in dreamland..

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

First 'Date'..?


I was out with a fren tat I knew not long ago, or rather less than a week…? How ‘brave’ of me to go out with someone I hardly knew, rite? Hmmm, mayb I can put it this way, he appeared at the right time to help to ease the uneasiness of seein 77 again, but most irony part is, he has more than 80% similar to 77, given wat I knew abt 77… mayb he is here to help me remove the burden before flyin off to uk in mid sept, bcuz the burden/pain fr the past relationship had left me scarred quite badly… I’ve been wanting to remove it, but my efforts always went into the drain wenever I see 77… so can I say he is my savior…? Haha…

Since the day tat I touched down to sg, we have contacted one another thru one way or another, n he popped the question of askin me out for a date on sun (1/7)… as usual, given my experiences with my other guy frens, I jus say ‘ok’, bcuz it need a kind of trust btwn frens… we arranged to watch ‘transformers’, have a dinner, n go back home… but since we said tat we wana make it look like a first ‘date’, we were a so-called ‘bf & gf” for a day… kinda …? Rite?

Here comes the day… I changed after work to meet him, n wen I saw him, I was walkin away as far as I can, bcuz I was totally shocked… he was holdin a small bouquet of purple roses in his hands, n he looked so formal… at tat pt of time, my mind was tinkin, “wat the hell?!”, “why is there flowers?!” I refused to take the flowers initially, n it took me so long to calm down bcuz I was wearin so casual in my t-shirt n jeans, not as if I was in my skirt… moreover, I had never received a bouquet fr a guy b4 in my entire life before, except on my last bday which was fr my colleagues… it felt so weird… but to tink of it now, I was reli very touched n moved by his actions, esp tat I heard he waited so long to get the bouquet.. Thanks pal, if u happens to see this… I din expect u to get flowers for me jus bcuz I told u before tat I had never received one…

We went on to have dinner n watch movie… it’s a nice movie, powerful n fantastic sound effects, jus tat we were seated rite in the front, it’s kinda straining for the eyes…n I tink the neck too… after tat he walked me home, n I gave him a small treat back… but we din go home straight, I brought him to the open space opposite my block to chat for awhile n enjoy the night scenery, listenin to some of the songs in my hp… I nearly cried upon hearin the songs, but I reli cried wen he said this, “do not cry again after tonight”… but strange to say is tat I din cry much, mayb the feelin for 77 wasn’t tat strong anymore, n I had accepted the fact, n started to move on with my life from there…

Afterthoughts… I was kinda startled by his actions n words, bcuz it’s reli like the tactics used to woo a gal… n all those sms r almost 95% identical to 77, back in those days… but once bitten, twice shy, I wun be tat silly to fall for tat easily now… can say I’m lookin for sincerity… back to the topic, I was sayin tat his actions n words gave me a shock… but after chattin with him, den I realized I had tink too much, he jus wanted to give me wat I din not have durin my time with 77, the kind of happiness tat I should have back then, n no other tings… *phew~ *heaved a sigh of relief… haha… he dun wan to have any commitments now n he got tell me the reasons behind it…

To all my frens here, gambatte ne~ whether u r single or attached, always remember to bring happiness to someone beside u, bcuz it’s a chain reaction… wil help u to love urself more, to love someone else more… Take care, everyone!!!

Saturday, June 16, 2007

no topic

Was reading thru some of my blogs, den started wondering wat is the reason tat I blog? To show off something? To tell the whole wide world my tings? Or wat? But I take writing blogs as a form of expressing my deepest thoughts, desires, dreams, and as my “gd fren”… Ever since my closest fren went into “disappearing” act, I was practically lookin for another source to say out things tat is botherin me, bcuz it’s a different kind of trust towards different frens… the biggest hit wil be the one tat came from my closest fren, I gave her my best help when she needed it, but when I needed the favor back urgently, she wasn’t able to, n it left me with more troubles… the super negative point for being too nice?

Ppl around me were telling me not to be too nice to ppl, cuz it doesn’t pay, last time I may not agree, but now I may have to agree… some ppl r jus too much, they take ur kindness for granted, n not appreciative… I reli dun understand something, or I’m stil not matured enough to understand… takin for an example, is it a habitual ting to tink of ideas and ask ppl to do it, no matter whether are u willin or not, jus bcuz tat person tink tat u wil definitely do it? N when u rejects it, tat person started to bear a grudge n tink tat u r being too much? Or after u had accepted it reluctantly, but couldn’t make it to the meeting due to some reasons, the person started to blame u for putting aeroplane n gets angry with u? I bet most ppl had met with this kind of situation, no matter u r “the person” or the “U”… for me, I had always been the “U” most of the time, tat sometimes I was reli sick of being this role… there were times tat I was tinkin, y cant I be the evil one? But the answer is, I cant and I dun wan to be one… or rather can I say, I can be one given tat I know who is the other party tat I’m talking with… it's reli hard to be the bad role if the other party is not willin to take a step back.. so juz keep quiet and get on with my life.. haiz..

Monday, June 04, 2007

6

请教我克服对男孩子的恐惧与心理障碍

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Reflections..?

(I took many many many days to complete this, as I had so much to say...)

Out of a sudden, I seemed to have a lot of things to blog today… mayb I’m not myself recently ba… I reli duno wat’s wrong with me, I jus find tat I have been behaving weird n oddly these few days, but if u were to ask me wat is it tat’s botherin me, I cant give u an ans… I jus feel very pressurized n moody lately, n I was sayin tings n doin tings tat I normally wun say or do… if reli reli wan me to tink of a reason for it, I only can tink of one, but the possibility of it affecting me is not tat high, which I tink…

The possible reason is…the sms tat I received last fri nite…not bcuz wat he said, cuz tat one I had reli put down oredi, no pt getting myself so troubled over it, but rather it will be more on the friendship between we two…mayb I reli view every friendship very seriously, thus I felt hurt/upset wen I saw the change in him, esp wen he sent me such sms… I recalled the days tat he jus came, how we clicked with one another, sharing the gd tings among us, n goin home together, but such scenes will not happen again… I missed those days, but I had accepted it since the day he got attached… wat I reli felt hurt was he had never confronted or spoke to me regardin any unhappiness, instead he chose the timid way of sendin a sms to express it… n he stil duno me well, given tat we known each another for some time… he actually tot tat I was tat kind of person…? Nowadays, i’m jus like a total stranger to him, everytime he looked at me, I can sense dislike/hatred… are frens supposed to be landed like this? I dun understand, n neither do I wan to understand now, bcuz mayb I should learn how to take a frenship lighter, n not take it so hard… cuz the harder/closest the fren is to u, the more painful u will feel… jus like in a bgr…


Talking abt bgr… a lot of ppl had been talking to me abt this recently… to my closer frens, they known tat I had went thru a terrible one, some even described it as it’s jus a part of my wishful tinkin or one-sided love… they kept telling me tat I’m such a nice gal, sure wil hv guys like me/sure can find better guys/dun let the past bothers me, but is it a fact or jus words of consolation? I thanked them for their words, but wat I’m lackin is self confidence n courage to face a relationship again… all these months, I had made a very big improvement, bcuz I had finally managed to put down the guy tat “hurt” me deeply completely, n not living in tat kind of fear… but his actions n words then had made me developed a fear/phobia towards guys… though I stil have a lot of guy frens around me, but those r the ones who I’m stil comfortable with… but if u r talking abt finding a bf, this is where I scare… I jus cant accept guys who sweet talk, n never do anything to show tat he loved the gal (or little efforts were done)… next is sth tat I stil cant reli let go or forgive myself, tat is – I wun say out, but I will say I dislike touchy ppl from tat experience… I can say tat I belonged to those conservative or pure type, thou I noe most guys r “dirty-minded” in nature, but I stil hope tat they can reli respect e gals totally, n not try their luck everytime esp wen they said they wil respect the gal… if I had continued on tat r’ship, I wil reli do sth unforgivable by now… thank god…

3 mths together, met less than 10 times (even meet, oso bcuz I changed my schedule to fit his), went out for an “official” date once, but he din do wat a guy should do – send the gal home… wat reli led to the breakup is 2 major disappointments on promises… one for my bday, n the other is our supposed 2nd outing… tat somehow wake me up fr my stubbornness tat he is not wat I thot to be… n recalling all the tings tat he had ever done for me as compared to those tat I had done for him… I jus dun like guys who make empty promises, bcuz it doesn’t matter if u cant make any promises, but at least dun give the gal any false hopes… singlehood may not be a bad ting afterall, at least I will be more comfortable with my guy frens… but gals wil feel loneliness no matter wat, felt lost at some moments where I duno wat I can do… at tat pt of time, I reli hope tat the special someone is there with me, at least emotionally, but too bad, it din happen… no matter how strong I may look, I’m stil a gal afterall, jus tat I chose to hide my real self wen facin ppl… I dun like to show others my vulnerable side n speak out… tat's y I always "suffer" in silence...


Sometimes I quite dislike my character – naggy/sensitive/tink too much/timid/inferior n a lot more… wat I reli like is my smile in most situations, I tink tat’s the best ting I had… which most ppl perceived it as my optimism… I got plenty of logics n philosophies, which I tink a lot of ppl cant reli agree on it, cuz they belonged to the fantasy type… I hate quarrels, but I like debates… I like to nag over tings repeatedly, but I dun mean it at all… wen I’m concentratin on doin something, I jus dislike ppl to interrupt, unless I know u reli can help a lot… I was once a super perfectionist, till I’m very particular with very minor tings, but now, I tend to see it at a bigger picture… nth in this world is perfect, but wat we can do is jus try to do as our best, dun force urself to do sth tat u wan it perfect… u wun get any happiness fr it, instead u wil only make the ppl ard u “dislike” u, cuz they jus cant understand ur logic…

Inferiority comes from my weight issue… it’s a big problem yet I kept on hidin from it… I lost a lot of self confidence in this too… but it has its pros n cons thou the ppl around me may perceived it as cons… bcuz wat advantage wil there be as an overweight person? Actually the key to it is stay happy, bcuz happiness is one of the source to health… thou I’m big sized, but my optimism over things helps in my health, I dun fall sick tat easily unless I’m down on my mood… n another ting is I’m able to see tings clearer, as in I’m able to see how ppl treat tings differently… most ppl loves to see ting tat r pretty n beautiful (which is the outer beauty), n not many ppl noes how to appreciate inner beauty which is in fact better… I’m stil on my way in building up my self confidence, which I tink is stil a long way to go… *gambatte ne~*

Ever since I joined FP, I’m quite active in playin a part in volunteerin, which I liked bcuz it’s quite meaningful, putting aside the publicity side which Cheryl can never agree on… wat does it reli matters whether if the company is bent on pushin up the public image, or even worse to say, makin us the puppet..? wat matters is our kind of mindset wen we go n do such acts, do we reli help with a kindness in our heart, or we jus wan our face to appear on mag or newspaper? For me, I jus wan to play a part in it, n I’m appreciative tat my boss is the chairman, thus I get such chances to participate… Recently, I took part in quite a few activities, such as the big heart challenge n the one day tour with the hospice kids… talking abt the hospice kids, there’s an unexplainable emotion/feeling when I saw them, bcuz they were kids who r suffering from terminal diseases, which means they may die… I went to a hospice once back in my secondary days, n I saw with my own eyes how the ppl there suffered, seeing a young man wastin his life gradually suffering from final stage of lung cancer, or the elderly who struggled to make out a single word to communicate with us, but the most painful feeling is u cant understand any of their words, bcuz their speech is very inaudible, n u wanted so much to communicate with them… wen I left tat hospice, I saw some of classmates cryin, bcuz we all knew, we might not be able to see them for the second time… this time, the whole atmosphere is slightly better bcuz mayb I did not see those kids in bed, except for one 20-yr old who is so weak from the chemo, n need to be traveled in wheelchair… seeing the kids who were suffering from the side effects of chemo, actually it’s kinda heart-wrenchin bcuz they cannot be the same as kids of the same age, even carryin something light means such a heavy task to them… but wat I reli admired were their parents… they were very optimistic in accepting and facing the facts tat their kids are ill… *Salute!*

Wanted to touch on my recent bad luck of tings, but I had forgotten quite a big bit le… hehe… mayb I’m not used to remember such minor minor tings… wat I can say is a lot of tings r not on my side, n all the bad tings r linked to me, which I find it odd… jus hope tat all the bad tings will leave me alone… =)

Ever since I came back from the outing to m’sia, I kept on tinkin of goin there again… I practically asked everyone around me to go with me, cuz I dun hv the courage to go alone… I’m hooked to the environment there, the carefree life n the sky… if only I have the money, I wil wan to buy a house there for my parents to live there, but too bad, I dun meet any of their criteria to buy a house… can slowly to dream on ba…

I tink tat’s all to my current blog, thou I stil had a lot to talk abt, but after much tinkin, those r tings tat not very necessary to write… wil write abt it if I have the mood…

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

What a great n memorable weekend...

Finally had some time to blog… Had jus came back from M’sia with the accompaniment of Cheryl n a great host, Brandon… it was indeed a very fulfilling n enjoyable trip, so fun n relaxing til I dun feel like comin back to sg… initially we thought tat the trip will be cancelled as it only left with Cheryl n me going… imagine a guy takin 2 gals out..? hahaha… but luckily, we stil managed to go there… so let me start off with the day we set off…

We set off in bus straight after work, after we cleared the customs, we got on a taxi to the place where Brandon parked his car… It was oredi abt evening time, so he brought us to have our dinner first b4 we put our bags at his house… Along the way, he was telling us bits n pieces abt m’sia, n we past by the horse stables tat belonged to the sultan… Tat place was reli huge, given how long it took to drive from the start to the end… We had our dinner, nasi lemak at so called kelong (?), where we can see sembawang estate over the other side… it’s reli very relaxin to stand there, lookin at the scenery n enjoyin the sea breeze… reli loved it…

Next, we continued to travel to his house, which was not a very far distance away… was surprised n slightly shocked bcuz I din expect his house is a 2-storey terrace house, n it’s very beautiful… it can be considered a safe n quiet place too as there are security guarding n no high rise buildings blocking the surroundings… his house is very neat n tidy, we met his younger bro wen we walked in… we were allocated to the room next to his, n we went out again after putting down our bags…

Brandon drove us to one of the biggest dept store in JB, Jusco, n it’s reli big, mayb even bigger than our Vivocity here, but wat I reli liked were the bright lightings n high ceilings, which made the shoppin experience more enjoyable… we were introduced to his frens there n we went for a KTV session there… the KTV there is reli different from here, better services given n more entertainments such as buffet at 12+am, games n the food/tidbits given … the only negative pt wil only be the “commercial” after each song, abit weird… haha…

Brandon super cute/on, he kept on singing non stop till he was coughing like an ah pek, which was totally different from wat he was at the staff function, mayb he’s more comfortable at his own country or tat’s the real him… but finally Cheryl got to hear his singing, tink she wun nag at him again for not singing… was reli having great fun tat day, mayb bcuz we had a great host who is very thoughtful n considerable…

But a slight unhappy ting happened to me wen we got back to his house – I received a sms from someone which I dun feel like mentioning his name here, his sms had reli hurt me deeply, I was simply feelin very awful n kinda humiliated bcuz he did not spare a thought on my feelings wen he sent out tat sms… I only managed to slp for 2 hrs bcuz the sms was appearing on my mind always… I tried to tink abt the happy time tat we 3 had at the KTV, but the flashes wil jus come back, n I felt like givin tat guy who sent the sms a tight slap, bcuz I had always treated him as one of my gd frens, esp wen we had went thru a lot of happy times together… but now, he treated me as if I had murdered someone from his house, jus bcuz he believed in wat others say n not finding out the truth himself… haiz~

We were out by 11am n Brandon drove us to somewhere near his house for breakfast… along the way, I felt an unexplainable bout of calmness, so peaceful n relaxing… eating n sitting under the broad wide blue sky, it’s reli fantastic as I dun tink there are many places here tat can give me the same feeling… very good feeling… n we had food tat tasted differently (cuz it’s not totally non-existed here), very nice…

We went to the Giant there, we shopped for awhile b4 Cheryl suggested tat she would like to go n see the waterfall there… to our surprise, Brandon reli brought us there, despite the 1 hr journey… on our way up up to the resort, we winded down the windows n strong wind welcomed us – the smell of nature, the coolness of the surroundings, the simplicity in it overwhelmed me – I love the nature!!

For the first time of my life, I saw a waterfall, with fresh cool water gushin down from it… Brandon got us to try the coolness of the water, but too bad we were in jeans, cant reli enjoyed much, esp the stones r so slippery as they r covered by algae, Cheryl fell once, n I fell twice… despite getting myself wet, it’s very fun cuz I finally saw a waterfall n I got my ‘revenge’ by getting Brandon wet too… hahaha…

After tat, Cheryl was sayin to get new clothes as we were wet, so Brandon drove us back to Jusco again, but I tink it was kinda rushy, I din reli shop properly, n in the end, I din find anything to change, instead I jus got a pair of shorts, cuz my jeans was kinda dry by the time I walk here n there… den we went back to bathe n we went out for dinner…

B4 goin to the destination, Brandon went to pick up his sis n niece to go together with us… His niece is soooooo cute, adorable, bubbly n cheerful… bet she will be a very intelligent gal as she has a tall forehead n noes how to react to situations well… We had seafood for dinner, n again it’s somewhere where we can see sembawang over the other side, but I noe it’s very far from where we ate the previous day… I tink I was behaving weird n kinda rude durin the dinner, as I was laughin so loudly wen I saw Tey’s sms, n kept on whispering to Cheryl till she reminded me tat it’s kinda rude to do so… tink probably due to the lack of slp n the anxiety b4 tat…

After sending his sis n niece home, he took us for a brief tour around JB, the area where it is nearer to the customs… he was explaining to us the various pubs, entertainment centres n makan places… den he brought us a 24-hour café where he said he used to go there a lot n held his birthdays there b4… the moment I saw the place, I was kinda surprised bcuz tat was wat I wanted to open back in my poly days… it have everything tat I wanted to do, except for some slight differences only… a pool table, many interesting cubicles, a big screen tv, nice music n lightings, n wat’s more is, the menu is unique… I wondered if they do any franchising? If yes, n I have the capital, I wil reli open one… a nice place to relax…

We spent abt 2 – 3 hrs there, chatting n sharing our thoughts n feelings, n oso an enriching lesson which I will put it… after tat, time to go back n rest, n get prepared to come back to sg the next day… so sad n cant bear to leave… we got up quite early the next day, n along with his sis’ family, we got off at the customs… I was practically takin loads of photos n videos of Brandon’s niece, cuz I duno wen I wil get to see her again… to put it another way, I might not see her again… end of our journey…

Here come the afterthoughts… a lot of “FIRSTs” in this trip… First foreign fren known after I started to work… First m’sia trip led by fren, which he looked into our needs… First time stepping into a 2-storey terrace house… First time seeing a waterfall… First time eating nasi lemak n seafood near the beach… First time I got to understand some tings which no one had told me before…

This trip had indeed left me with reli valuable memories tat I wun forget bcuz I dun get to go out of the country tat much, my first n only plane trip was in 2005 to China, under the persuasion of my good fren… to put it seriously, I was glad tat I agreed to stay til abt July/Aug, as I had the most wonderful staff function n overseas trip which I wil cherish it…

Back to the trip, I liked the place, the scenery, the freeness/freedom, n a break from the hectic city life here… n I can say I had changed my perception over some tings thru this trip, esp towards Malaysians… not all of them r tat bad, low educated or no good upbringing… Brandon is a very gd example, which I wun elaborate more here… but there’s something I reli envious of them… the unity n strong bonding among his frens which could be seen in his photos (big group gathering)… n the simple life which not many of Singaporeans had experienced it before… out of a sudden, I was tinkin – how come I wasn’t born there? U may say tat we should be contented with wat we have, but being a gal growin up in city, everyday we were surrounded by high buildings, cant breathe at all… n I can finally understand y is it tat he wil wan to go back to m’sia everytime he’s off despite the long time n jouney, if I were him, I wil do the same ting too… if possible, I reli hoped to go there a few more times before I resign, under the guide of Brandon again, bcuz he had indeed gave a very detailed tour n oso to see his cute little niece… but this is jus a part of my selfish tinkin… wat Cheryl said is true, he had so many tings to do wen he go back, n in future, some of them r studying, how wil it b possible? N for this trip, he had covered so much for us, which we reli felt very bad, mayb a way of compensation is to treat him better..? n oso the last few words before I round up this blog...

THANK YOU!!!